Chapter 167: Resolve to Die, Reason to Live (4)
“Dear… are you alright?”
“Absolutely, I’m fine. Anyways, how’s our son doin’? We gave him an expensive medication dis time, dinna know if it got him any better…”
“He fell asleep just now. It does seem to do its worth. He is sleeping soundly.”
“Ohh, isn’t dat good to hear.”
“Dear, but I… can go out for work. I heard the other time, it isn’t even that weird of a job as you think it is. It’s just…”
“No, weird job or not, how can I be putting ye ter work? I will be working harder tomorrow so ye jus’ take care o’ our son. An’ let me know if ye feel like having anything, kapish?”
“…”
His father smiled, covering his mother’s hesitant mouth. That was the kind of man he was. Though he may tragically stick his head by other’s feet and get spat on, he tried not to drag his child and wife into such an abyss of life.
But despite his will, the precarious family life ended up being shattered in the end, just because of a useless burden they could have just let go of once.
In the end,
“Ah.”
The moment the scenery changed once again, Roxa started to shake morbidly.
His mother was in a devastating state before him. Her cheek was swollen red and blood was running down her busted lip. Tidying the front of her ripped blouse, his mother was shivering in a corner.
Roxa’s head followed her gaze.
“Get lost ye bloody lots! Why are ye behaving dis way when we’ve kept our end o’ da bargain?! Get lost! Git out!”
Though the loan sharks’ faces were all the same from before, father’s attitude was different.
Those ruffians’ target should have been his mother from the start. Just how long they must have aimed for a lady from a high background unsuitable of this rural area with dirty looks, it was such an obvious story.
“Is this dude crazy?!”
The drunk ruffians lost their mind after seeing father going on rampage swinging his chair. Seeing the man who would always lower his head and rub his hands like a coward suddenly acting defiant must have been an eyesore for them.
It shouldn’t have been an accident, never. They may have thought it would not be a big deal for a penniless bug to die and disappear.
“Papa!”
Roxa shot out and stood between them in reflex, but it was no use this time either. The man went straight through Roxa’s body with a gleaming dagger in his hand.
“Kagh!”
With that single yelp, Roxa’s head turned stiffly, his eyes wide open in shock.
Ah, again.
As if they were facing each other in real life, his father’ last gaze locked exactly with Roxa’s.
There was a chilling blade stuck on his throat.
“Pa…pa…”
His purple eyes lost their light in an instant. An unfamiliar face of his father, one he never got to see before when he was little. The face he finally met eye to eye, had to look like this of all things.
“Ah, ahh…”
The baffled men wavered for a moment and rushed out of the pub and Roxa collapsed on the ground.
His mother slowly crawled over to his father’s corpse, who died without even being able to close his eyes, looking ragged herself.
“D-d-dear…”
“Why…”
“Aghhhhh!”
“So why…”
“Dear…!”
“So why! In this goddamn world!”
Roxa’s scream rang across the small space already filled with mother’s crying.
He in his childhood was caught in his eyes as he howled.
The little child came down to the first floor because of the commotion, but he was trembling in the corner without making a noise, not knowing what had happened.
“Ye miserable punk! Ye bug!” Roxa shouted at him like a madman.
He had a maddening urge to kill. It was ironic that that his bloodlust was not aimed at those who killed his father and attempted to shame his mother, but at himself.
Roxa was swinging his hands in order to grab a hold of the small child’s neck he couldn’t even grasp as he shouted.
“Ya shouldna have been born! If ye were born, ye shouldna have tried ter keep ye miserable self alive an’ killed yeself!”
“Child…”
“M-mama…”
Roxa slumped onto the floor helplessly after all the mad howling.
His mother reached the young Roxa in an almost crawling manner and muttered with him in her arms.
“Nothing-it’s nothing. Nothing had happened. G-go on up and get some sleep. Let’s go to bed, my baby, I am sorry huuh…”
“Mama, w-what about papa? Where is papa?”
You killed him. You think it was those bastards who killed father?
No. It was you. You killed him.
“Ye…”
At that moment when Roxa was muttering in rage, he sensed something landing on his cheek.
Something had the familiar smell of mother and for some reason he could not see before him. It was because of the fabric hiding his sight.
“Ah…”
What he took away with raised hand was mother’s skirt.
“Bloody fuck…”
His vision had changed again.
In the end, Roxa had seen the end to this tragedy.
His head slowly looked upwards, and there, he saw his mother.
Her lifeless body was hanging from a thick rope that swayed limply.
This was the first scene Roxa Tribolt had seen since birth.
“Mama, where are ye?”
