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--<<>>--
I sat in my room, waiting for lunchtime.
My stomach, however, had other plans. It wasn't hungry.
Something else had taken its place. Something that sat in my chest like a warm stone, heavy but not unpleasant. A fullness that had nothing to do with the food.
I got up and walked to the door. Slid it open as I stepped out onto the engawa.
The afternoon sun was starting its slow fall toward the mountains.
I looked up at that sky and reminded myself.
This world has monsters.
Real ones. Born from human suffering. Creatures that crawled out of collective misery and kill people. My father had told me that much. And from the way he'd said it, I knew he wasn't exaggerating. He'd seen them. Fought them. Probably lost people to them.
This world has sorcerers.
People with power. He had seen people control ice, travel through shadows, and see things no one else could see.
And where there was power, there was politics. Three great clans sitting at the top. The Gojo, the Kamo, and the Zenin. Each one strong, both financially and power-wise.
Clans like the Yuki clan, which were still growing, still trying to carve out their place in a world that had already been divided up long before they arrived.
And in a world like this, things go wrong.
People die. Alliances shift. The strong prey on the weak, and the weak either adapt or disappear. It was the same in my first life, just dressed up in different clothes. Corporations instead of clans. Lawsuits instead of superpowers. But the process was identical.
Power. Control. Survival.
I lowered my gaze from the sky and looked around the estate before me.
It was familiar now, yet different. Everything was different since this morning. Since I had truly opened my eyes and seen the world in its true beauty.
A group of servants crossed the courtyard, carrying baskets of vegetables toward the kitchens. One of them said something that made the others laugh.
Near the koi pond, two elderly clan members sat on a stone, playing a board game I didn't recognize. One of them was losing badly. The other was pretending not to enjoy winning.
At the training grounds, a young woman was practicing with a wooden sword alone. Repeating the same strike over and over again. Her breath coming out in steady puffs, her cursed energy moving with each swing.
Children ran between the buildings, chasing each other with sticks, shouting about something that probably made perfect sense to them and no sense to anyone else.
Happy faces.
Peaceful lives.
Ordinary people doing ordinary things in an extraordinary world, finding joy in the spaces between danger and duty.
And it made me feel something.
It wasn't dramatic. It wasn't a lightning bolt or a sudden burst of understanding that shook me to my core. It was quieter than that. A connection had been formed.
These people. This place. The servants and the elders and the woman with the wooden sword and the children with the sticks. The guards on the rooftops. The cooks in the kitchen. Obito, crouched somewhere in the shadows, probably watching me right now with that confused-but-dedicated expression he always had.
They were mine.
Not in the possessive sense. Not even like property or territory. Mine, the way a family is mine. The way a home is mine. Somewhere I belonged to, and that belonged to me, not because of blood or obligation, but because of something I couldn't quite articulate yet.
In my first life, I'd had this.
My parents loved me. I knew that. My mom held my hand every day in the hospital. My dad did crossword puzzles in the corner because it was the only way he could be in the room without falling apart. They gave me everything they had.
And I felt nothing.
Not because they weren't enough. Not because their love was lacking. But because something inside me was broken. Or maybe just asleep.
Whatever part of the human brain is supposed to receive love and turn it into warmth..... I just did not had it. Their affection reached me and just… passed through. Like light through glass.
I'd spent my entire first life surrounded by love I couldn't feel.
And I'd died without understanding why.
But now, standing on this wooden walkway, looking out at a world I'd only just started to see, I felt it.
My mother's jasmine scent when she held me. Ryu's idiotic, boundless energy every morning. Yuka's quiet presence and the flowers she left by my bedside. My father's heavy hand on my shoulder and the pride he rarely showed, but was always there.
The clan members who bowed and smiled every time I passed. The servants who whispered about the little prodigy with the light blue hair. Obito, who had pledged his life to a child he barely knew.
All of it was finally reaching me.
I didn't know if things were happening too quickly. A day ago, I was an empty boy staring at ceilings. Now I was standing here, feeling things I'd spent two lifetimes not feeling, and trying to make sense of it all.
But it felt right.
I may not have found the grand answer, I thought. But at least now I feel like I've found where I belong.
And with belonging came something else. The duty to protect.
Because losing them was possible. In a world of unknown dangers, losing everything you loved was possible.
Unless you were strong enough to prevent it.
"To protect this place, I need to be strong."
The words settled over me like armor. This is the weight of a decision made.
I smiled.
And this time, it felt natural.
"Guess I have something to work on while looking for the answer to 'What is life?'"
