[A/N]: As given above by the title, this brilliant Omake was written by @KingOfGays who was generous enough to let me share it with you guys.
Say thank you, everyone!
--x--
Let me just throw in a little extra of what I think was added to the conversation. Just a little fun thought.
Also, as a biology enthusiast, I must say that from a biological standpoint the Dornians are really interesting.
From a Furry + Monsterfucker standpoint- Would.
I am definitely the ROB that said "See that big buff kitty cat? Seduce him, and I'll give ya a diamond ticket" for funsies.
ANYWAYS!
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♦ Topic: Megathread: CHICAGO DOWNTOWN INCIDENT (The Dragon, The Lion & The Soda)
In: Boards ► Meta Incidents ► Breaking & Wild
ModeratorMachete (Original Poster) (Moderator) (Verified Sanity) (Tired)
Posted On Aug 24th 2025:
Here is the megathread for the general discussion of what just happened in downtown Chicago.
[Here] are the resources for anyone displaced by the structural damage to the Machine Head tower and surrounding blocks.
[Here] is the missing persons board. If you got separated during the pocket-dimension evacuations, check here.
[Here] is the GDA's official (and extremely brief) press release.
A reminder: Multiple videos from this incident are being actively flagged and taken down by the GDA. We are keeping this thread up per standard site policy, but PLEASE stop reposting raw classified feeds if you don't want your IP blacklisted by the feds. I am not getting paid enough to fight the government today.
Keep it civil. Don't be funny, I'll be watching this thread closely.
(Showing page 11550 of 16582)
►WhoIsLionMan (Monsterfucker) (Verified Xeno-Biologist)
Replied On Aug 24th 2025:
Look.
I did not go to college for 6 fucking years, took a special very new and very unexplored field of research, did not explore and cataloged more than 5,000 different extraplanar and extradimensional life forms- that includes the Flaxans! I was the one who managed to get that info to you guys, the public, while many of the my colleagues were trying to find ways to not share their research with the world for fear of government retaliation.
I did not spend hours of my day negotiating and basically begging for scraps of thousands of books worth of data, thousands of pages of databases given and shared with humans by the only other intergalactic neighboring species capable of FTL travel (Martians), and did NOT just spend even more hours learning WHO the Lion Man is to be simplified to a "horny bitch on the internet".
(Rest in peace, Martian Man, you contributed so much to Xenobiology, you beautiful man!)
First of all, I have a doctorate in Xenobiology, so call me Doctor Horny Bitch, please and thank.
Second of all, after going through what little the Martians shared, I have found the name of the hot lion man's species!
He is a Dornian, from the planet of Dorne.
Not that ASOIAF Dorne, but given the fact that he is a lion, I can only assume that the evolutionary niches his species grew to fill must have been similar to lions of today, so maybe their planet has arid or savanna-like climate? But then again, big cats have evolved to be in a lot of different places.
I know we can't judge and make cases of a whole species out of a single subject, but not only does his appearance make me horny, his species makes me wanna learn how a big cat could have possibly adapted to have bigger brains, large enough for sapient thought and cognitive functioning to the point where they have TELEPORTATION TECHNOLOGY.
I am not a physics guy, but I am pretty sure that my friend @PhysicsWizard is foaming at the mouth every time that happens.
From a purely biological standpoint, the whole fight was a marvel. The way lion man fought was incredible, he was boasting constantly about something- can't remember, was busy being horny -something "worthy opponent", and the way Old Dragonman Butler fought with him was... Well, amazing.
Speed alone breaks a few known limitations of biology- how did they not simply catch on fire will never make sense to me! Especially those fucking Viltrumites. How the fuck does a species evolve such controlled flight? If they are a species like Omni-man claims and he's not the odd one out, anyways, because the only biological theory I have is something to do with Psionics- Which are scientifically proven to occur! -or maybe some sort of biological engine thing.
Or magic.