Not even aware of his mother’s hanged corpse right before his eyes, the child woke up taking his first step, then his second.
When his mother’s skirt stroked the child’s cheek as he was intending to find the door,
Only then did the child realize.
“Ah…”
That, in the end, he had eroded the very lives of the ones who were unable to give up on him, their offspring, no matter how useless maybe.
“M-ma…MAMA!!!”
That was when he probably thought for the first time.
Ah, I should have just killed myself. I shouldn’t have let my foolish mouth loose and said save me, I want to live, every night struggling in pain with my mother’s hand in mine.
I should have acted like I didn’t have any lust for life, just so that they wouldn’t feel something as insignificant as pity for the child who wants to live.
“Tis too late fer anything, Ye filthy bug.”
Roxa let out a helpless laugh looking at the child crying in devastation.
Having lost his parents, the following story for this small child, for whom death seemed to be only thing left, was surprisingly underwhelming. The vitality of the feeble child was grotesquely strong. It was only natural since he was a boy who managed to stay alive long enough to devour his parents.
The experience of all his mana being released explosively at once, unlike how others’ mana got released slowly, was as painful as the illness that ailed his body.
But it truly lasted only for a moment.
Creation.
That amazing ability had saved the child just a moment too late.
Before his father bowed down by other’s feet in devastation and before his mother ended herself in suffering… it would’ve been great if he had these powers before that.
Alas, fate was ruthless.
The first thing Roxa Tribolt had created was eyes.
Since he had never seen before, the world was kept in his imagination. The world he saw was a tragedy from the start.
His mother’s corpse, swinging from where she had hanged herself.
His young self trying to take down already dead mother with his tiny body.
“Hahaha…”
“Hey.”
At that instant, the child who was sobbing as he held onto his mother’s feet suddenly looked at Roxa straight in the eyes and called him.
The child gave a grin.
“You didn’t forget because it’s been so long, did you? Look here, the sight of your mother you just killed.”
“…”
“Why, do you still keep living?”
The young Roxa approached him with his purple eyes gleaming.
He asked with his head tilted, his expression looking as if he could understand.
“You forced yourself to live on like a bug, and killed both mother and father. So, why are you still alive after that? Why?”
“True.”
“What would come out of continuing to live?”
“…True.”
“Need some help? You should pay for the sin you’ve committed, no?”
The moment that child gave a slight nod, his field of vision changed once again.
He was in a vast field under the glorious sunlight. In that peaceful place full of spring blossoms, he saw his family in harmony.
His father with little Roxa mounted on his shoulders and his beautiful mother.
Looking at how happy they looked, Roxa’s eyes widened in surprise.
His mother, who was smiling back at his father, suddenly turned her head towards Roxa.
“My child, come here.”
“…Mama.”
Roxa raised himself up from where he stood and ran out like a mad man.
The steps he took with stumbles and wobbles finally brought them close.
“My baby. It’s been so long.”
“Mama…”
“Let us live here happily ever after now, okay?”
“Aye, okay….”
“Look, here, you can do anything through your powers,” the Young Roxa on father’s shoulders spoke with a smile. “You had a lot you wanted to do for them. Do them now.”
“Ah…”
Roxa hesitated, then abruptly created bundles of money in his hands. One and two notes of cash were created first and in the end heavy golden coins scattered onto the ground.
“Er, I… mama, would ye look at dat. W-what was dat thing ye always said ye wanted ter have? I can get those as, as…”
“My days, when did my son become so rich? Haha…”
His mother hugged Roxa with a warm smile.
Tears welled up. He never even dreamed that he would be able to see his mother again but it was surprisingly warm.
“Mama doesn’t need any of these. I am just happy to be seeing my son once again.”
“Mama…”
“Son, want to bet who can get up there faster?”
Father tapped Roxa’s shoulder endearingly and pointed at the hill beyond.
“Aye, sure…”
Roxa nodded tearfully with a lost look on his face.
“Happy, right?” the young Roxa asked.
“…True,” Roxa replied from his mother’s arms.
“Dummy. Why were you trying so hard to force yourself to live when things are so good here? You should have hurried here.”
“True…”
It was odd now that he thought about it.
Why did he try so hard to live on?
At first it was because he was mad at how miserable his parent’s whole life was.
Because he never wanted to burden anyone again; because he wanted to live a life where he would be able to purchase medication with no worries if he turns sick again, he just kept earning money without a purpose.
And then…
“Come ter think o’ it, there wasna any particular reason why I should be forcing myself ter live on.”
There was no need to break his head about it.
Roxa thought simply.