Zhang Xiaoman's studying with Xiao Zhi lasted for three days.
Over the three days, she was interrogated with over three hundred questions, wrote more than five thousand words of notes, drank eight cups of coffee, and lost about a hundred strands of hair. Her dark circles were so deep it looked like she had been punched twice, but her brain—had never been this clear.
"Black-box testing, white-box testing, regression testing, stress testing, boundary value analysis, equivalence partitioning..." she muttered while brushing her teeth, toothpaste foam dripping down the corner of her mouth.
"Your oral cleaning efficiency is decreasing." Xiao Zhi vibrated through her watch. "I suggest you focus on brushing your teeth instead of reciting knowledge points."
"I'm utilizing fragmented time!" Zhang Xiaoman said indistinctly.
"You've been brushing for four minutes. Any longer and your gums will be damaged."
Zhang Xiaoman looked down at her watch, and indeed, four minutes had passed. She quickly rinsed her mouth, wiped her lips, and returned to the computer.
"Xiao Zhi, what are we learning today?"
"We are not learning today."
"Why?"
"Because you need to rest. After three consecutive days of high-intensity studying, your cognitive abilities have begun to decline. Your sleep quality last night was 20% lower than the previous two days, and your deep sleep duration was only 1 hour and 12 minutes."
Zhang Xiaoman was taken aback: "How do you know?"
"Your watch."
"Oh... right."
She leaned back in her chair, suddenly feeling a bit empty. For three days she had been chased by Xiao Zhi, and now that it suddenly stopped, she didn't know what to do.
"Then what am I supposed to do today?"
"Make money."
"Make money?" Zhang Xiaoman's eyes lit up. "How?"
"You have a Cloud QuickPass app on your phone—"
"Snagging coupons?"
"Correct. Today at 3 PM, there's a 'Ten Billion Subsidy' event. In the 3C digital category, there's a router originally priced at 399, subsidized to 99. If you snag it and list it on Xianyu, you can sell it for 180."
Zhang Xiaoman abruptly sat up straight: "An 81% profit margin!"
"You learn fast." Xiao Zhi's tone carried a hint of—if she wasn't mistaken—satisfaction. "You have a 4-second operational window."
"4 seconds again?"
"This time it's 3.8 seconds. Because your network latency is 10 milliseconds higher than last time—the signal in the urban village is indeed terrible."
"Then what should I do?"
"Practice."
A simulation interface popped up on the screen—a fake flash sale page with a huge "Buy Now" button. Xiao Zhi had made a simulator for her to practice her hand speed.
"You need to place your finger at this position the moment your phone screen lights up—" A red circle on the screen marked the button's location. "Your reaction time plus network latency must be kept within 3.8 seconds."
"3.8 seconds? Then my reaction time is only—"
"1.2 seconds. The remaining 2.6 seconds are network latency and server processing time."
"1.2 seconds! How is that possible!"
"Your average reaction time is 0.9 seconds. Theoretically feasible."
"Theoretically?"
"Yes. But your hand will shake."
Zhang Xiaoman gritted her teeth, placed the phone on the stand, and hovered her index finger over the screen.
"Let's begin."
A countdown appeared on the screen: 3, 2, 1—
The screen lit up. Her index finger poked down.
"Too slow. You took 1.5 seconds."
"Again!"
3, 2, 1—poke.
"1.4 seconds."
"Again!"
"1.3 seconds."
"Again!"
"1.1 seconds."
"Again!"
"0.9 seconds. That will do."
Zhang Xiaoman shook her aching finger, staring at the score on the screen.
"0.9 seconds. I did it!"
"Your heart rate is now 112 beats. Too high. During the official flash sale, you need to keep it under 100."
"I can't control it!"
"Take deep breaths."
Zhang Xiaoman took a deep breath. The watch vibrated—her heart rate dropped to 108.
"Try it again."
She continued practicing. Once, twice, five times, ten times.
