FLASH!
I burst out of the portal into the freezing night sky, the cold wind whipping violently against my armor.
I looked down, my visor rapidly scanning the environment to get my bearings. I was hundreds of feet in the air, right next to the massive steel suspension cables of the George Washington Bridge in New York City.
"Die, Spider!" a screeching and unhinged voice echoed across the river.
I looked up and saw a guy in a ridiculous green Halloween costume riding a bat-shaped metal glider, cackling insanely as exhaust plumed behind him. And in his chokehold, screaming in terror, was a beautiful blonde girl in a green trench coat.
Gwen Stacy?!
Up on the top of the bridge's tower, a guy in a red and blue spandex suit shot a web-line to catch up.
'Oh God, you have got to be kidding me. The night Gwen Stacy died? Is Levy just jumping to the most traumatic canon events in comic book history?! What's next, Uncle Wane's alleyway?!'
I glanced to my right.
Angstrom Levy was frantically opening a green portal on one of the bridge's lower suspension towers, looking over his shoulder in panic, getting ready to make his final escape.
And at the same time, I saw Green Goblin let go of Gwen as Spider shot a webline in a desperate attempt to catch her.
'If I go after Levy now, I catch him and this Joyride ends. But Spider-Man's web-line will catch Gwen's ankle. The sudden, violent whiplash of arresting her terminal velocity will snap her neck. The thwip will be followed by a snap. Canon will happen and Peter Parker's soul will be irreparably crushed.'
"Damn my heroic Otaku heart!" I cursed aloud.
I abandoned the chase and kicked off the Pepsi-Chaser mid-air, abandoning the bike, and dove like a chrome missile directly toward the falling girl.
But I was never one to shy away from playing dirty. Tapping into my BladeMaster ability, I manifested a flurry of red and blue energy daggers, sent screaming toward Angstrom with predatory precision. The blades found their marks, expertly shredding the tendons in his limbs before he could even blink.
That little adjustment meant he'd be reduced to a pathetic crawl; with his focus shattered by the agony, opening another dimensional rift was going to be a hell of a lot harder.
WHOOSH!
Spider-Man's web shot down, slicing through the air, mere inches away from grabbing her leg.
But I was flying with fizzy air coming out of my suit exhausts, pushing me faster. I blurred past the webbing, inserting myself perfectly between Gwen and the rapidly approaching water and wrapped my armored arms gently but firmly around her waist.
The moment I made contact, I didn't stop since that would kill her just as surely as the web or the water.
Instead, I charged my legs and the moment it touched water, I ran as fast as I could.
With all that Nuclear Energy and Pepsi-Man's super speed, I was running on water and safely pulling off the rescue.
Gwen was hyperventilating, her eyes squeezed shut and bracing for death.
"You can open your eyes now," my synthesized voice echoed.
"I-I'm alive?" Gwen stuttered, slowly peeling her eyes open. She stared at my shiny, Pepsi logo and then the water I was running on, completely bewildered.
My Red and Blue theme confused her, but when she looked up at my glowing visor, realisation dawned on her. "You're... you're not Peter."
"A friend of yours, Spider?!"
The Green Goblin roared from above, banking his glider around sharply. Enraged that his prize had been snatched away, he hurled a glowing, ticking pumpkin bomb directly at my back.
"Ship," I commanded coldly. "Take the wheel."
The black and green Mechamorph slime surged out of my Driver belt. It expanded, safely enveloping Gwen in a protective, gelatinous bubble, and gently floated her the rest of the way to the bridge's pedestrian walkway.
Spider-Man swung down, his Spider-Sense screaming at him, ready to take the bomb blast for Gwen.
But I vanished from thin air as I finally knocked up my speed and moved so fast I broke the sound barrier multiple times, reappearing standing directly on the nose of the Goblin Glider.
Norman Osborn gasped, his yellow eyes going wide behind his rigid green mask.
"Enough of you," I said, staring him dead in the eyes. "Permanently."
[Image Here]
I didn't give him a chance to monologue about how he and Spider-Man were the same. I grabbed his stupid purple hood, let the energy build up and did a flying kick midair straight to his jaw.
KRACK-BOOM!
The kinetic force of the blow shattered the Green Goblin's head like a watermelon, while his body and Goblin glider fell on the bridge.
Spider-Man landed heavily on a concrete pillar, hyperventilating, his chest heaving, being comforted by Ship. He looked down at Gwen, who was sitting safely on the walkway, entirely unharmed. Then he looked up at me, making my superhero landing.
"Who... what are you?!" Peter stammered, his voice cracking violently under the mask. "You saved her... you saved Gwen! But... you… You just killed him!"
Peter's body language was a tragic mess. His strict moral code was horrified by the brutal force I just used. But his shoulders slumped, his entire body shaking with an overwhelming relief that the Goblin was gone and Gwen was still breathing. The cognitive dissonance must be tearing him apart.
