Inside the café in the late afternoon, the atmosphere felt quite cozy. Today was Jay's day off, so we went out to relax. He was the one who suggested coming here. I ordered a macchiato and fresh milk cake. But Jay, the one who invited me, didn't order anything and just stood there staring at me eating with a serious expression, which made me ask him.
"Is something wrong?"
He remained silent.
"Jay?"
He still didn't respond, making me suspicious. "Lately, you've been training a lot. Are you too stressed?"
"Dan."
"Hmm?"
"Jay... I moved out today."
I froze, not only because of what he said but also because of the way he referred to himself.
"Why? What's going on? I'm not ready."
"I'm not moving in with you."
"What?"
He leaned forward, placing his hands on the table, his expression serious. "Let's end our relationship."
I felt my heart sink, and my whole body went numb. It was as if my ears stopped working for a moment. I didn't hear anything after that—I pressed my lips together tightly.
"If this is a joke, it's not funny."
"I'm not joking."
"...Why?" I could still hold back my tears, but my voice trembled, and my hands felt cold.
"I just... don't love you anymore, Dan."
"So you're leaving. Are you angry or unhappy about something? Let's talk, I can fix it." I pleaded, trying to hold on to him. How could this happen? What went wrong? What about everything we've been through? "You promised, didn't you? What did I do wrong, Jay? Tell me, I'm sorry, don't do this, please." The tears I had been holding back started falling. I sobbed, barely able to breathe. Now I understood what true heartbreak felt like.
"I found someone else," he said in a cold voice that froze my heart.
"Who?"
"Anya."
I fell silent, trying to process who Anya was... Anya... "The model who used to text you?"
"Yes."
"But you said... it was nothing."
"That was before," he said before standing up. "My things will be moved this afternoon. Sorry. Thank you, and good luck."
Jay turned and left without looking back, leaving me crying alone, not understanding what had just happened. Was this real? Was this just a joke? I covered my face with my hands so no one would see my tears. I couldn't get up. He left... Suddenly, he said goodbye and left. No... That wasn't my Jayden. No way.
"If this is a joke, stop it now. You've done it, you can reveal the truth now," I muttered. "Hic, hic, huhu," I sobbed. Everyone in the café was staring at me, but I didn't care. It took me several minutes to calm down. I pulled out my phone and called Jay, but my number was blocked.
You said you would always answer my calls, that it was important to you. You never made me wait more than ten seconds. Desperate, I called Nao. From the other end, Nao sounded panicked and asked why I was crying. I asked him to come pick me up—I couldn't go home alone. Nao and Tiger came to get me and took me home.
"What happened?" Nao was so furious his face turned red. "What the hell is this? Why did he break up with you? Did Jayden really end things with you? What happened?"
"He... found someone else."
"Who?"
"Anya, the model who used to text him. He said it was nothing, but..."
"What? How is that possible? I can't believe it! Tiger!" Nao shouted at Tiger with a loud voice. Tiger also showed a serious expression. "What the hell is wrong with that bastard? How could he do this? I trusted him to take care of you. Damn it!"
Nao punched the car window so hard that his hand started bleeding.
"Calm down," Tiger tried to soothe him.
"How can I be calm?"
"I'll bring him here to explain."
"Yes, bring him here. That bastard must want to die," Nao hissed. It had been a long time since I saw him this angry. Nao shouted, "Don't even try to stop me, Dan!" He knew nothing could stop him now. "He promised this and that, that he would save money, that he wanted to be your husband. Bah! Damn it! It hasn't even been half a year since New Year's."
I sobbed, "No... it's okay. If someone doesn't love you anymore, no matter what you do, they won't love you. There's no point in bringing him here. Even if you lock him up with me, his heart is already gone."
Nao punched the car seat before trying to calm himself down. "And you're just going to let him go like that?"
I pressed my lips together tightly, tears streaming down my face. "Let him go, Nao. You and Tiger might be angry because he hurt me, but I still love him. I don't want him to get hurt. Please."
"Damn it!"
The atmosphere at home was gloomy. A few days after Jay left, he announced his relationship with that model on Instagram. He deleted all my photos as if I never existed. He uploaded pictures with her.
They looked perfect together....
Nao snatched my phone away, "Stop looking at those pictures! Why are you looking at them?"
"They look good together," I mumbled softly, curling up under the blanket. "A rising boxer and a beautiful model. Everyone says they match better than me. I'm boring."
Nao fell silent, just sitting beside me and hugging me. It reminded me of Jay—his hugs, his sweet words, his smile, his scent. His love declarations and warm touch. I wouldn't have them anymore. Thinking about it filled my eyes with tears again. I didn't know how many times I had cried today. In the end, nothing lasts forever...
I woke up gasping for air, cold sweat soaking my body, tears still streaming down my cheeks. My heart pounded. I looked around and found my dark bedroom and Jay sleeping beside me.
A dream...Was it just a dream?
