Pst… Pst…
These voices wouldn't stop.
Maybe if it's not so damn quiet, they wouldn't be this loud.
My eyes glance at the woman next to me, named Tammy.
Maybe she could help me ignore these voices with a conversation.
Should I say hello to her first?
Or go straight to it and talk about… football? No, that's too sudden. Maybe she'd care if it's about the weather. They are about to cry after all.
…
I have to say, this is a lot harder to do since she slapped me in the face just now. I'm not sure what the right approach is here to break that tension.
Maybe a philosophical question could work: I just had a feeling. Well, here goes nothing…
"How real do you think we can get?"
I started.
She sighs and says, "Let's not. I'm no good at dealing with people like you."
"... Like me?"
"PTSD or someshit."
"I don't think I have that."
She looks unsurprised. "Really? I think otherwise. You were rambling about… something just before you asked me to wake you up. Honestly, if that's not some mental shit, you're creeping me out right now."
If anyone's to creep out, it's me. Where you are now was Sohee before. Everything has shifted to somewhere in time in the blink of an eye.
"So," she continues, "Either you're dealing with something… or you're just high."
"No. Rather, I'm feeling down right now. Anyway, if you don't mind me asking, where's Sohee?"
"She's with Nelly now."
"Ah…"
"She felt bad leaving you here; that's why she asked me for a favor to look out for you. So, did you go through something?"
"Do I… have to answer this?"
Yes. As I mentioned before, you're either someone who needs help or just a creep. If it turns out you're the latter, I have something to report to the school out of concern for Nelly.
I wonder what her relationship is with Nelly. If I have to guess, she's her mother, just with dimmer eyes than hers.
But maybe not. She looks the same age as me. If she is indeed Nelly's mother, then she must have been pregnant with her at… a very young age.
"Hey. Don't just look at me, I'm asking you a question."
What was it again? Ah yeah. She was asking if I am crazy… or a creep? There's only one answer to that if it's coming out of my mouth.
"Well, since you said that and I consider myself reasonable, I suppose I was acting crazy."
"Your word, not mine. You're not on drugs, are you?"
"I don't think so."
She leans forward… and her face crunches, taking a sniff at me. Then she backs away, nodding. "Well, you don't smell like it."
"It has smells?"
"It does."
"Like what?"
"... Like a hospital."
Glad I don't smell like that place. I wonder how she knows this. Is she a drug expert or something? Note that, when I say drug expert, what I imagine is just a junky. Which she doesn't look like—at least in the present.
What she did just now looks like something I know—a dog sniffing for a clue for the police.
"You know, I have to say, it's not every day someone sniffed at me that obviously. It feels weird."
She stares daggers at me.
I need to correct myself before something comes out of those eyes.
"Uh… Weird, in a good way, of course."
"That doesn't make it sound any better."
"Oh, really?"
But it does feel oddly good — like when a girl slowly unbuttons your pants with her teeth.
The conversation is about to fade away. I need to keep it going, or else those voices in the back of my mind will fill the silence.
Huh… maybe I am crazy.
"So, are you good with your nose?"
She looks at me strangely as if catching on that I was trying to get a conversation going. "I am. If I have found out you're on drugs, I'd drag you to a station."
"Wouldn't that upset Sohee, though?"
"Bringing a druggie to their place is helping. I'd do you and her a favor."
"I assume when you slap my face you thought of helping me?"
The corner of her mouth twitches. "I'd do it again if you're just trying to make me feel guilty about it."
"Are you?"
"I'm not sorry… damn."
Somehow, she actually seems sorry. I get it; I'd feel guilty too if I slapped someone who's not all there... even if they sort of asked for it.
"Forget about it, all right… Here, take one."
Says Tammy, as she pulls out a pack of cigarettes and brings it close to my arm.
I'd take one, but I don't think this body has one before. Starting to smoke is a choice I'd have to consider longer.
Not now.
"I… don't smoke."
"No need to keep the act. None of your students are here."
"No, I meant that."
"... Whatever."
I recognise a smoker when I see one; I am rarely wrong about this.
What makes her say that I am? Did she catch a whiff of tobacco on me when she sniffed me earlier? I'm pretty sure I haven't smoked… in this life, that is.
Ah.
I realized.
She sees me. Not the person I have become. But what I was. Did her nose do all that?
She lights her cigarette and begins to smoke it. We don't talk… for a while.
It is silent now, even the voices have stopped.
The sky is starting to spit a little.
"We should head in," I say.
Tammy didn't budge. Instead, she blows another cloud as if the weather is the least of her concern. The green peeks at me, "So, still not taking it?"
She brings the pack up again.
"If I want one, I'd prefer the one you already put between your lips."
She snickers, "Guess you quit being one."
Those eyes of hers are really something, aren't they?