...Where Kakashi reflects on how he began to fall in love with his student - Part 1 (Chapter 3 - 20)
If Minato were alive, he would have killed him. Kakashi Hatake was falling in love with Seina Namikaze. His teacher's daughter, his student, and an 11-year-old girl. Could it get more cliché and terrifying?
The first time he started getting to know her was when he visited her apartment, and then when he faced her on that rooftop months ago. Immediately, she seemed different, and he realized she was different because she truly was. It was obvious that she wasn't immature like her brother, wasn't a walking trauma like Sasuke, nor an emotional mess like himself. He didn't know how on earth she did it, but Seina was a perfectly balanced person despite everything. He was surprised and admired her deeply for the genuine control and serenity she always presented. Because, to top it off, he knew it was real. There wasn't a trace of falsehood in her.
Soon, he realized that Seina was intelligent, powerful, charismatic, mature, protective, generous, loyal to her loved ones, playful when necessary to lighten the mood, capable of reading a situation with just one glance of those large violet eyes, and could behave violently without blinking when the situation demanded it. Not to mention her incredible beauty: her straight, silky golden hair, her pale skin, her full, crimson-coloured lips, as if they had been kissed for hours, and her slender body, thanks to training.
Had she been 16 or 17, Seina would have been flooded with admirers because she was a good person with many wonderful qualities and extremely beautiful. The most curious thing was to find the whole package in an 11-year-old girl. Usually, kids have a lot to learn, to mature, to discover about themselves, but Seina was like an adult trapped in a child's body. The inconsistency sometimes gave him a headache when he reflected on her at home.
He remembered how she tricked him during the first team fight, using his own weakness against him, and how she gently, with logic, pulled Sasuke out of his shell so he wouldn't fight alone. That wasn't something an 11-year-old could do or even consider. He recalled how that day he felt… accepted by his team, by Seina, when she talked about how the team was like a family and how she wanted to know his birthday because she was thinking of giving him something.
He thought about how she interacted with Sasuke during those D-rank missions, slowly introducing him to the brotherly dynamic she had with Naruto so that he wouldn't feel alone. He remembered how clever she was using clones to lighten both her training and the missions, how she began to confess her abilities that she had kept secret, out of fear, for years. How she told him about her parents' attack, even though she knew they would interrogate her about it, or how she comforted him, despite talking about the death of her own parents.
He closed his eyes, thinking about that first hug. She was only 11 years old, yet with a mere physical touch, she managed to convey her feelings without speaking. She made him feel loved, accepted, protected, and comforted with just a hug. It was as if something inside him ignited, like a switch that had always been off was suddenly flipped on. Seina made him yearn for her embrace, her warmth, like few things had before. And suddenly, he started feeling extremely protective. He didn't want her to be interrogated, even though he knew it was necessary, or for her to be hurt.
Seina, however, didn't seem like any of that would hold her back. She continued behaving the same as always, managing to get Sasuke to move in with them as if she hadn't metaphorically told the elders' council to go to hell. A tiny part of him was exasperated, but 99% of him couldn't have been prouder. But those actions only proved that he was right. No 11-year-old could have done what she did, and yet, Seina did it. He was relieved to realize he wasn't going crazy but was right in thinking his student was hiding something. What? He didn't know.
The mission in the Land of Waves was the necessary turning point to understand her. Every time he remembered that despicable man who insinuated how he planned to rape Seina, his blood boiled. He wasn't even aware of his own actions. He was just filled with rage and punched him. He felt violently satisfied when he saw he had shattered the man's eye. But, of course, the worst was yet to come.
"Don't worry. I'll protect you, even if I die," he said when he noticed how tense they were behind him.
But Seina wasn't worried about herself; she was worried about him. It was his own student who swapped herself with a clone disguised with a henge, realizing before her own jonin sensei that Zabuza was plotting something else. She appeared in the forest, out of the enemy's sight, having left him some clones to use without disobeying his order not to get involved in the fight. He was irritated for a second, knowing she had twisted his orders just to find a loophole she could use without being punished for disobedience. Still, they were clones, so he knew nothing would happen to her. He brushed off the irritation, choosing instead to feel proud that his kunoichi was smart enough to help him without putting herself in danger, though he mentally noted that Seina's ability to find loopholes in his orders to avoid similar situations in the future.
