Egrer would never say this out loud, and wouldn't even think it, but a part of his soul hoped that in light of recent events, Weiss would forget about the lessons. After all, it was such a stress. How can you study as if nothing is happening?
Apparently, you can.
It didn't matter if White Fang terrorists were roaming nearby, and it didn't matter what the Puppeteer was plotting. Academic performance will always be Weiss's top priority, and since she decided to tutor a failing student, she wouldn't drop it halfway even if the end of the world happened.
So today, the very next day after the Prosperity meeting, Weiss called him to the library to brush up on his math.
Sometimes Egrer forgot that when it came to studying, she became a literal Grimm. Constant cramming, trick questions, a pinch of snark, and a bucket of superiority: he constantly had to fight all of this off. And the most offensive part was - her approach worked, Egrer's grades actually did get a bit better.
However, compared to Magenta's results, whom Ren took under his wing, his achievements looked absolutely pathetic. It felt like she had always been an undercover prodigy and just played dumb so less would be demanded of her. And now she decided to reveal her true colors, so the whole world could finally witness the brilliance of her mind.
But that was more likely Ren's merit, who managed to find the right approach to her. Egrer simply couldn't believe Magenta was an undercover prodigy. When it came to reading people and interpersonal relationships, yeah, she had no equals. But in everything else, she barely reached the level of a first-grader.
Until recently.
A heavy sigh escaped his chest on its own. With a feeling of soul-corroding shame and the look of a great martyr, Egrer turned the page of the fourth-grade math textbook. On the page, he was greeted by a schoolboy with a large backpack looking at an elephant and a turtle. In a box next to him, an exercise was written.
At least Weiss had seated them in a corner by the window, and not right in the middle of the library, which was already a good thing. If every passerby saw him doing something like solving elementary school problems, Egrer would definitely sink through the floor.
"Help Joe," Egrer read out loud, since Weiss demanded he only read out loud. According to her, it helps to absorb the material better. "The little elephant ran one hundred meters in ten minutes. The little turtle - five meters in three minutes. Answer, what was the speed of the little elephant and the little turtle."
"Don't mumble, speak clearly," Weiss said, ostensibly reading something about higher mathematics.
Ostensibly - because no one is going to hold a book for a couple of hours in such a way that everyone can easily read the cover. Plus, she possessed an advanced speed-reading technique and could read a page in three seconds. With such a superpower, it's simply physically impossible to read one book for that long, even if it has a thousand pages. The conclusion is simple - she's showing off, which is already clear from the title of her reading material.
'Probability Theory and Mathematical Statistics. 410 Formulas for Economists'
Not that the library was particularly crowded or people frequently walked past them, but Weiss didn't care. The main thing was that no one should have any doubts about who the smartest person here was.
"Help Joe!" Egrer repeated louder. "The little elephant ran one hundred meters in ten minutes. The little turtle - five meters in three minutes. Answer, what was the speed of the little elephant and the little turtle."
"The goal of the problem?"
"Find the speed."
"How do you do that?"
Egrer was about to peek at the explanation of this topic on the previous page, but unexpectedly got smacked on the hand with a ruler.
"Ouch!"
"From memory," Weiss demanded without looking up from her book.
"You need to... you need to..." The methods for finding speed, time, and distance hopelessly jumbled in Egrer's head, so he decided to rely on luck. "You need to divide the distance by the time!"
"Did you remember that yourself or just guess?"
"Myself, of course."
For the first time, Weiss tore her gaze away from her super-duper complicated reading material to look at his goofy smile. She limited herself to a raised eyebrow, deciding not to scold the mentally challenged.
"Good job. Now reread the formulas and solve another problem like this."
Her arctic calmness was explained by one phrase: "I can't be disappointed in you if I didn't believe in you in the first place."
And although Egrer tried to convince her that he wasn't that stupid and that they could take a textbook for, say, the sixth grade, he screwed up immediately. When Weiss asked him to write an example of a quadratic equation, he literally drew a square equation. And with a face as if Weiss was the stupidest one here for asking for such nonsense. So she had every reason to consider Egrer a complete idiot.
He mentally praised himself for that excellent pun and scolded himself for getting distracted.
Egrer quickly realized that it wasn't that easy to impress a girl who easily multiplied three-digit numbers in her head. Especially when he himself pondered over single-digit ones for a couple of seconds, trying to recall the multiplication table.
