4.1. It's complicated
Man, stop it, why are you so upset? No, you won't be upset like that.
Bright, sunny days were a common occurrence in Ponyville, leading most of the population to spend time outdoors, gossiping, strolling through the market, or having picnics. Only recently did the street quiet down when a tall, by pony standards, human figure strolled leisurely through the town. However, most ponies no longer shied away from cover, as the "terrible predator" almost always wore the emblem of the Royal Night Guard—a black scythe with a double silver blade against a full moon. However, this still didn't stop some particularly stubborn ponies from walking around him in a wide arc, as if afraid he was about to attack and eat someone.
Glancing absently around, I walked toward the Ponyville market, leaning on my staff, as I called the scythe in the daylight. Because of my strange habit of leaning on it while walking, I'd received more than one invitation to the spa where I worked for a therapeutic massage from the owners. Surely both ponies would beg me to return. And I was already considering accepting the offer, since thanks to two "clever" blacksmiths, I'd been left without money at one point and forced to return to part-time work to avoid being a burden on Twilight. Thankfully, there was always work and good company at the Apple farm, which made it a far cry from the spa, where some fillies told each other they'd never turn their backs on "that strange creature." Sometimes I felt like reminding some ponies that, of course, I can't fly, I don't have magic, and I'm not as strong as earth ponies, but when it comes down to it, compared to people, many predators are just Fluttershy's cute little animals.
"True, this will completely break the fragile trust of the residents of Ponyville," I was forced to remind myself.
And yet, I had achieved my goal and was now enrolling as Zecora's apprentice, knowing little about the Everfree Forest yet, while receiving a completely new rank and even position. The duties of which, admittedly, I couldn't fulfill for the aforementioned reason. So I was heading to the market to meet the zebra and discuss my future plans. Upon arriving, I quickly spotted the "sorceress" standing out from the crowd and headed toward her. As I approached, I was surprised to notice Fluttershy and Twilight chatting with Zecora. It wasn't that they weren't friends or anything, it was just that the zebra herself didn't come to town very often, trying to finish all her shopping as quickly as possible and return to the forest.
"Shall we chat, girls?" "I asked, standing behind the engrossed ponies. Surprisingly, they jumped up in unison and turned to face me.
"Ah-ah... H-Hi, Des. We just wanted to have a little chat," Fluttershy squeaked softly, blushing and stepping back a little, trying to appear as inconspicuous as possible.
"Well, we'll be going," Twilight responded quickly and moved quickly toward the café, nudging the pegasus along.
"O-o-okay, maybe in my world I didn't always understand what was going on, and I've suffered some unforgivable mistakes here, but I can tell from those two fillies that you were discussing me."
"No way," Zecora smiled innocently, adjusting her saddlebags. "And you clearly underestimate yourself. Anyway, first off, hello." "And greetings to you too, O Great and Powerful Zecora!" I bowed dramatically, leaning on my staff. It was amusing to watch the ponies wonder how I even managed to keep my balance.
"As I understand it," she poked the guard's sign with her hoof, "you managed to persuade the princesses. All three of them."
"Something like that. So, the question is, how long might the training take, and can I come to Ponyville?"
"That's odd," Zecora looked at me. "Princess Luna visited me a couple of days ago and asked the same questions."
Mentally vowing to spank a certain eternally youthful princess, I quickly found the answer.
"Well, yes, I am a guard and have to send reports to my immediate superiors."
"Oh, then you can inform the princess that your availability will depend solely on you and the forest. As for time... A couple of months should be enough to understand the basics." Then you'll have to learn on your own. When are you planning on moving? Speaking of which, I agree to teach you how to make potions and infusions.
"Yes!" I exclaimed, causing a couple of impressionable passersby to jump back a few meters. "Excuse me."
"So, it's decided. In two days, you pack your things, I'll be waiting for you at the edge of the forest, next to Fluttershy's house."
"Wow, when was that decided?" I thought, without voicing my thoughts out loud.
"Good. I have a feeling the girls will throw a farewell party, as if I'm heading off to the Crystal Empire, at the very least. With no chance of returning."
With a quiet laugh, the zebra headed toward the forest, trying to leave the market as quickly as possible.
"I wouldn't be surprised if the entire Apple family and other ponies will be there. You have a lot more friends than you think. Judging by Twilight's words, you've helped—and continue to help—other ponies. Some still use your name to scare unruly foals, and others nod to you when they see you. But you're too self-absorbed to notice.
"Did the princess tell you that too?" I asked, looking around for the two spies who were shamelessly leaking information about me.
"Partially," Zecora laughed. However, she was also looking around, probably to spot the same ponies and distract me. Having reached the outskirts of Ponyville in this manner and finding no one to box their ears, I was forced to give up and, saying goodbye to my future mentor, headed to the library.
