His return home was incredibly anticlimactic. He had sent the scroll with the corpses of his dead squad days ago, so he had missed the funerals while he "recovered." It was the first time he had lied about his medical condition, and he had done it to stay with her a little longer. It was also the first time a woman had intrigued him.
His walk through the forest was slow and tedious. He was nearly dragging his feet. He stopped abruptly when he realized it was because he didn't want to leave the cabin in the middle of the woods. He looked back, even though he could no longer see it, and thought about her. It had only been seven days, but everything had changed. He felt strange, renewed… awake. It was as if, until that very moment, he hadn't been aware of his own life, and now he found himself with the reins in his hands, not knowing what to do with them. He knew why he felt this way.
As he had confessed to Harika, he had always preferred to go along with the decisions of others, emulating his father. His father was his idol, so it made sense why he had used his image as a guide, but a part of him hadn't realized that living his life this way, while easy and comfortable, also limited him. His life was a copy of his father's or at least it was starting to dangerously resemble it. Why was he so bitter if he was just imitating someone he admired and respected? Now he knew the answer. It was because Shikamaru, unlike his father, didn't want to settle. And that was exactly what he had been doing for years.
He hadn't realized how non-conforming he really was. In fact, he was still surprised to find such a trait in himself. He had always thought he was lazy and easily content, but he couldn't have been more wrong. He had been wandering through life because he didn't know what he wanted from it but now he did.
He recalled those emerald eyes set in a pale, delicate face, smooth as silk. In just seven days he had memorized as much as he could about her, correctly deducing they would have to part—at least for a while—within a few days. He had studied her shiny, black, curly hair; he had admired her elegant, feminine form under the sheets as she slept, the curve of her full lips, the long lashes casting shadows on her high cheekbones...
He had opened his eyes that night and been instantly captivated by her gentle, curious gaze. Harika would never know how hard he fought sleep the first time he saw her, desperate to keep looking at her. He was surprised to realize that a civilian woman, a stranger, had cared so much about him that she risked her life and opened her home's door. Her concern for him had been so obvious, so genuine, that he couldn't help but comfort her with a few words before falling unconscious. It was the first time he had ever felt the need to comfort someone.
He remembered her promise with a smile, now knowing that Harika had meant it when she said she would take care of him. He also remembered how he had pushed her onto the bed, trapping her between his arms for a few intense seconds… He had wanted to show her she couldn't be so naïve, that she needed to protect herself and yet she hadn't even blinked when their eyes collided violently. His intention had been to warn her about danger, but as soon as he had her beneath him, with his hands on either side of her face, he completely forgot what he'd been thinking. He, a genius, with a blank mind.
He could almost feel those ghostly lips brushing his cheek, reaching his ear.
"I'm not afraid of you."
His body hair stood on end again at the memory of the electricity he had felt in that moment. If she hadn't pinched his wound in rebuke, he would have kissed her. No. He would have devoured her lips, just like he had wanted to from the first moment. A weight settled in his chest, and he realized he was feeling need. He almost turned back. Only after breathing deeply a few times, closing his eyes and forcing himself to stop thinking about that bittersweet moment, could he restrain the urge to run in the opposite direction of Konoha.
Harika had helped him realize what he wanted and what he didn't want in life, something he had never been able to discover until now. He didn't want someone to control his life like he was a puppet, he didn't want someone stubborn and domineering, he didn't want his personal life to be a constant battle for his independence, he didn't want yelling or headaches. That was exactly what his mother represented—to his father and to him, to a lesser extent—and it was exactly what he had assumed he'd have in the future. It was what he had expected. And he had expected that because he had been emulating his father. The cycle was finally complete. He finally saw everything clearly. He had never seen the light at the end of the tunnel before but now he did.
He wanted someone to laugh with, someone to watch the stars with and sleep under the clouds. He wanted someone with whom he wouldn't have to fight for personal space, someone who could speed up his pulse with just a look and soothe his sorrow with a smile. He wanted someone genuine, someone he could talk to about everything and nothing, someone he could tell all his secrets to, someone who understood him… He wanted someone who could shake his whole world with a hug.
