Chapter 18: Old Eight's Parents: Don't accidentally make a baby!
....
Now fully clothed, Anna Yanami sat face-to-face with Kihara in his bedroom. He sat with his arms crossed, adopting the stern aura of a detective interrogating a prime suspect.
"Old Eight. Do you confess to your crimes of breaking and entering, as well as voyeurism?"
"I confess... but I really hate the nickname 'Old Eight'. Can you please stop calling me that?"
"You have no idea how glorious that title is. It has completely transformed the public image of the name from a literal shit-eater to a gluttonous sea otter like you!"
"Is it just me, or are the names you call me getting progressively weirder?"
"Seems perfectly fine to me." Kihara flashed a placid, gentle smile that sent a shiver straight down Anna's spine. Leaning in, he lightly rested a hand on her shoulder.
"Wouldn't you agree, Anna the Peeping Tom?"
Thud!
"I'm sorry! I was wrong!!" Anna instantly dropped into a flawless dogeza, her forehead practically glued to the floor as she bellowed her apology. The stubborn defiance she had displayed in the bathroom was entirely gone.
"Well, alright. Let's just say we're even."
"Huh?"
Though he couldn't see her face, Kihara could perfectly picture the bewildered, wide-eyed, goofy expression she was making.
Reaching out blindly, he caught the tip of her nose and gave it a playful wiggle. He chuckled, "What can I say? I'm your childhood friend. If you want to peek, fine, peek away. Just promise you won't do this to anyone else—not even another girl."
"I would never do this to anyone else! Only..."
"Only?"
"N-Nothing." Anna thanked her lucky stars that she was currently transparent. If she weren't, she would have a nightmare of a time explaining to Kihara why her face was burning a violent shade of crimson.
She could hardly tell him that his casual mention of being her "childhood friend" had sent her heart doing backflips, nearly making her lose her mind and confess right then and there.
"Alright, I'm going to get Lala to come take a look at you."
The moment Kihara stood up, Anna grabbed him by the sleeve.
"Don't! Please don't let Lala find out about this!"
"Why not?" He knitted his brows in confusion. "Are you planning to stay invisible forever?"
"No... I just don't want her to lose confidence in her own inventions because of this."
Over the past few days, Anna had watched firsthand just how much passion and joy Lala poured into creating that food replicator. Especially when everyone was eating the pudding together, the triumphant sparkle in Lala's eyes was bright enough to illuminate the entire room.
"She built that machine purely so everyone could happily enjoy delicious food. If she finds out it caused a bad side effect, it'll absolutely crush her. So... we can't tell her."
Kihara gently patted the top of her invisible head. "I understand. You can sleep in my room tonight just to be safe from any other mishaps."
"R-Really?!"
The sudden wave of happiness hit Anna like a squeaky inflatable hammer, leaving her head spinning.
"Yeah. Let me just shoot your parents a text."
"O-Okay!"
As soon as Kihara sent the message, the phone in Anna's pocket began to vibrate frantically. She pulled it out with trembling hands.
She had fully expected her parents to demand her immediate return. Instead, both her mother and father had spammed her with over a dozen messages. When summarized, every single one boiled down to the exact same sentiment:
Make sure to use protection. Don't accidentally play around and make a baby.
Anna didn't know whether to laugh or cry. In her current state, even if she wanted to, it wasn't exactly physically possible. Besides, Lala and Sanae were right downstairs; any late-night noise would instantly wake them up.
In the end, the two spent a perfectly mundane, uneventful night—one on the bed, and one on a futon on the floor.
...
The next morning, while eating breakfast, Kihara casually asked Lala what happened if someone accidentally fell ill on Earth.
Lala explained that there were actually plenty of aliens living on Earth disguised as humans, so specialized alien doctors did exist. In fact, one happened to run the infirmary right here at Gensokyo High.
Armed with this information, Kihara had Sanae and Lala head to school first. He then escorted Anna—who was wrapped from head to toe in a heavy trench coat, a wide-brimmed hat, sunglasses, and a thick face mask—taking a detour to slip unnoticed into the school's infirmary.
Knock, knock!
"Come in!"
Pushing the door open, the sharp, crisp scent of antiseptic washed over them.
A mature, voluptuous woman spun around slowly in her office chair. Her figure was as ripe and alluring as a perfectly matured peach. She cast a knowing, half-smiling gaze toward Kihara with her vibrant green eyes, her crimson lips curling upward.
"Well, if it isn't our school's dazzling superstar, Kihara-kun. Do you have an ache somewhere? Would you like sensei to give your body a thorough, intimate examination?"
"Mikado-sensei, I am perfectly healthy. The one with the problem is the person next to me."
Anna shed her trench coat. Ryouko Mikado, who had been staring at Kihara like a cougar locked onto its prey, instantly shifted her gaze. Her elegant eyebrows shot up in genuine surprise. "Oh my, now this is fascinating... Don't tell me this nameless female student is the one who brought you to me?"
"Lala told me everything. There's no need to hide your identity anymore, the universe's most renowned underground doctor—Ryouko Mikado."
"Oh dear, ripping away a lady's secret identity so aggressively is a fantastic way to get yourself hated by girls, you know~"
An old hag trying to play the blushing maiden.
The scathing retort flashed through Kihara's mind, but saying it aloud would undoubtedly infuriate this sultry doctor, potentially leaving Old Eight permanently incurable. He forced himself to maintain his patience.
"I appreciate the concern, sensei, but let's focus on her condition first."
Seeing his deadpan expression, Ryouko Mikado clicked her tongue in mild disappointment. "Alright, little lady, take a seat in front of me and tell me exactly how you ended up like this. If you don't know the cause, just tell me everything you did over the last two days."
"O-Okay."
While completely awestruck by the alien doctor's jaw-dropping figure—which looked as though it was about to burst right through her clothes—Anna recounted the tale of how she had fiercely gorged herself on pudding and wound up transparent.
"Princess Lala's invention, hm?... Can that pudding still be replicated?"
"No problem. I'll run to the club room."
It took Kihara less than three minutes to fetch a fresh cup of caramel pudding from the food machine and place it before Ryouko Mikado. She leaned in, caught the scent, and then took a small scoop to taste.
"Mmhmm... Just as I thought. Tru Powder. If that's the case, it's an easy fix."
"Tru Powder?"
Mikado explained to the duo that this particular substance was a space-exclusive additive used to make food infinitely more delicious. However, when absorbed by certain species, it caused their entire physical form to become transparent. Humans, as luck would have it, fell right into that category.
As for the solution, it was remarkably simple: intense exercise to induce heavy sweating and accelerate blood circulation. The compound would naturally flush out.
"Roughly how much exercise are we talking about?"
"For you... about twenty laps around the school track should do the trick."
"Huh?!" Anna's vision went dark, nearly fainting from the sheer horror of it. She pleaded pitifully, "Mikado-sensei, isn't there any other way?"
"Of course there is." Ryouko Mikado cast a thoroughly wicked, teasing glance at Kihara.
"Engaging in that kind of bedroom activity also heavily accelerates blood circulation—in fact, the results are much more efficient. That is, assuming Kihara-kun is willing to cooperate."
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Thank you for reading.