Right after, although he hadn't been conscious, he knew someone must have carried him back to the client's house, where he discovered he was more helpless than a newborn kitten. A part of him was terrified that he couldn't even get up from the futon they'd given him in the guest room, but curiously, another part sensed that nothing would happen to him with his genin team there. It was ridiculous because they were just three newly graduated 11-year-old genins, and yet…
He analysed himself as best he could, looking at his body still dressed in his uniform. They had even left his mask on without touching it. He knew then that this could only be the work of one person. The only mature person on his team, to be exact. Sasuke, or at least Naruto, would have tried to take advantage of the moment to see his face. The second thing he noticed was the change in his borrowed eye. He was stunned because somehow, it had been healed. He spent five minutes in silence, his mind racing, wondering how it was possible. Neither Naruto nor Sasuke had any medical knowledge, and civilians wouldn't have been able to treat his eye without surgery, so logically, there was only one person left… Seina. He mentally added the occurrence to his list, along with her disappearing apartment, Sasuke's missing house, etc., etc.
When mealtime came, he knew someone would have to feed him or let him recover enough to shakily raise his arms and feed himself. Fortunately, or unfortunately, Sasuke and Naruto left him alone with Seina, and he did something he hadn't done in years. He accepted her lowering his mask. He hesitated as he nodded because the mask was more than just a filter to keep odour molecules away from his sensitive nose. It was protection from the world, and yet, he felt like he could trust Seina. He wanted to trust her.
Seina reacted as he thought, and at the same time, the complete opposite. She simply looked at his face with a neutral expression, a gentle smile on her lips, and joked with him. Just one simple phrase, and that was it.
"Now I understand why you wear a mask. It's so you don't have a fan club like Sasuke, right?"
A tired laugh escaped him, realizing she was giving him a compliment wrapped in a joke to break the ice. Still, no one had called him "handsome" or "good-looking" in… he didn't know. To most people, he was just the weirdo who read porn in public. A good ninja, but with questionable habits. Seina fed him as if she had done it countless times before, without staring at him. Simply… like a comrade who needed help. She wiped his mouth and put the mask back in place, as if it were nothing.
Then came the next revelation. The invigorating potion. Just one of those, from Seina's hand, and he felt a tremendous difference. It was like swallowing 50 soldier pills at once, but without the side effects. He didn't find it hard to believe Seina had made it, but after that, it became difficult to think of his genin as a normal child. The next day, after being brutally betrayed by the Uzumaki brothers, who obviously knew how terrible Sasuke was as a cook, he learned the truth.
A new kekkei genkai. He examined the cat, alive, that had appeared out of nowhere. His analytical brain couldn't fully comprehend it. The more he heard from Seina, the more worried he became because that power would be very tempting for many people, and he didn't want her to be hurt.
"That's just a tiny part of what I can do. I can summon things out of thin air, transform one thing into another, make myself invisible, teleport, enhance my senses, read minds, explode matter, reconstruct it… I can do many things," she told him, as if she hadn't violently shaken his beliefs.
He questioned her a bit more before deciding to express what he had deduced. He spoke to her about her seemingly bottomless backpack, her mental connection with Sasuke, her extraordinary hearing, her unusual chakra perception, the way she detected ninjas of much higher rank as if they were novices… He explained everything he had deduced about her. Her response?
"Wow. You're not dumb, that's for sure."
Kakashi resisted the urge to laugh in exasperation. He listened as she acknowledged everything he had figured out. Part of him was proud for realizing he wasn't completely crazy. Another part of him was stunned because, as crazy as it seemed, he had been right. Seina had been acting like a ninja even before entering the academy: manipulating merchants and teachers, avoiding getting caught, protecting her brother, anticipating what was going to happen… She was so competent that she reminded him of Itachi Uchiha, another unparalleled prodigy. She also reminded him of himself.
He couldn't help but smile as he listened to how she had pulled strings to protect Sasuke, or how she had gotten revenge on her old landlord and the spoiled kids from the academy. In the end, all he could do was thank her.
"Thank you for trusting me, Seina."
Because that was exactly what she had done. She had placed her faith in him, and he wasn't going to betray it. He wasn't going to let her carry the burden of protecting others all by herself anymore because Seina also deserved to be protected and accepted. They talked a bit more about her powers, and then Seina surprised him by giving him a backpack similar to hers, though more in line with his uniform. Kakashi took it with a pounding heart because with this simple gift, Seina was showing that she intended to tell him everything, that she had been trusting him even before being backed into a corner about where she had gotten that invigorating potion.
