There was an incredibly awkward, palpable silence as Kevin thought hard about what he wanted to say next.
Beth, after calling him out, turned quickly around and now was leaning against the counter she had been bent over just moments before. While the shocked fury was gone from her eyes, they still held an obvious amount of disgust. Her intense gaze was locked on Kevin, waiting for his answer.
Kevin felt his eyes awkwardly dart between each of her piercing blue eyes. His heart pounded in his chest- Beth was an intensely intimidating person in the best of situations, and this was probably the worst of situations.
Okay, thought Kevin. Here goes nothing. "...I wasn't."
It wasn't the worst defense, was it? Could she really be 100% sure, from the angle in the mirror, that he was looking at her ass?
A single one her eyebrows lifted gently. "Try again," she said dryly- insulted he thought the strategy would work. Kevin opened his mouth to debate this, but she shut him down before he could make a sound. "Not only was it completely obvious... you've been sitting there red faced for two minutes, Kevin. Not the best poker face."
Kevin sighed. He was really hoping to get out of admitting it, but he was clearly caught. He put elbows on the table and his head in his hands. "Okay. All right. ...I was."
She shook her head, disgusted.
"I mean, to be fair, you bent over right in front of me! It was right there! It was practically most of my sightline."
There was another pause before she replied. "So," she said slowly, "you think it's my fault? You think I was looking for it?"
"No," Kevin responded quickly, realizing how stupid his comment was. God, he thought, Beth always had the upper hand in conversations. "No, of course not. Look, I'm... I'm really sorry. I don't know what came over me there, but it won't happen again. I'm sorry if that made you feel uncomfortable."
Beth looked offended. "Uncomfortable? If I couldn't handle someone staring at my ass, I'd never be able to go anywhere in this city."
"Oh...?" responded Kevin, confused.
"I'm thinking about Chrissy, your girlfriend, Kevin," she spelled out for him, surprised he didn't think of it. "She's one of my best friends- you think she'd appreciate you checking out other women? Her roommate?"
Kevin blinked. Given their Rule, he completely forgot this would be a concern. "Oh!" he exclaimed, eager to clear up that it wasn't a worry. "Oh, no she wouldn't-" Wait. Wait, fuck. Chrissy specifically asked for The Rule to be a secret. Kevin paused, his eyes again flickering back and forth between her still ones. Could he explain why Chrissy wouldn't mind without explaining The Rule? "Uh..." was all he could manage.
A sudden curiosity showed on Beth's face. "She wouldn't? She wouldn't... what?"
"Uh, nothing."
"She wouldn't...care you were checking me out?"
"Well... no?"
"So, you won't care if I tell her?" said Beth, thinking she was calling a bluff.
"Go ahead," replied Kevin without worry.
Beth suddenly looked bewildered. "What? She really wouldn't care?" The disgust was gone, totally replaced with curiosity.
Kevin knew he was in a tight spot now. "Maybe?" God, he thought, I am the worst liar on earth.
"Why not?" said Beth, pushing herself off the counter to stand in front of him.
He looked up at her doing everything in his power to retain eye contact. There was something about her being above him, in this tight yoga outfit, making demands of him... could there be anyone hotter on earth?
He decided Beth was too smart and read him too well to lie. "Look, Chrissy... she asked me not to say."
Beth crossed her arms, her fingers slowly drumming on one arm with impatience. After a second of waiting, she spoke carefully. "Look, you have two options, here. Either I walk out of this room and think you're an asshole, or you tell me your little secret. Your call."
Kevin knew this tone- it was the same she used when closing deals on the phone. It felt like she had all the power here, and Kevin had to just go with it. It was pretty intimidating to be on the receiving end of it.
Kevin sighed once more, giving in. "Okay, okay. Alright. You win. I hate to break my word with Chrissy, but since I was... looking at... well, I think you've earned the truth."
Beth nodded. There was a slight glint in her eye- Kevin could tell she liked to win.
He took a moment to collect his thoughts. "Okay, so... you know how you and Mark are like... the most attractive people on planet earth?"
Beth's eyes widened, and Kevin even noted a slight flush in her ears. It was a very rare moment- Kevin had never seen Beth blush. It was clearly not what she expected him to say. "What?" she asked.
"You and Mark. You're like... statues come to life, or something. You both ooze pure, raw sexuality. It's insane."
Beth blinked at him.
"Oh, come on, you must realize it to some degree! Look, I mean- let's talk about Mark. I'm comfortable enough with my sexuality to say that Mark is a pretty perfect specimen of a man. I've seen him with his shirt off. If I bought a comic book for some super hero, and an exact depiction of Mark was on the cover, I'd complain to the editor that they were perpetuating unrealistic body types for men. Do you know what I mean?"
Beth stared at him. "What does this have to do with you staring at my ass?" She was genuine in her question.
Kevin worried he was sounding crazy here. "I just need you to understand what it's like for two average people to be around you guys, otherwise, this will make no sense."
She paused before nodding.
"So, we have Mark, who's built like some bodybuilder demigod, put on earth to tease women. And you. I remember the other day, I was walking past a big billboard for Victoria's Secret, with all the new models, and I remember thinking, 'Wow, they're hot! I mean, not Beth hot, but hot!' Like, I think if you were on the billboard across the street, I think most people would be looking at you, not them. You know?"
"These analogies," said Beth with dry humor, still staring down at him, "are really awful."
Kevin smiled, relieved her disgust with him seemed to have slipped away. He continued. "I know, I know. But here's the problem: Mark's not in a comic book, and you're not on a billboard. You're here, every day, with us. Plain old Kevin and Chrissy, average couple, have to look at you, eat dinner with you... see you both in towels. We have to be around it every day. So one day we just... we just had to admit it to each other." Kevin carefully avoided the story of why this happened. "We said we loved each other, and we were happy with each other, and we found the other very attractive... but we live with absurdly attractive people and it's OK to admit that. Rather than burying these thoughts, we're more... honest about it."
"Honest?"
"Well... we came up with what we call The Rule. If we're ever in a situation where we feel like we want to check you out, we can. But for no more than two seconds. That's it. So, in that instance... instead of just looking at the ceiling or staring into my cereal bowl while thinking what an awful boyfriend I am for having these thoughts, I just take two seconds, think, 'Yes, that's the greatest ass I have ever seen', and then, I move on."