I came back to myself slowly, noticing the ceiling first, then the narrow walls of the tiny room, then the thin mattress beneath me.
I was in my bedroom.
Someone had brought me home. Regina, probably. Or Jenny. I had a vague memory of hands and panicked voices whispering my name over and over, telling me that I would be alright.
But I wouldn't be.
My chest felt empty and I dissolved into panicked sobs, clawing at my shirt, my chest.
The door to my bedroom suddenly swung open and Luna Kaida walked in, her silky green gown trailing behind her.
In spite of the pain radiating from my chest, I fell out of bed and lowered into a trembling bow. Once, Luna Kaida had struck a maid unconscious for looking her in the eye while she spoke.
"Lift your head, girl," she said coldly.
Hesitantly, I obeyed.
Her sharp hazel eyes ran across the length of the small space, her small button nose scrunching up with disgust. "Dreadful." Her eyes finally focused on me. "Cole tells me he's rejected the wretched bond between you two. How unfortunate that it was you. We had hoped it would be Lana."
She pauses, her lips tugging into that sheer that is so like Cole. "Your friend, Regina, made quite the scene trying to plead your case by threatening to burn my son to ashes if anything happened to you. And as you know, Beta Braxton does not suffer his daughter any kind of distress. Know that it is only because of his intervention that you are not being banished from the Night Shade today for your lies and pretense, wretched runt."
Her last words struck like thunder and I flinched.
"To think you leeched off of us, knowing the stain you've brought upon us with your inability to even summon your wolf. A pack is only as strong as its weakest link, and now, the entire Ashbourne knows our weakest link is a miserable miscreant like you."
I pressed my back teeth together. Don't speak, I reminded myself.
She lifted her chin, nostrils flaring. "However, it is undeniable that an Alpha needs his true mate to come to his full strength. Proximity alone amplifies both wolves. Separation will weaken the bond and its benefits." A pause. "For Cole's sake, you will remain here. With him."
My head snapped up. "W-what?"
She struck me so hard, I lost my balance. Blood flooded my mouth before the pain had even fully registered. I stood there for a second with my cheek against the plaster, ears ringing, tasting copper.
"I did not ask you to speak," Luna Kaid said.
I met her eyes, fists clenching hard as I tried to reeled it back in–the rage, the urge to scream and pull out all her hair. This wasn't a fight I could ever win, so I lowered my gaze once more.
"I hear that the pain of a broken bond may be dulled by distance. By moving continents apart if necessary." She stepped closer and I caught a whiff of her floral scent. "Do not get that idea into your head, Maisie Adams. You are forbidden from leaving the Night Shade Pack. You will not leave this town. You will remain here, even if the pain kills you. And maybe then, the Goddess will give him a better choice of a mate."
***
That night, I awoke with a sharp cry.
My stomach and ribs were on fire. I fell out of bed, crawling for the door.
The pain was extraordinary. Not like the rejection. This was specific and savage, a carved-out, burning thing that radiated from the centre of my chest outward, moving through my ribs and down into my stomach and I pressed myself against the floor and tried to breathe through it.
It didn't help.
A scream tore out of me and I knew what was happening.
Cole was having sex with Lana and the bond was punishing me for it.
My skin began to burn. I raised my shirt and glanced down to find my entire torso covered in bruises. Purple, black and blue, down to my abdomen, and as the pain worsened, more and more appeared.
The pain was no longer just internal. It was external, too.
I felt like I was dying.
***
I skipped school that day. And the day after that. And then, I tried to learn to deal with the pain.
But it happened erratically. Cole was having sex more times a day than a bunny.
Sometimes it hurt so bad, I screamed into my pillows and passed out. Other times, I was working when it happened and retched all over the floors. By the sixth day, I was so miserable, I wondered if death would be an easy way out.
My phone was blowing up with calls from Jenny, and Regina, but I didn't take them. I didn't want them to worry, but I didn't know how to lie to them, either.
I started to waste away. Slowly.
The next week, my door was slammed down while I was getting out of the shower. Jenny appeared in the doorway with a bag of popcorn. She threw her arms around me instantly. "Oh my god, the school is going crazy. They keep saying you're not showing up because you died."