There, however, was only Spike, busy cleaning up the eternal mess created by his mistress. I'd always been amused by his character and devotion to Twilight. From what I'd gathered about him, this assistant will serve until the end of time. Moreover, he, a dragon, is more likely to die of old age than a little alicorn. "What's new at the market?" he asked as I began picking up books and putting them on the shelf to help with the cleaning.
"Besides the fact that most ponies love to gossip?"
"Oh, yes, they do," he chuckled, sneezing from the dust that had risen, nearly burning another book. Noticing the unusual cover, I picked up the book and headed upstairs, leaving the dragonling in the main hall, from where the crunch of gnawing stones soon echoed.
"Stallions. Basic Information. How to Draw Attention. Interpreting Body Language," read the cover, which depicted a white unicorn in a heraldic pose. Scratching my head in confusion, I almost sat down past the chair.
"And Twilight reads this? I mean, I understand she studies a lot, but since the book was on the floor, that means she read it quite recently." Opening the book to the table of contents, I quickly scanned the list.
"Characters, anatomy, tastes, habits..." I muttered under my breath, my eyes absently skimming the letters. "Mares courting stallions and ways to attract their attention? And so pointedly, too? Oh, vey," I quickly closed the book and set it aside. "Damn. That's not very nice. She's probably finally set her sights on some kind of par... er, pony, and now, in her usual way, she's trying to figure out what to do. Well, thank God, she's gotten that nonsense about me out of her head. Too bad I didn't argue with Celestia; I would have gotten some extra coins."
"Take care of them," I mimicked Celestia. "Why would a pony, much less an alicorn, pay attention to me..." "Well, not counting Luna." But she was always different from other ponies, and if no one has ever looked at you like a woman in a long life... It's no wonder she fell in love with me." "Although, what difference does that make?" I said sadly out loud, leaning back in my chair. "Being a relatively immortal creature, she may well see the end of this world. And I'll remain a line in the long tome of life. If I remain at all. Knowing Celestia, I'm sure she'll try to dissuade her, even if she means well. However, knowing Luna, I can also say she'll stick to her guns for another hundred years or so. Maybe that's why the princesses never fell in love with anyone, because they knew their life was long, almost endless, and any chosen one of any race would sooner or later fade into the shadows. Closing my eyes, I continued: And they have nothing left but sisterly love and an endless kaleidoscope of lives, which is better to go through without touching anything... Well, Nanny Twilight doesn't count; with that talent, you can't live alone for long.
The slamming of the door downstairs and the rapid clatter of hooves announced that the librarian had finally returned home.
"You're back!" Twilight smiled, entering the room. "I thought I'd jot down a couple of interesting thoughts in... in..."
Surprised by the prolonged pause, I raised my head and opened my eyes, meeting the dumbfounded gaze of the pony staring at me. Following her gaze, I realized she was looking at the book I'd left on the table. And upside down, no less. "Bravo, Des."
"Oh, that... Sorry, Spike and I found it while cleaning, and I borrowed it. May I congratulate you? Did you find a special pony? And how so?" I asked slyly. "Does the book help?"
"No," Twilight muttered darkly, turning to the bookcase. "I can't believe it, books stop helping more and more often." "You can't learn life from a book, you said it yourself. What exactly doesn't work there? Well, the advice."
"He doesn't understand the hints every stallion should know!"
"Really?" I was surprised, trying to remember which stallion I knew could be considered an amateur when it came to picking up fillies.
"Yes. He does very... strange things, and yet he acts like a friend." Looking into my eyes, she smiled thoughtfully and slowly walked to the next chair, swaying her rump. Involuntarily, my gaze lingered on that part of her body and I shook my head.
"Maybe I should just tell him that, and be done with it?"
"And how would that look?" Twilight turned and, smiling seductively, walked toward me. "Aaaah, by the Highest, this isn't what I think it is, is it?" I tried to stand up, but she pushed me back into the chair. "I'll just walk up to him, sit him down in the chair, and, sitting down, admit I like him?" Still smiling slyly, Twilight did exactly what she'd said. Then she leaned toward my ear and whispered softly, "How will that sound? Especially coming from such an inexperienced, young pony who's suddenly infatuated?"
Clearing my throat, I clarified, "It depends on how you feel about him and how you think about him. M-maybe you should get off?" "Nope. Consider me practicing," she chuckled, placing her right front hoof on my chest and covering my mouth with her left. "Where were we in training?" "That I would have lost to Celestia after all..." I thought, realizing that the filly hadn't changed her mind, but, despite her charming innocence, was at least trying to seduce me.
"You know how strange it is, he unknowingly allows himself to make gestures that would be quite revealing in public. And he's also very unusual and funny. Do you know who I mean?" With these words, she approached me so that her eyes were level with mine, then spread her wings, blocking my view from the sides and forcing me to look into her eyes.