Harika had bought a shogi board without even knowing what she was buying. Simply because she had intuited it was important to him somehow. In that precise moment, another puzzle piece clicked into place, one that told him even more about her: Harika was the kind of person who risked her neck for strangers because she hated seeing them suffer, the kind of person who bought a ridiculous mug just because it reminded her of a friend or a shogi board to lift the spirits of a depressed stranger.
Understanding what kind of person she was, the woman he was completely smitten with, had driven him to confess his feelings of bitterness and guilt. And as he had guessed, she listened without judgment. She hugged him to give him strength. It was exactly what he needed. He remembered, smiling, the euphoria he had felt holding her in his arms, the feel of her soft neck skin against his lips and cheek. He remembered the floral and slightly spicy scent, her incredibly delicate perfume filling his nose. He wished he could have held her the entire night, and the moment he wished it… he wished for something even better: to fall asleep holding her in his arms.
That night, he fell asleep imagining what it would be like to return home to her every night, talking over a glass of wine or maybe tea before seeking refuge in bed for the rest of the night until the next dawn. Almost without realizing it, his mind fantasized about the scene. He pictured them eating dinner while talking about everything and nothing, sipping that glass of wine with her on his lap, stealing kisses when he couldn't hold back… he pictured himself carrying her in his arms to their shared bed, undressing her, admiring her slender body on their white sheets before making love to her. That day he was thankful she had been asleep because his erection had been impossible to hide.
Shikamaru sighed, breathing unevenly. These were the most intense feelings he had ever experienced. He pitied his past self. The one who had stared at his bedroom ceiling countless times, bored to death and increasingly bitter. Now that he was free, he would never go numb again.
…
His return home brought with it a mountain of paperwork, an interrogation, and Naruto's return to Konoha. Shikamaru had almost forgotten Naruto was coming back. Almost.
"Shikamaru!" Naruto shouted, waving his arm back and forth with way too much energy.
Curiously, his friend's exuberance—something that had always exasperated and tired him—now felt almost comforting. Naruto hadn't changed a bit.
"Hey, Naruto. Did you get back from your trip today?"
"Yeah! You're actually the first one I've seen."
"That's lucky. I also just got back this morning from a mission."
"How's everyone? Are they in the village? Did they miss me?" Naruto asked, blushing slightly as he bombarded him with questions.
"Why don't we meet up this afternoon and you can find out for yourself?"
Naruto blinked, eyes wide at the suggestion. Shikamaru smiled. Until just a few days ago, he never would have proposed meeting up with friends himself, even though he deeply cared about them, but things had changed. He didn't want to keep being the same old him, following the same patterns, so if things were to change, he logically had to act differently. Starting with his friends.
He had been thinking about it while chatting with Harika about their respective friends, and he realized he hadn't been the best friend in the world. He only ever met up with them because Ino or Chouji dragged him to a restaurant or the onsen. His father had two best friends—Inoichi and Chouza—who were also his teammates, so seeing them required no effort. As Shikamaru didn't want to keep blindly imitating Shikaku Nara, that meant he had to put in some effort to maintain his friendships.
That same afternoon, while walking to Chouji's restaurant to reunite with Naruto and the others, he thought about what he needed to start doing in the short term to change. His first thought, of course, led straight to Harika. Incredibly, she had become something that occupied his mind constantly, either in the foreground or the background. He found it almost amusing to realize that nothing and no one had ever concerned him or, better said, occupied so much mental space.
Harika had promised she wouldn't leave the Land of Fire, but Shikamaru knew that didn't mean much on a larger scale, since she hadn't promised not to leave the cabin. The same cabin that Harika had suspiciously bought the same day she found him poisoned and unconscious, according to the clothing shopkeeper he questioned when he'd separated from her for just ten minutes. It was clear the cabin wasn't Harika's home. If she bought that place, it was because she, very logically, didn't trust taking him to her actual home. Harika had clearly taken more precautions than he had initially thought.
Judging by her clothing and high-quality belongings, it was easy to deduce she had money. Probably a lot. He didn't care too much, except that it comforted him to know she could take care of herself. Still, the fact that she had money was inconvenient for him, because he knew she could move more easily across the map in search of clues to return home.
And that led to his real concern. Where was her home? Where did Harika come from? She wasn't a ninja, but her behaviour, her actions, and her body language proved she wasn't a civilian either. When faced with the danger he posed, she hadn't reacted nervously or shown fear. No. In fact, she had smiled while stifling a laugh when he called her a civilian. It was obvious she found it amusing that he thought she was one.
