Working in retail teaches you many things.
It teaches you patience.
It teaches you how to smile through exhaustion.
It teaches you that no matter how perfectly you pack a shelf, a customer will somehow destroy it within five minutes.
But every now and then...
Retail also teaches you that your colleagues are completely insane.
It all started on a Wednesday morning.
The moment I walked through the entrance of Pick Your Product, something felt... different.
Colourful posters hung from the ceiling.
Bright balloons were tied to the promotional displays.
Even the staff room door had a banner stretched across it.
PICK YOUR PRODUCT STAFF CHAMPIONSHIP!
Winner Receives A MYSTERY GRAND PRIZE!
I stopped in front of the poster.
"A mystery prize?" I muttered.
Jess walked past carrying a trolley of shampoo.
"I don't trust mystery prizes."
"Why?"
"Because management never spends money unless they absolutely have to."
I couldn't argue with that.
Before I could read the rest of the poster, Isha appeared with a cup of coffee.
"Oh good," she sighed dramatically. "Another one of management's brilliant ideas."
"What do you think the prize is?" I asked.
She shrugged.
"Probably a chocolate bar."
Lance suddenly came sprinting around the corner.
His eyes were sparkling.
"Layla!"
"What?"
"I'm entering."
"The competition?"
"Yes."
"You don't even know what the prize is."
"I don't need to."
He folded his arms proudly.
"If I win... I'm giving it to you."
I blinked.
"...Me?"
"Of course."
"Why?"
He frowned as if I had asked the world's strangest question.
"Because you're nice."
Before I could answer, another voice interrupted.
"I hope you don't mind losing."
We turned around.
Standing behind us was Jade.
Unlike Lance, Jade rarely spoke unless he had something worth saying.
He was calm.
Quiet.
Always smiling.
One of those people who somehow never seemed stressed, even during Christmas rush.
Lance immediately pointed at him.
"You signed up?"
Jade nodded.
"My wife Fiona deserves something nice."
"So does Layla."
Jade laughed.
"Then I guess we're rivals today."
Lance stepped forward dramatically.
"I accept your challenge."
Jess looked at me.
"They've known about this competition for less than two minutes."
"I know."
"They're already acting like they're in the Olympics."
Before either of them could continue, the store intercom crackled to life.
"Good morning, staff."
Mr. Adams.
"I would like all employees to gather near the front entrance."
Everyone slowly made their way forward.
Mr. Adams stood beside a whiteboard.
Next to him stood Gammie, Shannon and Liz.
The whiteboard had only two names written on it.
Lance
Jade
Mr. Adams adjusted his tie.
"It appears only two members of staff possess enough courage to enter today's competition."
Silence.
He looked around the room.
"The rest of you disappoint me."
Nobody volunteered.
Not even a little.
Mr. Adams sighed.
"So be it."
He picked up a marker.
"The competition shall begin immediately."
Lance rubbed his hands together.
Jade smiled politely.
I suddenly had a feeling this was going to be a very long day.
"The first challenge," Mr. Adams announced, "is Shelf Packing."
Gammie wheeled out two identical cages overflowing with stock.
Soup.
Beans.
Pasta.
Cleaning supplies.
Coffee.
Everything imaginable.
"You will each receive one aisle."
He pointed.
"The first person to complete their aisle correctly wins."
Lance stretched his arms.
"I was born for this."
Jess whispered beside me,
"No, he wasn't."
Mr. Adams raised a whistle.
"Three..."
Lance bent his knees.
"Two..."
Jade calmly adjusted his gloves.
"One..."
The whistle shrieked.
Lance exploded forward.
Boxes flew everywhere.
He packed products faster than I had ever seen.
Customers actually stepped out of his way.
Jade, meanwhile, didn't run.
He simply worked.
Every product.
Every label.
Every shelf.
Neat.
Perfect.
Methodical.
Five minutes later...
"I'm done!"
Lance threw both hands into the air.
"I WIN!"
The staff applauded.
Even I had to admit...
He'd been incredibly fast.
Mr. Adams slowly walked down the aisle.
He inspected every shelf.
Not a single word.
Lance grinned proudly.
Mr. Adams stopped.
He picked up one tin.
Turned it around.
Then looked directly at Lance.
"This baked bean tin..."
Lance's smile disappeared.
"...is facing backwards."
Complete silence.
"It should be facing forwards."
Lance stared.
"...That's it?"
Mr. Adams nodded.
"You lose."
The entire staff burst into laughter.
Isha nearly dropped her coffee.
Jess covered her face.
Even Jade couldn't help smiling.
Lance looked at the tiny baked bean tin as if it had betrayed his entire family.
"It was one tin..."
"One tin," Mr. Adams repeated.
He wrote on the whiteboard.
Jade - 1
Lance - 0
Lance sighed.
"I'll make a comeback."
The second challenge was announced almost immediately.
"Customer Service."
I smiled.
Now this sounded interesting.
Mr. Adams explained the rules.
"Our volunteers will pretend to be customers."
I recognised them immediately.
Mark.
Shannon.
Liz.
Isha.
They all looked far too excited.
"Whoever provides the best customer service earns the point."
Lance cracked his knuckles.
"This one's mine."
The first customer approached.
Mark scratched his head.
"Excuse me..."
"Yes, sir?" Lance replied enthusiastically.
"I'm looking for frozen bread."
Lance frowned.
"...Frozen..."
"...Bread."
"Yes."
Lance thought very hard.
Then snapped his fingers.
"Follow me!"
He proudly marched Mark across the entire store.
Past dairy.
Past frozen vegetables.
Past the ice cream freezers.
Finally...
He stopped.
"There!"
Mark looked.
"So..."
"...where is it?"
Lance blinked.
There wasn't any.
He slowly looked around.
Then looked back at Mark.
"I think..."
"...someone bought it."
Mark burst out laughing.
"So you don't sell frozen bread?"
Lance rubbed the back of his neck.
"...Apparently not."
The whistle blew.
"Incorrect."
Lance groaned.
The next customer approached Jade.
It was Shannon.
"I'm looking for nappies."
Jade smiled.
"For babies?"
"Yes."
"This way."
Within seconds he had led her straight to the correct aisle.
Simple.
Professional.
Done.
Another point.
Lance looked horrified.
"This competition is rigged."
"No," Jess replied.
"You just tried finding imaginary bread."
The whole staff laughed again.
Lance folded his arms.
"I still have plenty of rounds left."
I honestly admired that about him.
No matter how embarrassed he became...
He never quit.
"But I will soon come to regret those words."