"Maybe I do. Twilight, don't you think we should..." She paused, resting her left hoof on my lips.
"He's very sweet and kind." "Heh." "Unusual." "Well, maybe." "And he's also completely unaware of some... peculiarities of pony society." "And as it turns out, someone will shamelessly take advantage of this." "And I also really like him," she said quietly, then quickly took a breath, as if gathering her resolve into a fist—or, more likely, a hoof—and slowly brought her muzzle right up to mine.
She clearly cast aside her doubts and decided to go all in. However, I realized I didn't want to interrupt this either, so I hugged her and pulled her close, and we kissed. The soft touch of her lips was like an electric shock to both of us, and the tender kiss grew into something more passionate. Holding her close, I stroked the alicorn between her wings, touched her mane, and our tongues intertwined. Running my hand down her thigh, I felt her tremble...
"Twilight, I'm done cleaning," Spike's voice rang out from the stairs leading to the room.
I never thought a pony could growl, but the alicorn growled in a most natural way, vanishing in a flash of light, having managed to teleport the book I'd found in the hall into my hands. "Oh, I thought she was here," the little dragon said, perplexed, holding a feather duster in its paws.
"Yeah, she had better things to do than mess around with humans," I smiled, leafing through the book. "Maybe she went to see her friends?"
"W-well, I think she was going to see Rarity. Hmm, I think I'll go after her. What if she needs help?" "Yeah, you're going to stare at your crush." I barely suppressed a chuckle, remembering that I, too, had managed to find myself friends of a different kind.
"Then I'm off. If anything happens, will you close the library?"
"Yeah," I nodded, stretching in my chair and putting the book down. As soon as the front door slammed downstairs, Twilight teleported straight to me.
"Oh, so 'stuff'?" "She stamped her hoof on my chest with mock indignation, then pressed her whole body against me.
"Well, I don't think your assistant will understand us." "Oh, I have a feeling Luna won't understand me either..." Noticing my gloom, the pony carefully nuzzled my neck.
"Did I do something wrong?" "What?" I asked, startled, involuntarily breaking away from my thoughts. "Why?"
"Well, you seem a bit... sad. What's wrong?"
Deciding not to push the issue further, I quickly said, "Twilight, please forgive me, but... Luna and I... Ah, it's weird enough, and now I realize I like you too, and..." I was completely at a loss for words when I suddenly realized Twilight was looking at me with a happy smile. Then she happily hugged me around the neck.
"So you really do like me after all. And Luna did say this would be unusual for you."
"Yeah... Wait, what? Luna? Did she say?"
The soft laughter of the princess of the night sounded from the window. If it weren't for Twilight lying on top of me, I would have definitely jumped as if scalded. Chuckling at my expression, which must have been priceless, Luna came up to me and gently nipped my ear.
"I told you I'm looking ahead."
"Wait... did you both know and both keep quiet?" Carefully rising, holding Twilight in my arms, I set her down in my seat and stood by the closet. "Enough riddles. What, is this some kind of joke? If not, would you kindly explain what's going on?"
Judging by the looks on both fillies, they assumed something like that, not even offended by my harsh tone, because Luna calmly sat down in the second chair and waved a hoof at Twilight, taking the floor.
"You see, after that night on the balcony, I stumbled upon a certain princess's dream where you were strolling sweetly through Ponyville as a couple." I guess it's a good thing I left before the dream ended, right, Twilight?
The silence of the lavender alicorn, flushed with shame, spoke volumes.
"From that moment on, I realized I wasn't the only one vying for your affections, and I once visited her incognito while you were helping the Apple family on the farm. We talked and came to the conclusion that we both liked you, so I tried to stay out of your way for a while. We didn't know how you felt about her, after all." Rising from her chair, Luna slowly approached me and looked up into my eyes, forcing me to sit on the floor so they were roughly on the same level.
"Can you imagine how hard that was?" Twilight said, also approaching me. "You were acting very strange, sometimes giving me very overt attention, sometimes keeping your distance." And after our explanations, everything only became more confusing. So we... decided to explain everything at once.
"That's why you needed that book—not to confess your love, but to understand whether I love you?" I asked, looking from one sweet face to the other.
"Yes. We're truly very sorry, but we... We couldn't ask you like a normal stallion; with you, it's the other way around, so we..."
"So you've messed things up?" I laughed, reaching out and hugging both fillies. "I really will have to get used to a lot, won't I?"
A joyful snort and two pairs of shining, happy eyes answered my question.
4.2. It's not that complicated
Friends, foes... In the dark, what the hell difference does it make?
A ray of morning sunlight persistently pierced my closed eyelids. Muttering something inaudible about a good aim from a great distance, I moved to the right. To get under a different beam of light.