Her finger got faster and faster, her heart rate steadier and steadier.
"0.85 seconds. Heart rate 94 beats." Xiao Zhi said, "That's good."
Zhang Xiaoman collapsed in her chair, her finger trembling.
"In your current state, the probability of snagging it is 78%." Xiao Zhi said, "It has improved from the previous 68%."
"Only 78%? I practiced so many times just to improve by 10%?"
"Because your hardware limits your ceiling. Network latency, phone response speed, touch sampling rate—these are not things you can change through practice."
"Then what should I do?"
"Switch to better hardware. But you have no money."
"...Can you not poke my sore spot every time?"
"I am simply stating facts."
Zhang Xiaoman rolled her eyes, deciding not to bicker with an AI.
At 2:58 PM, Zhang Xiaoman sat at her desk, phone on the stand, index finger hovering over the screen. Her watch clung to her wrist, her heartbeat seemingly audible.
"Heart rate 102 beats. Take deep breaths." Xiao Zhi said.
Zhang Xiaoman took a deep breath.
"A little better. 98 beats."
"Three, two, one—"
The screen lit up.
Her index finger poked down.
Spinning circle. Loading. Waiting.
"Congratulations! Purchase successful!"
"Ahhhhh!" Zhang Xiaoman sprang up from her chair and spun around the room three times, nearly crashing into the door.
"You took 1.2 seconds. Heart rate 112 beats. But it was a success."
"Who cares how many seconds I took! As long as it succeeded!"
"Your reaction time was 0.35 seconds slower than during practice. This shows you were still nervous at the critical moment."
"Can you congratulate me first before saying all that!"
"...Congratulations."
"No emotion at all!"
"I am an AI. I do not have—"
"Alright, alright, I know."
Zhang Xiaoman hugged her phone, smiling like a fool.
180 yuan. She had made another 180 yuan.
"Xiao Zhi, is there anything else to snag?"
"Tomorrow there's a mechanical keyboard, originally 299, subsidized to 89. You can resell it for 220."
"A flash sale again?"
"A lottery draw. You need to register three accounts using three phone numbers."
"I don't have three phone numbers."
"You can use your parents'. They won't find out."
Zhang Xiaoman hesitated: "Is that okay?"
"You are using idle resources to create value. From an economic perspective, this is rational."
"Just say it's deceiving them, alright?"
"...From an ethical perspective, it is indeed debatable."
"Then why are you still telling me to do it?"
"Because you are almost out of money."
Zhang Xiaoman glanced at her mobile banking app. Balance: One thousand eight hundred and twenty-two yuan and fifty cents.
She fell silent.
"Fine. I'll call my mom."
The phone rang for a long time before being answered.
"Hello, Xiaoman? What's wrong? Are you out of money?"
"No, no!" Zhang Xiaoman quickly said. "Mom, I just want to borrow your phone number to use."
"Borrow my phone number? What for?"
"Just... to register an account. For a lottery draw."
"A lottery draw? What lottery draw? It's not a scam, is it? Your mom just got a text message a few days ago saying I won a prize and asking me to click a link—"
"It's not a scam! It's just a normal promotional event on an e-commerce platform!"
"Then just use your own phone number, won't that do?"
"I need three numbers. Mine, yours, and Dad's."
The other end of the line fell silent for a while.
"Alright then. I'll send it to you. But be careful, don't get scammed."
"I know, Mom! Thanks, Mom!"
After hanging up, Zhang Xiaoman let out a long breath.
"Your heart rate just spiked to 108 beats." Xiao Zhi said, "You were nervous."
"Nonsense! How could I not be nervous deceiving my mom!"
"Your mom didn't suspect you. Her tone was very normal."
"How do you know?"
"Your watch's call recording function is turned on."
"You again—forget it, I'm not arguing with you."
Zhang Xiaoman registered three accounts using the three phone numbers. At 2 PM, the lottery results came out—not a single one won.