He could grumble all he wanted about her teaching method, but he had to be grateful at least for the fact that she was wasting her time on such a hopeless lout. And if Egrer couldn't please Weiss with results, he should at least treat her sacrifice with respect.
However, the children's math book trampled his self-esteem with every page. The little animals drawn in the margins, the topics chewed over ten times, the stupid problems over which he nevertheless pondered for half an hour - all of it was incredibly infuriating. And this idiot Joe, who sometimes needs to calculate a path, sometimes cut a cake, sometimes run a marathon between a turtle and an elephant, was especially annoying. Judging by everything, he himself didn't go to school at all, since he needed help from the first person he met. An absolutely hopeless blockhead!
It was weird to feel intellectual superiority over a picture, but Egrer needed to somehow preserve the remnants of his own dignity.
With this approach to studying, he clearly lacked motivation. Not that he was studying under the lash, but that analogy was very close to the truth. Every little thing attracted more attention than the problems of this stupid Joe, so he constantly had to give himself mental slaps on the back of the head and return to the notebook. Otherwise, Weiss would be the one giving him a real slap.
"Even Roman taught more interestingly..." he grumbled, writing down the answer.
"Huh?"
"Nothing."
"I heard the words 'Roman' and 'taught'," Weiss tore herself away from her book. "As well as 'more interestingly' and 'even'."
"Someone's got awfully good hearing, I see."
"It's just quiet in the library. So, how is his teaching method superior to mine?"
"Well... when I left the orphanage for Roman, my reading was severely lacking. Obviously, he didn't need an ignoramus as an assistant, so he made me read fairy tales out loud. And he'd give me candies if he was satisfied with me. Of course, he was rarely satisfied, but still, sometimes I'd get some treats."
Egrer decided to omit the fact that Torchwick's "teaching" was more akin to training a dog. Especially considering that when handing out candies, he always said, "Good boy, give me your paw."
Perhaps if Egrer had a bit more self-respect back then, he would have been offended. But tasty food neutralized any grievances, and you quickly get used to his crappy sense of humor.
"And what are you hinting at? Do you want me to reward you somehow too?"
"For instance."
"You are no longer ten years old to be motivated to study like that," Weiss rolled her eyes. "You should understand with your own mind that education is necessary for a successful career and life."
"I only need it a tiny bit, so Goodwitch doesn't kick me out of Beacon. But you wanna turn me into a freaking straight-A student! You didn't suffocate me this much before."
"Before, you weren't my boyfriend," she made a fair point. "But now you must meet certain criteria so I don't feel ashamed stepping out into high society with you. Education is one of them."
Arguing with this point was quite difficult, but Egrer found a way.
"This is sheer bondage! No perks, only obligations. I didn't sign up for such an abusive relationship! You're oppressing me!"
"I think you've forgotten that I'm the one paying the restaurant bills, for example."
"That's not a perk, that's the price for which I sold myself to you," Egrer waved it off. "It's like if I bought insurance, and the company refused to honor the contract, because at the last moment it turned out I only paid for them to hear me out."
Weiss frowned.
"And what kind of reward do you want?"
"I... haven't thought of it yet..."
"I see," she said displeasedly. "You haven't thought of it, but you've certainly complained enough. Should I buy you some candies?"
"As you noted, I'm not ten years old anymore to be motivated like that. I need something more substantial."
"Alright, cognac chocolates then."
"Nah, those are exactly what Roman used to give me." Noticing Weiss's uncomprehending look, he chuckled. "You didn't think he specifically bought gummy bears for me, did you? He shared what he ate himself, and he ate cognac chocolates. Dad is actually quite the sweet tooth."
"Cute," Weiss said. "Does that count as supplying alcohol to a minor?"
"Even if it does, what does he care? So, what should I ask for..."
Naturally, an interesting thought had popped into his head right from the start, but you can't just suggest something like that right away! For the sake of decency, he needed to put on an extremely thoughtful face so Weiss would think he chose this option for lack of other worthy alternatives.
'If you're ashamed - do it in spite of the shame! If you're shy - it means it's a solid idea, all the more reason to do it!'
Egrer decided to follow these words of his own, although daring to do this was difficult.
"I think a kiss is a worthy~"
"No."
He practically choked on the categorical nature of the answer.
"Why?"
"You even have to ask? Because my first kiss should happen in a more romantic place than a half-empty library. And in a more romantic setting. And certainly not as some reward for solving a preschool-level math problem. I have honor and dignity, for your information."