"Damn it..." I muttered, opening my eyes and looking at the open curtains. "By the Lord, what kind of habit is this—opening windows in a room where some poor creature sleeps?" I paused, glancing at my watch. "And at such an early hour, too."
I yawned, earning a surprised chuckle. Sitting up in bed, I saw Twilight settled into a chair with a book.
"I never cease to be amazed by your fangs. They're not quite as big as a tiger's or a manticore's, but... they're impressive."
I clicked my teeth and looked at the alicorn.
"You know, I was just thinking about adding some meat to my diet, rrrrr! And what are you doing in the bedroom anyway? Spike will notice where you've been and tell someone. And your reputation will be forever ruined."
The pony giggled and put the book aside, then walked over to the bed and climbed onto it without a trace of shame or remorse.
"Well, yeah, what if I'm just writing a book about a new creature and studying it?" — With the air of a doctor of science, she began to walk around me clockwise, examining me like a sculpture. I rolled my eyes and sank back into the pillows.
A couple of days had passed since that confession. We'd decided to keep our relationship under wraps, and besides, one could imagine the shock of the good people of Equestria—two of the three alicorns had found someone. And not only was it the same person, but they were also human, a creature of a different species, a predator. Yes, that would have created quite a stir, and completely unnecessary—we had enough of our own problems and questions. For example, getting used to each other as more than just close friends. And trying to come to terms with the fact that in a herd, the fillies protect the leader, and not the other way around. However, I hadn't come to terms with that and had no intention of coming to terms with it. Both dates over those two days felt more like a conspiratorial gathering—on the library balcony, without the lights, so no one would notice the man sitting there with the two ponies huddled close to him. And, worst of all, while I could have gone to the café with Twilight, Luna's appearance would have likely led to the same consequences as if a deity had suddenly appeared outside my world's pub and demanded a pint of ale. Besides, today was my moving day. Thank goodness, Twilight had talked Pinkie Pie out of throwing a housewarming party in the forest and had hired a couple of pegasi to carry my things to the clearing near Zecora's house yesterday.
Stretching one last time, I tickled the pony's belly as she stood on the bed and reached for my clothes.
"Well, from today on, I'm also Zecora's apprentice. I have a feeling it'll be fun, especially considering what I'll be learning. I hope you'll be checking in on me?" I asked, already putting on my pants and jacket, now debating whether to put on my coat or just sling it over my arm.
"Yeah, don't think you'll escape us that easily," the filly said, jumping off the bed and approaching the mirror where I was dressing. "Shall we go?"
"Yeah," I nodded and followed the pony, who was cheerfully clopping toward the door, grabbing my staff along the way.
Deciding not to make a big splash, we tried to leave the city as quickly as possible and soon found ourselves at the edge of the forest by the path leading to Zecora's house. The zebra herself stood there, impatiently tapping her front hooves on the ground.
"Here you are. Great, it's time to go, let's go," she said, nodding. "Is that supposed to rhyme? What about 'rejection'? Or did it just happen that way?"
Turning toward the forest, the zebra leisurely walked under the treetops, and we followed her...
***
The pair of creatures walking through the forest clearly resembled strangers, and while the zebra somehow fit into the world of Equestria, the tall figure of the man with the unusual scythe over his shoulder could frighten an unprepared pony. The dimly glowing crescent of the blade brushed the lower branches of the trees, forcing Des to periodically lower his weapon to pass through some particularly low-hanging branches. Unlike the zebra, whose only clothing consisted of jewelry, the man wore a black suit consisting of a jacket, pants, and comfortable shoes. A black, ground-length cloak was fastened at the throat with an elegant brooch in the shape of a full moon with Nightmare Moon's shadow on it. On his chest adorned the insignia of the Royal Night Guard. In principle, he didn't have to wear it, as the human was the only one who held such a title, equivalent to Princess Luna's personal bodyguard and guardian, but Des couldn't resist the temptation.
The Guardian's long dark hair was pulled back, and a silver headband with two miniature moons and a six-pointed star encircled the human's head. He preferred to wear this decoration only in the forest. Of course, many ponies would immediately recognize the princesses' marks, but few would realize that Des was using it to identify his friends. Similar headbands had been commissioned for the fillies, with a moon for Twilight Sparkle and a star for Luna. And the alicorns definitely didn't want to wear these headbands in public. Not because it would have revealed the meaning of all three headbands. It was simply because there was a blank space in the center of their headbands, where the three of them believed a human's mark should be. Alas, humans didn't receive markings, so the princesses kept these ornaments as symbols of their gradually forming "herd." Des's headband also had a blank space in the middle, which he himself considered a bit silly—after all, his ponies' headbands didn't have their own markings. But here they both, pardon the pun, dug their heels in, believing that since a human had suggested the idea of the hoops, they had the right to add something of their own, namely, that their stallion was obliged to have his own marking on his headband. "A bit conceited, don't you think?" Des asked the fillies, to which they always shook their heads.