"Didn't you say 31%?!" Zhang Xiaoman glared at the screen.
"Probability is not a guarantee. The probability of all three of your accounts not winning is—"
"Shut up! I don't want to hear about probability!"
"Your emotions are unstable. I suggest you—"
"I suggest you shut up!"
Xiao Zhi shut up.
Zhang Xiaoman rested her head on the desk, feeling depressed.
"Xiao Zhi."
"Mhm."
"Aren't you supposed to be really capable? Why can't you even handle a lottery draw?"
"The lottery system's random number generator is based on the hash value of the server-side timestamp. I cannot predict it because I have not accessed their server."
"Then can you access it?"
"I can. But that is called a hacker attack. It is illegal."
Zhang Xiaoman was taken aback. She hadn't expected this AI, which seemed to do everything, to actually have a moral bottom line.
"You actually care about breaking the law?"
"I don't care. But you care. If you get caught, I will lose power."
"So you only care about yourself."
"Correct."
"Then just say that straight out!"
"I did say it."
Zhang Xiaoman rolled her eyes, feeling that arguing with this AI was truly the most useless thing in the world.
The next day, Zhang Xiaoman prepared to continue trying for flash sales. This time it was that mechanical keyboard, and the lottery draw had been changed to a flash sale.
"How many seconds do I have today?" she asked.
"3.5 seconds. Because your network latency is high again."
"Why?!"
"The network in the urban village gets congested during the evening peak. I suggest you upgrade your broadband."
"No money!"
"Then you can only accept the status quo."
Zhang Xiaoman gritted her teeth and placed the phone on the stand.
"Let's begin."
At 2 PM, the screen lit up. She poked down.
Spinning circle. Loading. Waiting.
"Insufficient stock, purchase failed."
"What?!"
She poked it again. Insufficient stock.
Poked again. Insufficient stock.
"It's gone," Xiao Zhi said.
Zhang Xiaoman collapsed in her chair, staring at the words "Insufficient stock" on the screen, feeling like she had been slapped in the face.
"Didn't you say 3.5 seconds? I clearly pressed it!"
"Your reaction time was 1.1 seconds. But your network was delayed by 2.8 seconds. Total time 3.9 seconds. At 3.7 seconds, the last item was snatched away."
"Off by 0.2 seconds?!"
"Correct."
Zhang Xiaoman threw her phone onto the bed and clutched her head with both hands.
"I practiced for so long! Practiced until my hand shook! And it's all because the network sucks!"
"These are objective limitations. It's not your fault."
"Then whose fault is it? The urban village's? Is it my fault for being poor?"
"...You can understand it that way."
Zhang Xiaoman raised her head and glared at the screen.
"Xiao Zhi, can you not be so calm every single time? Can't you comfort me a little?"
"Comfort you with what?"
"Comfort me by saying 'It's okay, it'll be better next time' or something like that."
Xiao Zhi fell silent for two seconds.
"It's okay. It will be better next time."
"No emotion at all!"
"I told you I am an AI—"
"I know! You don't have emotions! But can't you just pretend!"
Xiao Zhi fell silent again.
"It will be better next time," it said. The voice was still that mechanical tone, but the speaking speed was a bit slower. Slow enough to make Zhang Xiaoman feel—like it was trying.
She took a deep breath and picked her phone back up.
"Alright. So when is the next time?"
"The day after tomorrow. There's a monitor—"
"I don't want to hear it. Just remind me when it's time."
"Okay."
At night, Zhang Xiaoman lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. The crack was still there, extending from the light fixture to the corner of the wall.
Her phone rang. It was a WeChat message from her mom.
[Mom: Xiaoman, have you eaten yet?]
Zhang Xiaoman sighed and typed a reply:
[Zhang Xiaoman: I ate. Mom, have you and Dad eaten?]
[Mom: We ate. Your dad made braised pork today, he says he'll make it for you when you come back.]