"No time for autographs or moral debates, Pete!" I shouted, looking back up at the tower.
Levy was just stepping through his green portal, the rift closing fast behind him.
"Ship! Before we go, access this universe's internet via the nearest cell tower!" I yelled as I summoned the bike back to my side, dropping into the saddle. "Find Peter Parker's IP address. Drop this encrypted text file directly onto his desktop! High priority!"
"Ship?" Ship chirped cheerfully as he remerged in my belt.
Peter flinched, his head snapping toward me. "Wait, how do you know my name?! Who are you?!"
"Write this down, Ship!" I barked, completely ignoring the panicked webslinger as I revved the engine. "Rule 1: Never, under any circumstances, make a deal with a literal devil named Mephisto to save your Aunt May. Just don't do it! Rule 2: Clones are bad news, just avoid a guy named the Jackal entirely. Rule 3: Do not let Doctor Octopus anywhere near your brain, he's going to try and body-swap you. And Rule 4... for the love of God, if you ever meet a guy named Paul, kick him where the sun don't shine immediately! Do not hesitate! Now Rule 5—"
Spider-Man just stood there, his hands gripping his head, his lenses shrinking in pure, unfiltered confusion. "Who is Paul?! What is a Mephisto?! What does any of that mean?! Please, wait!"
"You want the short list?" I asked, taking a deep breath. "When you get a chance, get hold of Beyonders powers or other power sources that make you stronger. Don't give them away!" I advised cheerfully. "Symbiotes aren't evil and have genetic memory, so if you get blood samples of any metahuman, inhuman, or mutant, you can copy their powers to make you stronger. And also keep some of your enemies' gear too—like Shocker gloves and that Bettle suit. The Inheritors are no joke, they can kill you easily right now, so get strong or die. To reduce your workload, make drones to take care of petty criminals and have eyes in the city. Take a page from Tony Stark and make your own company and armor. You are smart enough to be richer than him, and selling photos of yourself is a massive waste of your intellect. And lastly, don't be shy to kill some of your enemies. People like Norman Osborn don't deserve to live, and your uncle would understand that."
"Oh, I almost forgot to mention!" I snapped my armored fingers. "Watch out for Gorr, Set, Miles Warren aka the Jackal expert in cloning, Herbert Wyndham the High Evolutionary, En Sabah Nurr aka Apocalypse, Sauron, Shuma-Gorath, Kulan Gath, Mordo, Selene Gallio, Wilson Fisk the Kingpin, Cul Borson the uncle of Thor, The Mother of Horrors, The Brood, The Phalanx, The Enders, Sublime and Arkea—two bacteria lifeforms responsible for humanity's xenophobia against mutants and are the ones backing and funding ALL the anti-mutant groups. Also, the Shadow King, The Griever at the End of All Things, D'spayre, Terrax, Firelord, and Galactus when he is hungry..."
I took another quick breath. "I could add Dr. Doom to the list, but he isn't strictly evil and is a strong candidate to become the Sorcerer Supreme, so although he can be considered a villain, he just wants to unify the world under his banner."
Peter literally sat down on the bridge, hugging his knees. "I'm cooked."
"Relax! If you follow my warnings and become the strongest hero on Earth, the only being you will have to fear is TOAA."
Peter slowly looked up, his lenses wide and completely hollow. "Who?!"
"The One Above All, or TOAA for short. He is THE Creator of your megaverse and the only God with a capital G. Due to a fight with the Mother of Horrors, he split himself into two beings: his normal self and TOBA, aka The One Below All. TOBA's domain—The Otherplace—is the source of Hulk's powers, so Bruce Banner with his realized potential as TOBA's avatar is tied with Rune King Thor in strength. Those two are just below the Mother of Horrors and TOAA."
"Thor... Thor became a Rune King?!" Peter squeaked, his voice cracking three octaves higher than normal.
"Yes! After drinking from the Well of Mimir and hanging himself from Yggdrasil, he got the Odinforce, becoming the new All-Father. With that power, he killed Those That Sit Above Shadows, ending the Ragnarok cycles. The Thor you see flying around right now is just a weakened physical avatar."
Ship beeped urgently as he locked onto Levi, finally managing to open a portal and escape even at a crawling pace. "Ship!"
"Whoops, look at the time! Gotta go! Good work, buddy!"
I slammed the throttle. The Pepsi-Chaser roared, defying gravity as I drove straight up the bridge's vertical suspension cables, launching myself into the air.
With a deafening boom of pressurized fizz, I squeezed through a portal and left Peter Parker with the girl of his dreams, a dead nemesis, and an existential crisis so massive it probably broke his Spider-Sense.
[A/N]:
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