Thanks to the girls' efforts, the Christmas preparations proceeded in an orderly fashion. Surely this Christmas, filled with everyone's heartfelt intentions, will be a very happy one!
…Right?
It sucks!
This is the absolute worst Christmas party!
Watching the absolute protagonist of this party—Diego—being occupied by an unserious silver-haired old man with an arm around his shoulders, all the girls felt a deep sense of defeat in their hearts.
We're not even as good as some random uncle…
Christmas party: total failure!
"I'm really sorry, my dad is such an immature old geezer…" Hori Kyoko had dark lines all over her face as she covered it, unwilling to accept the current reality.
Why did it end up like this?!
...
Rewind one hour earlier, at the Hori house…
Diego had gone to Morioh early that day to pick someone up. Although he was chased and beaten by Jotaro for five full minutes without being allowed to fight back, seeing Jolyne riding on his shoulders made Diego feel that everything was worth it.
"Dio-oniichan, Hori-oneesan, how much longer until the party starts? I'm really looking forward to it—I've never been to a party before!" little Jolyne hugged Diego tightly, beaming with joy.
"As soon as your sister's friends arrive, we'll start right away!" Hori propped her chin on her hand, gently patted Jolyne's head, and spoke softly. "Be a little patient, okay?"
"Not fair! Why did my spot get taken the moment Jolyne arrived?!" Sota hugged Diego's leg and pitifully looked up. "I wanted to sit on your shoulders too!"
"Hey, hey, hey… why do all of you want to sit on this Dio's head so badly? There's only one neck spot, though. Sota, come sit on my lap instead." Diego bent down, lifted Sota onto his thigh, and pinched the boy's soft little cheeks.
Tap tap tap…
Diego's ears twitched. He deliberately expanded the range of his hearing.
There was a man outside the house. Who could it be?
Diego narrowed his eyes slightly, a trace of cold killing intent leaking out. Just as he stood up to go check, the sound of someone taking out keys and opening the door came to his ears.
Oh, he has keys. Probably Hori's dad…
Diego sat back down.
"Haa—…"
The man entered the living room with a cigarette still in his mouth. He blew a smoke ring, leaned sideways against the doorframe, and brushed aside the bangs covering his eyes with one hand, revealing a single eye.
"Kyoko, who is this man?"
"Pfft!" Hearing the familiar voice, Diego whipped his head around and locked eyes with the silver-haired man, blurting out in shock, "Jotaro—?!"
"That stinky old man's voice?!" Jolyne was also startled by the familiar voice.
Wait, wait, wait—is this for real? Isn't this Jotaro's voice?! Why is it coming from an enlarged version of Sota?!
(Note: Hori Kyosuke and Jotaro Kujo share the same voice actor, Daisuke Ono)
"Kyosuke?!" Hori jumped up from the sofa in a panic and pushed him toward the kitchen. "W-Wait… what are you doing here?"
"I obviously came to hang out. The house is so full of Christmas spirit—there's a party, right?" Hori Kyosuke resisted easily, slipped away, and leaned in close to Diego. "By the way, where's Yuriko? How come I don't see her? Didn't she tell me she'd be home today?"
"Hey! What are you doing? There are kids here! Put that cigarette out right now!" Hori's voice was full of anger as she silently clenched her fist.
"And this is… your boyfriend? He's super handsome. But why's there a bandage on the corner of his mouth? Kyoko, did you stab him or something?" Hori Kyosuke completely ignored his daughter's mood and continued teasing in a joking tone. "Can I touch it?"
Bam!
To demonstrate fatherly authority, Hori Kyosuke slammed his own forehead hard against Hori's heel, making himself dizzy.
"Ow…" Hori Kyosuke clutched his head, quickly stubbed out the cigarette, and whined pitifully. "Kyoko… girls your age don't smash their dads with their heels…"
Hori remained expressionless. "Someone's been doing exactly that lately. Didn't you know?"
On the sofa:
Diego: "…"
Jolyne: "…"
Hori Sota: "Sorry for the embarrassment… Dad is so lame…"
But strangely, no one found it odd. It just felt like this was how the Hori family was supposed to be.
Diego's face lit up with excitement. He winked and signaled to Jolyne.
Jolyne caught the hint, reached out to pat Hori Kyosuke's head, and grinned at him. "Hi, Uncle~"
Hori Kyosuke froze, eyes widening. His gaze darted back and forth between Diego, Hori, and little Jolyne before he finally clutched his head and shouted in collapse, "No way! I was only away on business for a few months and you already have a kid this big?!"
But he quickly calmed down and thought seriously. "Wait, maybe it's genetics. Yuriko and I had Kyoko at about this age too…"
"Then isn't it still my fault?!" He collapsed again, then looked at Jolyne with overflowing affection. "So this is my granddaughter? She's really cute…"
"Kyosuke…" Hori Yuriko heard the commotion and came out of the bedroom. Even her usual squinting eyes opened wide. She casually grabbed Sota's homework from the table and threw it at his face. "What are you saying to the kids?!"