Regina entered with the ice-cream and froze. "What is that?"
Jenny frowned, following her gaze to where I held the pink towel to my chest, and the small dip in my waist that was covered in more bruises from last night.
Every night last week, they'd had sex. Sometimes, three times a day. Sometimes, five. I wondered if they knew what it was doing to me. If Lana knew. Then I chided myself for even thinking about it. They were engaged. Of course they were having sex and it had nothing to do with me.
I yanked up my towel. "It's nothing–"
But Regina had never been known to back away from what she perceived wrong. She slammed the door shut and crossed my small bedroom in two swift strides. Then, she fisted my towel and yanked it off.
Jenny dropped the popcorn and started crying.
I really thought she was being dramatic.
Regina's nostrils flared, eyes gleaming with rage. "This is why you've been missing school. How could you not tell us about this?! You said you were fine!"
I pulled on my oversized shirt hurriedly. "It's not a big deal–"
"Not a big deal?" Regina grabbed my arm and shoved me in front of the old mirror. She swiped off the shirt. "You've lost at least fifty pounds in eight days! You look like you got into a fight with a bear and then got run over by a truck right after! You're covered in bruises!" her voice cracked. "I'm going to kill that fucking bitch."
"Stop it," I hissed. "This isn't Lana's fault. What was she supposed to do? Break up with Cole because he's my mate? They've been dating since forever and she loves him–"
Regina took my shoulders. "You really think she doesn't know? Everyone knows what happens when you sleep with another person's mate!" She shook with anger. "The least she could've done was wait until the pain subsided and we can find a way out of this–"
"There is no way out of this, Ginny–"
She continued. "--but she's all over school, flashing her pretty engagement ring and telling everyone who cares to listen about how your first shift was an epic fail. She said you had anorexia and you're a freak."
Then she blinked. "Why didn't you tell us you couldn't shift? And anorexia? You told us you were training to lose weight!"
I stared down at my feet, tears stinging my eyes now. "I tried. But I couldn't lose it fast enough and…"
My voice cracked and the words gushed out without any order. "If it got out that I couldn't shift... pack law classifies that as wolfless. I'd be banished. I found out before we became friends and… I–I needed the pack membership to keep the scholarship application valid and–I was scared you wouldn't be able to stand me if you found out."
Regina's jaw fell slack, and tears were brimming in her eyes. She crushed me into her chest. "You idiot. How could I? You're my best friend. I would kill for you."
Jenny wrapped her arms around me from behind, and it became a group hug of some sorts. It lasted for several minutes and I let myself cry.
I was so tired. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I couldn't function. I was miserable. All around.
Jenny broke the hug first and went straight for my wardrobe. She began throwing out my old clothes.
Regina and I exchanged strange looks. "What are you doing, Jenny?"
"He feels everything she feels," Jenny answered. "Through the bond. Right? That's how it works? It goes both ways?" She turned and looked at Regina. "Tell me I'm right."
Regina's eyes narrowed slowly. "The bond is bidirectional, yes. What he does to her, she feels. But also–"
"What she does," Jenny said, "he feels."
She hurled a dress at me and I clumsily caught it as she grinned and added, "We're going to give the Dick Hayes a taste of his own medicine." She pushed back and reached for her pocket, pulling out a card I was sure belonged to her older brother. A nasty grin spread across her lips. "I have a plan."
"No," I whined, wanting nothing more than to bury myself under the covers, but Jenny's next words stopped me.
"Did you ever think, May, that if he felt what you were feeling, he'd stop fucking everything with a skirt?" She walked forward and took my hands. "If Luna Kaida thinks you would remain here and take it all laying down, then she's in for a wake up call. Maybe if they saw their son covered in bruises, they'd be more inclined towards invoking the Council to make a petition to the Queen to sever the bond. "Luna Kaida can order you to stay. She cannot, without looking completely unhinged, demand that you remain celibate for her engaged son.."
My heart started racing. "What exactly are you suggesting?"
Regina walked around me and cupped my cheeks until my lips puckered. "Well, May, we're going to get you a makeover. And you, my sweet doll, are going to lose your virginity tonight."
"Absolutely not."