"Oh, and one more thing. I'd like to modify your vest and kunai. You're the only one of us without extra protection."
"Modify them how?"
"Weapons that don't break or need sharpening and impenetrable clothing."
He watched as she demonstrated the impenetrability of her own jacket, to his surprise. Moments later, he realized Sasuke and Naruto weren't there. What was curious, and interesting, was realizing that he hadn't missed them at all because she had absorbed all his attention without even trying. He handed her his vest, letting her do whatever she was going to do with it. He watched her sew some unknown characters into the fabric.
He felt strangely exposed when, for a couple of seconds, he noticed Seina's focused, interested gaze on his torso. Part of him shuddered under her gaze, equally interested, and he had to scold himself, being the only one awake, for what the hell he was thinking. Seina was his student and only 11 years old! He felt disgusted with himself, but soon forgot. He had to focus on the mission, especially now that he had to revise the plans to account for Seina's multi-purpose kekkei genkai.
Working with Team 7 felt like working with lifelong comrades. They were genins, very young and inexperienced, but they had teamwork and coordination he had only ever seen with the Ino-Shika-Cho team. He could communicate with them quickly, use their skills to cover all their weaknesses, and trust them. He got quite excited when he saw the tremendous potential the three of them had under his command. He was used to solo missions or teams where he was just another weapon, but here he found himself leading a very young team that had more potential to fit him like a glove than any other veteran ninja team.
After the mission in the Land of Waves, they returned to Konoha, and he started questioning a willing Seina. It was clear she didn't mind answering his questions, so he wasn't hesitant to ask her everything he wanted. He became more and more impressed with each thing that came out of his genin's mouth, until she mentioned a jutsu for which many people would kill. A jutsu to hide her location. He imagined the countless things he could do with such a jutsu, and only his 11-year-old kunoichi could use it. He stifled a laugh at the absurdity. When she offered to put it on his house, Kakashi felt quite moved because Seina was offering him safety and trust. She explained the pros and cons to him.
"I could place it on this house if you want," she offered so he could see how it worked. "Basically, your house would enter a sort of pocket dimension where only I have the 'key,' being the secret keeper, to open the door for others. Meaning that as long as I don't tell anyone where your house is, except for you, no one will know where you live or be able to find it. Not even you, the owner, would be able to reveal the secret to someone else. Only I could. That's the downside; every time you wanted to invite someone to your house, you'd have to ask me or show them a note with the address. Though that would be more dangerous..."
"I see... I guess I can't be the secret keeper, as you say, because I don't have your power," he saw her nod. "Still, it sounds like an amazing jutsu. Besides, I don't bring people to my house."
Seina raised an eyebrow, and Kakashi read in her violet eyes all the things she wasn't saying out loud. Hadn't he brought her to his house? Didn't he bring friends? Didn't he bring anyone to his house to have sex? He couldn't help but smile. He decided then, as he had months ago, to be honest with her. It was the best strategy when dealing with Seina.
"I know what you're thinking, but it's true. I've never had a serious relationship in my life, and the physical relationships I've had are more casual. Very casual. They're not worth enough to risk my home. Not to mention that I don't have blood relatives. You should know that yourself. You placed your house under a similar jutsu."
He listened as Seina admitted doing it for more serious reasons and scolded him for saying he had no family. He felt as light as a feather when he heard Seina say that he was part of her family. Finally, he agreed to visit Seina's house to check on things, out of curiosity, and to study the fidelus jutsu. To say he was impressed with what they had done in such a short time would be an understatement. After all, he knew they shouldn't have had much money and would have had to repair or renovate some things, and they had done an excellent job.
Then came the revelation about the last room in the house. One they had designed for him. He couldn't help but stammer as he made sure he had heard her correctly. He sat at the reading nook, designed precisely for sitting and reading or resting. Seina sat on the other side, as she too watched her brother and Sasuke goofing around in the garden. They talked about Sasuke for a few minutes, but then he confessed what he had been thinking for days.
"You know, sometimes I think I've failed you all. You're my team, and none of the three of you had the most stable or healthy situation. I should have insisted to the Hokage to get Sasuke out of there or to let me contact you all."
