He was floating. Floating in a serene emptiness, waiting to die. The battle was too much, but he fought his hardest. And in the end, the results came. Muzan died and the Demon Slayers finally win the centuries long war.
But at what cost? This war took everything from him. His mother. His siblings. His best friend. His lover. And his brother. He can't shake the image. Can't shake how Genya had his face cut in half. How his brother was fading, and that his last thought were probably that his brother hated him. He wanted him to think that, but only to protect him. He wanted Genya to quit the corps so he didn't have to throw his life away. He didn't want his brother to try and reconsult with a monster. With a mom killer. No. Genya was better off without him, but now he was without Genya.
No matter what, his anger always made others suffer. He truly pondered how Kanae could love someone like him. And Kanae... Its been too long, but the pain of hearing her death from the Master's lips still ached like a new slash to the heart. He took it hard, and apparently her sister took it harder. He failed Shinobu and Kanae. He failed his siblings. He failed Masachika. He failed everyone...
Now he was just waiting. He could hear his family right now, calling him to go up. He could feel the warmth in his hand as they grabbed him, pulling him to the light. If only that bastard of a father didn't grab his foot. Then he wouldn't have to watch them leave again. He wouldn't have to struggle. He wouldn't have to be in pain. Oh the pain. the pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN
Sanemi woke up in a cold sweat. He quickly went to ease the pain in his right fingers, only to find two of them gone. Right, phantom pain. He can still remember the rants Uzui would go on after his fight with Upper 6 and how sometimes he would get an itch where his hand used to be. He would never admit it, but its still vexing to him, losing his fingers. He doesn't know how Tengen and Tomioka handles it when they're missing a whole hand.
With the pain now subdued, he gets up from his futon and heads to his restroom. After brushing and changing, he heads to his kitchen and grabs a ohagi that Tomioka made. Ever since the damn hashira training, the Kamado brat had the nerve to say his favorite food infront of Tomioka, and now every once in a while he would drop off some ohagi at his house. It was embarrassing and stupid.
"Seriously, what the hell?" Sanemi muttered as he took a bite of the ohagi, the sweet and savory taste filling Sanemi with delight, not that he would ever admit to Tomioka that he liked it. As he finished his ohagi he stepped outside his premise, the sun burning his eyes. It must have been too long since the war ended, because before he would stay up all day to perform his duties and all night to slay demons. Now he can't operate without 9 hours of sleep. He hates it that he's gotten weak. Yet underneath the frustration, he doesn't care. The war is over, and he would never have to pick up his sword ever again. He's happy. Happy that he can sleep at night. Happy that the brats can grow up without the treats of demons. Happy that he will peacefully die in 3 years. And yet, he's not happy. Not happy that everyone is gone. Not happy that they died and he lived. Not happy that all his family is dead. Not happy that his comrades dies gruelsome deaths by the hands of Muzan and his Uppermoons. Not happy that he had to live when he deserved to die. Not when he remembers everyone. Iguro. Shinobu. Himejima. Kanroji. Rengoku. The Tokito brat. Masachika. And Kanae. He misses her, maybe as much as Genya. He misses her smile, her eyes, her touch, her kindness, her everything. She didn't to deserve to die the least. Sanemi might not believe he deserved her, but she always said otherwise. Always said that he was the wind that moves her flowers.
Sanemi takes a deep breath and sighs. "Maybe I should see her again".
Sanemi starts walking to the Kocho cemetery with flowers in his left hand. It's spring and the sakuras are in full bloom, so he decided to bring a couple to her. He's glad they were in season as its her favorite flowers. He feels she'll appreciate them.
As he walks past the names, the ghosts resume to haunt him. All his comrades and close ones, dragging his shoulders. He can almost envision it. The ghosts of the slayers, patting him, grazing his right hand. He can feel the wind in their actions. Their movements, their gaze, their sorrow, and their pity. Pity that he has to wait to see his loved ones. He hated it, but at that point when did he not hate anything. Regardless he hates that they're gone. He wishes they didn't have to suffer. Wish they could be alive and be with their loved ones unlike himself with no one. Wish he could change things. Wish he cou-
His thoughts were interrupted when he arrived at his destination, only to see a familar face wearing a blue kimono. He was kneeling down, praying with wisteria flowers next to the grave. Sanemi paused before walking to the person, hesitating on whether he should interrupt him or let him be. He then decides to go with the former and stands behind him.
"Sending your condolences Tomioka?"
Giyuu opens his eyes and stands up, facing the scarred comrade. "I was just... sending my graces to Kocho".
Sanemi stays silent for a moment before kneeling down to place the sakuras near to stone and praying. He didn't need to guess which Kocho Giyuu was talking about, and the wisterias next to his flowers does helps. As his stands up Giyuu asks him,
"What are you doing here Shinuzagawa?"
"Same as you. Sending my prayers to Kanae."
"I see" Giyuu responds smiling.
Sanemi has gotten used to Giyuu smiling, despite how absurd that statement would have been even a year ago. Sanemi can't lie and admit that despite his regrets, he remains happier than before too. Why would he, when he and future generations can finally live without the fear of demons. But Giyuu was a bit different. It was more like an understanding replaced the burden he was caring. He was more open. More emotional. He was still stoic, but he wasn't sad anymore. Sanemi can't really remember how Giyuu used to be before the war. He never bothered to get to know him as he hated his guts. Hated his arrogance that he caried throughout the years. And then the Kamodo brat came and changed everyone. Giyuu's arrogance dissapeared. Muichiro became more expressional and solved his memory issue. Even Genya was affected by the brat. Oh Genya...
