Luna walked, unblinking, head held high, out of the throne room. This time, she used one of the side gates, the one reserved for the family.
"Take Anotella to the medical wing. I'll retire to my room for now."
Avraham obeyed without a sound, and soon she was alone.
Luna kept walking, faster and faster. She wanted to run, and she almost did. But her discipline won. She ignored everything and forced her mind to go blank, with a singular purpose: keep it together and get to her room.
Luna had barely crossed the threshold of her room before the tears she had been holding back started pouring down her face. Her own father had all but disowned her, and for what?
'Pathetic.'
'Insect.'
'Meaningless.'
All her life, she had craved her father's attention, and in the first intimate conversation they had had, she finally saw how her own father viewed her. Where had Mother been through it all? Where had Avraham?
Maybe if he had protected her as he was supposed to, Horus's attacks would not have been effective. Maybe… maybe her father would not have said all those things to her.
'No… Father must have hated me long before that,' Luna thought, but it made no sense.
Luna remembered her father's hand around her throat. She shivered hard. The memory gave way to a cascade of others, forcing her to relive the entire evening again. She could not stop trembling and began crying in earnest.
She saw the imprint her father's hand had left on her neck, then the uneven bruises from Horus's brutish power, starting below her throat and spreading downward.
She could not watch anymore, so she abandoned the attempt, walked out of the dressing room in a panic, and strained to make it to her bed.
Once there, Luna wrapped herself in her blankets, but she would not stop shaking. She felt alone, and, worse, her illusion of safety had been shattered. Luna would not have felt any less afraid or any less alone even if her mother or Avraham had been there.
'Avraham never enters my room, though.' Luna did not know why that thought had come up. She had never once felt uncomfortable with Avraham. He never intruded upon her personal space, never grew impatient with her, and she was sure she had some nightmares in which he had rescued her. Whether they were truly nightmares or actual events, Luna could not recall.
That was why it stung deeper that she had been hurt and insulted while he had been in the same room. And her mother? Where was the loving woman in whose warm presence she had always found comfort?
Which was so confusing, because all Luna really wanted right now was to hug her mother while Avraham stood brooding in some shadowy corner close by.
She put her hands on her face, her nails digging into her skin. She felt like nothing would ever be in her control again.
Luna fell back onto her bed and started kicking randomly until her legs hurt even more, then threw her pillows and cushions all over the room. It was the utter lack of control and the feeling of helplessness that made her frustrated and scared beyond measure.
She was down to her last cushion when, instead of throwing it, she hugged it tightly. She hid her face in the cushion and started crying.
A knock on her door broke her stupor.
She remained silent. Another knock.
Luna held her breath.
"Leave me alone," Luna whispered. She wound herself even more tightly into her blanket.
She heard the door open and gripped the covers of her bed tightly.
Luna listened to the hurried footsteps approaching her bed. There was silence for a moment before someone sat on her bed right beside her, and without removing the blanket, they hugged her.
"Mo… Mother?"
"Yes, my child, my love… Would you please let me look at you?" Lady Luciana replied softly.
"You didn't help me…" Luna replied.
A sigh escaped Luciana's lips before she answered, "I did not."
"…Why?"
Lady Luciana stopped hugging her then and slightly tugged at the blanket she had so tightly wrapped around her body. Luna hesitantly let go of her grip on it, revealing her face.
Lady Luciana cleaned the tears from her eyes with her thumbs and then kissed her forehead.
"I know I hurt you, my love. No matter how much I apologize, I know it would not be enough."
Luna closed her eyes as a fresh batch of tears threatened to fall. She refused to look up at her mother's face. Instead, she buried herself against her torso, hugging her tightly.
"What was it all for? I have been making a fool out of myself all this time. Smiling at everyone, trying to understand their fears and desires. You taught me about family, and I actually tried to build one. All for none of them to care?"
She took a deep breath.
"None of my siblings stood by my side. Father hates me, and everyone laughs behind my back. Even him… Horus. He called me pathetic, like I was putting on some grand show. I never minded words like those before, but it must be true if Father agrees with Horus as well."
There was so much more she wanted to say, but she stopped. She was tired, and she felt that if anyone could understand all that she left unsaid, it would be her mother. And if she didn't, then why even bother?
"Luna, my child," Luciana sighed, "it was necessary for you to go through this."
"WHY?" Luna was surprised by her response. She had never raised her voice against her mother.
Luciana continued, her voice becoming even softer. "For you to understand the only thing that matters in this universe, the Living Flame. Our reclusive emperor's gift and chain for the fifteen houses."
Luna was silent.
"You don't have access to it, and without it, you will never have any real voice among the nobility. With your father I… I have failed to provide him with an heir that he deems worthy, but the contract of our marriage forbids him from naming a bastard as his heir."
Luciana gently broke the hug Luna had wrapped around her and gripped her shoulders, making her sit upright. Their silver eyes gazed into each other. Their faces were so similar, it was like looking into the future.
"Daughter, your actions haven't been for nothing. You are not the laughing stock of the empire. Dear daughter, you are quite the opposite. You are its hope."
Luna wiped away a tear. "I don't understand."
Lady Luciana paused and stared into her daughter's face for a brief moment, as if to steel herself.
"I recruited Avraham to protect you, Luna, from your own family and from your father. A part of that protection was to make your existence inseparable from the Whiterock name. We did that by putting you in plain sight of the universe. Ever since you were born, your life has been broadcast to the universe at large."
