[106] Vajrayana (6)
Amira's eyes, which had been fixed like nails in wood, trembled for the first time. Even her steel resolve softened at the sight of Alpheas's face.
Why wouldn't it? He had been the one she'd followed since the days she wet the bed.
"I'm sorry. For putting you through this."
Amira bowed her head and fought back the tears that wanted to spill.
"I don't mean to make the headmaster suffer. The more respected someone is, the less they should let their mistakes be swept under the rug—if this goes on, even the school—"
"Don't you understand? I don't hate anyone here. You are the future of this school."
Alpheas watched Amira with pity. Every student gathered here was, in a way, someone he had raised. He was only sorry for having caused them pain.
Amira raised her head and looked at him with wet eyes. He wore that same kindly smile she had known in childhood.
"Will you trust me one more time? Once Shirone's matter is settled, I will handle everything transparently. Even if I receive punishment, I will stand before my beloved students with my head held high. I will never run away."
Hot tears slid down Amira's cheeks.
"You'll really come back, won't you? The man I respect—"
"Of course. There will be no deceit in any punishment. I swear it on my life and honor."
Amira dabbed her tears with the back of her hand. She could not bring herself to cry in front of Alpheas. She wanted to show how much more grown she'd become since childhood.
"All right. Since you say that for the last time, the student council will accept the headmaster's statement and reexamine the motion. Please—do not do anything that would tarnish your honor."
Alpheas smiled, pleased. He'd raised a sharp, capable student. The child who once ran up calling "Headmaster!" with a lisp had grown into this.
'Erina, perhaps my life wasn't all for nothing,' he thought.
When the student council made its decision, the protest immediately dispersed. The conservatives who had occupied the entrance scattered, and the front of the building fell quiet in an instant.
Only Fermi lingered, scratching his head awkwardly.
"Aww, we were doing so well, then blew it at the end."
Alpheas laughed heartily.
"Ha! Looks like things didn't go your way this time, Fermi."
"Can't be helped. Honestly, I think it's cheating for the headmaster to step in."
"It's about time you moved on, isn't it? You'll be twenty-two next year."
"Well… there's still no better way to make money than this place."
"Is that so?"
Alpheas knew Fermi had been one of the leaders behind the affair. Still, he felt only pride for the pupil who had suddenly grown up.
"Besides, it's still fun here for now. Well then."
Without more words, Fermi saluted and strode off. From now on he probably wouldn't come to the student council; peaceful places don't pay.
Iruki and Nade walked toward the infirmary in silence. It had been five years since they'd fought like that—an awkwardness still clung to them. Nade, however, couldn't stand the tension.
"Hey! How can you not say a single thing? You didn't have to hide everything from me. Were you just trying to make yourself look cool?"
"You're joking. What strategy meeting am I supposed to hold with someone who's just drowning in grief? And if the info leaks, they'll take measures in response. Why aren't you thinking?"
"All right, fine—I'm an idiot! I'm the only one who thinks he's great!"
Once they started bickering and swearing, the ice broke and the awkwardness vanished. Iruki, worried, asked:
"So how are you? Even if you're angry, do you have to act like your old self?"
Nade, full of regret, ran his hands through his hair.
"I don't know. I had no time to think back then. Anyway, we didn't fight, so that's something."
"Well, I was so cool back then. You might already be wiped from memory."
"You're kidding. So it was all calculated in the end?"
"Heh heh heh, so what? Bow to me."
Their chatter ended as the infirmary door opened. Amy came out to meet them. Iruki scratched his head in embarrassment. He could handle Nade, but he still found it hard to be casual with Amy.
"Well, it's settled for now. At least Shirone's been—"
At that half-hearted attempt to brush it off, tears fell from Amy's eyes.
"Thank you. Thank you, Iruki..."
Iruki's face went pale.
"Ugh, I'm done."
Too weak with feeling, he darted into the infirmary. Waiting there, arms wide, was Seriel—another lump of emotion.
Iruki slipped past Seriel's embrace with a boxing weave and took refuge beside Shirone.
'Ugh, this is exactly why I hate women,' he thought.
At the doorway, Seriel and Amy began hugging and bouncing up and down. Nade joined in and they spun around the infirmary in a whirl.
"Yaaay! He's alive! Shirone's alive!"
The long-missing brightness brought a faint smile to Iruki's lips. But inside he couldn't be entirely happy. On paper, Shirone's death had only been put off; nothing about the situation had fundamentally improved.
Shirone still lay motionless, as if asleep. The promise to stay together after graduation felt vivid—but it still hadn't sunk in that the person himself had been dead.
"Come back. I'll wait for as long as it takes."
* * *
Shirone regained consciousness. More precisely, he went from madness back into madness. His mind spun like a coin flipping between north and south poles, alternating sanity and frenzy.
He went mad a thousand times. He tried desperately to hold on as his mind threatened to flip, but the overwhelming stimuli flooded his essence and altered his nature.
