Love…For me love was seven. Why??It always lingered around seven. Be it the seven stages I passed, seven lives I imagined or the remaining seven minutes and hitching seven breathes.
More specific ?? July 7.
7am.
On the whimper's street. Brown and Amber walls .Different shades from a single palate that still looked so different. A thin warm caramel lining separating them ,but it was definitely worth the view at least for the writers that searched for beauty.Near the seventh bench stood a tall maple tree, its branches stretched wide like quiet arms guarding the station.
The leaves were deep green then, whispering softly whenever the morning wind passed through them.
Sunlight slipped between the leaves, scattering little patches of gold on the brown bench where I sat with my book. The street lights that had just started lightening and the smell of freshly brewed coffee coming from the Ana Paradise on the right corner. A mass of people enjoying the sip of coffee waiting for the train which had delayed for 10 minutes already
7 benches from there was a girl leaning in the brown bench with a not so thick book in her hand ,thicker than that her glasses that she fixed 3 times a moment.
That is me.
"Autumn Vale"
I am the one too engrossed in the world of Dostoevsky.I am the writer that mentions his sweetheart Nastenka for 138 times in that story of 5 days. Him;who was never really never known for him but his love for someone who was never in her fate. I am nastenka who neither got the love she dreamt nor the one she deserved every repetition haunting her enough.
Or maybe someone.. someone who never knew myself. Until that day.
"Hi . Can I have this seat??"
"Miss??"Someone leaned closer disrupting the pace.I flinched a little.
"So you're into literature.White nights?!.Cool."He said looking at the cover page of the novel I was holding sitting by my side without any approval he asked for.
Ignoring him I was back in those white foggy streets that had been my companion since last 3 days.
"Its Rowan"
He said raising his hand for a shake.
I acted as if he had gone silent or I was too much into the nights.
"I know its random.A moment ago we didn't know each other and.."
"We still don't do."I interrupted.
"We can .Give it a try."He said raising it for the second time.
"Maybe too soon."
The not so existent conversation interrupted by the loud buzz of the train.
"Train no 7658 is on platform.Passengers are requested to move in subtly.Have a safe journey."the mc spoke.
"What's your ticket no??"He asked.
"123."He said stretching his neck eyes pinned on the sheet I was holding.
"Mine is 124.Maybe we are meant to be a little longer enough to know each other."He added.
I gave a hesistant smile and moved forward.There was a huge mass of people.I was struggling to move.
Suddenly I saw a hand reaching out to mine.It was him.Someone I just met attempting to take me out of the rushy crowd I was struggling with.
"Hey come above."
I slowly extended my cold hands until it met those warm palm.Grasped tightly.He pulled me in.
I struck on his chest with my hand over his heart.Both more racing than that was my competitive heart which was in a race I was unknown of.
We got off and moved forward for our seats.My eyes hovered over the hoods to check the train number.
"Baby,I will reach there by tomorrow I am sorry,urgent meeting had arised."A guy said whining on phone holding a bouquet and packet of chocolates.Probably a compensation.
So many shades exist in love.Some are light like salmon and some dark as burgandee.
"Bomb.You look pretty.Wanna go with us.We will be a good company.On the day and also on.."A guy spoke from a group of messy gang.
I went silent.I dare not speak I always ignored these neither did anyone speak up for me.
"Speak up."Rowan said from beside.
"No."I said after a deep sigh.Yes,only a word.
"No.Why not."That guy said teasingy laughing and cheering with his guys.
"Is explanation required a girl said no."Rowan said in a loud voice.
"Easy hero.Don't act like a saviour.Be in you limits."He added.
"It can be said from this side too."
Rowan added but a loud smash came to his cheek.
He wasn't weak either.At least his ego seen in his eyes.He started beating and a mess arose.People gathered and the thugs went away.
"Here."He said signaling the number.
We had our respective seats.Few minutes went silent until he was the one breaking silence again.
A drop of blood was reachin his neck from the corner of his lips.
I searched around in my marron handbag taking off a hanky.
"Thanks."I handed the hanky adding.
"No worries."He said with a smile.
There was a pause for few minutes.
"So tell me.What's your perspective on love."