He explained how he wasn't allowed to approach them due to conflicts of interest that boiled his blood. And then Seina hugged him again. It was as if Kakashi had been longing for it since the last time. He didn't flinch or pull away but accepted her embrace like a man dying of thirst in the desert. He unconsciously rested her against his chest, needing her there with him like he had never needed anyone before. His hand, betraying him, rose on its own and stroked her hair before he could comprehend what he was doing. He felt Seina's nose against his neck and then felt her relax on his chest with complete trust. He was stunned when she fell asleep on him, in his arms, under his hand, as if he hadn't killed countless men and women and could end her life in a millisecond.
The trust she placed in him was absolute, and Kakashi had to calm himself because no one had ever trusted him like this. Never. Even Obito and Rin only drifted into light sleep the times they had to sleep near him. He was moved, pleased, and… happy. He swore to himself he would never hurt her and would protect her with his life if necessary.
At that exact moment… He realized he had a connection with Seina that he didn't have and had never had with anyone else. He could no longer deceive himself. He was many things, but he wasn't an idiot, and he didn't lie to himself. To others, maybe, but never to himself. He liked Seina. He liked who she was, and who he was when he was with her. Alongside her, he was a better person, and she made him want to be a better person. If she had been an adult kunoichi, he wouldn't have hesitated for a second to try and win her over by any means, but she was his 11-year-old student.
When she woke up on his chest and remained still as if not wanting to pull away, he knew he wasn't the only one developing feelings for the other. Still, though a sick part of him was happy to realize this, another part was terrified because he was realizing he was crazier than he thought. Never had he imagined or even considered being in a relationship with a newly graduated academy student. As much as she appeared to be an adult in the eyes of others, he had always believed he wouldn't stoop so low, but here he was.
To avoid further revelations, at least for a while, he asked her if she really wanted to give the last room to him, and she, staring directly into his eyes so that he wouldn't have the slightest doubt, said yes. At first, he didn't want to move in with them right away because he wanted to maintain a semblance of distance, but he was incapable of it. Whenever he thought about staying away from Seina, a hole opened in his heart, threatening to consume him like a black hole.
So, he resorted to Plan B. If he couldn't stay away from Seina, he would pretend nothing was happening because, in fact, nothing was happening. Plan B turned out to be a half-failure because, even though he tried, he ended up visiting the Uzumaki-Uchiha household more frequently. Not only did he stay for Seina, but also for the other two brats—or at least that's what he liked to think. The first week he stayed there one night, the next week two, and by Sunday, he crawled back like a dog to sleep at the same house. By the third week, he tried punishing himself by limiting his visits to two days a week, but by the end of the month, this punishment backfired, and he found himself staying over five nights… By the end of the month, he threw in the towel and fully moved in.
After that, he began Plan C. Training. Missions. Anything to distract himself and the entire team. If they couldn't interact beyond professional matters, maybe his plan would work. He took advantage of the fact that he knew about Seina's kekkei genkai and Sasuke's newly activated sharingan to have an excuse to wear them out with training, but they were all as resilient as a disease. They always wanted more, and he was weak. The plan backfired because they ended up seeing each other more in April and May than ever before.
By then, Kakashi had spent several sleepless nights thinking about Minato-sensei and Kushina and wondering what they would say when he died and met them in the afterlife. At the very least, he was in for a beating. After several attempts and weeks of plans, Kakashi realized something: his plans were failing because he didn't want to stay away from Seina. He was incapable of it. He had known this from the start, but part of him wanted to convince himself it was impossible. Maybe he was lying to himself more than he thought. He was sick, and he shouldn't do what he was thinking of doing, but in the end, he accepted that he was going to hell, where Seina's parents would torture him for years for even thinking about laying a finger on their precious daughter.
Once he accepted his fate and decided to act as his heart dictated, his life began to change. He started getting closer to his team like never before, began smiling because he was relieved by his decision, and learned to live again alongside Seina and the other two.
Then came the chunin exams. He submitted them, of course, because they were ready. He spied on his team as much as he could, realizing they were going to pass all the tests with little effort. He worried a bit about the jinchuriki from Suna and those guys from Oto, but he had faith in his team. He watched them during the written exams, noticing how they managed without giving a single hint of how they were copying, and saw them plotting silently, using their bond, at the gates of the Forest of Death. After that, all he could do was wait with the other jonin senseis.
