A rough voice pulled Subaru's consciousness back to reality. She looked down blankly at the cloth bag the stall owner handed her. Inside, bright red apples exuded a sweet fragrance, glistening invitingly in the sunlight.
"What's wrong, miss?" the uncle shook the bag in confusion. "Why did your face suddenly turn so pale?"
...She's back?
Subaru turned her head mechanically. Familiar blue hair fluttered at the edge of her vision. Rem was looking at her with concern.
"What's wrong, Subaru?" Rem tilted her head slightly. "Why are you looking at Rem with such an expression?"
Her throat suddenly tightened. Subaru clutched Rem's sleeve tightly.
"Rem... do you still remember... Carlisle?"
Please... say you remember... say he's still alive...
Rem blinked, a puzzled expression appearing on her face. "Carlisle? Of course I remember him. Why are you suddenly asking such a strange question?"
"I see..."
Her knees suddenly gave out, and Subaru collapsed directly onto the ground.
She's back... she's really back...
"Subaru, are you done with the shopping?"
A familiar voice came from behind her.
A jolt of electricity shot through Subaru's spine. She did not dare to look back, afraid that if she turned around, she would find it was an illusion, a dream, a trick her mind created before death.
"Why are you sitting on the ground?" Footsteps approached. "It's not good for your health."
A hand, warm from the sunlight, gently rested on her shoulder and helped her up.
Subaru finally turned her head.
Carlisle stood there.
His white and red knight's uniform was spotless, his sword swaying slightly with the motion of his body. His slightly furrowed brows, even the crooked button, were exactly as she remembered.
"Carlisle..."
The thread of her reason suddenly snapped.
Subaru lunged forward and hugged his waist, burying her face deep into the front of his uniform.
"Eh?" Carlisle fumbled slightly to steady her. "What's wrong, Subaru? Are you feeling unwell?"
There was no answer. Only the spreading warmth and dampness on the fabric of his uniform, and the intense trembling of the body in his arms.
Rem's gaze instantly turned hostile.
She stepped forward, blocking the sunlight and casting a shadow over the fruit vendor. "What did you do to Subaru?"
"Wait! I didn't do anything!" the uncle raised his hands in terror. "She suddenly just..."
"Rem." A muffled voice came from Carlisle's chest. "It's not his fault."
Tears flowed uncontrollably, yet her lips twisted into a smile, a joy that teetered on the edge of collapse.
"Subaru?" Carlisle's concerned voice sounded again.
Subaru instinctively looked up, but the moment their eyes met, memories surged back. The figure swallowed by gray mist. The forgotten name.
I caused his harm.
She abruptly broke free from Carlisle's embrace, stumbling back two steps as if his touch would burn her.
Don't look at me like that... don't use that kind of gaze... it was clearly me...
She turned her face away, biting her lower lip hard.
"What exactly is wrong? Are you feeling unwell?"
Subaru froze. Her throat felt as if it had been pierced by ice, and the voice she forced out was dry and strained.
"Mm... I'm fine... just a little dizzy..."
Carlisle frowned deeply and reached out to check her forehead.
"Ah! That! I've had enough shopping for today, I'm going back first!"
Subaru almost shouted, interrupting him. Her steps retreated in panic as she turned and fled.
Her back felt as though something terrifying was chasing her as she stumbled into the crowd.
Carlisle looked at Rem. The blue-haired maid silently took the apples from the vendor and nodded with a complicated expression. They quickly followed, but whenever Carlisle approached, Subaru trembled as if shocked, subtly increasing the distance between them.
Don't come near me... don't do anything for me again...
She stared fixedly at the ground, not daring to look up, not daring to see his face, and even less daring to let him see her twisted expression.
I'm sorry... I'm sorry...
Carlisle's hand hovered in midair, then slowly retracted.
He understood that any questioning now would become the final straw that broke her.
The sunlight stretched their shadows long. Subaru walked at the very front, like an isolated fugitive.
---
"Ugh..."
Subaru stumbled into the bathroom, her knees hitting the tiles hard. Stomach acid mixed with bile surged up her throat, but the burning pain could not override the images looping in her mind.
Carlisle's figure swallowed by gray mist. Rem's lifeless eyes. Ram's pink hair soaked in blood.
"Ugh... cough... cough..."
She clutched the edge of the toilet tightly, her knuckles turning white from the force. Vomit filled her nose, but it could not compare to the suffocating feeling of self-loathing.
So disgusting...
Her exhausted body slid down the wall, and Subaru slumped onto the cold floor. Her black hair clung to her forehead with cold sweat, making her pale complexion even more pronounced.
"What exactly... should I do..."
Her trembling voice echoed in the empty bathroom. Her mind began to coldly deduce the future.
If she did nothing now,
Carlisle would return to the mansion just like last time.
He would face the White Whale alone. He would confront Sloth alone. And then... he would once again be devoured by the Beast of the End.
No!
Beg him to stay?
Carlisle's resolute blue eyes immediately appeared in her mind.
No... that idiot would never ignore a plea for help...
If she stopped Carlisle...
An even more terrifying scene appeared.
Rem torn apart by an unseen force. Ram dying from exhaustion while protecting the villagers. Arlam Village reduced to ashes in a sea of fire.
"Why..."
Subaru buried her face in her hands.
Why isn't Reinhard here? Isn't she the Sword Saint? Where is she at a time like this?
Suddenly, Subaru lifted her head sharply.
There was... one last way.
Priscilla Barielle.
That name surfaced in her mind. She had not gone to her before, that arrogantly infuriating Royal Selection candidate, but now she was her final hope.
Go beg her... even kneel if necessary...
Her weak body swayed as she stood up. Subaru splashed cold water onto her face. Her eyes in the mirror were bloodshot, and traces of vomit still clung to the corners of her mouth.
I must go... while there is still time...
---
Outside the door, Carlisle had already raised his hand to knock for the third time, then slowly lowered it.
"It's been twenty minutes..."
Rem stood quietly nearby. Her gaze never left the crack in the door.
"Subaru... what exactly is wrong?"
Rem shook her head.
"I don't know. She was fine just a moment ago."
Their whispers were interrupted by the sudden sound of the doorknob turning. When Subaru opened the door, she saw Carlisle and Rem standing there, their expressions filled with concern, deliberately keeping their distance.
Even though... you are so warm... I pushed you into hell...
That thought made her stomach churn once again.