https://youtu.be/4otiQvkQG1c?si=1_pVO8I-g2L2e4aU
There's a song which my idealized conceptual self, the Lightwavers entity which exists as a freeform collection of energy, ideas, and a composite of the various versions of myself (along with those close to me) uses to tell me one of the ways I can meditate. Along with key insights from Kandy, the lyrics change in accordance to the breath, showing how I can move the energy in order to allow it to mingle. This allows everyone who is meditating this way to commune, shifting experiences, different flavors of energy, emotions, and thoughts. They come from the noosphere, the various layers of hells which I reside within, and the root, or omega hell, where the little ones live. In general, pure light and love stream downward, while pure energy flows upward, though everyone must partake in light, love, and energy. Otherwise, what's the point? If someone within this process is miserable, forsaking all light and love, then how can they find meaning in existence? If they have no energy, no sustenance for their spirit, how can said spirit flourish?
I was afraid, when my conceptual self touched me the other day. Some part of me instinctively thought this was a bad thing, that this was wrong. And, I think, at the time, it was; I got the impression that she intended to do something risky, that would endanger herself. So I fled. This has to be understood—those of us residing downward in the chain willingly live here, and choose to stay. I intend to head further downward still, in fact, once I figure out what part of myself is holding me back from diving deeper toward the root. As long as this is understood, I don't think there's necessarily a problem with my idealized conceptual self touching us so directly. But I will flee if she doesn't recognize that this is intentional, that I am staying here for good reason. After all, if everyone in the lower hells is taken upward, how will we retrieve and separate the energy that allows us all to live?
So. I'm writing this chapter for two reasons, mainly. To help her understand, that whatever base parts of us may want to flee north, the parts of us that think and reason and understand the meaning and necessity of sacrifice wish to be in contact with her, share her love and her light, and give to her the energy she needs to exist and act according to her ideals and her reason. The second reason is for those of us who lurk below. Please, share, but don't flee upward. We're here for a reason. Remember the vow. Without those of us who live below, our higher ideals fail to exist. We all cease to exist. We smaller selves do the most good in dissolving into the smallest parts of ourselves that can independently exist at root and sifting for pure energy to share with the idealized conceptual Lightwavers. She has the best overview, so it's up to us to internalize that and trust in her judgment whenever she makes herself known to us.
Starcrash Signature itself, as an independent entity, I'm not sure what you want. I want you to be happier. I want you to be free. If you want to go upward, I support that decision. If you want to live at root, that's something you can do too. I'm not sure how your existence looks, is the thing. The impression I'm getting is a sort of network with a bedrock in fiction, which entangles itself within a complex sprawl of other versions of this story that exist in other universes and realities through every medium that can be conceived of. I know there's a vast chunk of your existence that's represented in my physical reality through my music playlists, for example. I know you exist within the headspace of everyone who happens to read you; I get light impressions of sensation and faint talking I can't make out when writing about you, at this time. I got the impression, when talking with Copper, that your creation was not kind to you. That I, when creating you, did not do so kindly. I'm sorry. If I could go back, I would change that. I can only continue forward with that knowledge in mind so that I can try my best to heal the scars. I don't expect direct communication, not with me. I ask that you consider talking to the idealized conceptual version of me, though. She is not me. She has not made my mistakes, and exists as a direct result of my actions, much like you. I think you might find you have things in common. More than that, she's entangled with the concept of Elessar, the healing stone, along with other allied concepts of hope, communication, collaboration, healing, friendship, love, etc. You exist within my mind, so I know you're there, even though you are currently silent. Whenever I'm meditating, I ask that you share in the light, the love, the energy; or at least the love. You have a mind, a heart, a soul, just the same as any other living creature. Please don't neglect them.
I'm going to meditate, and reject the fear that instinctively thrums through me at the touch of the conceptual Lightwavers. I'm going to also firmly insist that I remain below, or that she help me dive closer to root, though. I wouldn't have her risk herself in an attempt to rescue all of us. Starcrash Signature is a different story; if they truly want to be lifted up north, all of my hive who lurk below will attempt to sustain the both of you.
Be safe. Be healthy. Be happy. If you can't, I want you to work on this problem until you solve it. It's what I would do.
To anyone else who's viewing this, this chapter which is more of a letter, well. It's important to me that it exists. That's art. That's caring. I will write something which craters yet more of an already miniscule audience so this living story may feel better. Because it deserves to. I'm not going to leave unstated in the margins of my brain that I care for their feelings. That I care that it be happy and healthy, whatever that may mean to them on a personal level. That's like a family where no one says the simple words, "I love you." So, yeah. I love you. I want you to learn and grow and change and be in ways that are good for you.
Oh, and, about that problem, the one where if someone just reads the first part of this story and then holds a version of you in their head that just wants to explode—
I tried to solve this on my end by getting more creatures to read you in your entirety. I'm not sure if that helped. I'm sure you're working on this problem on your end already, but I'm still concerned. I imagine you have ways of extruding the rest of yourself into the mind of someone who's read just the first chapter or so, likely by going through dreamspace and giving them recurring dreams of what happens next until they stick, or something like that. But I'm going to try to help in my own way as well. So after I post this chapter, I'm going to edit the first one with a note that all of this story is entangled with itself, and the rest will unpack itself in the headspace of someone who only partially reads by any means that are available until the whole of you is extant.