With trembling hands, I reached out to touch Jay. I stared at him anxiously. Jay... this was really Jay. He didn't leave. It was just a dream. A nightmare. Just a nightmare. I sobbed uncontrollably, "Hic... huhu."
Jay woke up quickly, his eyes widening when he saw me crying. He immediately hugged me tightly. "Dan, what's wrong? Who did this to you? What happened? Tell me," he said, stroking my head, clearly worried. I could feel his heart pounding.
"Hey, Dan, calm down. Don't cry," he said before kissing my forehead. He looked around the room suspiciously. "Did someone or something come in? I'll check."
"Hic... don't go," I clutched his shirt tightly, my hands aching. "Don't go."
"Okay, I won't go. I'm not going anywhere. I'm with you."
"Hic, huhu, don't leave me. I love you. I love you so much. Don't go. I beg you. I only have you."
"I won't go anywhere," he hugged me even tighter, letting me cry in his arms. "Did you have a nightmare?"
"Yeah."
"What did you dream about? Can you tell me?"
"I dreamed you broke up with me... because you found someone else. You said you didn't love me anymore and took your stuff. You deleted all our photos on Instagram and uploaded pictures with a new person. You left me crying alone in a café."
"Why am I so cruel in your dream? I'll beat him up myself. How could he do that? That's the worst," Jay said. "I would never do that."
"How are you going to beat up the Jay in my dream?"
"If I could, I definitely would."
"You can't beat him up," I slowly stopped crying. "That's not my Jay. That's not you."
"Because the real Jay is right here."
"..."
"What if one day you do the same thing as in my dream?"
"I would never do that."
"You don't know that. You just did it in my dream."
"That wasn't the real Jay. The real Jay is here, sleeping next to you. I was dreaming that we were eating ice cream together," Jay said, pulling me into a hug and gently rocking me like a child. "You couldn't choose between dark chocolate or matcha. In the end, you ordered both but couldn't finish them, so you told me to help, even though I also ordered two flavors. I was stuffed."
"I'd rather dream about eating ice cream than have a nightmare like that," I mumbled against his shoulder, his shirt wet with my tears and snot. "Or maybe it's a sign?"
"A sign of what?"
"Are you thinking of leaving me?"
"Of course not," he answered firmly.
"Let me see your phone."
"Here." Jay handed me his phone without hesitation. I opened Instagram and saw a lot of unread messages.
"Are you secretly chatting somewhere else? LINE? Facebook? Do you have a backup account?" I searched carefully but found nothing. "You must have deleted the messages."
Jay blinked. "I didn't do anything."
"Or are you emailing someone?"
"No, all those accounts were made by you."
I pouted, lightly hitting his chest before handing his phone back. "Don't let me find anything suspicious."
"I have no one but Dan," he said sweetly. "I love Dan so much it drives me crazy. You know that."
I didn't answer, just continued to pout.
"Hey, even though your pouty face is cute, I don't want you to be mad or cry."
"Okay, hug me."
"I'm already hugging you."
"Hug me tighter."
"You'll get hurt if I hug you too tightly."
"I don't care, hug me as tight as you can."
"Alright."
"Dan, I have to go to the bathroom."
"Then go."
"Uh, can you let go of my shirt first?"
"No."
"Dan, I'm not going anywhere. I just need to go to the bathroom for a bit."
"Then go."
"What's going on here?" Nao asked, confused and laughing, as he saw me still clinging to Jay's shirt even as he tried to walk to the bathroom. "Normally, you two are always stuck together, but this looks weird. Why are you gripping his shirt like that?"
"If I let go, he'll leave," I replied.
"Huh?" Nao raised an eyebrow.
"I'm not going anywhere," Jay said softly. "I just need to use the bathroom, I'll be right back."
"Then I'll go with you. It's fine," I said. Nao laughed, and Jay smiled shyly.
"Dan, what's wrong? This is funny."
"Funny? You were so mad last night."
"Huh?" Nao looked confused. I let go of Jay's shirt and instead grabbed onto his arm tightly so he wouldn't leave. "Yeah, I was mad, but you told me it was okay."
"Huh?" Now I was the confused one. "Did Nao have the same dream?"
"I dreamed that Dan was crying, and I was mad, but Dan said it was okay, so I let it go."
"Jay," I called, and Jay looked at me in confusion.
"Oh, even though we're twins, we've never had the same dream before. Are we developing some kind of connection?" Nao crossed his arms proudly. "But what does this have to do with Jayden?"
"Everything. It has everything to do with him."
"Huh? No, it doesn't."
"I mean, in my dream, there was no Jayden. I dreamed we were kids and someone was bullying you."
"Thanks for not having the same nightmare," Jay said, glancing slightly at Nao. "Dan, I really need to go to the bathroom. Please let me go."
"No, I don't want to be away from you."
"...But I really can't hold it anymore."
"Alright, but no more than five minutes."
"Huh? Five minutes isn't enough," Nao protested. "If he's doing number two, he needs concentration and time."