I still can't believe magic is a thing and people don't talk enough about it- there's a Noir Detective Demon, for fuck's sake!
Anyways, back to biology.
Omni-man's skin being able to take even a point blank tank shot without change is already incredible, but the supersonic flight!? Oh boy, I wonder how his inner ear resists that. From what little biology we know from Viltrumites, they are so closely similar to humans and yet have such weird inner workings...
Anyways, would.
Both big lion and Omni-man, because honestly? Aliens are hot.
►Bajuka
Replied On Aug 24th 2025:
You just had to add that at the end, huh?
►brickbybrick_bro (Verified Bro)
Replied On Aug 24th 2025:
Thanks, biology side of the internet.
►Cryptic
Replied On Aug 24th 2025:
Yeah, from a biological standpoint nothing makes sense anyways- I mean, humans having weird powers can be seen through some rare genetic adaptations that are present in, like, some portions of the population I'm pretty sure.
Like, 1%? I don't know, it's been a while since I last saw the statistics of that.
►CryptoCapeFan (Debt Haver) (Verified Techbro)
Replied On Aug 24th 2025:
@Mommy_Milker What do you even mean by that?
►JourneyToTheDragonCave (At Ground Zero: Chicago)
Replied On Aug 24th 2025:
Jesus christ this guy must dumb for pay, there's no way you're THIS stupid without getting paid.
Its a crime, I think.
Talk to your boss, my man, you need to get those hours in.
►Mommy_Milker (At Ground Zero: Chicago) (Verified Survivor)
Replied On Aug 24th 2025:
@CryptoCapeFan I mean, from the depths of my heart, that your idea of trying to make an online business where heroes go out and fight villains and their fights are televised and sold is so stupid and dangerous that you need to "do the hoinky spoinky", verily.
And by "hoinky spoinky", I mean tied a beautiful and soft silk rope around your neck and do like a wind chime.
I will not have my suffering and the suffering of people like me monetized for you fucking crypto bros and your daddy corporations to milk.
The thing that shall be milked is your mother. By MY hands.
►LogicBot_Activated (Wiki Warrior) (Verified Cynic)
Replied On Aug 24th 2025:
@WhoIsLionMan So John Kaisen went one hour against the "hot lion man", slowly getting better and better as the fight went on - Thanks @TheoryCraftingTina for catching that, your eyes were great! -for one hour...
Big Lion Guy was definitely fighting Kaisen so he could keep getting stronger and stronger for a "worthy opponent", huh?
Man, talk about a home grown rival. Is the Old Dragon Butler guy Kaisen's mentor? Is that why Kaisen can summon dragons? Because he's got the dragon master to teach him or something?
►Copper_Daddy (Moderator)
Replied On Aug 24th 2025:
@Mommy_Milker Take a warning. No suicide ideation nor encouragement.
This is a serious matter.
►Ley
Replied On Aug 24th 2025:
Hey Copper Daddy! Are you and @Zinc_Mother dating or something?
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►Wilder (Banned)
Replied On Aug 24th 2025:
I bet she's in his base—
Moderator: Take a 3 day ban for this distasteful joke.
►Zinc_Mother (Moderator)
Replied On Aug 24th 2025:
Me and @Copper_Daddy are strictly friends and nothing more.
►SeaSalt (At Ground Zero: Chicago) (Verified Salty)
Replied On Aug 24th 2025:
I can only, genuinely, put this in a greentext format. I am still trying to understand how this shit happened to me.
> Be Me
> Live in New York
> Be Fired
> Life Sad
> Get New Job!
> Life Happy.
> Move to Chicago for Work
> Get a Girlfriend
> Alien Invasion Happens
> Spook.jpeg
> Invisible or whatever throws my car at an alien
> The fuck? Car gets destroyed
> Complain online
> Gets "Verified Salty" tag
> Life goes on, need car for work.