Then there were the small and mysterious inconsistencies he had mentally listed as enigmas. Like the woman's sweater—clearly hers—but suspiciously in a man's size. Or the shogi board she had bought in the village, which somehow had reappeared in the cabin. Where had she kept that box of that size while they travelled back? The only thing she had carried was a small leather bag. So, either she had stored it there or carried the box invisibly… or had somehow shrunk it. He knew she hadn't gone back to the village to buy the board because she had given it to him as soon as they arrived.
The mystery that Harika represented was the most interesting thing he had discovered in years. It was clear she had some kind of power or ninja knowledge. Her chakra was present, but she hadn't used it when they were together. At least, he hadn't detected it. That meant either she didn't use chakra, or her understanding of chakra was greater than he had initially thought. He leaned more toward the former, judging by her interest when he spoke to her about his life as a ninja.
Not to mention the most intriguing thing of all. How had Harika managed to spy on his fight that day without any of the ninjas present noticing? Shikamaru knew what kind of poison those people used, so he should have bled out within 15 minutes, considering he had a stab wound in his side inflicted at the same moment he was poisoned. That meant either he had the luck of a lifetime and Harika had found him at the precise moment in the exact place to save him from certain death, or Harika had already been there, watching everything unfold.
He didn't believe in coincidences. In fact, if he thought about the probability of Harika just randomly passing through that place, it was clearly slim to none. No. It was clear she had been spying on them. And it was also clear that none of them had sensed her. How, then, had she done it? Everything pointed to Harika having powers capable of distorting a ninja's perception. It wasn't entirely unusual, considering many people had unique abilities, but all of them were based on chakra, as far as he knew.
He would have to keep what he knew a secret because the last thing he wanted was to put her in danger. Especially when his intention was quite the opposite. He wanted to protect her. Just like she had promised to protect him. One way or another, the fact that she had powers both eased his worries and, somewhat ironically, worsened them. As long as Harika remained unnoticed, everything would be fine, but he needed to see for himself that she was safe.
That meant that, somehow, he had to find her again. Which brought him back to the first part of his plan. He needed to leave the village again so he could search for her. He needed a solo mission. As soon as he was assigned one, he would make sure to complete it as quickly as possible to have enough time before having to return to Konoha.
Which brought him to the second part of his plan… Helping her return home. It was obvious that Harika's greatest concern was getting back home. That was one of the main reasons she hadn't returned to Konoha with him. Still, Shikamaru believed that if she had been able to come and go freely, she would have accepted his offer. That meant that until she could see her family again and figure out how to return home, she wouldn't be able to truly give herself to anyone. Not even to him.
However, Shikamaru wasn't going to give up. He didn't like relying on hunches, preferring logic, but something in his heart told him she was worth it. He had the strange feeling that he would regret it for the rest of his life if he didn't at least try. He trusted logic, but he also wanted to trust his heart. It was time to finally listen to himself.
Even so, Shikamaru wasn't the kind of person who made spontaneous decisions or stepped out of line. That was more Naruto or Ino's style. He realized, as he listened to his friends heading to the restaurant, that maybe Naruto or Ino were much braver than he was. For the first time in his life, he was about to break the rules, or perhaps bend them a little, to pursue a selfish wish, and he was actually nervous. But even nervous, he couldn't wait to start his new plan.
The sound of the paper door pulled him out of his thoughts.
"Wow! You're the first to arrive," exclaimed Ino, quite surprised to see him already sitting at the large table, waiting for Chouji. "I thought I'd have to come get you."
"You mean drag me."
"I wouldn't have to drag you if you moved your ass yourself!"
"Isn't that what I did?" he sighed, with a smile that left Ino in shock.
"Well… yeah. Now that you mention it. You're not dying, are you?"
Shikamaru let out a chuckle. "Not yet."
The room slowly filled until there was no more space at the table. If things had turned out differently, Sasuke would have been sitting between Sakura and Naruto. Unfortunately, things didn't always go well.
"How was the trip, Naruto?"
"Did you learn much from Jiraiya-sama?"
"Bet you just slacked off the whole time!"
"HEY! That's a lie! Why don't we head to the training grounds later and I'll show you?" Naruto grinned, pointing at Kiba.