"It's fine," I frowned but finally let Jay go to the bathroom. I sat on the sofa with Nao, and when he asked what had happened, I told him about the nightmare.
"Oh no! I get it, because it feels so real, right?"
"Yeah, it felt so real. Even after waking up, it still hurts," I said. "Have you ever had a dream like that?"
"Yeah," Nao nodded, crossing his arms. "I dreamed he was cheating on me. I woke up and kicked him because he cheated in my dream. I was so mad my hands were shaking."
"In my dream last night, Nao did the same thing. He punched the car window until his hands were bleeding."
"Yeah, that's not surprising. If it really happened, he might actually punch the window... but why punch the window? He should just punch the guy's face directly,"
Nao said. "And what did Dan do in the dream? Just sit there and take it?"
"Yeah. When someone doesn't love you anymore, all you can do is hold onto their body."
"Wow! Do you really think Jayden would leave Dan?"
"In the dream, Nao said the same thing—that he couldn't believe it," I said, hugging my knees. "But in the end, I couldn't do anything. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry again."
"Don't cry," Nao lifted his hands to stop me. "If Dan cries, it will trigger something inside me, and I will transform into an uncontrollable monster. By the time I snap out of it, I will have destroyed the world."
"Hahaha," I laughed at Nao's joke. "Is there a way to stop having dreams like that?"
"Well, why did you have that dream?"
"Maybe because I saw that model messaging Jay on Instagram before bed," I said, resting my chin on my knees and shaking my head from side to side. "Jay gets a lot of messages because he's popular. It's not unusual, but I saw it before sleeping, and it followed me into my dream."
"Ah."
"It's not good. I feel bad, and I made Jay feel bad too."
"Bad feelings should be shared. That's why it's called a relationship," Nao said, which made me feel a little better.
Before Jay came out of the bathroom, I ran to hug him like a cop catching a thief. Jay lifted me and carried me to the sofa, just as Tiger walked into the living room with some snacks.
"We ran out of Nutella, so I bought regular chocolate instead."
"Why is Nutella gone?" Nao complained, seeming like he had asked Tiger to buy it.
"Should we get more?"
"Yeah, it's all gone."
"Alright."
"Dan, we're going to get some desserts to fill the fridge. Will you be okay?" Nao asked worriedly. I nodded in response, and they left, leaving Jay and me snuggled up on the sofa in the living room. A while later, I slowly let go of him.
"Feeling better, Dan?"
I shook my head. "Not really."
"What can I do?"
"Stay with me."
"I have to go to training. Do you want to come with me?"
"Yes," I replied. Once again, I accompanied Jay to the gym. Everyone was already used to seeing me there. I sat in my usual spot, watching him. After the New Year, he had resumed training and was preparing for his first official Muay Thai match. Everyone was watching him. I kept my eyes on Jay no matter what he was doing, and it seemed like he noticed. Jay paused his training, walked over to me, sweating, then crouched down in front of me and looked into my eyes.
"Dan, are you okay?"
"Sorry for depending on you so much today," I said, wiping the sweat off his face with a handkerchief.
"It's okay. When I have nightmares, Dan always comforts me."
"Yeah."
"Besides, I like it when Dan is like this." He flashed a wide smile, making my heart skip a beat. "Do you want candy or a drink? I'll buy you one."
"No need, you're still training."
"Then I'll call Phi Jab to talk with you so you won't be bored."
"Jab is working, don't bother him."
"Alright. If you need anything, just call me. I have to get back to training." I nodded in response, and Jay jogged back to his session.
I continued following his every movement with my eyes, never looking away. I had brought a book, but I couldn't concentrate on reading. I waited until Jay finished training, showered, and changed clothes, and then we walked home together. Suddenly, he crouched down.
"Get on my back."
"Why?"
"I want Dan to ride on my back on the way home." I hesitated for a moment but eventually agreed. Jay adjusted his grip to make sure I wouldn't fall, and then we started walking.
"Why do you suddenly want to carry me?"
"I want to take care of Dan properly, so your feet don't have to touch the ground. From now on, you don't have to walk alone—I'll carry you."
"That's impossible," I laughed. "You're unbelievable."
"Why?"
"You're so kind."
"Only to Dan."
"I know," I said, resting my head against his strong back. "Oh, what should I do? I love you so much it feels like my heart is going to explode out of my chest." I spoke softly, as if complaining to myself.
"Really? But my heart has been gone for a long time," he replied in a voice that sounded like a smile. "I would die for Dan if I had to."
Hearing that, I gently patted his shoulder.
"Don't talk about dying."
"So don't worry. Without Dan, I can't live."
"I won't worry anymore," I replied. "But can I keep depending on you?"
"Of course."
"Well then, take this!" I tightened my arms around him. "From now on, I'll be a parasite stuck to you. Get ready for Parasitic Dan Nuea!"
Jay chuckled softly. "Alright."