Hori's occasional violence really is genetic!
"Jolyne isn't mine and Dio's child!" Hori sighed, then glanced at Diego. "Jeez, Dio, help explain already!"
Diego: This is fun. Not stopping it.
"Rarely come home, only to be violently attacked by wife and daughter—and there's an unknown man in the house." Hori Kyosuke sat down next to Diego and slung an arm around his shoulders. "Oh man, am I interrupting something? Who are you?"
"Kyosuke, why don't you bring Dio-san into the room to talk? He's a really good kid." Hori Yuriko smiled and beckoned to the two on the sofa.
"Is that okay?" Hori Kyosuke turned serious and asked Diego's opinion.
Diego nodded, stood up, and followed Hori's parents into the room.
Click…
The door closed.
Hori sneaked over like a thief, pressing her right ear tightly against the door in an attempt to hear the conversation inside.
Damn it! Why did they buy such good soundproofing?! I can't hear anything!
Five golden minutes later, the door opened. Diego and Hori Kyosuke walked out.
Hori was shocked to see an expression of deep satisfaction on her unserious father's face—one she'd never seen before.
"Oh, Kyoko, you're here. Dad has a little something to discuss with you." Hori Kyosuke leaned close to Hori's ear and whispered, "Brando-kun is such a great guy. When are you two getting married? Actually… I'd really like another daughter. One like little Jolyne would be perfect…"
Bam!
"Excuse me—" Hori punched Hori Kyosuke square in the face. Inside she was raging, but her expression stayed blank. "Are you really my dad?"
"Mom wants a cute daughter like Jolyne too~" Hori Yuriko poked her head out, her tone drawn out but clearly delighted. "My goodness, no matter how many times I look at him, Dio-san is still so impressive~"
(The World: Yes, this time I'm watching "Even Monkeys Can Get Along with Their Elders.")
"Jeez, always getting violent with me. I'm going to chat with Brando-kun!" Hori Kyosuke rubbed his head and energetically returned to the living room. "Brando-kun—I'm here to hang out with you—"
Hori: ...
Although she was happy that Dio had been acknowledged and blessed by her parents, why did she feel this strange sense of loss?
Dio isn't your secret illegitimate son, is he!?
"Kyoko—! Brando-kun and I hit it off instantly. Go get my treasured Blue Mountain coffee. I have to let Brando-kun taste it properly—!"
"Sure, sure."
Hori sighed and headed toward the cabinet to get the coffee, but froze mid-step.
Wait… didn't Dio already finish the Blue Mountain?!
...
The above is what happened before everyone else arrived.
"Brando-kun, I'm not handing my daughter over to you…" Hori Kyosuke said expressionlessly, face dark.
All the girls: "Eh?"
"Just kidding! I just wanted to say that line once to see how it felt!" Hori Kyosuke's expression flipped instantly. He scratched the back of his head and burst into laughter.
Diego put on a thoughtful look, snapped his fingers, and declared, "Then this Dio will take Hori from your hands!"
"Nice one!" Hori Kyosuke gave a thumbs-up, then stood and headed back to the bedroom. "Well then, Uncle won't disturb your party anymore. Youth really is great!"
After Hori Kyosuke left, everyone exchanged glances and nodded.
"Merry Christmas!"
"Everyone's here—let's get started!"
"Kukuku…" Dekomori Sanae grinned wickedly. By the way, she was the party game host. "First event: Deadly Gift Game, death…"
She was dressed in a Christmas outfit and had deliberately put on a big white fake beard. She dragged a large white sack in from outside.
"The rules are simple! All the gifts everyone prepared for Boss Dio are in here. Boss Dio will pick out the one that makes him happiest, death!"
"To make it more fun, when Boss picks one, he also has to guess who sent it. Only if he guesses correctly can he keep it, death!"
"Heh, interesting…"
After understanding the rules, Diego rolled up his sleeves, swept his hand back, and calmly slicked his hair into a big pompadour.
Diego slightly raised his chin, leaned forward, crossed his fingers, and curled his lips into a confident smirk. He spoke in a low voice: "Then let's begin. Watch how this Dio claims every single gift."
"Such courage, death!" Dekomori Sanae opened the sack and raised an eyebrow. "Here we go—first one! Friendly reminder: don't try to guess by looking at our faces, death!"
Diego reached in and pulled out a red gift box. When he opened it, there was a handmade wooden statue of Diego. It didn't look especially accurate, but the care put into it was obvious.
Wow, first pull and it's already a gold…
"Very good. Guess who sent this gift, death!"
"Hm… Honestly, for someone who'd give a statue, my first thought is two people: Hori and Kitagawa." Diego glanced back and forth between them while counting on his fingers. Hori gave an awkward smile; Kitagawa looked abnormally excited.
Diego chuckled lightly. "However… it's neither. This gift is from Bocchi, right?"
"Answer… correct! Now both sides please explain why!"
"Because…" Diego's smile vanished as he pointed at Gotoh Hitori, his tone thick with exasperation. "Bocchi fainted from nervousness the moment I opened it. She's still twitching over there."