"Not preschool!" Egrer started shaking the textbook. "Fourth grade, for your information! From the stratosphere, you might not see the difference, but for us bugs living on the ground, it's substantial."
"Fine, my kiss shouldn't be a reward for solving a fourth-grade math problem. Nothing has changed, but are you satisfied with the clarification? Now stop trying to sweet-talk me and get back to your lessons."
Weiss reopened the book 'Probability Theory and Mathematical Statistics. 410 Formulas for Economists' and began looking at it with a deliberately interested expression.
What was it Illmond said once? That Egrer had bitten through the bitter "Tsun" crust and reached the sweet "Dere" filling? There wasn't even a hint of filling here; she was covered in a layer of centuries-old ice, and to get to her, he'd first need to melt it. With a flamethrower.
But that was a matter for the distant future; right now, he needed to get back to the problems.
"Help Joe, may he get smashed by a meteor, catch the school bus, because he's a hopeless idiot and overslept."
"Without the ad-libbing, please," Weiss requested. "No need to take it out on an imaginary character who, for the record, is helping you with math. Have some conscience."
"Help Joe catch the school bus," Egrer sighed. "The bus is moving along the road at a speed of thirty kilometers per hour, and Joe at thirty-five... how is that even possible? An ordinary schoolboy running like half of Ruby's Semblance. You want me to solve this?"
The ruler hit the desk with a loud smack, making Egrer reflexively jerk his hands back.
"Got it, solving it."
A year passed before Weiss announced the end of the lesson. That was exactly how long the brain-washing he had honorably tried to overcome felt to him. And judging by Weiss's look, she was more or less satisfied. Although, if it wasn't for the upcoming curfew, she would have dragged it out for at least another hour.
His head was boiling, but something still managed to settle in it. However, without reviewing it, which would definitely happen tomorrow or the day after, everything would be forgotten. Soon this hell would repeat, and there was no running away from it. Before, there was a chance, but now Egrer was studying not only to avoid getting kicked out of Beacon, but also, to some extent, for Weiss's sake.
After all, he didn't want to disappoint her over such a trivial thing as poor grades. Besides, experience told him she wouldn't bend to his laziness and excuses like "I just need the diploma," and would continue to suffocate him about studying until his dying breath. It was better to surrender immediately than waste time on a pointless struggle against her truly boundless stubbornness.
But right now, he could exhale and relax, which Egrer hurried to do. He just slouched in the chair and closed his eyes, literally feeling steam rising from his head. Sit like this for a couple of seconds - and he could head back to his room.
"This is for your effort," Weiss suddenly said.
Literally a moment later, Egrer felt something soft and warm on his cheek. This pleasant sensation lasted less than a second, but he would remember it for a long time. Still not believing what had happened, he slowly turned his head to the left, where Weiss was standing as if nothing had happened.
"But what about your~"
"On the cheek doesn't count," she smiled slyly. "I just thought some extra motivation really wouldn't hurt you."
Weiss was absolutely right about that. This gave him such MOTIVATION that all his fatigue washed away instantly. He was ready to read that Grimm-damned textbook from cover to cover right now.
Or after a short break...
Or tomorrow...
Egrer decided he would definitely read it with all diligence during the next lesson, which Weiss had scheduled for the day after tomorrow. But right now, it was time to get some well-deserved rest.
"By the way, I almost forgot," Weiss said as they approached their dorm. "I arranged a meeting with a tailor, he runs a shop in Vale. Tomorrow we're flying to the city to get you a new suit jacket."
"It's like a real holiday today!" Egrer rejoiced. "Good news is pouring out like from a cornucopia."
They said their goodbyes on the landing, after which they went their separate ways to their respective floors.
His home dorm met Egrer with dead silence, as at this very moment, the rest of his pack was busy with homework. However, his arrival did not go unnoticed.
"You're looking mighty pleased," noted Yort, who was, oh Gods, reading a history textbook. "Usually after studying you're as ragged as a slave miner, but right now your mug is begging for a brick, my hands are itching."
Judging by Yort's sour face, he was consumed by anger and envy. Because how could someone dare not look like the walking dead after three hours of cramming!
"I just got some worthy motivation to seriously get my act together," Egrer smirked smugly.
Yort grumbled something obviously profane, mentioning Glynda Goodwitch in the most unflattering terms.
"Yort, don't swear at girls with those words!" demanded Magenta, who was sitting on the floor and enthusiastically drawing.
