"What?!"
"Did I just hear right? Professor Tom Riddle is OFF the market?!"
Ron Weasley's ears couldn't believe the scandalous news. But sourced from someone close to Tom... could it actually be true?
"Gospel, my friend, pure gospel!"
Draco Malfoy held up a finger dramatically. "I swear on my most prized possession, this magnificent head of blond hair, that Mr. Tom Riddle is absolutely, positively, irrevocably...NOT single!"
"..."
Ron's eyes went wide, his mouth agape, as he processed the information.
Malfoy, reading Ron's disbelief, leaned in conspiratorially, glancing around to ensure they weren't overheard. The image of Cassandra Volle thanking them for their tutoring flashed through his mind as he whispered into Ron's ear, "And get this – from what I understand, Mr. Tom Riddle was…shall we say…reluctantly taken."
"..."
Reluctantly taken? Professor Tom Riddle, forced into a relationship? It was the stuff of fever dreams.
He couldn't even fathom the type of... extraordinary woman who could overpower the Dark Lord against his will and somehow manage to keep him from blasting her into oblivion immediately afterward.
Ron rubbed his jaw, which felt dislocated, trying to imagine this "legendary woman."
In his limited understanding, such a person couldn't possibly exist. Wouldn't the only wizard stronger than Professor Tom Riddle, even considering historical figures, be Merlin himself?
Could it be that Merlin was a woman, still kicking around, who decided to pursue the Dark Lord with extreme prejudice?
His brain, usually dormant, whirred wildly with the possibilities.
Malfoy, seeing Ron's stupor, snapped his fingers impatiently. Time was of the essence.
He glanced around furtively again, then solemnly warned Ron, "You absolutely cannot repeat a word of this to anyone! Understood?"
"Huh? Don't worry, mate!"
Malfoy's words jolted Ron back to reality. The notoriously loose-lipped redhead immediately swore, "Who doesn't know that I, Ron Weasley, am a vault when it comes to secrets? I swear on the honor of the Weasley family, these words will be buried with me!"
Though Malfoy held little respect for the Weasley family's "honor," he didn't press the issue. "Just be careful. I need to go warn Crabbe and Goyle not to blabber."
With that, Malfoy hurried off.
Ron gave Malfoy a complicated look, then returned to the Gryffindor Common Room, lost in thought.
Back in his dormitory, he found Seamus Finnigan waiting.
"Hey, Seamus, I've got something to tell you…"
"..."
"Remember! Not a peep to anyone!"
"Don't worry! I, Seamus Finnegan, might not have many virtues, but keeping secrets is my specialty!"
...
"What?! Professor Tom Riddle has a wife?!"
"Shh~ Keep it down! Not a word! Got it?"
"..."
"How is that even possible? Professor Tom Riddle, married? To one wife?"
"Not a word!"
"..."
"Professor Tom Riddle has a harem?!"
"Not a word!"
"..."
"Professor Tom Riddle is someone else's wife?!"
"..."
"Professor Tom Riddle's wife is Merlin? You're joking, right?"
"..."
"Merlin's been added to Professor Tom Riddle's harem? Are you spouting nonsense from a dream?"
"..."
...
Hogwarts Castle, eighth floor, Headmaster's office.
"That Tom Riddle kid married Merlin? And secretly had affairs, amassing over thirty more? Was he constantly out all night, neglecting Merlin, which led to…abuse?"
Gellert Grindelwald was thunderstruck; his expression was beyond bizarre.
Was he truly awake? Or had he finally succumbed in Nurmengard? How else could he be hearing such outlandish drivel?
"Albus! What do you make of this?"
"What can I say? I'm sitting here, listening to this story," Albus Dumbledore said.
Dumbledore, though equally curious and tempted to ask Tom Riddle if any of this were true, knew better than to invite a hexing.
Grindelwald was speechless. "Do you think this Merlin business is genuine?"
Dumbledore shrugged, palms up. "Who knows? Stranger things have happened. Lanlock has been around for some time. It's possible Merlin could have found a way to survive until now."
"..."
Grindelwald gaped. "And your precious protégé? Is he really that… prolific? Managing thirty-plus concubines?"
"..."
Dumbledore wisely remained silent, lest he be accused of corrupting the youth.
He had only taught Tom Riddle to love, not to… multiply. Couldn't take the blame for that.
Dumbledore, wondering if Tom Riddle had misinterpreted some past advice, cleared his throat twice. "Ahem, well, perhaps it's just a rumor. Tom Riddle will clarify soon enough."
Grindelwald's lips twitched. "But this 'rumor' has already infected all of Hogwarts, maybe even Hogsmeade Village. Does clarification even matter at this point?"
Dumbledore considered it, and Grindelwald had a point. Most people only believed what they wanted to be true. Perhaps any explanation from Tom Riddle would be dismissed as mere sophistry; at best, they'd just be too afraid to broach the subject again.
...
In the Potions classroom.
"Professor! Professor, is it true?"
"Are you really married? To Merlin, of all people?"
"Waaaah... Professor, you're married, but not to me, waaaah…"
"Professor, is it true that Merlin is abusing you?"
"Professor, is Merlin handsome? Isn't he a man?"
"I never imagined Professor was so virile! I knew real men went fencing! If Professor needs assistance, I could offer my services."
"Professor, have you really started a harem? Since you already have over thirty, one more won't even register."
"I've studied Muggle palace intrigue, Professor; would you like me to be your advisor?"
"..."
Tom Riddle kept his head bowed, his face a mask of thunder, as he listened to the utterly "bizarre" questions.
Honestly, if these imbeciles weren't his people, he would have sent them all to meet Merlin a long time ago.
And they even asked if Merlin was "moist"? Could they even speak?!
"Shut up!!!"
Tom Riddle, uncharacteristically, lost all composure. "I said, shut your mouths!"
"..."
The students below, some flushed, some teary-eyed, didn't dare utter a sound in the face of Tom Riddle's fury, no matter how desperately they craved the truth.
Even Severus Snape, lurking in the corner, had neglected to maintain order because he was too busy eavesdropping on Tom Riddle's gossip.
He just hoped the Dark Lord didn't take his frustration out on him.
"..."
Tom Riddle's icy gaze swept across the students below. That idiot apprentice had dared skip class?
A flash of something unreadable flickered in his emerald eyes as he fixed his gaze on Malfoy.
"..."
Come to my office later.
Tom Riddle's mental voice reverberated in Malfoy's head, and the blonde turned ashen.
Without another word or explanation, Tom Riddle turned and strode out of the Potions classroom, his black robes billowing behind him, a clear indication of his simmering wrath.
After Tom Riddle had gone,
Harry Potter felt his racing heart resume a somewhat normal rhythm. He knew Tom Riddle had been looking in their direction.
But he hadn't said anything, so he couldn't possibly know…
Harry Potter turned with a peculiar expression toward the bleached-blonde, slicked-back hair beside him, the robes practically dripping with cold sweat. "Malfoy?"
Malfoy, his expression blank and glazed, replied tonelessly, "I never said it was Karen Mockingjay."
"..."
---