"I'm pretty much f*ed. That's my considered opinion." He looked at the name of the world the Wheel of Fortune picked for him. He never imagined something like this was even possible; he really should've taken that ticket to Heaven instead of falling for this reincarnation scam.
"The Walking Dead? You're lucky, my dear Customer. Many of my clients have ended up somewhere far worse," the Karma Agent said with the enthusiasm of a man who clearly wasn't the one being sent there. "Besides, you still have five boons to pick. You might even become a God with them. " He paused for a moment before adding, "Statistically speaking, that's very encouraging."
He snapped his fingers, and out of nowhere an endless sea of cards burst into existence, each one materializing from swirling golden dust like a magician with an unlimited special-effects budget.
"Pick your skills!" the Agent shouted dramatically, spreading his arms wide like a game show host who had consumed illegal amounts of caffeine.
He slowly turned toward the endless sea of floating cards.
Then he blinked. "...Wait. I can't see what any of them do."
"Of course not," the Agent replied proudly.
"So this is pure luck?"
"Exactly! Adds excitement."
"That's not excitement, that's gambling, and I always lose." The Agent said nothing and simply stared at him with the kind of expression usually seen on casino owners' faces moments before someone loses their house.
"...Sigh."
He looked back toward the endless swarm of floating cards. Every single one glowed identically, giving away absolutely nothing.
"Here goes nothing," he muttered, reaching toward the cards and silently praying he wouldn't end up with something useless like Advanced Basket Weaving.
He closed his eyes and spun his arm around for a few seconds before suddenly thrusting it forward, snatching a random card from the air like his future depended on it.
He opened his eyes.
Calm
Description: Cancels all sound produced by the user. This effect also extends to indirect actions caused by the user, including footsteps, Breathing, etc.
"Damn! Lady Luck actually loves me for once!" The card slipped from his hand and merged with his soul. "Congratulations! Now, onto the second one!"
He repeated the same thing as before, closing his eyes and wildly spinning his arm around before suddenly reaching forward and grabbing another card from the endless sea floating before him.
Deathless Body Art
Description: The ultimate martial art created solely for the purpose of killing humans as efficiently as possible. It combines striking, grappling, joint manipulation, throws, counters, weapon disarms, pressure-point attacks and battlefield movement into a single seamless system. Every movement is optimized for lethality, efficiency, and adaptability, allowing the user to instinctively exploit human anatomy, habits, and weaknesses in combat.
"Awesome!!!" he shouted excitedly as the card dissolved into golden light and shot straight into his soul. "I can't wait to try it out on someone."
This time, he didn't bother with the dramatic routine. He reached out and grabbed a random card floating within his sight.
Perfect Mathematics
Description: Grants the user absolute computational and analytical ability, allowing them to instantly calculate, predict, analyze, and process any mathematical possibility within the limits of available information; all calculations are performed flawlessly and subconsciously.
"...Perfect Mathematics?" His face immediately fell. "Are you serious? What am I supposed to do? Calculate the zombies to death?"
He looked utterly betrayed as the card dissolved into light and entered his body.
Across from him, the Karma Agent quietly covered his mouth with one arm, shoulders trembling slightly.
"...Are you laughing at me?"
"N-No," the Agent replied instantly, though the grin leaking through his fingers completely ruined the lie. "Please continue, my dear naive customer."
Still looking mildly offended by the result, the small blue ball of light floated aimlessly around the endless sea of floating cards for a while before finally stopping in front of a random cluster.
"Alright. Two more to go."
He performed his usual ritual once again, spinning himself around for a few seconds before abruptly shooting forward and grabbing a random card out of the air.
Perfect Equilibrium
Description: The user's body is maintained in a constant state of absolute balance and optimal operation. All bodily functions continuously perform at their peak condition, granting enhanced stamina, immunity to imbalance and instability, accelerated recovery, and powerful regeneration capable of restoring even lost limbs over time. But this does not mean Immunity from the Virus or any life-threatening diseases.
"HAHAHAHA! I'M HIM! I'M ACTUALLY HIM!" He zoomed around the endless void at terrifying speed like an overexcited comet. "Regeneration?! Peak body condition?! Lost limbs grow back?! Lady Luck, I take back every bad thing I've ever said about you!"
The Karma Agent quietly stepped aside as the screaming blue orb flew past him for the seventh time.
"I won," he declared emotionally. "I genuinely won in life after dying. That's incredible."
"Congratulations, dear Customer."
Several moments later, after finally calming down, he floated back toward the endless sea of cards.
"Alright..." he muttered. "Last one."
He performed his now sacred ritual once again, spinning himself around dramatically for a few seconds before abruptly lunging forward and grabbing a random card from the air.
Natural Forager
Description: Possesses instinctive knowledge of edible plants, animals, water sources, terrain, weather patterns, tracking, natural survival methods, and emergency medicine. The user can efficiently gather food and resources from the environment while naturally identifying poisonous, dangerous, or unsuitable materials. Also grants extensive practical knowledge of trauma care, wound treatment, fractures, infections, field surgery, and emergency medical procedures using both modern and improvised methods.
"Hahaha, I'm ready, my Karmic Agent! Now, is it possible to drop me in like... three months before canon starts? Maybe with enough money to not instantly become homeless?"
The Karma Agent looked at him with sudden pity. The blue soul slowly stopped floating.
"...Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Dear Customer," the Agent began carefully, "this is reincarnation, not transmigration."
Silence.
"You will not simply appear in the world with your current body; you don't have one, it died and is now ashes. Your Karma, memories, and soul will be reincarnated naturally. You will be reborn as a child approximately twenty-one years before the story begins."
The soul stared at him blankly.
"...What?"
"You will grow up normally and gradually regain your abilities over time."
"...What?"
"And your memories will remain sealed for most of your childhood."
The void became deathly silent.
Then the blue soul began shaking violently and finally exploded.
"YOU MEAN TO TELL ME I JUST WON THE COSMIC LOTTERY, BUILT THE PERFECT GODDAMN APOCALYPSE BUILD, AND NOW YOU'RE TELLING ME I HAVE TO GO THROUGH ****ING SCHOOL AGAIN?!"
"Please lower your voice..."
"NO! **** YOU! **** THIS! I THOUGHT THIS WAS AN ISEKAI! NOBODY SAID ANYTHING ABOUT REBIRTH, PUBERTY, OR BEING A ****ING BABY!"
The Karma Agent immediately opened a massive golden portal beside him.
"Right! Well then, best of luck in your next life!"
"YOU LYING SCAMMER PIECE OF SHIT! I'M GOING TO BE SHITTING MYSELF FOR THE FIRST THREE YEARS OF MY LIFE AGAIN!"
The portal suddenly activated with terrifying force.
The screaming blue soul was violently dragged toward it.
"WHEN I DIE AGAIN I'M FINDING YOU, YOU HEAVENLY BASTARD! I'LL BEAT YOUR AAAAAAA.....!"
FWOOOOSH.
The portal snapped shut.
His enraged screaming continued echoing through the void for several seconds afterward.
The Karma Agent fixed his tie calmly.
"...Honestly, that's still a better reaction than the Warhammer client. Don't worry, Customer, the Apocalypse Can Wait until you grow up."