Kakashi yawned, stretching lazily as he burrowed deeper into his blankets. The weekend was a sacred time, a blissful period of uninterrupted sleep, free from missions, annoying colleagues, and hyperactive students—finally, some peace.
His relaxation was shattered by a knock on the door.
He frowned, deciding to ignore it. Whoever it was could come back later. Or never. Never worked too.
Another knock.
Kakashi remained motionless, his mind resolute. Just pretend you're dead.
"Kakashi-sensei," a familiar voice called from the other side of the door.
Before he could process the growing sense of dread, his finely honed ninja instincts screamed at him. Someone was inside the room. Worse, they were standing over him.
Kakashi bolted upright, his maskless face on full display as he prepared to fend off an attack—only to find himself face-to-face with Naruto Uzumaki.
But this wasn't the Naruto he was used to. This Naruto was barefoot, her short white hair a disheveled mess, and she was wearing the most innocent, pastel-colored nightie he'd ever seen. In her hand, she clutched her signature white kunai.
"What the fuck, Naruto?!" Kakashi sputtered, his face a mix of shock and mortification.
Naruto blinked at him, tilting her head slightly like an inquisitive puppy. "Naruto thought you were dead, dattebayo," she said matter-of-factly. "That's why Naruto teleported."
She paused, examining his now-exposed face with her glowing sapphire eyes. Then, she gave him an enthusiastic thumbs up. "Nice face. Naruto approves."
Kakashi froze, feeling a cold sweat drip down his back. With lightning speed, he grabbed his mask and pulled it over his face. He stared at her incredulously. "Naruto... what are you doing here? And why are you dressed like that?!"
Naruto cocked her head the other way, seemingly confused by his reaction. "Naruto is humanizing, dattebayo."
Kakashi blinked. "What."
"Humanizing," Naruto repeated. "Naruto was sleeping. And yawning."
Kakashi stared at her for a moment, trying to process the absurdity of the situation. Then, a rare, genuine smile spread across his face beneath the mask. "That's good, Naruto!"
Naruto tilted her head further, almost like a bird. "Really?"
"Yeah, really," Kakashi said, nodding. "It means you're finally experiencing human things. That's a nice update. You're improving."
Naruto's eyes brightened, glowing just a bit more than usual. "Naruto is... improving?"
"Absolutely," Kakashi said with a firm nod, hoping to put this bizarre situation to rest quickly.
Encouraged by his words, Naruto stood up straighter, her nightie swaying slightly. "Naruto is happy, dattebayo!"
"That's great," Kakashi said with a weak smile. "Now, as much as I'd love to keep talking about this, I need my sleep. So, uh..." He motioned toward the door. "Why don't you go see Sakura? She's better at handling, uh, human stuff."
Naruto blinked, processing his suggestion. Then, she nodded vigorously. "Sakura it is, dattebayo!"
Before Kakashi could say another word, she leaped out of the window, still barefoot and nightie-clad, disappearing into the distance with a faint "Dattebayo!" echoing in her wake.
Kakashi sat there for a long moment, staring at the now-empty room. He sighed deeply, lying back down and pulling the blankets over his head. "Why me?" he muttered. "Why is it always me?"
Naruto landed in front of Sakura's house with the quiet grace of a shinobi, though the timing was far from considerate. The moon was still high in the sky, and the village was dead silent—until the sharp, incessant knock of her kunai handle shattered the peace.
"Sakura," she called, her tone robotic but insistent. "Naruto requires assistance."
Inside, Sakura groaned, her head buried under her blanket. She peeked at the clock on her nightstand. 2:37 AM.
"Of course it's her," Sakura muttered, dragging herself out of bed. Stumbling to the door, she swung it open, fully prepared to yell—only to pause in disbelief.
There stood Naruto Uzumaki, barefoot, messy-haired, wearing a pastel nightie, and holding her signature white kunai. Her stiff posture and deadpan expression made the outfit even more surreal.
"What... are you doing here?" Sakura asked, rubbing her temples.
Naruto tilted her head, her glowing sapphire eyes blank. "Naruto needs human advice. Kakashi-sensei suggested Sakura is capable of providing it."
"Human advice?" Sakura blinked, her brain still trying to catch up. "It's six in the morning!"
"Time was not specified as an obstacle," Naruto replied, stepping inside uninvited.
Sakura shut the door with a sigh, gesturing for her to sit down. "Fine. What's the problem?"
Naruto sat stiffly on the couch, her hands neatly folded in her lap. "Naruto experienced something unusual. Sleep. Yawning. A sensation of fatigue. It is unprecedented."
Sakura blinked at her, waiting for more. When nothing came, she raised an eyebrow. "...And?"
"Naruto suspects this may indicate a malfunction or a system update. Kakashi-sensei referred to it as 'humanizing.' Clarification is required."
Sakura leaned back, crossing her arms. "So, you're saying you slept for the first time? And now you're tired and yawning?"
Naruto nodded sharply. "Correct."
"That's not a malfunction, Naruto," Sakura said, shaking her head. "It means you're becoming more... normal. Like the rest of us."
Naruto blinked. "Define 'normal.'"
"You know, human," Sakura said, softening her tone. "It's a good thing. It means you're starting to experience life the way we do."
Naruto processed this for a moment, her expression unreadable. "...Naruto finds this acceptable. If Sakura believes it is beneficial, Naruto will adapt."