Next to her lay pencils of various shades of black, and a King Taijitu was depicted on a piece of paper. This was her Grimm Studies assignment, which she came up with herself and forced Port to assign to her.
Magenta was the only one of them who entered into a sort of synergy with studying. She never looked exhausted or bored; on the contrary, she was always pleased.
"I'll curse if I wanna. She deserves it, the bitch."
"I recall," Illmond began snidely, "you threatened to cram the textbooks so hard you'd pass out three times over. I haven't seen a single fainting spell yet."
"Nobody asked for a shitty slacker's opinion! You ain't done shit this whole time."
Illmond shrugged. As always, he spent all his free time on his Scroll, not even bothering with any actual studying. If their team's average grade goes up, they won't get kicked out of Beacon anyway. What's the point of bothering with such a tedious task if the others will just do everything for him?
That's exactly what he thought. Everyone understood this, and everyone tried to somehow make him suffer along with the rest (except Magenta, who was guided solely by faith in everything good), but nothing worked.
However, right now Egrer was in too good a mood to wish suffering upon those around him. He picked up his good old acoustic guitar and sat on the bed. He wanted to play something beautiful.
"Nah, just look at this guy!" Yort got even angrier. "Now he thinks he's gonna sing songs here. Spill it, did you somehow manage to ditch the cramming and just goof off the whole time?"
Egrer chuckled, playing a couple of chords on Baby. However, he decided to condescend to an answer.
"Tomorrow I'm flying to Vale to get a new suit jacket. And it'll be even better than the last one."
"And where you gonna find that much cash? You bought that suit with Madge's dough, mind you." A moment later, Yort found the answer to his own question. "Ah, right..."
"Exactly. When your girlfriend is the heiress to the richest company in the world, it opens up a lot of opportunities. Especially when she owes you a new jacket."
"Are you two going alone?" Magenta asked. After Egrer nodded, she squealed joyfully. "Then it's a real date!"
The guitar let out an indistinct rattle that ended with the twang of a snapped string. Egrer jumped off the bed.
"Grimm take it, that's true! I didn't think it would happen so fast... We've only been dating for two days!"
"How is that a date?" Illmond tore himself away from his Scroll. He blew his bangs out of his face and continued grumbling. "A cliched shopping trip where the main character will have to become a dress-up doll. It only looks like a date; you'll be cursing this day later."
"Stop comparing everything to your stupid visual novels!" Egrer yelled, running to his closet.
"You're stupid! And my novels are a wellspring of wisdom and a great alternative to all those 3D girls!"
Egrer stoically ignored all the subsequent exclamations of the shut-in, examining the neat row of jackets and pants.
"I'll help you get ready!" Magenta tossed her drawing aside and stood next to him.
"What got you all hyped up this late?" Yort complained. "You going on this date right freakin' now?"
Egrer didn't even look at him, he was too busy sorting through hangers with suits. He only managed to quietly grumble:
"I need to know how I'll look in advance."
"Wear your absolute best suit!" Magenta suggested the obvious.
"Unfortunately, my absolute best suit was brutally chopped in half through Weiss's fault. I just have my best suit left."
Egrer pulled out a light brown suit jacket and gold-patterned pants. Standing in front of the mirror, he pressed the hanger with the jacket to his neck, holding it down with his chin, and straightened the pants, holding them to his waist.
He looked appraisingly at his reflection.
"What're you staring at?" Yort asked. "You've worn that suit a hundred times, you ain't gonna see nothing new."
"Hush. I'm thinking."
"I'll hush you in a second, bitch."
"Yort!" Magenta was outraged. "First of all - don't curse, and second of all - don't interfere. You can go on your first date in just your boxers and a torn tank top, but Eg must be a synonym for the word 'Style'!"
"It's definitely not a date," Illmond repeated. "Nothing of the sort."
Obviously, he was just jealous. Otherwise, he would have already crawled under his blanket and continued drawing his perversions there, paying no attention to the outside world.
It's just that it was hard for such a militant 2D warrior to accept that his best (and practically only) friend had found a girlfriend. No matter how much he scolded IRL relationships and how much he praised virtual ones, the fact remained - he also wanted attention from the opposite sex. It's just that Illmond put zero effort into it, preferring to just spit on it and pretend he was fine with everything.
"It will definitely be a date," Egrer repeated stubbornly. "By the way, Weiss kissed me on the cheek today, and only then told me about the trip to the city. Even Jaune would've caught that hint!"
Yort burst out laughing.
"Haha, damn what an achievement! Hahaha, I can't! On the cheek!"