"Oh, yeah, sorry, what were you saying?" Rolling her eyes, the zebra reminded herself that the apprentice had to live to see the next day and be in good shape to reassure the princesses. She already knew about his relationship with the two alicorns, occasionally making digs at him about it, fortunately the man didn't take offense when she said it.
"Thinking about your winged friends again? I hope where we're going, they'll knock the love and foolishness out of you, at least for a while. Although I'm not sure. Do you even remember where we're going and why?"
"Yes, yes, to look at one of the farm's pests. I don't understand what the scythe is for."
"You'll understand in a moment," the zebra stopped and extended her right hoof. "And there's the pest."
Looking where the zebra was pointing, Des scratched the back of his head with the handle of his scythe. "Branches?"
"You're partly right. And partly wrong. It's a sleeping timber wolf. These strange creatures of the forest often emerge from it and cause trouble for all the ponies living on the edge of the forest. You've gotten quite comfortable with your weapon; perhaps you could test your mettle in combat now?"
Shrugging, the man gripped the shaft with both hands and stepped into the clearing. At that very moment, a pile of branches strangely formed into the semblance of a wolf. The magical creature's eyes flashed green, and it began to slowly move toward the Guardian.
"Oops. Oh no, I remember everything I learned about you perfectly well." With these words, he spread his legs and pulled his scythe back, looking around and seemingly oblivious to the approaching wolf.
And just as the creature standing before him soared into the air with an incredible leap, Des leaped aside, slashing forward. The second wolf, a silent shadow emerging from the bushes and leaping after its comrade, attempted to intercept its prey's leap, unaware that it and the human had already swapped places. A blade flashed in the shadows of the trees, cleaving the creature in half, while Des fell gracelessly on his back, a powerful blow knocking the wind from his lungs. Meanwhile, the first wolf had already turned toward him and made a second leap... to hang belly-down on the crescent moon of Night Vengeance. Holding his scythe before him like a spear, Des caught the wolf on its sharp outer blade. The writhing creature was still alive; the blade hadn't cut it in half, so, throwing the wolf aside, Des picked up the weapon that had fallen when he'd thrown it, and, breathing heavily, approached his adversary.
"Shall we chop some wood?" — With these words, he drove one "horn" of the crescent blade into the wolf's skull, then approached the scraping remains of the second predator, struggling to reassemble itself.
"Oh, forgive me, but even you need more time to heal the wounds from Retribution," and pierced the victim's skull just as he had his comrade. Exhaling noisily, he sat down on the ground. The entire fight had lasted less than a minute, but it had burned out far more nerves and effort. Leaning back, the man caught his breath and met Zecora's gaze as she stood above him.
"That was quite good. You're far from a hunter, but you're already taking your first steps. Now get up, the second lesson begins."
Grunting like a hundred-year-old grandfather, Des sat up and looked at the zebra, who was carefully sorting through the remains of the timber wolf.
"Your task is not only to hunt down any potential threats to your town, but also to gather anything useful. The wood these wolves are made of burns much longer and more powerfully than ordinary sticks after their return."
"Return?"
"Yes, these entities are just part of the forest, which creates them for its own purposes. They are not living beings, just branches imbued with magic. That's what makes them burn so long. By the way, here's another useful item."
With these words, the zebra carefully pulled a small green ball from a pile of branches. Pressing her hoof firmly onto the sphere, she cracked it, then stretched with pleasure.
"This is the heart of the forest, from which the magical creatures of the Everfree Forest are born," the zebra explained. "When you break this crystal, the power of the forest fills your body and heals it. The larger the crystal, the more energy." "Unfortunately, it takes a lot of effort for a pony to truly bring back even one wolf, so these crystals are very rare... No, don't even think about it!" she exclaimed in fear as Des leaned over the second pile of branches, searching for the "heart." "The forest is full of life-giving energy; it can heal ponies and many other creatures. And I already know what happens when someone tries to heal you. A small crystal like the one I broke would be enough to keep me strong and healthy for about a week. Or survive a serious wound. But you... You'll be knocked out for days. And when you come to, I wouldn't want to trade places with you."
"Damn... So they're bad for me?"
"Not exactly... You see, their effect affects any damaged organism. If you suffer a mortal wound... You can use this." After that, you might remain conscious for a while, enough to escape or strike... But then the forest effect will take effect.
"Oh..." a voice rang out across the clearing.
"You were lucky, you didn't hit the hearts during the fight; they're usually located in the head and are damaged by blows. What do you plan to do with this crystal?"
"I'll keep it. And I'll prepare for a new hunt..."