"Which team do you think will reach the tower first?" Genma asked with sparkling eyes. "Care to place a bet?"
"All teams in general or just ours?"
"Uh... just ours. Kurenai?"
"I bet 10k on my team. They're the tracking team, after all."
"I'm pretty sure my team won't be first," Asuma rolled his eyes. "I'll put another 10k on Kurenai's team."
"Kakashi?"
"10k on my team."
Guy, of course, bet on his own team, while Hayate put his money on Team 8 simply because he didn't know the other teams and his own was terrible. When three hours passed and Kakashi's team reached the tower on the first day, he smiled as he stretched out his hand to collect his money. Well, him and Genma, since he had also bet on Minato-sensei's children. Unfortunately, the festive atmosphere soured when they discovered that Orochimaru had infiltrated the exam with the intention of getting his hands on Sasuke.
Kakashi stifled a sigh of relief when he realized that Seina's powers and the competitiveness of his team had saved them from being attacked in the forest. Had they not arrived at the tower so quickly... he didn't want to imagine what might have happened. As the acting sensei, he was kept out of the investigation beyond being informed of what was happening. For once in his life, he didn't care.
He watched his genin's preliminary matches with a critical eye. Sasuke used what he had learned in the last week, avoiding giving away his abilities, while Seina swiftly ended her fight using a teleportation jutsu. Not bad. Naruto, on the other hand, seemed to be enjoying his fight with Kiba instead of ending it as efficiently as possible. He would need to talk to him about his dramatics. He had to hold Seina back, or at least remind her where they were, placing a hand on her shoulder when she saw Hinata fighting her cousin until she bled.
Since he had deduced that the entire team would make it to the final round, he had already arranged the necessary permissions with the Third Hokage to "hire" a couple of jonin to help with Seina and Naruto. It was obvious Sasuke needed help with his sharingan, so only Kakashi could assist him. Naruto needed discipline, efficiency, and refinement of his existing skills, while Seina needed to train with someone competent who could teach her as much as possible in every field since she was eager to learn.
Then he found out about Naruto's perverted jutsu and Ebisu's reaction upon seeing, metaphorically speaking, Naruto transformed into a nearly naked woman. A woman potentially similar to Seina in the future.
"Why don't we have a word alone, Ebisu?"
The other jonin paled at hearing Kakashi's calm voice. They walked far away, out of Seina's range, since he knew she would eavesdrop if she could. Once they were out of her range, Kakashi turned abruptly to face Ebisu.
"So, you fainted, huh?"
"I-it was just a moment of weakness! I didn't know he was going to show me that jutsu!"
"I got the impression that you wouldn't mind seeing it again," Kakashi said in a cold voice.
Curiously, his blood boiled at the thought of anyone seeing Seina naked. Now or in the future. He placed a hand on Ebisu's shoulder, squeezing it painfully without seeming like he was exerting any effort. He leaned in a few inches to whisper a warning.
"I don't want you near my kunoichi. I don't want you looking at her face unless she speaks to you first or it's an emergency. I don't want you thinking about what you saw, nor should you even think about mentioning that jutsu to Naruto, because if you do, I'll have no choice but to react violently. Is that clear?"
"Perfectly."
"Great!"
He turned, letting Ebisu recover for a few seconds, and returned to where Seina and Naruto were waiting. He also squeezed Naruto's arm in a clear warning.
"And you. No more using that jutsu, understood? You wouldn't want Seina to break your legs, would you?"
After that, he left with Sasuke to some remote location to train one-on-one. He thought about Naruto daily, but mostly about Seina. Since he couldn't get her out of his head, he did what he had been doing all along—trained harder. He taught Sasuke the chidori and how to use his sharingan. The month passed, and the day of the final match arrived.
"Can you practice the chidori one last time?" Sasuke asked with a frown.
"You already know you can only use it a limited number of times a day."
"I don't think I'll need to use it more than three times in my match," Sasuke admitted. "I just want to warm up my arm."
"…Alright," Kakashi sighed. "A quick warm-up match, but then we have to hurry."
