I deleted Michael's number and blocked him on all the social media accounts, I didn't want to see anything that would remind me of him.
But on a second thought I unblocked him, I wanted him to see me doing fine without all the tantrums being thrown, I didn't want to be like other exes. I didn't do too much because I knew even though he begged or came to me with a reasonable explanation to why he did what he did I wasn't going back to that relationship.
I had to pull myself together so I could focus on my studies and get my grades right, not like I was going to let some boy drama make me forget I was preparing for my second year exams.
Some days all I wanted to do was just be a player myself ,hurt men and just get satisfied inbetween. I tried playing the no feelings attached card but it wasn't possible because I wasn't that cold hearted, I believe in love, I wanted love and everything that comes with it. I met a couple of guys who wanted to be in a relationship, just the benefit things and just some crazy ones but I was so locked up and not ready to mingle.
Back in school I have few friends I was lucky enough to have, they're like family. We sit together, read together and mostly do anything academically and sometimes social together.
On some days I get teased for being single even though they knew what led me to shutting love out. They are all in a romantic relationship and it doesn't bother me to get one, I wanted to wait till I felt it being genuine without all the signs of it failing.
On some days they'd try to set me up for a blind date but I end up not showing up, I guess they were worried of me feeling left out of the group of friends but I tried countless times telling them it wasn't just the time for.
I can't help but to think heartbreak has that much of an effect on me or possibly the betrayal that comes alongside with it.
In all the moment of picking myself together I had someone pushing me out of the misery and motivating me to start all over. Leon has been a background guy, we were very close but all that was online.
Leon was a guy I would have considered dating if he wasn't with someone, we had all the connections and the vibes, we liked similar things and had great love for same artist, I think mentioning khalid topped the list of it all.
Leon was always in the picture before Michael but we had to friend zone each other because of Leon's relationship. I wasn't going to break someone's relationship because he was going to fit in my love fantasy.
We maintained great relationship as friends and respected the boundaries created, I can clearly remember our first conversation, he was a bit flirtatious but who wouldn't love that.
We limited some certain conversations because of our relationships but one thing I knew for sure is that we always had each other to run too.
Leon barely said anything about his relationship but he was obviously loud about her on social media and sometimes in my DM, he loved her so much and sometimes I'd mentally tell myself how lucky she was to find a man who was all about her.
I was slowly falling for him and honestly there were moments I wished I had just tried a little more to win him over, maybe I wouldn't have met Michael but that's unlike me, just as usual, I couldn't be selfish.
There was a time I asked him if he could do me the honours of taking my virginity but he refused. I knew I just said it without thinking but honestly right now I wished he did.
He said he couldn't because he didn't want me hurting after and I know I just said it but I knew deep down I wasn't gonna meet up with him for the first time and let it be all about sex. I wasn't gonna ruin a good friendship over few minutes of pleasure and some days I'm glad I did.
Leon was like the other men who would have used the opportunity I offered and it made me have great respect for him. We were so close that anyone who had access to our DMs would suggest we just date or think we were dating already.
We lived in same city but didn't even plan on meeting because I didn't want too, I wasn't ready and I was respecting his relationship.
There was a party a mutual friend we both had was having, I wasn't sure I wanted going but my friend Etha had already gotten tickets for the girls and there was no way I was going to say no because when Etha wants someone to go somewhere with her,the person has no rights for no.
Lucky for me Leon had plans on going too and I guess it was finally time for us to meet and it's a public place so it's alright and I wouldn't feel like I was sinning against his girl.
I got to the party a little bit excited and nervous because I was finally going to meet him but the low esteem side of me was doubting if he'd like me in reality because I guess people say "pictures online are deceptive".
I always felt odd about myself and wouldn't even appreciate my looks, I felt I needed makeup to truly look beautiful but the sad part is that I truly hated makeup, I liked looking simple and I loved comfortable wears.
Leon wasn't the type to bother about that but I wanted to impress him.
It was getting late and it was almost time for me to get home and I still hadn't met with Leon, I was saying my byes to a couple of friends I met and then I felt a tap on my shoulder and it was all like a fairytale because he did exactly what he said he'd do.
He promised he'd recognise me from back would tap me from behind and man did he just that, a man who kept to his word. He looked taller than what his pictures were telling, his perfect brows and beautiful eyes, perfect skin tone and he was shining in all of his glory, he had a clean haircut.
He has what it takes to charm any woman and I was charmed already but I knew I had to keep those feelings in check. We had a brief conversation and I left and that was the highlight of the event for me.
After the party our conversations felt more real because we had a glimpse of what we both truly looked like and the friendship only got better, when Michael showed up in my life he knew and was happy for me or so I thought. I shared everything with him and he always had the best words, now that I think of it, I realised I never could open up to Michael but with Leon it felt different but we were just friends.
On Leon's birthday I tried calling a couple of times to wish him a happy birthday but I couldn't get through to him, I just concluded maybe he wanted spending the day with his girl and which I found cute so I chilled. I got his message later that evening but he wasn't as excited as I expected him to be, he didn't want to tell me what was wrong and I felt it was too personal but I felt I had every right to know too because I'd have shared mine with him.
With much persuasion he finally opened up, he came across a chat of his girl and some guy and it was so obvious that she was cheating on him with that guy.
I was upset, I tried to say all the words that could make him feel better, he claimed he was alright but I knew he was shattered, he loved her with everything in him, he was faithful and wasn't scared to show her off to the world and then she hurt him like that. Sometimes we tend to give all the love to the wrong people who aren't worth it.
He said he couldn't bring himself to telling her he was breaking up with her because of what he saw, he said he was going to be there till the relationship dies down itself and I had to understand his point and promised to be there when he needed me.
Few weeks after all this happened that when I and Michael started dating and I was excited to tell him and he was happy all through till the relationship ended eventually and he still stucked around.
I felt like I had to date Michael because Leon wasn't going to end his relationship or maybe they might fix things so I wasn't going to be the background girl and Michael was perfect to come at that moment.
Now I realised it , I only convinced myself that I was happy dating Michael but deep down, I knew the truth .
I only settled for Michael because Leon wasn't available and now I finally see it.
While I was lost in my thoughts about everything. My phone buzzed, Leon's message popped, I was hoping it was a compliment from the pictures I took earlier in school and sent him earlier but I guessed wrong. I was left shocked with what I saw.
" Will you be my woman?"