"At first it was only to protect you, but Avraham… he had other plans. The night you were born, among the things I asked him was that you not be bound to the same shackles that bound me. So he started shaping you into a symbol of everything that the nobility wasn't."
Luna listened silently, at a loss for anything to say.
"He made you into something the common person could look up to. Your lessons with Avraham, your interactions with the other children, all the excursions you went on, roaming the streets like a commoner yourself, and anything else that could put you on that pedestal were broadcast."
Luna's eyes grew wider and wider with each revelation.
"Soon, the same nobility that adored you and had watched you grow turned against you. By that time, though, you were firmly established as the designated heir. And the empire's populace was content to have you as their future ruler. Avraham thinks he fulfilled my request, or maybe this was his own personal ambition…"
Lady Luciana stopped and stroked the side of Luna's head gently. "That silly man, for all his wisdom, failed to really grasp what shackles I was talking about. It wasn't that I was bound to your father in marriage. It was that I was never asked for my opinion, never given a choice. So he did as most men do, and chose a role for you."
Her mother held Luna's hands and gently pressed them to her lips, while she was at a loss for words.
Luciana sighed deeply. "So I give you the choice that was denied to me. Know that whatever path you choose, you will at least have your mother's full support. Choose this family, and you will end up like me, married to a man obsessed with power and an heir worthy of the Flame. Aside from that, your life would be comfortable. You'd want for nothing, and if your luck is as good as mine, you'd have children you love as much as I do. So not really a bad option."
Luna just stared at her mother. Her throat had been quite dry for a while, and her tears had dried and caked on her face. When she spoke, her voice came out hoarse. "And what is the other option?"
"Become the idol Avraham is trying so hard to make. Accept that role, but take the lead and shape it into whatever you want it to be. Fight the nobility's viewpoints and reject their views of the universe. Live in obscurity or rally for change, do whatever you like. But make no mistake, it will be devoid of comfort for a long time, and incredibly dangerous. You might even become influential enough that the powers that be decide to hunt and kill you."
So many secrets, so many lies. It had gone on her entire life. But Luna was alive because of it, according to her mother. She and, in most parts, Avraham had controlled and shaped her life. The choice was to stay with her family within the confines of the nobility, or stay true to whatever vision her actual family, her mother, and Avraham had concocted for her. But to Luna, what she heard was this: choose the people who either ignored or perpetrated terrible violence against her, or trust those who had been absent when this all was happening, and instead of apologizing, admitted to lying to her her entire life.
Luna's concept of reality had been uprooted, and as she was reeling from this realization, an urgent question popped into her head.
"Wait! So Avraham broadcasted everything that happened today as well?" she asked. She could already tell from the way even her mother's eyes darted downwards.
'They even made a spectacle out of my humiliation.'
"Yes! Which is why it's imperative you come to a decision soon as well," Luciana replied.
"You both! YOU! YOU! Who even are you?"
Luna paused, freeing her hands from her mother's grip, instead raising her finger in accusation.
"I have the worst day of my life, and you give me two options. You tell me of some conspiracy you and Avraham created around an actual child, YOUR OWN CHILD, as revenge against the nobility?"
Luna's shoulders slumped, the anger subsiding as soon as it erupted, giving way to the trembling, terrified girl beneath.
"Mama… I am beyond scared. Everything hurts. I feel like my mind and my body have been violated. I need you here, present, consoling me. Instead, you give me an impossible choice, the repercussions of which I don't fully understand."
The indignation pierced the overwhelming despair Luna had been feeling.
Lady Luciana paused. She stared down at Luna, her gaze soft and understanding. When she spoke again, her voice almost betrayed the sob she was trying so hard to hold back.
"That was the best I could do. Make your choice now, child, lest your father make one for you, as mine did. You want to know what all of it was for?" Luciana paused before continuing. "The universe has erupted like never before in half a millennium. Workers have stopped working. Reports of unrest and rioting are coming from all over the universe. As fast as light can travel, more troubling news arrives every moment, and we will only understand the full consequences in a few days. But all those common people, they looked up to you. They felt your humiliation as if it were their own. Whatever you do, whatever you become, daughter, you will not be insignificant. That is what I gave you."
She paused, letting her words sink in.
"Your father has decided to betroth you to Horus Arasaka. He has the Arasakas' young but idiotic prodigy firmly in his grasp, and his amazing affinity for flame masks any deficit you may have."
The words struck Luna like thunder. Her arms fell limply to her sides as she knelt on her bed, her eyes hollow.
"No, no… surely he can't be that cruel, Mother. Please tell me this is a joke."
"Sadly, it isn't, child. And if you choose the first option, this will be the perfect first step. You won't even have to move out. Horus has agreed; rather, House Arasaka has agreed to him moving in with us. You will ingratiate yourself with your father, and your position as heir will be further solidified through any children you both might have."
Luna had no words. She fell back sideways onto her bed.
"He has also ordered Avraham to go to the outer systems as punishment for this transgression against him. Choose now. Come tomorrow, you will marry Horus and finally do something to please your father, or leave with Avraham. He will still try to protect you, but you will no longer have this family's protection. I'll stay and calm your father's wrath as much as I can. Go and see the universe for what it really is."
"I want to be alone," Luna replied dejectedly.
"We don't have the time…" Lady Luciana started, but Luna cut her off.
"Just, just for a little bit, Mother… please?"
"Sure, dear… I'll be just outside." She caressed Luna's cheeks one last time before standing.
Lady Luciana walked out of Luna's room, the door sliding shut behind her. Luna curled into a ball around her cushion, making herself smaller and smaller, wishing she could shrink out of existence.