I was too stunned to speak on this sudden question thrown at me.
"No.I mean you read these novels.How do you think love is."He asked.
A silence grew.I didn't have an answer to this I never did.It was clear that he was doubting the question he shooted.
"For me it's tears,regret and an overrated emotion."I said with a deep sigh calming by already trembling hands .
"Easy.Calm down."
Unaware I had already dropped a couple of tears.
Love novels have always been an escape from thoses fights and tears I witness everyday since I was five.On growing I came to know it was only a dopamine spike.But strange how people can't get over it.Even lying on the death bed nor can get it.
"Life finds a way."
"And so does love."He added.
"Where is your destination ??" He attempted to change the topic.
"Somewhere far."
"Running from life??Maybe living is better.Life "He said with a smile.
I gave a more genuine smile this time.
"That curve suits you more.Keep it.See."He said showing his phone screen.
I watched myself in detail for the first time.The amber eyes long lashes and thin lip when the curve reached the cheekbones and it lifted I indeed looked pretty.
It had been long.Somewhere between the broken dishes and teary evenings the half broken mirror had been a vestigial part of the Vale residency.It had always been taking up extra space where I could fit on more books.It would be more benefictory.
But today,I felt it was worth the space.
"Don't fall in love with youself .Someone else might be waiting for the luck."He said smiling .
I laughed out slightly at his flirty line but heavier was a curl I felt near my navel.A sensation of buzzing and flying butterflies as if they had built a garden of tulips within.
"Preetier than you is that hill right there."He said pointing at the green hill at a distance.
"Dreamy.Captivating."He said getting captivated by the beauty.
I was looking at a beauty too.
The visual field was different.
Slightly wavy hair approaching those cheeks.Those soft lips and a curve that never left him and hardly reached mine.He had a peach fragrance that I absolutely loved and something.Something that was making me fall in love…
And him?He took out a maroon diary writing something in it.I dare not hinder the privacy but I obviously wanted to sneak in and read what someone like him writes.But all I had was a desire and more than that was my rotationg CNS.My eyes slowly closed.And I started dreaming.A fantasy I never remember.
I had already fallen asleep deeply.Until I felt someone moving my shoulder.
It was him.
The train had already stopped at the second station for lunch and for 2 hours I has lied the weight on that right shoulder.My bad.
"Wanna have something??"He asked.
"Not hungry.Thanks."I said softly disrupted by the growling in my stomach.
He smiled slightly. "You're a bad liar.Let me bring something for you too."
The train was empty only with few people.Empty enough for me and my thoughts.Thoughts apart from him.This time about me.Where was I heading.What plans I had.I had no answer.
I came to this train only by this morning.When the regular fight turned into something unusal ,more violent.When the watery tears increased its viscosity,and when the broken dishes turned into a to be signed stack of papers.I couldn't handle it, packed my stuffs and booked the ticket to the last station.
Esteinburg,A place I never heard of.I was indeed running cause I wanted to live .I wanted to love.Not as the one I witnessed.Nor the one I feared , not like the writer of the novels I read but like the one they fall in love with.I wanted to fall but not break.But was it even possible?.
My phone buzzed disrupting my thoughts with caller Stella.
"Where are you??How long will it take."
"A few hours.I will let you know."Saying that I cut the call.
Well Stella;She is bestfriend or only friend.I could never make friends.But we have been friends since the first year in college.4 years already.She was the only one I shared this to and she was the only one I knew in that place.
"Hey!!Can you bring my wallet."Rowan shouted from outside.
"In the black leather bag."He added.
I searched for the wallet and got out of the train to give it.
"Thanks.Here your spring roll."He said pulling a chair for me already waiting for me.
I sat infront of him.Him devouring over the roll with a whim of cream over his corner of lips wanting me to wipe it off but who had the courage.I took a napkin offering it to him.
"Why are you not having it .Its great."He said.
Who would tell this guy I was all full with a bite reaching my stomach.
Seeing someone so happy so satisfied in life.And the hunger?The butterflies had left no space for any food.
He was indeed everything I wanted to be.
Happy..Fulfilled.Lively and lovely .
So worth the first stage I was falling into.
"Infactuation"