I paused.
Then turned to my right, toward the large pine tree at the edge of the engawa.
"Don't you think that's a great idea, Mother?"
Hearing me, she stepped out from behind the tree.
But when I saw her face, I froze.
Her eyes were red.
Like she has been crying for a while and trying very hard to stop. Her lashes were damp. Her cheeks had faint tracks running down them.
She'd been crying.
My mother, the woman who smiled through everything, who called me snowflake and kissed my forehead five times because once was never enough, was standing in front of me with tears on her face.
Something twisted inside my chest, and I felt a new emotion.
Guilt.
"Mother?"
She walked up to me slowly.
She knelt down, bringing herself to my eye level, and for a moment, she just looked at me. Studied my face. Like she was searching for something she'd been looking for since the day I was born.
Then she pulled me into a soft hug.
"Why did you say that?" she whispered.
Her voice cracked on the last word.
"Why did you say 'I want to live'?"
Ah.
So Obito had told them.
Can't blame him. He's just doing his job.
I understood how these words must have sounded to her. To a woman who had loved her son unconditionally for four years.
I want to live.
Which meant, to her ears: Before today, I didn't.
She pulled back just enough to look at my face, as tears began to fall. She didn't bother wiping them. Her lips trembled as she spoke.
"Did we do something wrong, Rei?" Her voice broke. A sound that pierced through me like nothing I'd ever felt in either of my lives. "Did I do something wrong? That you… that you didn't want to live?"
The guilt twisted deeper.
I reached up and wiped her tears.
My small hands pressed against her cheeks and wiped the tears away.
"Please don't cry, Mother, you didn't do anything wrong."
She stared at me. Waiting for more.
"You were giving your all, and I saw it."
Her breath hitched.
"I noticed it, Mother. I noticed how you always smiled at me, but your eyes had that concern in them. Like you were always watching for something. Waiting for something that never came. And when you thought a single kiss on my forehead wasn't enough, you gave five more, just to make sure I knew you loved me."
I held her gaze.
"I saw it all, Mother. Every single effort you made. Every time you held me a little longer than necessary because you were afraid I wouldn't understand otherwise."
"Then why?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. "Why did you feel like living wasn't worth it?"
I took a breath.
"Because before today, I couldn't feel emotions."
She gasped.
"I couldn't feel happiness. Or sadness. Or grief. Or love. I knew they existed. I could see them in other people. But I couldn't feel them."
Luckily, she just listened.
"I had a dream recently," I continued, choosing my words carefully. "About another life. A life where I had a loving family, just like you all. Parents who cared. But in that life too, I didn't feel a single thing. Not once, and died without ever knowing what life truly meant."
It wasn't the full truth, but it was close enough.
I held her face softly with both hands. My thumbs rested just below her eyes, catching the tears before they could fall further.
"But now?" I said. "I feel it. I feel your love. I feel the guilt of watching you cry because of me. I feel the warmth in my chest when Ryu drags me around the estate. I feel safe when Yuka sits beside me in silence. I feel proud when Father puts his hand on my head."
My voice steadied.
"I feel it all, Mother. For the first time. And it's because of you. All of you."
"Oh," she breathed. "My little snowflake."
She pulled me into a hug again. Tighter this time.
I let her hold me. Wrapped my small arms around her neck as far as they could reach.
"Don't worry, Mother," I said into her shoulder. "I won't ever make you cry again. And I'll be strong enough to cherish everyone around me. I promise."
She finally laughed, between her sobs.
"I know, snowflake," she whispered, pressing her lips to the top of my head. "I know you will."
We stayed like that for a long time.
This was the moment Yuki Reizan decided what he was living for.
Not an answer. Not yet. The question still hung over him.
But now the question had a companion. A purpose that walked beside it.
Protect what you love. And find the answer along the way.
And so, it began.
The tale of Yuki Reizan, the boy who died without living and lived without knowing why, who was reborn into a world of curses and given eyes that saw everything except the one thing he was looking for. (Bars)
That tale began here. A tale that in the future will be known to every single sorcerer.
--<<>>--
Yup MC got small amounts of emotions, but only for his family. He will treat everyone other than that with his signature blank face.
And with those bars, End of volume 1. I know there was no action, but I wanted to use the 1st volume to set up the personalitlies for the MC and the people around him, plus the enviroment, along with the MC's current target.
Hope you enjoyed it😁!
Advanced chapter update: I have +1 advanced chapter for now, in next 2-3 days should be +10.