4.3. It's Not That Simple
— Don't awaken the beast in me!
— I'm not afraid of hamsters.
Early morning at the Ponyville market was marked by two events: a new stall that had appeared literally overnight, and a vendor with a calm smile, settling his disproportionately long body for a pony on a hammock stretched in the back of the stall. The sign, featuring a timber wolf against a forest backdrop, read: "Equestrian Curiosities." The display case itself contained... However, the residents who had come to shop couldn't immediately describe everything on display. There were strange branches, clumps of plants, strange stones, but none of this looked like souvenirs.
"Excuse me," coughed a pretty lilac pegasus with a red mane standing in front of the stall, eyeing warily a stone resembling an eye. — What are you selling anyway?
Stretching, I rose from the hammock and approached the display case.
"I sell useful items found in dangerous places across Equestria. So far, everything is from the Everfree Forest. I figured many people would find the trinkets I find at work useful. And I understand perfectly well that you haven't seen most of this. There's the catalog over there," I pointed to a book fastened to the counter with a long chain. "But since you're the first one to dare approach me today, I'll answer your questions myself. However, it's easier if you take your time; I'll tell you about the goods. You're not in a hurry, are you?" "No, no," the pegasus shook her mane, eyeing my wares with surprise.
"Then let's begin the tour." "And we'll start with... yes, perhaps, with timberwolf branches," I laughed, noticing the shock in the pegasus's eyes and her spread wings, ready for takeoff. "Oh no, don't worry, it's been like this for a day now and clearly has no intention of going anywhere. You see, these branches burn much hotter and longer than regular wood. They're great for stoves, for campfires. Or torches. I guarantee no problems. Let's move on."
With these words, I pointed to a package of bottles containing blue and green liquids.
"This is Poison Joke extract and its antidote."
"And what does it do?" the curious pony approached the bottles, trying to examine their contents.
"Poison Joke is a plant that randomly affects whoever touches it, sort of like a practical joke." I know ponies love to play pranks on others, so this is a great way to have fun. The second bottle contains the antidote. However, we also sell the antidote on its own if no one has admitted to the joke. Please do not attempt to harm anyone with the extract—I'm recording all customers. Jokes don't count.
As I was talking, I noticed several more ponies approaching the counter, so I continued.
"Next, highly diluted sleepweed extract." "Thank goodness, Zecora drilled the basics of alchemy into me, even though she's double-checking my potions." "Perfect for a pony suffering from insomnia, if warm milk isn't helping anymore." Then, saltweed. Yes, it turns out you have that growing in your forest too. It'll work well as a spice, but be careful, it's VERY salty. "Then... sunstones," I pointed to a handful of stones, glistening bright gold. "These stones appear when the setting sun touches a pebble in the stream with its last rays. They're very hard to find because underwater they look like ordinary stones. Only in the sun do they begin to sparkle like their parent. By the way."
I picked up a stone and tossed it to the pegasus who approached me first. As soon as she caught it in her teeth, the stone began to glow softly.
"If whoever holds it is in a good mood, the stone begins to glow in the dark. So grab them before the jewelers steal them for necklaces."
Having appraised this souvenir, the ponies, now six in number, began actively bargaining. Other buyers from the market soon joined in, attracted by the noise, and within an hour, everything was cleared from the display case. Having closed the counter, I headed towards the library—not expecting all the goods to be snapped up so quickly, I temporarily moved back to Twilight's, taking with me only a change of clothes, a few small items, and my trusty staff, which I kept hidden from the townspeople.
"Business going smoothly?" I heard behind me. Turning around, I saw Rarity, laden with bags of fabric.
"Something like that. Help?"
"If it's not too much trouble," the unicorn smiled gratefully. I took off a couple of the heaviest saddlebags and slung them over my shoulder. "I heard you started selling some souvenirs at the market? Do you really have time to look for something while you're acting as the Princess's bodyguard?"
"What?" I asked, surprised, looking at the pony. "Oh, that's what you mean. You see, I'm only her bodyguard on paper. Right now, I'm making sure the forest dwellers don't bother the people of Ponyville."
"Wait," the unicorn paused, looking at me incredulously. "You're wandering around the forest instead of serving in the capital?!"
"That's just Rarity," I thought, continuing to walk toward the designer's studio.
"I don't like high society." It's incredibly boring, and there are so many ponies gossiping behind my back. You and your friends are used to me by now. Well, and most of the townspeople, too.
Chatting along, we reached the workshop, where my companion's sister, Sweetie Belle, was already waiting. She waved a joyful hoof at us and ran up to help her with her bags.
After saying goodbye to my sisters, I headed toward Twilight's house, leaning on my staff out of habit.
As I approached the library, a shadow detached itself from the tree branches and landed silently on my staff, hooting amicably.