"Good to hear," Sakura said with a small smile. Then her eyes narrowed. "But next time, maybe don't show up in the middle of the night?"
Naruto blinked, tilting her head. "Understood."
Sakura sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Well, you're here now. And since you've already ruined my sleep, you can stay for breakfast. It's the least I can do to keep you from waking anyone else up."
Naruto nodded once, as if she'd been given a mission. "Acknowledged. Naruto will participate."
Sakura led her to the kitchen, pulling out ingredients while Naruto watched with the intensity of someone observing a high-stakes operation.
"What is Sakura preparing?" Naruto asked, her voice still flat but tinged with curiosity.
"Pancakes," Sakura replied, grabbing a bowl and whisk.
"Explain," Naruto demanded, leaning closer.
Sakura froze mid-whisk, giving her a skeptical look. "You don't know what pancakes are?"
Naruto shook her head. "Naruto's diet consists primarily of ramen. Other foods are secondary."
Sakura stared at her for a moment before sighing deeply. "Alright, sit down. You're about to experience something life-changing."
Naruto obeyed, sitting at the table with her hands folded neatly in front of her. She watched as Sakura mixed the batter, her glowing eyes tracking every movement. When Sakura started flipping the pancakes, Naruto's expression didn't change, but her posture stiffened slightly, as if she were witnessing something profound.
"Impressive," Naruto finally said.
"It's just pancakes," Sakura said, though she couldn't help the faint blush creeping up her cheeks.
When the pancakes were ready, Sakura set a plate in front of Naruto and handed her a fork. "Alright, give it a try."
Naruto hesitated for a moment before cutting into the stack with precise movements. She took a bite, chewing slowly. Then she paused, her eyes widening just a fraction.
"Sakura. Naruto can taste this."
Sakura blinked. "Wait, you can taste it? Like, actually taste it?"
Naruto nodded, her tone still flat but slightly perplexed. "Affirmative. The flavor is distinct. Sweet. Pleasing."
Sakura leaned forward, studying her. "That's... new. How does it compare to ramen?"
Naruto considered this for a moment before replying. "Different. Both are acceptable. Further analysis required."
Sakura chuckled, shaking her head. "Well, I'm glad you like it."
They ate in companionable silence, the early morning light starting to filter through the windows. Naruto stared out at the rising sun, her expression unreadable.
"Sakura."
"Yeah?"
"Thank you."
Sakura glanced at her, surprised by the sincerity in her voice. "Anytime, Naruto."
Naruto nodded, finishing the last bite of her pancakes with mechanical precision. For a moment, the world seemed still, peaceful.
And though Naruto didn't fully understand it yet, something about the experience felt... significant. Almost human.
Naruto, still wearing her nightie but now with a pair of sandals Sakura insisted she take, made her way to Sasuke's house. She didn't even bother knocking—boundaries were not a concept she fully grasped yet. Instead, she materialized in his living room in a flash of white light, startling the lone Uchiha as he sipped his morning tea.
Sasuke froze mid-sip, his eyes narrowing at the sudden intrusion. "Naruto."
Naruto stood there stiffly, her glowing sapphire eyes locked on him. "Naruto has good news to share with Sasuke."
Sasuke frowned, setting his tea down. "Good news?" He studied her appearance—messy bobbed white hair, nightie, and her ever-present robotic demeanor—and his mind jumped to the worst (or best, depending on perspective) conclusion.
"Wait." His voice dropped, sharp and serious. "Are you... pregnant?"
Naruto blinked, her head tilting in that robotic way that always unsettled him. "Pregnant?"
"You said 'good news,'" Sasuke snapped, crossing his arms. "What else could it be? You've been hanging out with people more, you're... Did someone—"
"Sasuke is being illogical," Naruto interrupted flatly. "Naruto cannot become pregnant. Naruto's body is synthetic."
Sasuke's face darkened. "Then what kind of good news—"
"Sleeping," Naruto declared, interrupting him again.
Sasuke blinked. "...Sleeping?"
Naruto nodded, her expression completely serious. "Naruto has experienced sleep for the first time. Sakura confirmed it as a positive development. Naruto is 'humanizing,' as Kakashi-sensei phrased it."
For a moment, Sasuke just stared at her, his face completely blank. Then he pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed deeply. "You barged into my house at seven in the morning to tell me you've started sleeping?"
"Affirmative."
He looked at her, his irritation fading into something closer to resignation. "Naruto... I'm happy for you. Really. But was this important enough to break in?"
Naruto blinked, tilting her head. "Sasuke was already aware. Tea consumption indicates consciousness."
"That's not the point!" he snapped, though there was no real heat in his voice. "Next time, at least knock. Or wait until a reasonable time."
Naruto considered this for a moment, then nodded. "Acknowledged. Naruto will recalibrate her timing for future updates."
Sasuke sighed again, shaking his head. "You're unbelievable."
Naruto, oblivious to his exasperation, walked over to the table and sat down across from him. "Naruto seeks additional advice. Sasuke has experience with human emotions."
He raised an eyebrow. "I do?"
"Yes," Naruto replied, as if it were an obvious fact. "Sasuke is broody and emotional. Naruto requires guidance on integrating similar human behaviors."
Sasuke groaned, rubbing his temples. "This is going to be a long morning."