Chapter 24: Thieving Cat, I Choose a Heavy Punch!
....
Perhaps it was because the number of beautiful girls around Kihara had been steadily multiplying lately, but Anna Yanami's radar for detecting thieving cats had grown exceptionally sharp. Fortunately, Marisa—a highly suspect potential love rival—had departed shortly after scavenging for breakfast.
According to Kihara, she had left to look for a suitable apartment to rent, and it was highly probable she would be transferring to Gensokyo High in the near future.
'At least Marisa won't be freeloading at Kihara's house. That's one less thieving cat I have to constantly keep tabs on.'
However, upon deeper reflection, Anna realized that keeping an eye out for thieving cats might actually work in reverse. The more girls there were living under Kihara's roof, the more they would end up restricting and checking one another.
After all, there was only one Kihara to go around. The more girls clustered around him, the lower the probability of anyone successfully pulling off a stealthy, solo romantic elopement.
In other words, it was the legendary paradox: The more thieving cats there are, the fewer thieving cats there actually are.
Having unlocked this profound piece of logic, Anna suddenly found Marisa's departure rather regrettable. This was especially true because she had noticed that the atmosphere between Kihara and Sanae had become distinctly unusual today.
It was like a bowl of perfectly ordinary, clear noodle broth that had suddenly been assaulted by a massive ladle of salt and rich bone stock, instantly transforming into a dense, heavy tonkotsu ramen.
'This won't do. I have to find a way to figure out exactly what happened between those two!'
Anna knew she couldn't monitor their every interaction 24/7. Therefore, the innocent and enthusiastic Lala was the absolute perfect candidate to help her uncover the truth.
Seizing the opportunity during a class recess, she secretly called Lala out to the rooftop.
"Lala, can you do me a favor and keep an eye on what Kihara and Sanae are up to whenever they're at home together?"
"I can do that, but what are you planning?"
"Uh..." Anna couldn't bring herself to voice her raw suspicions—that she suspected Sanae of transforming into a thieving cat and having a secret fling with Kihara. She could only offer a vague, rambling excuse.
"Well... I'm just really curious about their cooking skills, so I wanted to see if they're privately exchanging culinary secrets..."
Lala actually knew she was lying, but
sensing zero malice behind the request, she chose not to press for her true motive.
"Mmhmm, I'll keep an eye on them for you."
"That's wonderful! Thank you so much. Here, have this pickled plum rice ball."
"Nom... Wow, delicious!!!"
"Hehe, I'm glad you like it. Speaking of which... how is the overhaul on the food machine coming along?"
"It's currently undergoing its thirty-sixth test run! Once it passes a hundred consecutive tests without any anomalies, we can safely bring it to the club room for regular use."
Recalling the divine taste of that caramel pudding, Anna secretly swallowed her saliva. She was intensely looking forward to the grand return of the food machine.
...
"Sanae, could you hand me the kitchen knife over there?"
"Here you go."
"Thanks."
After deftly chopping the carrots into neat, rolling chunks, Kihara paused his movements. He turned his head to look at the half of a small head currently peeking through the kitchen doorframe. Amused yet entirely exasperated, he sighed, "Lala, you've been glued to the doorway staring at Sanae and me this entire time. What are you up to?"
"A-Are you sure? I'm just watching you guys cook in a perfectly ordinary way."
Sanae let out a soft chuckle. "Lala really is terrible at lying, isn't she?"
"Wow, you both figured it out already?!" Lala gasped, instantly vanishing from the doorway.
"I'll handle the chopping for now. I'm going to go ask Lala what she's actually trying to do."
"Mmhmm, go ahead." As she took the knife from his hand, Sanae's index finger mischievously traced a light stroke across Kihara's palm. "So, when are you taking me out on that date?"
"This weekend, probably. On Saturday, I have to run down to the studio lot. They said the actress for the female lead has finally been locked in."