Shikamaru let out another chuckle as he watched his friends chat with the newcomer. The meal passed quickly. There was a lot to talk about, memories to relive, things better left unsaid… It had been almost three years since Naruto left, and for better or worse, life had moved on.
He had become a jonin, alongside Neji, more than six months ago. The others had passed the chunin exams a year earlier. Gaara had become the Kazekage. Hard to believe that just three years ago they had tried to invade them…
"How everything has changed…" Naruto said with a melancholy smile.
"It's been years."
"But now you're here," he said, suddenly drawing everyone's attention without meaning to. "Life moved on, but we didn't forget you."
"That's true!"
"Thanks, guys."
"I propose a monthly meal!" said Ino, with her usual exuberance. "That way we can all keep up to date."
Shikamaru nodded. Hours later, when everyone had things to do, they said their goodbyes at the restaurant door. He was about to find a place to reflect on his plans when Naruto approached him.
"Hey, Shikamaru. Thanks for today's meal."
"I just suggested it. It was all Ino's doing."
Naruto smiled, as if amused by his words. He didn't contradict him, instead watching him silently for a few seconds, as if seriously considering something.
"I never thought you'd change so much by the time I got back."
"My change is recent," he confessed with a laugh, walking aimlessly down the street.
"Oh? Got tired of being lazy already?" Naruto laughed. Then he blinked and nudged him playfully with his elbow. "Don't tell me… there's a girl, isn't there? That's gotta be it!"
"…"
"Wait a minute! No way! I'm right, aren't I!?"
Naruto stopped in the middle of the street when he realized Shikamaru wasn't denying it. His stunned face, marked by total surprise, made Shikamaru laugh. It was clear that Naruto had been joking, and even if it were true, he had expected him to completely deny it. Like he would have before. He could almost see his old self clicking his tongue, murmuring with exhaustion or exasperation, brushing the whole thing off.
The thing was, he couldn't brush it off because the change had been radical. Not just on the surface, but deep inside. Shikamaru hadn't just changed his clothes; he had changed his feelings. His life goals had changed, and so Shikamaru was no longer the same as a week ago. That's why it was easy to distinguish his old self from his new one. That's why he wasn't going to deny what had happened to him—and it was all thanks to Harika.
Shikamaru grabbed Naruto by the arm, pulling him toward a more secluded spot when he saw him open his mouth to shout again.
"Shh… Not so loud, man."
"B-but… I'm right?"
"… Yeah."
"Do I know her?"
"No."
"What? But-"
"You don't know her, Naruto."
They reached a bridge crossing over a small stream and stopped there. Or rather, Shikamaru stopped dragging Naruto and sat down on a stone bench. Naruto remained standing, watching him with a confused expression, until he finally shook off his invisible thoughts with a quick head shake. He shoved his hands into his pockets and leaned against the red railing, freshly painted by the look of its shiny surface.
"Is she from the village?"
"No."
"What's her name? How did you meet her? Since when…? You know."
Shikamaru smiled automatically. He hadn't even thought about it, but just remembering everything that had happened these past few days—remembering her—it was impossible for his lips not to curl into a smile. Suddenly, he felt the need to talk about it. It was the first time in his life he felt like sharing what he felt with someone else. His father always pulled his thoughts out of him through a few shogi matches, and then Asuma had done the same, though with more difficulty. To this day, those two, and Chouji, were the only ones who knew more than what he usually showed others.
"Her name is Harika, and I met her only eight days ago. She saved my life on my last mission and... I guess she caught me off guard."
"Whoa... So, you like her?"
"You know, Naruto," he said, staring at him with a serious expression, "I think she could be the love of my life."
Naruto looked surprised by his words. A part of Shikamaru was surprised at himself too, but after knowing how he felt in just seven measly days, and after reflecting deeply over the past week, he was convinced. He had never believed in love at first sight, but the chemistry, the connection, and how good he felt around her was something he had never experienced before. And he didn't want to let it go.
If she felt the same, and he believed it was very possible, and if they both fought for something real, then why couldn't it work for the rest of their lives even if they'd only known each other for a week? It was crazy, but for the first time, he wanted to do something straight from the heart. Could it hurt? Yes. But what if he was right?