The short warm-up match lasted longer than he expected. His stomach dropped when he realized he had missed Naruto's and Seina's matches. When they arrived, after ensuring Sasuke could still fight, he saw the smiling faces of the rest of his team and sighed in relief, realizing they seemed to have won and were happy about it. Until Naruto showed up looking concerned, and Seina merely frowned at him with a cold, indifferent expression. She clearly wasn't pleased.
Unfortunately, he couldn't examine Seina's feelings at that precise moment because everything went to hell. Sasuke had left after a half-transformed Gaara, someone cast a long-range genjutsu over the entire stadium, and some guys disguised as anbu tried to cut off Naruto and Seina's heads. Surprised, he saw Seina kill for the first time in her life, right in front of her brother and him, using her powers masked in a deadly punch. She didn't even blink when she saw the corpse at her feet, so Kakashi ordered her to wake Shikamaru and go after Sasuke, who was in the most danger now.
He watched them leave, a bit worried, but carried out his duties, trusting they'd be okay. And he wasn't wrong. The failed invasion ended with some deaths, some destruction, some injuries, and some arrests. When he finally reunited with his team, he realized he had completely forgotten what had happened. His face must have been quite the sight because Kurenai raised an eyebrow in his direction.
"What's wrong with you?" she asked him, exhausted.
"I just remembered something I had forgotten and need to fix."
"What is it?"
"It's something related to my team."
"Don't tell me… it's about your absence during Naruto and Seina's fights, right?" Kurenai snorted sarcastically while stacking some destroyed stones. "Are they angry?"
"Seina is."
"I'm not surprised. She's the smartest. Her joy from winning doesn't stop her from seeing that you weren't there. You can be happy and angry at the same time. At least, we women can."
"I need to apologize."
"In that, you're right. You acted like an idiot who forgot he has three genin, not just one."
He tried to apologize to Seina that very night, but she was angrier—no, disappointed—than he had anticipated. She listened in silence to his explanation about how he trained Sasuke one last time to warm up because he needed to be in peak physical condition. Seina didn't seem surprised by his explanation, but neither was she relieved or any less angry.
"Good night, Kakashi-sensei," she said in a neutral tone.
"Wait! Seina… aren't you going to say anything?"
He heard how, apparently, Naruto and Seina had been in danger in the village, something he hadn't considered while thinking about how to apologize. Since she didn't want to keep talking to him, he did what any ninja would do: seek information from other sources. That's how he ended up looking for Guy, who told him what happened at the hospital, and then ran into Iruka. The chunin, still resentful that he had used his superior rank to nominate his team for the chunin exams despite his advice not to, didn't hesitate to explain everything in excruciating detail for two reasons: 1) to hurt him, and 2) because he was an idiot who needed to know where he had failed so he wouldn't fail Naruto and Seina again.
What he discovered was much worse than expected. Iruka was able to show him the twins' perspective, revealing the loss and loneliness they had endured. He found out about the assassination attempts they had hidden from him and how they lacked food to the point where Seina had been forced to develop her ninja skills much earlier than necessary to steal food so that she and her brother could have a decent meal. He learned how isolated Naruto and Seina had been from the other children at the academy because that's what the parents had taught them.
Iruka also described Seina to him. He agreed with the analysis that she was mature, but Iruka also called her distrustful and distant. How could that be? What Seina was he talking about? The Seina he knew wasn't distant or distrustful, or… maybe… she wasn't with him. Had Seina given him her trust by stepping out of her comfort zone, something she hadn't done at the academy, according to Iruka? He finally understood how badly he had messed up.
He had promised her he would earn her trust, that he would work for it, and Seina had rewarded him with her secret. What must she be thinking now? That Kakashi would break his promise at the slightest chance, as if it meant nothing? That Sasuke was more important than her and her brother? He felt so bad that he began to feel physically ill. He had truly screwed up. He spent the rest of the afternoon at his old house, tormenting himself, but decided he couldn't let Seina think he had failed her on purpose. He had only failed because he was a failure, a damn idiot, but he never would have done it intentionally. She had to believe him.
That night, he went back to Seina's house and knocked on her door. Surprisingly, she let him in. She gave him a few minutes to compose himself and didn't glare at him like he deserved. It took a lot of willpower to open his mouth and his heart, to expose his thoughts to her as he had never done with anyone. He was lost because it was his first time. In the end, he decided there was no strategy or plan D he could use. He simply… told the truth about what he felt.