"The female lead, huh... You two won't have any kissing scenes, will you?" She puffed out one cheek, clearly tasting a hint of jealousy.
Normally, in a situation like this, a boy would scramble to offer a mountain of reassurances to keep the girl from getting upset.
Kihara, however, completely failed to read the underlying mood. After a moment of genuine reflection, he offered a thoroughly clinical response. "Probably not. At most, there will just be some ambiguous plot developments to advance the romance.
After all, this Tokusatsu drama is aimed at all ages. Even if there really is a kissing scene, I'll just use forced camera angles to execute it. I won't give her a chance to take advantage of me."
Pfft!
"Sanae, what are you laughing at?"
"N-Nothing. I just think your other girlfriends really hit the nail on the head when they called you a total blockhead."
Kihara blinked in sheer bewilderment before leaving the kitchen to track down Lala. She was currently sitting in the living room, completely engrossed in another family-friendly Tokusatsu drama, Baking Hot Magical Girl Kyoko.
Seeing her so intensely focused, he immediately muffled his movements, creeping up stealthily behind her before executing a sudden, back-hugging pounce.
"Wah!"
As it turned out, the hyper-focused Lala wasn't startled in the slightest. Instead, Peke—who was currently functioning as her costume-changing robot—was so utterly terrified that she deactivated her transformation in a flash of bright white light, reverting back to her default form as a white plush doll.
A faint breeze drifted through the room, causing Lala to shudder from the sudden chill. She blinked in confusion. "Oh, so if Peke gets scared, you automatically deactivate your costume?"
"My deepest apologies, Princess Lala! It appears my training is still severely lacking."
"Hmm... I'll have to program an emergency failsafe for you next time so this doesn't happen again."
Kihara grabbed a nearby blanket to cover the breathtakingly gorgeous view that had suddenly materialized before him. Reaching out, he playfully pinched her soft cheek and scolded, "You should really wear regular clothes when you're just lounging around the house. Don't constantly rely on Peke's costume abilities. Give her a vacation once in a while, will you?"
"You make a good point! I'll go put on some clothes right now!"
True to her nature, Lala was as fast as the wind. Within moments, she came running downstairs wearing a pastel-pink bubble dress, pinching the hem as she twirled beautifully before him.
"Ta-da! Does it look good?"
"You look great in absolutely anything."
Hearing the praise, Lala acted like a giant golden retriever, wagging her metaphorical tail as she lunged into his embrace, nuzzling her face left and right against his chest. "As long as you like looking at it, I can wear anything! I can even have Peke replicate the outfits from the TV shows!"
"Leave it completely to me, Master Kihara, Princess Lala! Peke will absolutely give her all to ensure the happiness of both masters!"
Peke announced proudly.
Kihara smiled, stroking her impossibly smooth pink hair. Then, right in the middle of this heartwarming oasis, he casually dropped his trap question. "So, why were you secretly peeping on Sanae and me earlier?"
"Because Anna begged me to—" Halfway through her sentence, Lala realized she had been totally played. Her soft body instantly froze solid. Panicking, she frantically tried to patch the leak. "No, wait! It's because I wanted to secretly learn your cooking skills!"
"Learning how to cook, huh? You could have just asked directly."
With that, Kihara took her by the hand and led her toward the kitchen, though the amused glint in his eyes suggested he had absolutely no intention of actually teaching her a recipe.
Roughly half an hour later, Anna Yanami burst out of her house like a fire engine responding to a four-alarm blaze, a half-eaten bag of potato chips still clutched tightly in her hand.
Two text messages from Lala were glowing on her screen:
[I saw Sanae and Kihara hugging while chopping vegetables in the kitchen.]
[Sanae accidentally cut her finger, and Kihara shoved her finger straight into his mouth.]
Those two brief updates had instantly blared the highest-level threat siren in her mind.
This wasn't just your run-of-the-mill thieving cat anymore. This required a heavy, decisive punch!
....
Thank you for reading.