"Alowishes, are we still breaking the owl stereotype?"
"Huh?"
"Nooo, you can't fool me," I chuckled, lifting the owl onto my shoulder and entering the library. Judging by the lavender something that pounced on me with a joyful "Wee-e-e-e!" , the library was empty except for Twilight and Alowishes. The princess practically bounced on my chest as she showered me with quick kisses, making me thank the Supreme Being for the fact that ponies didn't weigh as much as their otherworldly counterparts.
"I take it you missed me?" I grinned as the alicorn hugged me around the neck. "And you've finally stopped being shy. Now, my dear, let me get to my feet."
"What a lovely idyll," Luna's soft voice made Twilight jump off me and blush rapidly.
"Shame on you," I stood up and walked over to the princess of the night, wrapping my arms around her neck. She snorted affectionately and nuzzled my neck. "We missed you. And considering I couldn't get into your dreams, we were a little nervous."
"And Luna even offered to send you to Canterlot, since you're the only Royal Guard."
"Twilight Sparkle!" Celestia's embarrassed sister tried to hide from my questioning gaze under her wing like a bird.
"Sooo," I began in a tone that boded ill for a certain royal. "Why would you defend me when Zecora herself admitted that, as a hunter, humans are more dangerous than any other creature? And anyway, it's I who should protect you, not the other way around."
Luna glanced out the window and said hesitantly.
"That's not true."
"Huh? Oh-oh-oh, we've already discussed this, girls," I said, pulling Luna and Twilight toward me. "After training and some time in this Everfree Forest, I can prove to you that I don't need protecting." Leaning toward the princesses, I kissed them both. "And if you keep insisting that the mares guard the stallion in THIS herd, his fair half will get a slap on the rump. Both of them."
I added as much sternness as I could to my voice. I wasn't sure it would work, so I reinforced it with a light slap on the rump of both fillies.
"Okay, okay, we'll try. By the way," Twilight walked over to the table and began rummaging through one of the drawers. "How many days are you back in Ponyville for?"
"Three or four. I didn't think all the souvenirs would be gone so quickly. What's so exciting?" I asked Twilight, who suddenly started acting like a foal who'd just been told about the start of mid-term break. Luna, however, looked the same, which surprised me considerably. "These are train tickets to Canterlot," Twilight waved the aforementioned tickets in front of my nose, holding them in her telekinetic field.
"I'm afraid to ask why. Oh-oh-oh, no, don't tell me..."
"Yes, consider us kidnapping you from Ponyville to guard the princesses," Luna said innocently, moving away from me and sitting down in a chair.
"So here are your things," a bag and a pouch of earned money flew to me. "You take your reward yourself and head to the train station. I would have sent you a chariot, but Twilight decided not to advertise her presence and send transport for the Guardian... Sorry, but that's not the way it's done."
"It's okay," I waved my hand. "I think at this rate, it's easier for me to remain a lover than a herd leader."
"Then I'll see you at the palace," Luna quickly rose up on her hind legs to kiss me on the cheek, walked out onto the balcony and flew off towards the capital.
The quick and frantic packing, orchestrated by the irrepressible former unicorn, ended in twenty minutes, and we raced to the station for the same amount of time. As the filly herself explained, they didn't want to waste time. So, after nervously loading our bags onto the train, we sat by the compartment window and looked out at the station platform.
"You calculated everything so well, managed to book tickets for such a time... What if I'd been late?"
"Well, I was hoping you'd make it."
"Conspiracy girls."
Closing the compartment door, I lay down on the couch, and Twilight lay on top, snuggling close to me. Absently stroking her mane, I pulled the alicorn into my arms, who began to purr contentedly.
"And I thought ponies didn't purr," I said, patting her behind the ear, eliciting another purr. "Usually no-o-o," the filly drawled as I began to stroke her back.
Running my hands through her fur, I slowly touch her wings. Unfurling them with a soft rustle, Twilight covers us both. Extending my arms, I touch the base of her wings with my fingertips, eliciting a contented moan and a shudder through her. Her lips meet mine, and her tongue, at first hesitantly, then with increasing insistence, begins to explore my mouth. In response, I begin to run my tongue over her neat teeth, occasionally stopping to touch her tongue, my hands busy stroking the sides and underside of the alicorn's wings. Squeezing her a little tighter, I pull her close, continuing the kiss, feeling the young filly's heart pounding wildly. The young sorceress's horn begins to glow softly, betraying her arousal. Now that I know exactly what makes a unicorn horn tick, I gently touch the base with my index finger and slowly draw it upward, eliciting growing moans. Suddenly, with visible reluctance, she pulls away from me, breathing heavily.
"Sorry... but... can we do this later?"
"Twilight?" I look at the alicorn, catching my breath. "Am I doing something wrong?"