"If she doesn't live in the village, what do you plan to do?" Naruto asked suddenly, pulling him from his thoughts.
"That's the thing..."
"Wait a minute. You're planning something, aren't you?"
Naruto's mischievous smile overtook his serious look until he reminded Shikamaru of that Academy kid dressed in blinding orange with goggles on his forehead that he didn't use except to hide when the world got especially cruel. Shikamaru forgot he was a jonin for a moment and smiled mischievously too.
"Of course," he looked around to make sure they were alone, "Harika is traveling through the Land of Fire, so my best bet is to try and find her every time I get sent out on a solo mission."
"And your goal?"
"She's trying to find a way back home," he confessed. "I don't know where she's from or why she can't return, but it's clear she's not from here... Logically, if I want this to work, I need to help her find a way to return and a way for her to travel between her home and here."
"...And if that's not possible?"
"Right now, there's no point thinking that far ahead. First, I need to find her again. We've only known each other for a week. I need to know if what I felt these past few days means something. If I didn't just imagine all of this, then I can move on to the next step."
"Helping her get back."
"Exactly. For that, I'll need more detailed information about her problem, and I think I'm going to need some time to earn that kind of trust."
"Why do you say that?" Naruto asked with curiosity, having listened intently.
"Because she's not a civilian, nor a ninja. She's something else. She has powers. That much I'm sure of. I offered to bring her back with me to Konoha, but she refused."
"You think she's afraid her powers will be discovered?"
"Yes. And honestly, I think she's right to be so cautious. That's why I said I need to earn her trust."
"Alright. I'll help you!" Naruto said with a grin. He gave a thumbs-up, reminding Shikamaru of Lee, and then pointed to his chest. "I promise!"
Shikamaru sighed, caught somewhere between exasperation, fatigue, and comfort. Naruto hadn't changed one bit despite all the time that had passed.
"Naruto, one day you'll offer a hand and someone will take your whole arm," he scolded. "You need to take better care of yourself."
"You're my friend, Shikamaru, and I'm not going to let the love of your life slip away."
Strangely, they talked more than they ever had before. It was the first time he'd had a deep conversation with Naruto that didn't end in training, a mission, or a fight. He'd never imagined that Naruto—the class clown Naruto—would be the one comforting him after he shared such a wild idea. But then again... who better than Naruto to talk about wild ideas?
Still, telling him about Harika meant also revealing his personality shift. One that he himself had noticed instantly. Shikamaru had never imagined the first person he'd open up to about what was happening in his personal and family life would be Naruto. He'd thought he'd end up telling Chouji. Maybe, surprisingly, even Ino. But Naruto? And yet, once he'd opened his mouth, he couldn't stop.
He explained the conclusions he had reached over the last few days. He spoke about his family, his parents, and even his career as a ninja.
"Naruto... I've always wanted to tell you this," he cleared his throat, feeling a bit odd and vulnerable about what he was about to say, "Back at the Academy, I always wanted to help you. I wish I'd been your friend sooner."
"We were friends at the Academy, Shikamaru. You don't need to worry about it."
"But I mean before that. I saw you alone and I didn't say or do anything. I was a coward. I wanted to approach you, but I didn't. That regret will always stay with me. What I wanted to say is that I'm sorry for not reacting sooner. I'm sorry for leaving you alone when you didn't deserve it."
"…"
He saw Naruto swallow hard, his face serious and eyes shining, and suddenly Harika's voice popped into his mind.
"You know what you need?"
Shikamaru sighed at the memory, a bit exasperated. "For the love of-. The things this woman makes me do…"
Embarrassed, he practically lunged at Naruto to give him a hug. One he should've given him long ago. Naruto froze for a few seconds before returning the hug. Not knowing what to do with it, he just patted Naruto's back a bit awkwardly. Naruto laughed as soon as he felt it.
"You're a smart guy, but hugs are not your thing."
They both pretended they weren't as affected as they seemed. Shikamaru looked away, scratching his head, while Naruto raised a hand to wipe the corner of his eye.
"So... when do we start looking for her?"
"Looking for who?"
Shikamaru froze when he heard that voice. He instantly felt himself pale. He had completely forgotten. He turned around almost against his will. There she was, one eyebrow raised and arms crossed. The last person he wanted to see.
Temari… His girlfriend.