"You're a picked-up child. Your parents would have been fine with anyone but you. Didn't they ever find you hard to raise? Didn't they regret it each time? Didn't they think they shouldn't have taken you in? If you'd had your real parents, you wouldn't have thought like that."
"No! That can't be!"
"You are illegitimate. Anyone in this world could have been adopted into that family. They are not your parents."
Shirone's particles trembled and the keening of his soul spread.
Oooooooo!
"Your essence is that of a despicable predator. A being that tramples others with superior power. Your strength inevitably causes someone's failure. You are a useless tumor on this world."
Oooooooo!
Shirone went mad again. His mind felt fouled. If this merging finished as it was, what would he be reconstituted into? An evil spirit? A yaksha? A demon? It was anyone's guess.
The speed of madness accelerated. At the limit, two opposing tendencies began to coexist in Shirone's head as it spun between extremes.
It was a new world.
From a supreme mental state unreachable by any drug, Shirone finally found the only way to keep his mind intact.
The origin.
If the boundary of a cycle is called the extreme, the origin is the starting point of that extreme. Within it lay the potential to encompass the whole world.
Some call it a spot. Some call it the Spirit Zone. Some call it the Taeguk. Mages, however, called it by this name.
Infinity.
Shirone's eyes snapped open. The Spirit Zone was drawn into his head, and the countless particles that had been scattering at light speed began to reconstitute into a mental form.
At the center of Infinity, Shirone did not waver. The voices that had tormented him vanished, and the strength of his mental form tightened like diamond.
He had reached the realm attainable only after thousands of torments—the state of Diamond Attainment.
He was adamantine and indestructible.
Shirone looked toward the exit with his radiant body. The confusion was gone. As he took a step, the warm, bright light of the exit seeped into him and became one with him.
A small, transparent glass bead floated before his eyes. Inside that tiny orb the temple where he had just been lingered, and a woman there looked up at Shirone.
"So you're leaving after all, Shirone."
"I'm sorry. But I want to go back."
"There's no need to apologize. To be honest, I didn't think you would succeed. You deserve this."
Because he hadn't expected her to let him go so willingly, his steps felt heavy. Even though it no longer mattered, Shirone couldn't help asking.
"Weren't you lonely?"
The woman blinked in surprise and then gave a warm smile.
"Shirone, you're kind. But gods do not feel loneliness. I'm just a little sad you're leaving. Just a little."
"Thank you for bringing me back to life. I wanted to tell you that."
Her expression turned serious for a moment.
"Remember this. There are no second chances. Now that you've attained Diamond Attainment, you are no longer someone who can be invited by me."
Shirone nodded as if making a vow and walked toward the exit. His consciousness began to be pulled into another dimensional space, and he felt the warm light around him.
'Finally going home.'
From within the fading awareness came the woman's voice.
-Please give my regards to the headmaster.
Even with his mind clouded, Shirone wondered how she knew Headmaster Alpheas. The thought didn't last long—his mental form quietly dissolved and was drawn back into Shirone's body.
* * *
Ten days since Shirone's death.
"Ugh."
Amy rubbed her sleepy eyes and woke. When she leaned back in the chair something cracked in her back. After so many sleepless nights, her body moved while her brain still felt half-asleep.
Looking around, their friends were still asleep. She drank some water and washed her face, wiped it with a towel, and approached Shirone.
"Shirone. Today you'll come back—"
Amy cut off with a strangled sound and froze. She could hear her heartbeat in her ears. A chill ran up her spine, making her shoulders, neck, and face tremble.
Shirone had opened his eyes.
"Huh? Huh?"
Amy called out to the sleeping Nade and Iruki, who lay on blankets on the floor.
"H-here… here, here…"
Words wouldn't come. Her throat felt utterly blocked. As a last resort, Amy drew a deep breath, squeezed her eyes shut, and screamed.
"Kyaaaaaaa!"
The infirmary rang with the ear-splitting cry. Nade and Iruki bolted upright.
"What is it? What is it!"
Back to Everyday Life (1)
Alpheas calmed his trembling chest and reached out his hand. Even he, a certified Grade 4 mage, could not help being astonished when he saw Shirone's eyes open.
Shirone was still under a slow spell. He must have spent the entire night just lifting his eyelids. To be certain he was truly alive, the spell had to be dispelled.
Alpheas laid his hand on Shirone's chest and turned back time. Still, Shirone showed no sign of moving. No one could predict what would happen next. They could only follow the will of heaven.
"Gasp!"
At that moment Shirone drew a breath and propped himself upright. The faces of those who had been anxiously watching brightened. Shirone, however, looked like someone who had returned from hell—pale and terrified.
"What's going on? What happened?"
Shirone flinched at the sudden rush of air. To someone in slow, the world had been an abstract painting full of color. As his vision returned to normal, he saw people's faces. Behind Alpheas stood Amy and their friends, sobbing.