Gotoh Hitori scratched her head and mumbled, "Because I felt like Dio is really narcissistic… so he'd probably love this kind of thing…"
First gift successfully claimed. Diego moved on to the next.
The second was a blue gift box containing… a few lonely blades of grass.
"…"
The room fell deathly silent. Diego's silence was deafening.
"Why are you yelling so loud?!" Yamada Ryo's blue short hair seemed to move at that moment, sprouting guilty cat ears. She lowered her head and poked her fingers together. "I bought a bass at the end of the month… so I had to rely on my excellent grass-eating experience to pick out some medicinal herbs. I'll make it up next month…"
(P.S.: Ryo-senpai's family runs a hospital. The only reason she eats grass every day and hasn't died is because of her rich experience with medicinal herbs.)
Diego reached out, grabbed the herbs, and stuffed them into his mouth.
"Wait, Dio, don't—" Ryo grabbed his hand and shook her head frantically.
"What? You give me a gift and won't let me eat it?" Diego shook off Ryo's hand, chewed twice, and swallowed. "Chew chew… actually tastes pretty good. Sweet and sour."
"It's not that I won't let you eat it… those herbs are for constipation. Really strong ones…"
"Ah?"
...
Five minutes later, Diego returned from the bathroom and opened the third purple gift box. Inside lay a purple satin ribbon with a note tied to it.
Diego picked up the note and read it carefully. Clearly written on it: The gift is 『me』 (You can wrap me up with this purple ribbon!)
Diego narrowed his eyes slightly and met Hayasaka Ai's gaze. She formed a heart shape over her chest and sent him a wink plus a flying kiss.
"Chuu~"
Diego put it away without changing expression and moved on to the next gift.
Gotta say, purple really has charm.
By the way, so the maid lady is a carnivore type too?
(After going home, Hayasaka Ai rolled around in bed, unable to get the blush off her face: Will Dio think I'm some loose woman…?)
The fourth cyan gift box contained a Santa Claus cosplay outfit. The implication couldn't have been more obvious.
After changing into it, Diego smiled and said, "Kitagawa, right?"
"Yes!" Kitagawa Marin replied. "We agreed, didn't we? ♡~ This time I'm in charge of Dio-kun's outfit!"
The fifth white gift box contained a bag of apples.
"…Nijika, you actually remembered?" This gift caught Diego a little off guard.
"Well, I did promise Dio I'd prepare apples with the skin on. Too bad Dio rarely comes to STARRY anymore… feels kind of wasted."
"…"
Is this an angel descending to purify a villain's soul…? For some reason, Diego felt like his long-abandoned sense of morality was being condemned.
The sixth pink gift box revealed three bunches of forget-me-nots.
This time, Diego took the bouquet and held it in silence for a long while.
"…Where did you get forget-me-nots in this season?" He spoke with difficulty. "This was Hori, Takanashi, and Dekomori's idea together, right?"
"The climate here is different from Dio's hometown. We have greenhouses that can maintain soil temperature, so forget-me-nots bloom all year round.
Then at Dio's house, we saw forget-me-nots everywhere, so we guessed they might have special meaning to you. The last time we visited your house, we saw that the planted flowers had all withered, so we took the liberty of deciding on this.
Um… do you not like it?"
"…I love it. I love it so much. This is the best gift I've received today…" Diego's voice trembled. In his homeland, forget-me-nots had long gone extinct. No one could understand the shock of seeing them bloom in a season when they shouldn't possibly exist. "Thank you…"
Facing this bouquet, it was as if he'd lost the invincible body that once allowed him to sweep through everything. All his past battle wisdom became useless. The power to plunder everything and the invincible time stop faded away, leaving only a child who had lost his mother.
O spirit of beauty, please help me through this hardship once more…
With the spirit's help, from everyone else's perspective, there was only Diego staring blankly at the flowers. He covered his face and wept; tears soaked the flower buds. In this moment, there was no longer any terrifying dinosaur.
I already received the answer from the Hero of the South. As long as I keep moving forward, I will see you again…
Mom, you have to wait for me. I still have so many, so many things I want to say to you…
...
The final gift of the game was a dancing Santa Claus sent by the cancer of the Earth, Fujiwara Chika, to Shuchiin Academy's top student Diego.
She said: "I wandered around the mall for hours and picked it because it looked fun!"
"Wow, this has to be the one I gave myself, right?" Diego said expressionlessly with dead-fish eyes as he read dramatically. "Then I'll accept it with gratitude."
It looks so stupid. And what's with this creepy old man twisting his hips?!
As expected, people from other worlds are consistently malicious toward Santa Claus.
"Wrong answer! Gift confiscated, death!" Dekomori Sanae shouted excitedly.
"Why?! How could I guess wrong when it's obviously the last gift and the only one left?!"
Diego laughed—laughed from being angered by Fujiwara Chika's gift.
"Everyone, no one is allowed to play with Fujiwara Chika anymore!"