Sanemi and Giyuu decided to walk together to their estates. As they walk in serene silence, Sanemi tries to recall the old Giyuu. He was arrogant, sure. But he also remember him being very distant. Every Hashira meeting he would be on the side, judging all of them. None of the Hashira really paid attention to him, well except Shinobu. He remembered they would hang out quite a lot. Well more like she would hang around him and he would ignore him. He didn't understand why she would give the time of her day for him, when he didn't do the same. But he could accept that they both thought of the other as friends. He would remember Shinobu before, being shy but also brash at the same time. She would have to nerve to judge his and Kanae relationship, but also be shy when they kissed in front of her. She used to be so lively, and then the love of their lifes died and it was like she adopted her smile overnight. It was unnerving, especially since that smile belonged to Kanae and Shinobu just seemed so... angry. But he had no right to tell her what to do. Sanemi might have loved Kanae to death, but Shinobu loved her enough that she did die for her, taking her revenge on Kanae killer. Oh if Sanemi met him he would have ripped him to shreds, but Shinobu planned to kill him from the start, injecting poison in her veins for years. He still remember the shock when Kanao told the ex-hashira trio and the Kamado siblings what Shinobu did. They were all shocked, but the most shocked was Giyuu which only further proves that they were in fact friends... or maybe more...
"Who was Shinobu to you?" Sanemi asked before realizing what he said.
Giyuu just stared at him, eyes wide before responding "She was our comrade... What do you mean?"
Sanemi found himself quickly responding "I mean you two were close, and I can tell you cared for her from visiting her grave. What was she to you?" Sanemi was kinda shocked that he said that calmly without throwing an insult. Maybe it was true that he became calmer after the war.
Giyuu responded with silence before adding "I... don't know"
Suddenly Sanemi could feel the insults coming back. "Huh?! What the hell do you mean by that?!?!"
" I mean... that was during a time when I didn't want to be close to anyone and I wasn't at the right mindset... so it's hard to say"
Sanemi didn't respond to that. He didn't know Giyuu was avoiding everyone, just that he was arrogant. But before he could dwell on it more Giyuu added to his previous statement
"I think... I'd like to believe me a Kocho were friends... She was the one closest to me... and I always found her presence enjoyable... even if she was annoying... What about you Shinazugawa?"
"Huh?!"
"I mean, who was Kanae-san to you? You visited her grave... so she must have meant something to you right?"
"Well obviously! She was the damn love of my life! Of course she meant something to me!"
Giyuu stopped walking and paused before saying "Wait... you two were dating?"
"Uhh yea?! What the hell do you mean?!"
"Nothing... I just... never knew you were together..."
Sanemi was shocked. What? How did he not know? I mean, yea he was distant but it wasn't a secret that they were together. Not since Gyomei out of the blue just said they were together. Then all of the Hashiras wouldn't stop talking and teasing him about it, at least until she died. Then the topic became a rough topic. But other than the new Hashiras that came, everyone else should have known. Hell even the Master's family and some kakushi knew.
'How the hell does this dude not know?' Sanemi thought.
"I'm sorry Shinazugawa for not knowing... I apologize..." Giyuu said before continuing walking. Sanemi just looked at him and continued walking with him in silence.
"Do you have any regrets? Do you wish you can go back and change things to make them here?" Sanemi said quietly. Giyuu didn't respond and was still walking, and for a minute Sanemi thought he didn't hear him.
"I think... they gave up their lives so that we and others could live a better future... so I think its dishonor to wish things went different when they put so much for us... yet I still have regrets... regrets that I couldn't get to know them better."
Sanemi looks at Giyuu and stop in front of his estate. The time passed so fast he didn't realize he was already home.
"To answer your question... I wish I could go back and save them... cause they deserve a better life with us" Giyuu said before walking away.
Sanemi eyes widened before he chuckled. "Oi Tomioka! I'll see ya next time!"
Giyuu looked back before smiling at him. "Yea... See you next time Shinazugawa"
Sanemi watches Giyuu walk to his estate, and for the first time he finally finds himself to agree on something the damn water pillar said.
Sanemi lays on his futon, once again dreaming of the past. Of his loved ones. He's once again in that endless void, but it feels different. It's not a warm space, but instead a moving one. Like he's in a tunnel and he can't see anything, just his memories. He can almost feel the wind go past him, swirling into a tornado and pulling him in. No, he can feel the sharpness in his skin, but also the suffication on his chest, like hes under the sea. He's being sucked into a hurricane, and all he could feel is his emotions drowning him. The sorrow, the joy, the regret, to joy all flooding his head. His head is a mess, but in the middle of it he can hear someone speaking. He can hear Kanae speaking muffled, like she's in a wind storm. Yet her voice remains steady and warm, like the flowers moving in the wind, but still rooted to the ground.
"Sanemi my dear, it's time to wake up"
Sanemi wakes up in a cold sweat, once again in his room, in his futon. He once again gets a sharp pain and goes to caress his right hand.
'God damn it!' Sanemi thinks. 'This damn phant-' his thought process short-circuits and he pauses before he slowly looks at his left hand, holding and rubbing the pain in his right hand. His right hand that now has 5 fingers...