Being the horse of a fake-ass god wasn't what I dreamed of.
Before I talk about my life with Altus, I need to explain the old one.
I was walking down the road happy, because I had finally escaped my previous owner.
My old life was pure slavery, pulling heavy carts, working the plow and eating grass.
Man. . . that's work FOR A DONKEY.
I'm a horse.
I wasn't born to serve anyone.
I was born to live the good and the best.
One day, my owner forgot to tie me up.
So I took advantage and got the hell out of there.
And that's how my new life began before I met Altus.
I met several mares and female donkeys that would make your jaw drop.
I went out with many, every day.
I made friends with zebras, horses, donkeys.
We talked about life, dreams, plans.
Everything perfect, exactly how I wanted.
Things were so good that I had even scheduled my wedding.
But one day I went to drink water in the river, like always.
When I lifted my head. . . I saw a naked guy on top of the waterfall reading a censored magazine.
Weird appearance.
All beat up.
Looked like he'd been run over by some wild animal.
I thought,
He's not going to jump from there. . . right?
And then the lunatic jumped.
The sunlight reflected on his hairy back, his butt dirty with earth, and the miserable guy kept reading the magazine while he fell.
I heard a crack. Then, screams.
I started laughing, not out of malice, but because the clueless idiot missed the deep part and fell into the shallow.
The guy got up angry, tore the magazine, saw me laughing and started walking slowly in my direction, hiding the pain. . . trying to keep the posture of a king.
"I am ALTUS PERVERTUS, commander of the legion of gods, adored by all beings.
I order you to kneel in my presence, you quadruped."
"I think the fall was serious or you're crazy."
I muttered out of the corner of my mouth.
"Which asylum did you escape from?"
Altus grabbed his hair in rage.
Clearly he didn't like what I just said.
The wind changed direction.
The fraud put his hands on his waist with a power pose, looking to the right side.
The wind moved his hair, but a page from the magazine flew and covered his face right when he was about to say this.
"From today on, you are mine and you will serve me forever!"
I took two steps back.
"I'd better get out of here. . . Your madness might be contagious."
But when I turned to leave, I felt something climbing up my back.
Ah, no.
Don't come with that.
Nobody climbs on top of me.
I kicked the guy in his private parts to push him away.
"Didn't even hurt."
Altus Pervertus tried to say, but the expression on his face gave away the pain.
Stubbornness, however, kept the idiot standing.
"Watch out for the lion!"
Altus pointed forward.
"What lion?"
I looked and saw nothing.
Dirty trick. . . I fell for it like a duck.
When I realized it, the bastard was already riding me.
"And now you have nowhere to run."
He said with an evil laugh.
"Now I have my dragon. We're going to war."
WHAT?
"We're going to war, yes!"
He pulled my ears.
"Then hold on tight, here's your war."
I bolted through the forest to throw him off.
Branches hit his forehead, scratched his arms.
The more I ran, the more the fraud's excitement grew.
"I AM ALTUS PERVERTUS, tamer of dragons!"
Nothing got that charlatan off my back.
The exhaustion came. I couldn't take it anymore.
"I'm tired, damn it! Get down already!"
I shouted.
"That is eloquent! I've never felt this emotion!"
Altus said.
"From today on, I will never get off you."
So from here on, my ruin began.
Altus forced me to go to dangerous places:
volcanoes, forests full of monsters, lakes with crocodiles.
He forced me to eat grass.
All the time reading hentai.
The only moment of peace was when he went to the bathroom.
But even then, he tied me up.
Liar, hypocrite, charlatan.
He tricked people saying he was a god sitting on a toilet.
I, of course, mocked and humiliated him whenever I could.
Every opportunity that appeared I laughed.
Poor guy. . . lost his posture.
But one day we were in the stable.
"Today we're going to fool another idiot"
Altus said.
"And you, idiot quadruped, stay quiet. Don't irritate me, because if you do, it will be your end."
Annoying guy.
Altus sat on the toilet, opened his favorite hentai and kept his god pose.
A strong glow lit up the place and a young man fell to the ground.
Another fool. . . Altus was really going to screw the boy over.
"Get up, mortal"
Said the fraud full of swagger.
The young man got up and saw the lunatic sitting on the toilet with magazines floating around.
Not understanding anything, he got brave and asked.
"Who are you?"
Altus lifted his chin and showed off.
"I am ALTUS PERVERTUS, the divine archmage of the one hundred and eighth celestial spheres!"
What a liar, I wonder where so much imagination for this comes from?
The young man started laughing and commented:
". . . Bro. You're sitting on a toilet inside a stable."
I couldn't believe it.
For the first time, a human made fun of Altus's face.
I'm holding myself back from laughing, but. . .
Altus thumped his chest, offended, and stood up.
"This is a SACRED THRONE OF PURIFICATION! The location is. . . circumstantial."
I couldn't take it.
I cracked up laughing.
Altus turned red and shot me a look of hate.
He cleared his throat.
"Anyway. . . mortal, you died.
In a way. . . lamentable.
But because I am generous, I will give you a second life."
The young man sighed in relief.
And there, I realized something very simple. . .
That human had no idea of the hell that awaited him.
And I finally understood that my life was only going to get worse.
That's how I met the new hero.
And honestly?
I would rather have kept pulling a cart.