"I've failed you as a jonin-sensei—your brother and you—but mostly you."
And Seina, sweet and compassionate Seina, accepted his blunder when she felt he truly meant it and was genuinely sorry. Kakashi knew that Seina didn't know much about his past, but he wanted her to understand that he hadn't done it on purpose. He was just an emotionally stunted idiot, and he wanted her to know that when he messed up again in the future, she wouldn't think he had done it on purpose. So, Kakashi had no choice but to tell her why he sometimes couldn't behave normally.
Once he opened his mouth to talk about his childhood, about Minato-sensei, about his father… he couldn't stop. He found himself pouring out his heart to her as if they had known each other forever. Unlike what he had imagined, it wasn't hard for him to explain his experiences. It was like he was confessing. He told her everything about Obito and Rin, and his father's suicide, but Seina didn't show disgust or pity. She simply listened intently, holding his hand to give him support. Kakashi squeezed her hand, savouring her touch after the past few distant days. Until Seina understood much more than he expected.
"You were trying to die."
Kakashi, clutching her hand, felt a lump in his throat but nodded. Then Seina began questioning Rin's actions, and he, who had always believed it was his fault because it was his jutsu that killed her, started to think that maybe it wasn't his fault. Kakashi was smart and logical, and he couldn't refute Seina's solid arguments. He didn't even have time to reflect on his recent epiphany when Seina wondered aloud why people were so stupid for believing the rumours about him.
"What do you mean?" he asked, confused.
Seina didn't disappoint.
"Most people just see your book and that you're late. They know you're a good ninja, but they don't look beyond that. But look at this: people drove your father to suicide, yet you're not resentful towards them, even though I'd understand if you were. You survived Obito's traumatic death, with whom you eventually became friends and remember every time you think about your left eye, and Rin's death, who instead of having the courage to sacrifice herself for the village in another way, preferred to use you to die emotionally, even though it would destroy you after everything you had already suffered.
>> Still, even though you know Kirigakure instigated all of this, you didn't show hatred toward Zabuza, who was a Kirigakure ninja. You joined anbu instead of committing suicide like your father because you're stronger than him. Despite your suicidal behaviour leading you to join anbu, your desire to protect the village was enough to give your best in every mission. I'm sure you thought you'd only die if you had to, not a second before. You counted on the high danger of the missions to kill you, to sacrifice yourself for this country, knowing you wouldn't lose your life by your own hand.
>> And your attitude. Arriving late, the book, your quirky jokes… all of those are ways to distance yourself and protect yourself from people, but at the same time, they're reminders of Obito, aren't they? The ninja who was always late, whom everyone looked down on and thought was odd because he wasn't the typical Uchiha. The boy who gave his life for you, who accepted you when no one else, except our parents, had."
Kakashi trembled as he heard how Seina had managed to see inside him like no one else before. He was completely exposed. What truly mattered, she knew. They talked for a few more minutes about other things, but Kakashi could only think about how she had described him.
"Seina… do you really believe everything you've said about me?"
"That you're stronger than your father? That people are idiots and don't truly know your worth? That Obito and Rin's deaths weren't your fault? Yes, Kakashi-sensei. I already told you once: I'm glad you're our jonin-sensei. I could deduce some things from our teamwork, but now that I know all this, I know that everything I said is true. Honestly, I'm surprised that, despite everything, you haven't given up and aren't a psychopath like some people are. You're a good person. I admire you."
He had to swallow back tears upon hearing how Seina recognized his strength, a strength he hadn't even known he had, how she admitted to acknowledging his worth, and how she was completely convinced of his innocence in the deaths of Obito and Rin. Hearing her say that she was glad he, and not someone else, was her jonin-sensei felt like being on top of the world, but it was incomparable to hearing from those sweet lips that he was a good person and that she admired him for not giving up.
He hugged her tightly. Minato, Kushina, Jiraiya, the village, his fellow ninja—they no longer mattered. Seina had achieved something priceless. She had seen his true self, hidden from everyone, and despite knowing his weaknesses and darkest secrets, she not only accepted him but also acknowledged that she admired who he was despite everything. A few quiet tears escaped him as he found absolution in her embrace, realizing that to be truly understood is one of the greatest gifts a person can receive. Now he understood why he couldn't—and didn't want to—let Seina Uzumaki go.