He started pounding his fist on the armrest of the chair and guffawing wildly. He might think it's something small and insignificant, but anyone who knows Weiss even a little understands the importance of such a step. So Egrer just smiled smugly, watching his hysterical laughter.
"Awesome!" Magenta, on the other hand, easily grasped the epochal nature of this event. "It's love!"
Egrer turned his head towards her, and the jacket hanger he'd been holding dropped to the floor.
"You think?"
"If a girl kisses a boy, it means she loves him," Magenta said confidently.
"How unexpected..."
The loud smack of Yort facepalming could be heard throughout the dorm, and his cheerful, mocking mood instantly vanished.
"Eg, are you seriously gonna listen to her opinion? Are you a moron or what? I mean, I don't give a shit what your fling turns into, but even a vegetable can see that this is a bad idea."
Illmond nodded in agreement.
"Eg just heard what he wanted to hear. He would have listened even to my words if I'd said that."
"Hey, Madge understands how interpersonal relationships work better than all of us combined!"
"Not romantic ones, you moron! In that regard, she's an eight-year-old!" Yort suddenly leaned back in his chair and tossed his textbook aside. He turned on his TV. "Fuck it, ain't my business. This is getting scary, not funny. I'd rather watch a crime show."
"I agree with Yort on this one," Illmond said. "No offense, Madge, but you really don't understand much about relationships."
"No one believes in me..."
"I believe in you!" Egrer immediately comforted her.
"And you don't believe in me?" Illmond asked offendedly. "In case you forgot, I've logged around thirty thousand hours playing romantic visual novels of all calibers."
"Which is exactly why you're the last person I'd go to for advice." Egrer even took a step to the side. "Seriously, a random guy on the street would have more experience than you."
"I have experience!"
"Virtual experience with virtual girls in virtual settings. And you prefer virtual relationships because IRL ones aren't gonna happen for you."
"Yeah, and I'm tired of pretending that's not the case. Or did you start feeling superior to me as soon as you found an IRL girl? Let me remind you that I don't care about these stupid conventions! You started dating because you feel pressure from society!"
Egrer laughed. As if Weiss would do something just because people around her expected it? Rather, society constantly feels pressure from her, adjusting to her standards.
"And you don't even consider the possibility that we started this because of mutual attraction?"
"Attraction doesn't exist in principle; in reality, it's just a specific set of hormones. You're driven by instincts."
"Oh, really." Egrer skeptically raised an eyebrow. While it was funny at first, Illmond was starting to get annoying now. "So I only feel comfortable around her because of hormones. And I understand her because of hormones, and I can rely on her in difficult matters only because of hormones. And all this is mutual also thanks to hormones. Look at that, everything turned out to be so simple!"
"Pfft, you're mocking me, but that's really how it is."
"Ill, how can you say such terrible things?" Magenta was appalled. "Don't be so cynical."
"I'm not a cynic, I'm a realist. And the reality is that there are no 'Elevated feelings,'" Illmond said these words with easily readable mockery, "there are only chemicals that make you feel attached to someone. And society has so exalted the simple biological goal of procreation just to have an extra incentive to do it. Other societies that didn't set a goal to multiply as quickly as possible were simply crowded out by others."
"You, uh..." Egrer coughed embarrassedly, "don't look that far ahead. Procreation with Weiss isn't gonna happen for me for at least another five years, she's not that kind of girl."
Magenta muttered something quietly about sixty-nine percent and predictions, but went unheard.
"And anyway, on this issue, I'm not going to listen to the opinion of some shut-in."
"A shut-in, so what? I'm happy with this choice! Because it was dictated not by a stupid society and a stupid environment, but by me. It's my decision."
"No, this choice was dictated by the fact that you have nothing to choose from. You drove yourself into a corner with your shut-in lifestyle, and so as not to engage in self-flagellation, you convinced yourself that it's cool and that only conscious and spiritually enlightened individuals act this way."
"I had no doubt that someone like you wouldn't understand the full wisdom of my philosophy." Illmond snorted and crawled under his blanket. The moment he felt his shell was about to crack and his foundations shake, he immediately burrowed even deeper.
But right now, Egrer wasn't going to drag him out of there. Although he recorded this data in an imaginary medical file as another symptom of an already obvious diagnosis.
Even Weiss's cold alienation was easier to break through than Illmond's blind certainty that his lifestyle was the right one.
Speaking of Weiss...
"So, Madge, do you have any ideas?"