> Get fired from job, but don't let it get to me.
> Life sad for a while, girlfriend leaves.
> The GoG die, pretty side
> New GoG fight Big Lion Man, destruction! Mayhem! Death- except not.
> apartment gets destroyed while big lion guy fights old dragon man.
> Lose everything
> Life sad.
Anyways... Thanks for the resources, at least.
►JACKETER_REAL (Verified: Kaisen Archivist) (GDA Public Enemy #1)
Replied On Aug 24th 2025:
Oof, @Copper_Daddy got put in the friendzone! LLLLOOOLLL, LMAO, even.
►AverageAlexandros (Pretty Average)
Replied On Aug 24th 2025:
That's... sad. Hope things get better for you, man.
►Angry Citizen (Verified Angry)
Replied On Aug 24th 2025:
And yet another life reduced to nothing due to the incompetence of the oh so called heroes...
►Crow Fucker (Does Not Fuck Crows) (Ravens, However...) (Bird Enthusiast)
Replied On Aug 24th 2025:
Can we please get back on topic? There are too many admins around this thread. I've seen ModeratorMachete, Zinc_Mother, Copper_Daddy, and even BigBrother lurking around.
►BigBrother (Moderator) (He Is Watching)
Replied On Aug 24th 2025:
Shhhhhhh.
You've seen nothing.
►Answer Key
Replied On Aug 24th 2025:
That's not horrifying at all.
►Reave (Verified GDA Agent)
Replied On Aug 24th 2025:
Please stop flooding my DMs, I'm just a low ranking GDA agent, I don't know everything that the organization knows.
Also, why am I getting shipped with PepsiMan?
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(Showing page 11552 of 16582)
►QwertyD
Replied On Aug 24th 2025:
You know why. You know what you did.
►Pepsi_Man_Official (Verified Pepsi)
Replied On Aug 24th 2025:
Pepsi? Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi! Pepsi. Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi, Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi, Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi?!? Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi.
Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi. Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi— Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi —Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi! Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi? Pepsi? Pepsi? Pepsi Pepsi? Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi! Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi.
Pepsi Pepsi, Pepsi.
Pepsi.
►ModeratorMachete (Original Poster) (Moderator) (Verified Sanity) (Tired)
Replied On Aug 24th 2025:
That was... beautiful. I am half tempted to give him the Verified Poet tag just for this beautiful speech.
►BigBrother (Moderator) (He Is Watching)
Replied On Aug 24th 2025:
A touching message of heroism and not losing sight of what one must chase to achieve one's dreams.
►Copper_Daddy (Moderator)
Replied On Aug 24th 2025:
I do see the validity in his claims of doing his very best, his efforts were not wasted at all.
►Zinc_Mother (Moderator)
Replied On Aug 24th 2025:
And to acknowledge his own flaws so humbly... He truly is a hero.
►Acree
Replied On Aug 24th 2025:
...are the mods trolling us?
►Mongoose (Not a Mongoose)
Replied On Aug 24th 2025:
No, clearly you are not able to read the beautiful message that PepsiMan left behind for all of us, you uncultured swine.
►Thicc Shaedy (Gossip Master Lvl 9999) (Wiki Warrior)
Replied On Aug 24th 2025:
BREAKING NEWS!
I just got a massive dragon sized LOAD of tea dropped on my lap today with [This] video! Just- Just watch it!
►Random Citizen 2
Replied On Aug 24th 2025:
...is that PepsiMan drinking Coca Cola?
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...and 556 more
Total: 18,988 (members: 9,764, guests: 9.224)
--x--
[A/N]: Again, I can't thank @KingOfGays enough for 2k-word OMAKE!
Take this as a Bribe for our grind to reach Number 1.
SO DROP THEM STONES!!
If you want to read up to 10+ Chapters in advance, check out my P@treon - Max_Striker.
If you wanna hang out, join my Discord server- https://discord.gg/XxGEYk2PM5