SF Chapter 158: Birthdays II
Dani and the Dunphy family were on their way to meet J.K. Rowling.
Phil was driving the new Cadillac Escalade ESV he had recently bought, while his wife sat in the front passenger seat.
"Rowling wrote Harry Potter in local cafés while raising her daughter as a single mother," Dani commented, reading from one of the interviews.
Alex turned to him. "You didn't know anything about her?"
"Alex, I love her as an author, but I don't have much interest in gossip or her personal life," he stated.
Dani went on, "I'm only interested in gossip about people around me - or beautiful young celebrity girls."
Alex looked at him like he was scum.
"Oh, this one I already knew, but damn," he continued reading. "It took a year for my agent Christopher to find a publisher. Lots of them turned it down." he read out loud.
"That's really unbelievable," Alex agreed. "The best-selling author of the last decades - on track to rank among the greatest in history - was turned down multiple times."
"Single mom, went through a lot of hardship. Incredible success story," Claire said with admiration.
"Oh, Jesus!" Dani exclaimed.
Haley, who was looking at herself in a handheld mirror, asked, "What?"
"I just realized my 'hard work' was basically annoying Dad into giving me my first book release as a birthday present," Dani revealed.
"The writing process wasn't even difficult. I basically expanded a school project..."
"And... I can't even say Wimpy Kid was inspired by my life, since I was one of the most popular kids. I even got the most beautiful girl as my girlfriend later that year..." he made a face.
"If we talk about how we started, wouldn't she get annoyed by how easy my life was?" he pondered.
"I don't know. But I know I am," Alex said dryly. She knew her uncle's story, but hearing out loud annoyed her a little.
"Hardship, hardship..." he muttered.
Dani thought for a moment before coming up with something.
"Oh, I can talk about how I was expelled once and had to change schools three times during my school years," he chuckled.
Alex widened his eyes. "You got expelled?!"
"Dani!" Claire hissed.
"Don't worry, sis. Luke's wearing headphones, playing his Game Boy," he dismissed, glancing back again just to make sure.
Claire didn't want Luke to hear that story about his uncle.
"Why were you expelled?" Alex asked.
"I wrote an apology on the school grounds," Dani replied.
His niece stared at him, not understanding how that would get him expelled.
Haley laughed. "I remember that. It was something like Parents' Day, and I visited with Mom and Dad. Dani painted the football field with a giant 'I'm sorry, Sis!'" she revealed to Alex.
"He did it on the school wall too," Phil added, chuckling.
"Why?" Alex inquired in disbelief.
Dani shrugged. "There was paint left, and I wasn't sure Sis would go out to the field."
"NO! Why did you apologize for?"
"Yeah," Haley exclaimed, "I never knew the reason."
"Because he got caught drinking," Phil blurted out. "I've never seen Claire so angry..."
"Phil!" Claire snapped.
"Wait, wasn't Dani like 11?!" Haley remembered. "And I'm 16-"
"No, no, no." Claire immediately turned back. "Your uncle is an incredibly bad example!"
[Dani and Claire commentary]
♫♪By eleven, kissing girls and drinking burning liquor ♫♪
Dani sang the song he had written at Christmas. "That actually is... a true story," he said, carefully glancing to the side at his sister.
He went on with the story, "I was eleven... a bit curious... and thought it would be cool to try a drink."
"It was just a few sips," he tried to minimize. "I've never seen Sis so angry with me."
"For obvious reasons!" Claire scoffed.
"So I had learned my lesson. I didn't drink again until I was 15," he added.
"That's not good either!"
"Hey, Dad told me when you started - don't be a hypocrite, sis."
"Those were... different times," Claire muttered.
"Oh, now is okay to call you old?"
She just shot him a glare.
"Anyway," Dani concluded, "I got expelled for drinking 'burning liquor,' for vandalizing the school... and for inciting other kids to help me."
"I mean, I couldn't possibly paint the entire field and part of the school by myself," he shrugged.
"Oh, there was also the trespassing," Dani was almost forgetting. "But the trespassing was necessary - you can't paint the football field during school hours and not get caught!"
Claire just took a deep breath.
[Commentary ends]
"It was a snobbish school. I didn't like it," Dani said to Alex.
"And they're even more shameless than me!" he added.
"Can you believe they sent me a message asking to use my name? Saying it was at that school that I started developing my creativity."
Claire turned her head again. "Didn't you accept that? Didn't you go there last year?"
"Oh, well," he explained, "...they stated that I got into a little mischief, but that I was a very gifted student whose creativity sometimes got the better of me... and that they're proud to count me among their former students."
"I liked this new official version better than the original one!"
"So, it works out for both of us. Water under the bridge." Dani smiled.
"Wait a minute, wasn't that one of the proms you went to last year?" Haley remembered.
"Yeah, and they're famous for throwing huge ones!" he smirked.
"They're snobbish, but there's no doubt there were a lot of pretty chicks there. Ha, what a great school!"
Alex was staring at him with a very judgmental face.
[Dani and Lexi commentary]
Lexi, who had also heard the expulsion story, crossed her arms.
"Okay, why did you do it?" she asked.
"Well... Sis was really pissed. I've never seen her so disappointed in me," Dani replied.
"And...?" she looked at him.
"... I found a field line marker and a massive paint roller stored at the school. I really wanted to try them out!"
"So my thought process was pretty obvious: I could use them for a grand apology, create an epic story, and even have a reason to change schools."
"Pretty obvious?" She remarked dryly.
[Commentary ends]
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