Chapter 17 – The Kiss
The words stayed with me all night.
*I'm starting to think of you as my wife, not just the woman in the contract.*
I repeated them in my head while I washed the dishes, while I folded laundry, while I lay in bed with the living-room light on.
I wasn't sure what to do with them.
I wanted to believe him.
I was also afraid to believe him.
Saturday morning Adrian left at 7 a.m.
I cleaned the apartment, made lunch, and tried not to stare at the clock.
At 8 p.m. he came home.
He saw me and said, "Hi."
"Hi. How was your day?"
"It was quiet."
"Do you want dinner?"
"Yes, please."
I served the food — chicken with rice and salad.
We ate.
After dinner, he didn't go to his office.
He stayed at the table, turning his water glass in his hands.
"Lila," he said.
"Yes?"
"Thank you for coming with me to the police station."
"You're welcome."
He hesitated.
"I don't think I could have watched that footage alone."
"I'm glad I was there."
He nodded.
"Me too."
He was quiet for a moment.
"Lila," he said again.
"Yes?"
"I want to kiss you."
My heart jumped into my throat.
I looked at him.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. But only if you want me to."
I took a breath.
"I want you to."
He stood up, walked around the table, and stopped in front of me.
I stood up.
He was close enough that I could smell his cologne — clean, faint, familiar now.
He lifted his hand, hesitated for a second, then gently touched my cheek.
"Are you sure?" he asked again, softly.
"Yes."
He leaned down and kissed me.
It was soft.
Careful.
Not the kind of kiss you see in movies — no urgency, no passion, just a gentle press of his lips on mine, like he was testing whether it was real.
I closed my eyes.
When he pulled back, he kept his forehead close to mine.
"I'm sorry if that was too much," he whispered.
"It wasn't too much."
He smiled, a small, real smile.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
He went back to his side of the table and sat down.
I sat down too.
Neither of us said anything for a minute.
Then he stood up and went to his office.
I went to my room.
That night I opened the notebook.
*Day 78 – I kissed her.*
Under it, in smaller writing:
*She's Lila. She wanted it.*
I closed the notebook and touched my lips.
They still felt the warmth of his.
I fell asleep with a smile.
Sunday morning Adrian left at 7 a.m.
I spent the day cleaning and cooking.
At 8 p.m. he came home.
He saw me and said, "Hi."
"Hi."
"What are you making?"
"Grilled fish with vegetables."
"It smells good."
"Thank you."
We ate.
After dinner, he stayed at the table.
"Lila," he said.
"Yes?"
"Thank you for yesterday."
"You're welcome."
He looked at me.
"Did I make you uncomfortable?"
"No. You didn't."
"Good."
He nodded.
"I've wanted to do that for a while."
"I know."
He smiled.
"Me too."
He went to his office.
I went to my room.
That night I opened the notebook.
*Day 79 – I've wanted to do that for a while.*
Under it:
*She's Lila. Me too.*
Monday morning Adrian left at 7 a.m.
At 4 p.m. Mrs. Cole texted: *Layla is asking for you.*
I replied: *I'll see her tomorrow.*
*Mrs. Cole: She's counting the hours.*
I smiled.
At 8 p.m. Adrian came home.
"You went to see Layla?" he asked.
"No. Tomorrow."
"Thank you for respecting the rule."
"You're welcome."
He went to his office.
I went to my room.
That night I opened the notebook.
*Day 80 – She didn't go see Layla. She respected the rule.*
Under it:
*She's Lila. She's reliable.*
Tuesday at 4 p.m. I was at Mrs. Cole's apartment.
Layla ran to me and hugged me.
"Lila!"
I hugged her back.
We played, we read, we laughed.
She drew the house with three people again.
"This is Mama."
"This is Baba."
"This is Lila."
I hugged her.
When the hour was over, she said, "See you next week, Lila."
"I'll see you next week, habibti."
I kissed her forehead and left.
When I got home at 5:15 p.m., Adrian was there.
"You went to see Layla," he said.
"Yes."
"How was she?"
"She's happy."
"Good."
"Thank you for letting me see her."
"You're welcome."
He went to his office.
I went to my room.
That night I opened the notebook.
*Day 81 – She went to see Layla for one hour.*
Under it:
*She's Lila. She's part of our life.*
Wednesday night, after dinner, Adrian stayed at the table.
"Lila," he said.
"Yes?"
"Thank you for letting me kiss you yesterday."
"You're welcome."
He looked at me.
"Did you like it?"
"Yes. I did."
He smiled.
"I liked it too."
He went to his office.
I went to my room.
That night I opened the notebook.
*Day 82 – I liked it too.*
Under it:
*She's Lila. She liked it too.*
Thursday morning Adrian left at 7 a.m.
I spent the day cleaning and cooking.
At 8 p.m. he came home.
He saw me and said, "Hi."
"Hi."
"What are you making?"
"Macaroni bechamel."
"It smells good."
"Thank you."
We ate.
After dinner, he stayed.
"Lila," he said.
"Yes?"
"Can I kiss you again tonight?"
I felt my face get hot.
"Yes."
He stood up, came to me, and kissed me.
This time it was a little longer.
His hand stayed on my cheek.
When he pulled back, he whispered, "Thank you."
"You're welcome."
He went to his office.
I went to my room.
That night I opened the notebook.
*Day 83 – Can I kiss you again tonight?*
Under it:
*She's Lila. Yes.*
Friday morning Adrian left at 7 a.m.
I spent the day cleaning and cooking.
At 8 p.m. he came home.
He saw me and said, "Hi."
"Hi."
"What are you making?"
"Chicken with lemon."
"It smells good."
"Thank you."
We ate.
After dinner, he stayed.
"Lila," he said.
"Yes?"
"Thank you for the kiss last night."
"You're welcome."
He smiled.
"I'd like to kiss you again tonight."
"I'd like that."
He went to his office.
I went to my room.
That night I opened the notebook.
*Day 84 – I'd like to kiss you again tonight.*
Under it:
*She's Lila. I'd like that.*
I closed the notebook and lay in bed, my lips tingling.
The kiss hadn't been about passion.
It had been about permission.
About trust.
About the moment when a man who had been living in grief finally allowed himself to feel something else.
I whispered to the dark room,
"Maybe this is the beginning."