I set the time of Infinity's Domain to match the time in the outside world. I wanted to get to the academy library quickly, so I considered speeding up time instead. But I wanted to give Akari time to prepare, so I scrapped that idea.
So, for the rest of the day, it would be me, Akari, and the Eclipse Legion all in Infinity's Domain.
I allowed Akari to use the guest room while I went to mine to ponder Onyx.
As I sat on my bed, I began to replay the fight in my head, or rather, I allowed Khaos to project the memory directly out via the system.
...We got lucky.
Did you see what we did?
Yes, I'm currently watching it.
So then what's the fuss? We won, didn't we?
Khaos was correct. Despite the overwhelming power Onyx had with his aura alone, we still managed to win the battle.
But the thing is, that wasn't a battle. A battle is meant for two people who are generally on equal terms. And Onyx and I are in two separate worlds.
If you want proof—
We used a new technique of fighting using a concept from another world. A world which is much more advanced than ours, yet the best we could do was destroy his arm.
I totally understand. But remember, we didn't have to win the fight. His rules were that if we managed to scratch him, then we won. And we exceeded his expectations by shattering his arm.
You see, that's the problem. It wasn't a battle; it was a trial. He set conditions for us to win, and we managed to achieve that. But what if he fought us for real? As in, he came at us with the intent of killing us. If that happened, there's nothing we could do. Nothing.
Then we just have to get stronger. So strong that he can't even look at us.
And how do you propose we do that?
Simple: we develop more YingYang Synthesis techniques. We have access to the Internet; there's nothing we can't do now. Magic from this world, with the knowledge of another. That's how we'll win.
...It doesn't matter. We're too weak. Even if we develop more techniques, the gap between us won't just disappear. My mana, aura, chi, strength, agility, skills all of it is meaningless against him.
As my mind began to break down from the sheer terror and anguish I felt, my bed began to float as the ground and ceiling cracked. Outside, a loud boom of thunder erupted.
My hands shook as sweat poured down my head. My vision began to blur, and the world became a shade of red and black.
Wait, Idiot, Calm—!
I had goals; I wanted to defeat the gods. I wanted to kill every single one of them. They killed me and dared to steal my weapons. My reasons were simple, but they were reasons nonetheless.
But ever since I was reincarnated, I had become different. I managed to reclaim my ability to feel emotions. Through that, I've learned to feel angry, sad, fear, and so on. Through that, I managed to actually strengthen myself. That's what I believed.
But I was wrong.
Because of my ability to feel emotions, I allow myself to do stuff that doesn't concern me. Saving that red-haired girl, saving Claudia from assassins, trying to take on the Luna situation- all of these have been distractions.
Every second I spent doing them could have been used to train and get stronger. If I had kept my mindset as a god and kept my emotions out of the equation, maybe I'd be stronger than I am now. Maybe I wouldn't have ever lost to Onyx back in the trial.
Because I acted like this, I've weakened myself.
We can't win, we can't win, we can't win, we can't win, We can't win, We can't win, We can't win, We can't win, We can't win, We can't win, We can't win, We can't win, We can't win, We can't win, We can't win, We can't win, We can't win, We can't win, We can't win, We can't win, We can't win, We can't win, We can't win, We can't win, We can't win. We can't win!
How...dare you!
Huh?
When you were a god, you were cold, ruthless, and unforgiving. You wouldn't hesitate to kill someone as long as it was within your calculations. As a god, you may not have been evil, but because of your lack of emotion, you couldn't fully relate to others. And that's why you were killed.
...
They killed you, not just because they feared your power; they killed you because they feared the person you were. The gods may have been evil, but you...you were a monster.
How da—!
But in this life, you've managed to gain those emotions you lost. Because of that, you've managed to gain a reason to do anything. Your goal is to defeat the gods. I'm with you on that, but you also want to get stronger, to protect the people around you. And that's why your heart aches so much. You don't possess the power to protect them.
But that's exactly it. Because I want to protect them, I'm constantly having to worry about them. They are just burdens, burdens I shouldn't have picked up.
Then turn that emotion you feel into strength. Let me tell you a secret. To protect those he loves, and to avenge those he can't save, Abel MorningStar can summon unfathomable power. My awakening is proof of that.
What are you talking about?
Your grief, your sorrow, your anger over those you couldn't protect, and your hope to protect those you care for. They were what triggered my awakening. I'm not saying emotions give you power. What I am saying is those emotions drive you to achieve them.
Emotions...as my drive?
Yes. So, Abel MorningStar, will you continue to be the boy who cared for others and channels that power to keep moving forward?
I—!
Or will you continue to be that man whose lack of a heart caused his death?
The shaking did not stop right away.
I sat there with my head down, fingers dug into the sheets, listening to the low crack of the walls as the Domain slowly settled again. The red-black haze drained from my vision in pieces, not all at once.
Khaos's question was still hanging in the air. The boy who cared… or the man with no heart?
I wanted to reject it immediately. I wanted to say I already knew the answer. But the truth was uglier than that.
I was scared.
Not just of Onyx, but the gap itself.
Of the possibility that no amount of training, no stolen knowledge, no new technique would ever close it in time.
"I'm not sure caring makes me stronger." I said at last.
"I'm not lying about what I said earlier. I really do feel like I'm limiting myself by allowing all these extra burdens."
Khaos didn't interrupt.
"But, you're right. At the end of the day, the hollow vessel I once was ended up dead."
Once my bed touched the ground, I walked up to the door.
"But this me, Abel MorningStar, he's managed to find a reason to live, because of his emotions. And so, if he can, why can't I?"
I grabbed the handle of the door...
"After all, I'm Abel MorningStar, am I not?"
And opened.