"No... Even better than I could imagine, just... Later, please! And the train will be at the station soon," she said, jumping to the floor and smoothing down the ruffled strands of her mane.
"Yes, of course," I replied evenly.
Grabbing my staff, I left the compartment, closing the door behind me. I leaned my staff against the wall of the car and my forehead against the window opposite. "What's going on? It's not the first time, even when we're together, I get the same answer." A waitress from the dining car passed me, looking at the cart she was pushing with magic, and only noticed the obstacle at the last moment. Startled, she quickly passed me, trying to press herself against the opposite wall. Turning to the window, I heard the sound of a door closing.
"A predator. That's what you were and are to the people of this world. You wanted to help them, but they fear your help. No, they fear the one offering it. Some tall creature that feeds on meat. Well, or fish... Even changelings don't inspire such fear—they consume love, and they'll look at you as a potential murderer and devourer. Accept it, Des, you weren't in your place THERE, and you won't be in your place here, in the cities. You're intriguing, oh yes, that's for sure. That's why they noticed you..."
The sound of the door opening behind me made me turn around. Twilight had already slung her bags over her back and was handing me mine.
"Des... are you offended?"
"No, what are you saying?" I smiled sweetly and slung my bags over my back. After all, being a translator requires one to be a professional liar in certain situations.
Nodding, the princess exited the carriage and headed toward the palace. I tried to urge her on as much as possible, not bothering to take in the sights. I was sickened by the way so many unicorns looked at me like I was an interesting little animal, making no attempt to hide their feelings. We quickly reached the elegant Diarchs' castle, where we were suddenly stopped by guards at the inner gates.
"What's wrong?" Twilight asked discontentedly, spreading her wings.
"Forgive me, Princess, but animals are not allowed inside the castle, as per Princess Celestia's recent orders. Could you please leave your pet in the animal house?"
"The last straw," I said casually, knocking out the first unicorn with a powerful blow from my staff—the fool had removed his helmet before speaking to the princess. With the next movement, I described a full circle with the scythe, slamming the flat of the blade that had appeared in the castle's shadow into the second guard's face, causing him to stagger violently—after all, the scythe was light only for me. Grabbing the stallion by the throat, I brought the blade of the weapon close to the pony's horn. "Twilight, give me more than one reason why I should leave this idiot his incomparable horn."
Stunned by the quick scene before her, the alicorn slowly approached me.
"Well... They didn't know who you were."
"Wrong answer," I said, with the gentlest smile, squeezing the unicorn's throat a little harder. "When I was appointed Royal Night Guard, everyone should have been warned. After all, not only am I the only Luna Guard, I'm also the only human, right?" "Please, stop..." Twilight was already standing next to me, trying to look me in the eye. "You're scaring me."
"Scaring... Scaring... Scaring," I repeated slowly to myself, pulling my scythe aside and releasing the wheezing stallion, which was rapidly inhaling.
"You take good care of your subjects, Your Highness. As you wish."
Dispelling Night Vengeance's blade, I bowed to the alicorn and led the way into the palace.
***
After wandering around for a while, I finally found the castle's throne room, where a small reception was taking place. Glaring at the majordomo (hm, is that what they call them in the palace, too?) who tried to block my way, I decided to fulfill the dream of all commoners, so I kicked open the door to the small throne room.
By Equestria, it was worth it. The surprise on the princesses' faces and the shock on the other ponies' faces... priceless.
"Royal Night Guard Des has arrived to perform his duties."
After bowing politely to the entire assembly, I calmly approached the junior diarch's throne and stood to one side, leaning on my staff. Then I stood frozen in place, scanning the ponies with a very "kind" gaze, which most of the assembled ponies were clearly unprepared for. Needless to say, the meeting ended much earlier.
When the last of the guards left the room at Celestia's direction, both princesses turned to me with questioning looks on their faces. "What was that, Des?" Celestia's soft voice, more than ever, was driving me to the brink of a nervous breakdown and a desire to test her for emotions like fear or anger.
"What are you talking about, Your Highness?" The surprise in my voice would probably have been enough to fill an entire monastery at the sight of a brothel appearing within its walls.
"First, never call me that. Second, why did you frighten our subjects, and judging by this report..." she pointed to the small note the guard had handed her at the end of the meeting, "you attacked the guards at the castle's inner gate."
Suppressing a wave of anger, I approached the alicorn, ignoring the fact that she was taller than me. I looked her up and down, then took the note and crumpled it in my hand.
"Did your guards report what started the fight?" "Okay, stop," Luna interjected, already understanding what was going on. "As I understand it, they insulted you, and rather severely. I know you, and I know you wouldn't lose your temper without a reason. It's almost evening, sister, let us be alone and talk calmly. Besides," she raised a hoof, stopping Celestia, "this is MY Night Guardian."