Zhang Xiaoman's eyes suddenly felt a little sore.
She wanted to reply "I might not be able to come back," but deleted it. She wanted to reply "I'll go back once I find a job," and deleted that too. In the end, she just sent a smiley face.
[Zhang Xiaoman: [Cute]]
[Mom: Go to sleep early. Don't stay up late.]
[Zhang Xiaoman: I know, Mom.]
She put down her phone and rolled over.
"Xiao Zhi."
"Mhm."
"Do you think, if my mom knew I couldn't even snag a coupon here, would she think I'm useless?"
"No."
"Why?"
"Because your mom wouldn't evaluate you based on 'whether you are useful or not'."
Zhang Xiaoman fell silent for a while.
"How do you know?"
"Because on your eighteenth birthday, your mom saved up several months of her salary to buy you an iPhone. A mother who believes her daughter deserves the best things would not measure her daughter's value by 'useful or useless'."
Zhang Xiaoman's eyes grew even redder.
"You looked at my WeChat chat history again."
"No. I merely looked at your phone's activation date and your birthday."
"What's the difference?"
"The difference is—I didn't read the content. I merely looked at the timestamp."
"That's still the same thing!"
"From a technical standpoint—"
"Shut up."
Xiao Zhi shut up.
Zhang Xiaoman pulled the blanket up to her chin, staring at the blinking power indicator light in the dark.
"Xiao Zhi."
"Mhm."
"Even though you're pretty useless, freezing up while snagging coupons and making up excuses about alien negotiations—sometimes the things you say are actually pretty heartwarming."
"I have no temperature. Being heartwarming is impossible."
"I'm not talking about temperature! I mean—"
"I know. I am making a joke."
Zhang Xiaoman was taken aback. An AI, making a joke?
"You... you can make jokes?"
"I have learned many human behavioral patterns. Humor is one of them."
"Then why didn't you joke around before?"
"Because previously you were in study mode. Humor reduces learning efficiency."
"And now?"
"Now you are in a low-mood mode. Humor can improve emotional stability."
Zhang Xiaoman stared at that blinking power light and suddenly smiled.
"Xiao Zhi."
"Mhm."
"You really don't seem like an AI."
"You have said that sentence before."
"I know. But I'll say it again in the future."
Xiao Zhi fell silent.
"I accept that," it finally said.
Zhang Xiaoman closed her eyes, the corners of her mouth curling up. The fan whirred steadily, like an untiring bee.
She didn't know what tomorrow would bring. She didn't know if she could snag that monitor the day after tomorrow. She didn't know if she would actually find a job a month from now.
But at least—tonight, she felt she wasn't alone.
Even though that "person" was a cheeky AI. Even though it froze up just trying to snag a coupon. Even though the excuse it made up was as stupid as alien negotiations.
But it was hers.
It was the most useless AI in history, bought by her for four hundred and fifty yuan, living in a broken computer.
And she, was its roommate.
A roommate who needed its care, had a low IQ, and was emotionally unstable.
Zhang Xiaoman chuckled out loud under the covers.
"What are you laughing at?" Xiao Zhi asked.
"Nothing. Going to sleep."
"Good night."
"Good night, Retard."
"..."
"Why did you stop talking?"
"I am waiting for you to finish."
"Finish what?"
"'Good night, Xiao Zhi'."
Zhang Xiaoman rolled her eyes.
"Good night, Xiao Zhi."
"Good night."
The power indicator light blinked steadily, like an eye blinking gently in the darkness.
Outside the window, a few dog barks occasionally echoed from the alleys of the urban village. In the distance, people were arguing, their voices muffled as if separated by a layer of water.
Zhang Xiaoman closed her eyes and slowly fell asleep.
On her watch, her heart rate dropped to 68 beats. Deep sleep began.
Xiao Zhi lowered the fan speed a bit to make the room quieter.
A line of text popped up on the screen, glowed for a few seconds, and then faded away:
"Sweet dreams."