Even If It's an Illusion (1)
The Ilhwa ritual—the art that melts humans with Black Elixir and assimilates them into giants.
Its original purpose had been to dismantle the Ultima System that challenged the authority of the gods.
Because of the ritual's nature, progress depended more on quantity than on the quality of experiments, and under Kariel's direction the number of Gaians had dwindled over a very long time.
"Hurry! It's a sacred rite! Wash away the sins against the Law and be reborn!" the Maras urged, but the subjects of the Ilhwa ritual moved forward at a pace neither slow nor fast.
None of the Gaians had children, and now only a final hundred remained.
From today the Ilhwa ritual would proceed through a new humanity called the subjects.
A truly historic day.
Ikael watched the Gaians walk toward the bronze giant from a distance.
There was no resistance, no resentment on their faces.
She knew why.
The more they upheld Geoffin's will, the clearer it would become who truly approached godhood.
But it was pointless.
Ikael's holy radiance shed a dry light.
I'm the only one in this universe who knows about Anke Ra's meeting with Geoffin, she thought.
As long as she stayed silent, no one could know—if so, it was as if it never happened.
Foolish humans. Why can't you see this struggle is meaningless?
Satiel's voice rang out from the center of the plaza.
"Stop the Ilhwa ritual! You've done enough! Let the Gaians' line continue!"
With the arrival of giants, fae, and the new subjects, Heaven's hierarchy had been subdivided and the ranks of archangels soared—but no one paid her any heed.
Not because they were ignoring her, but because her words had been heard so often they'd become muted in their ears.
How pitiable. Do you still believe in humans? Ikael had never once intervened while the Ilhwa ritual was carried out.
She thought today would be no different.
It was only a matter of a hundred humans disappearing and five giants being born.
The giants, stripped of self, would return from Jotunheim bearing a new Law.
With that, the history of the Gaians would be lost forever.
Forever.
The word "last" prickled Ikael's nerves like a spell.
Disappear?
All the Gaians who knew Geoffin would vanish from Heaven.
The instant the thought—never again asking about or hearing Geoffin's story—struck her, she found herself speaking to the ritual's subjects without meaning to.
"Aren't you afraid?"
"Archangel!"
The Maras flinched at something that had never happened in Heaven's history.
They hurriedly opened a path, but Ikael didn't even turn as she approached the Gaians.
"You know what it means to become a giant, don't you? Your minds will be crushed flat until no trace remains. A new Law will be written on a blank slate." Her words were chilling, but the Gaians showed no flicker of emotion.
That outraged her even more.
"Say something! You're the great—your people's last Gaians. Aren't you terrified? Aren't you angry? What are you—"
An old man cut her off.
"What fine weather. A day like this is perfect for hanging the laundry out."
At such absurd words from someone about to die, Ikael's eyes sharpened.
"What do you mean by that?"
"What do you mean?" the old man echoed, looking back at her. "I answered nonsense with nonsense, that's all."
Ikael's lips trembled; she understood exactly what he meant.
"You mean feelings? Fine, I'll tell you. They're an illusion and an error. Geoffin is a con man. Want me to tell you where he is and what he's doing right now?"
The old man clicked his tongue.
"You've lost your senses."
A killing intent rose from Ikael.
"What did you say? How dare a lowly human insult the archangel?"
But the old man, as if tired of conflict, simply apologized and hurried on.
"All right. Sorry."
"Wait!"
Ikael grabbed his foot. "This isn't something I can let pass! Apart from the Ilhwa ritual, you should be punished!"
The old man sighed. "What do you want me to say?"
Ikael's eyes, ready to spit words, faltered and her mouth closed.
"You're curious about Geoffin? Fine, I'll say it. Yes, as you claim, Geoffin could be a con man. Happy now?" Ikael fell silent.
"Or would you prefer it another way? Geoffin isn't a con man. He could never be. Does that make you feel better?"
She had no answer.
"Enough idle wordplay. Mind your own affairs. Get a grip, archangel."
Human rudeness no longer pierced her.
"Geoffin is to me—"
"No, no." The old man shook a finger with pity. "You've got it wrong. You should say, 'Geoffin is to me,'" he corrected gently.
"No." Ikael's voice trembled. "He didn't say anything. He left without a word for me."
The old man looked at her with deep eyes. "Have you ever spoken to him?"
"That's—" Ikael started to answer, but the old man went on first.
"Explaining would go on forever. There must've been reasons: a complicated situation, the fear of not getting the answer you wanted. If speaking was hard for countless reasons…" He paused, thinking. "Maybe Geoffin felt the same."
Ikael stared as if her soul had been hollowed out.
Why assume you were the only one who suffered? Why can't you conceive that others exist? That's the essence of the Ultima System.
