"Pfft!"
The moment he took a bite, Deadpool spat it right back out.
"What the hell is this? Why does it taste so awful? It's like shit and garbage got blended together!"
He stared at Rorschach in disbelief.
He could swear on his life—he had never tasted anything this disgusting before.
And yet, strangely enough, that made him believe it even more.
Because if someone had really tampered with the fruit, why the hell would they make it taste this bad?
"Sir, there's an old saying in China," Rorschach said with a straight face. "Good advice is hard on the ears, and good medicine is bitter in the mouth."
"Sorry, what was that?" Deadpool looked up innocently. "That taste hit me so hard I think my soul just got punched. I didn't hear a word you said."
Rorschach: "…"
"Forget it. Tell me later."
Deadpool waved it off, then pinched his nose shut, stuffed the rest of the sample into his mouth, chewed twice like a man going to war, and forced it down.
"I must be insane. I actually believed your nonsense—shit, wait… what's going on? Why does my skin feel cold?"
The instant he swallowed it, regret hit him.
He had definitely acted too impulsively.
How could there possibly be such a magical fruit in this world?
But before that thought even finished forming, he felt a strange power spreading across his skin.
His expression changed immediately.
Deadpool raised a hand and touched his face.
Then froze.
The deep pits, scars, and twisted texture on his skin were rapidly fading.
Shrinking.
Softening.
Vanishing.
And in just a few moments, they were completely gone.
From the touch alone, it felt unbelievably smooth.
Smooth to an absurd degree.
"Shit… no way."
Deadpool's voice changed.
He yanked off his mask at once.
A completely transformed face appeared in front of Rorschach.
Deadpool sucked in a breath, fumbled out his phone, switched to the front camera, and held it up in front of himself.
"Holy FUCK!"
He screamed so loudly that his hand jerked and he nearly flung his phone across the store.
He couldn't believe his eyes.
That face of his—the one that looked like it had been trampled by ten thousand horses—
It had actually healed.
Actually healed.
"Shit… how is this even possible? My face… it really got fixed just like that?"
Even now, Deadpool still hadn't fully processed it.
"Sir, as you can see, your skin has become extremely smooth. I wasn't lying to you, was I?" Rorschach said with a calm smile.
Once a customer tried a sample, the odds of closing the sale shot way, way up.
And for someone like Deadpool, the effect was even stronger.
His problem was obvious.
And Rorschach just so happened to have the perfect cure.
That made the chance of success even higher.
"This is way beyond smooth. Even the goddess I fantasize about before bed probably doesn't have skin this good!" Deadpool nearly jumped from excitement. "Buddy, if women saw my skin right now, they'd be so jealous they wouldn't sleep for a week!"
"Sir, it seems you're very satisfied with this shop's Devil Fruit, correct?" Rorschach asked at just the right moment.
"Satisfied? Buddy, 'satisfied' doesn't even begin to cover it. I don't even know how to describe this. I'm excited, shocked, losing my mind—"
Looking at Deadpool's wildly ecstatic expression, Rorschach had no doubt he meant every word.
"A customer's satisfaction is my greatest reward," Rorschach said smoothly. "However, what you just ate was only a sample. The effect will last for five minutes at most."
"But no need to worry, sir. If you buy this Slip-Slip Fruit, you can keep that face—the kind even gods would envy—forever."
The time was right.
Rorschach moved in for the sale.
Only now did Deadpool finally understand why Rorschach had let him try something so incredible so easily.
So that was it.
A five-minute trial version.
That made sense, honestly.
Something this outrageous obviously wouldn't be handed out casually for free.
"You evil businessman." Deadpool pointed at him dramatically. "You knew that after trying it, I'd be so desperate I'd have to buy it, didn't you? You shameless bastard… and I love it. I'm buying this fruit!"
With a grand wave of his hand, he declared it like a man making a life-changing decision.
"Since this is our grand opening period, all fruits are currently thirty percent off. The original price of the Slip-Slip Fruit is one million U.S. dollars. After discount, it's only seven hundred thousand."
"Not bad. A discount on something this magical is pretty—wait. Hold on. How much did you just say?"
The grin on Deadpool's face froze instantly.
He even started wondering if he'd heard wrong.
"You're selling one fruit for a million dollars? That's insane!"
His voice shot up several octaves.
"Sir, let me repeat that. If you buy it now, it's only seven hundred thousand dollars." Rorschach looked completely composed. "And honestly, do you really think that price is expensive?"
"To put it bluntly, sir, even seven million dollars probably wouldn't be enough to fix your face."
"And after some time, this shop will stop accepting U.S. dollars altogether. It'll switch to gold as the only method of payment. By then, your cost will only be higher."
He spoke with the calm confidence of a man who already knew he had won.
"And there's one more thing, sir. Making your skin look better is only a side effect of the Slip-Slip Fruit. Its true ability is to make your skin smooth. Really smooth. That's why I keep emphasizing the word 'smooth.'"
Deadpool blinked.
"What's the difference? Isn't smooth just… looking good?"
"Of course not, sir. Otherwise, why would this fruit be called the Slip-Slip Fruit instead of the Beauty Fruit?" Rorschach said, leaning in slightly. "Its true power is that it reduces the friction on your skin to zero. Real, literal smoothness."
He paused for effect before delivering the next line.
"And I don't think I need to explain what zero friction means. If someone throws a punch at you, their fist will just slide right off."
Deadpool stared at him.
"Zero friction? That's ridiculous. You're messing with me, aren't you? Nice try—but you can't fool me."
Smack!
Before Rorschach could even respond, Deadpool suddenly slapped himself hard across the face.
Rorschach just stared.
As expected of this lunatic.
No one could ever predict what he would do next.
Deadpool's eyes widened.
"It really slipped! That slap slid right off! It felt like I was hitting a block of ice!"
He shouted in shock.
To be fair, with Deadpool's absurd regenerative ability, reflecting attacks didn't seem all that necessary.
But that wasn't the real point.
Even if he could heal, pain was still pain.
And if an attack slipped away before landing properly…
That was a whole different story.
"Sir, you can try taking off your shoes too," Rorschach said. "As long as the ground has even the slightest slope, you'll be able to glide like you're skating."
Before he even finished the sentence, Deadpool had already kicked off his shoes.
Sure enough, his body began sliding rapidly across the floor.
After all, a perfectly level surface didn't exist in the real world.
"Cool! This is so damn cool! No—this is beyond cool!"
Deadpool's excited shouts echoed through the shop.