The man laid a hand on his chest. "Others have hearts like mine. So what is hard for you…"
He shook his head with a sad smile. "It was hard for Geoffin, too."
Ikael shuddered; her body trembled uncontrollably.
"That's why we call it 'throwing.' You throw your heart. It may return, or nothing may come back. So maybe, as you say, it is an illusion. But—"
The old man, following the procession, called back over his shoulder, "It feels refreshing inside, doesn't it?"
Ikael chewed on his words for a long time, then steadied herself and released him. "Ah—"
"Don't interfere," the old man said firmly. "It was my choice. Whatever Geoffin did, I judged and chose."
The Gaians knew what was right.
"A con man, huh."
When the old man reached the bronze statue he looked up and burst into laughter. "Puhahaha! I heard the most ridiculous joke before I go!"
He couldn't stop laughing until the Black Elixir liquid filled the glass spheres.
To Ikael he looked like a mind that chose death with not a shred of doubt.
Like Ikael's own heart, the moon swelled and waned again and again.
Curled up in her chamber, Ikael sobbed without end, her shoulders shaking.
"Huuuu!"
Fear.
She imagined herself crushed between the two colossal Laws that divided this world.
O God, what am I to do?
One must throw their heart.
And the price could be losing everything—perhaps even Ikael's own annihilation.
—It feels refreshing inside.
The old man's words were strangely consoling, and yet it seemed there was no better way to put it.
She felt she would go mad.
How long had passed, she didn't know; many archangels had come and gone to report the decisions made at the White Court.
But Ikael, with her mind full of binary conflict, remembered little.
Then one day, as if someone had injected a thought into her, an impulsive certainty surged through her.
"Geoffin."
She muttered without realizing it, and by the time she came to herself she was already flying toward Arabot's sanctuary.
Open the door!
She threw the sanctuary doors wide—acting now felt more terrifying than annihilation itself.
"Ikael, what is the meaning of this?" Anke Ra opened his massive eyes, but Ikael's gaze was fixed on Geoffin floating in midair.
Ah.
Tears swelled up suddenly.
"Answer me, Ikael. I didn't even grant you permission to enter here."
If she exchanged a single word with Anke Ra, the future she wanted might change.
Ikael immediately severed the neural link that connected Anke Ra to Geoffin.
Veins stood out in Anke Ra's eyes. "You—!"
An outcome forbidden by the Law.
Delivering a physical shock to an absolute being rattled even Ikael's mind.
"Ikael!"
She clenched her teeth against the sharp noise shaking the sanctuary and fled Arabot at top speed.
Far! Farther!
There was no place in the universe to hide from Anke Ra's gaze, but Ikael sought not physical distance but a place where her heart might find rest.
She spotted a mountain range rising six thousand meters, dropped down, and entered a secluded cave.
Her holy radiance drove back the darkness and she laid Geoffin on the floor; his eyes slowly focused.
"Geoffin!"
Her voice was desperate—she had risked everything to bring him back—but Geoffin did not regain full consciousness easily. Having been dominated by Anke Ra for so long, it was natural.
"Where… am I?"
At Geoffin's voice, Ikael hurried to support him. "Are you coming to? It's me— Ikael. Do you understand?"
Geoffin's unfocused eyes brushed over her face. "…Ikael?"
She barely held back the flood of tears. "Yes."
"Why are you… with me…?"
Geoffin's words stabbed her like a thorn.
She wanted to ask: why didn't he tell the truth? What was the deal with Lucifer? Was that kiss nothing?
"Geoffin—"
Ikael gently stroked his cheek. She let the name out slowly, and tears of light streamed down her face like a waterfall.
"I love you."
She threw her heart.
"It doesn't matter what you were thinking. I love you. I want to be connected to you. I can't be without you."
He might never return.
Ikael bowed her head as if she had already given everything up and closed her eyes.
Hmm.
When she lifted her head again, Geoffin smiled faintly.
"Out of a hundred points…"
Even not fully recovered, his voice was clear. "A hundred points."
Color returned to Ikael's face; she steadied herself with a bittersweet smile. "Is that your answer?"
Geoffin slowly shook his head. "No. That wouldn't be proper."
He forced himself up and leaned close to Ikael's ear, whispering, "I love you, too."
Electricity flashed in Ikael's eyes. "I can't say since when, but I wanted to be with you too. Truly, desperately."
Ikael, who had been holding grief in her face, could no longer contain her emotions and burst into tears.
Ah. Aaaah.
Hearts connecting to hearts—
How wondrous. Anke Ra, O God.
Forgive me.
Even if connecting hearts disorder the Law, even if all of this is an illusion—
I am happy with this illusion.
A pure, light-like smile bloomed on Ikael's face as she pulled Geoffin into a tight embrace.
It is so wonderful.