I didn't sleep before classes.
Instead, I cried behind the Specials' dorm until there was nothing left.
Until it just… stopped.
After that, I went straight to the showers.
By the time I got back, the twins and Torrent were just getting up.
"Didn't expect to see you crawling in at dawn," Robert rasped, dragging a hand down his face. "Kind of jealous. I spent the whole weekend stuck here because of those bastards."
"I was on a field assignment," I said, pulling on my uniform pants, not removing the towel wrapped around my neck and chest. "Hey—do you have any bandages?"
"Why the hell would I?" he frowned. "And what do you even need them for?"
"Doesn't matter," I muttered.
The first-aid kit Andrew gave me after the last mission was still with Nick.
I didn't want to go to him.
Not now.
But I also wasn't about to walk around like this.
The collar wouldn't hide it.
Not even close.
"Holivan… did you get yourself into trouble again?" Torrent asked—and before I could react, he yanked the towel off me.
"What the hell—Alan?!" he barked, loud enough for both twins to snap their heads around.
"Bad run," I said flatly.
"Are you serious? What the hell happened?"
"Nothing major. Just couldn't handle a possessed."
Torrent stared at me for a second.
"You know… looking at you makes me seriously rethink wanting a third-level field assignment," he said. "Is it really that bad out there?"
"No," I said shortly. "I'm just not strong enough."
"Stop talking like that," Al cut in sharply. "If you're 'not strong enough,' then what does that make the rest of us?"
"It just got out of control," I said, already tired of the conversation. "Ask Matthew if you want. He was there."
"Vauser? That bastard beat me to it," Torrent groaned. "Is he as wrecked as you?" he added, pointing at my throat.
"No. He's fine," I said quickly, pulling my shirt up a little too fast.
"Yeah… you're definitely in a mood today."
"Alan, wait," Sol called as I headed for the door. "I've got bandages. Want me to help?"
I stopped.
And just like that—
guilt hit.
Again.
Taking it out on people who had nothing to do with any of this.
"Thanks, Sol," I said more quietly. "I'd appreciate it."
—
At breakfast, Matthew told everyone what happened.
Or rather—
part of it.
He skipped a lot.
Just said there were more of them than expected, that we split up, that backup came late.
Nothing about the burned body.
Nothing about the shooting.
"I want details!" Torrent protested. "You get into something like that and don't say anything? That's bullshit!"
"You'll hear everything when you get assigned to a third-level operation yourself," Matthew said calmly.
"Wow. Fine. Keep your secrets," Torrent muttered, clearly annoyed.
"Alan, got a minute?" Matthew asked as we were leaving the dining hall.
"Yeah. What is it?"
"I wanted to ask you something about yesterday."
"Go on."
"Didn't it seem strange to you?"
"What exactly?"
"Four possessed in one place. And only one of them was after you."
"What do the instructors say?"
"Nothing," he said. "It's like they're deliberately ignoring it. And another thing—only you, me, and Storik knew Paul was targeting you. But it didn't come up in the report at all."
I hesitated.
How much could I tell him?
"Can you keep that to yourself for now?" I said finally. "I'll try to get something out of Instructor Storik."
"Alright. I just—"
"What?"
"…Never mind. Let me know what you find."
Not good.
Or maybe—
the opposite.
If Matthew was already thinking this way, it might make things easier later.
He was strong.
Smart.
Useful.
I should talk to Silius.
And Andrew.
And then—
The memory hit me.
The kiss.
Shit.
How did I forget that?
But Andrew acted like nothing had happened.
Maybe he really brushed it off.
Shock.
Heat of the moment.
I hoped so.
Because if he didn't—
I wouldn't be able to stay near him.
He'd hate me if he knew.
"Watch where you're going," one of the older Specials snapped as I slammed into him, lost in my head.
"Then don't stand in my way," I shot back automatically.
"Oh, look at that—Holivan's got an attitude now," another one smirked, stepping up beside him.
"Back off. I'm not in the mood."
"Then I challenge you to a duel, you arrogant little shit," the first one said.
I looked up.
Taller.
Of course.
Like everyone else in this damn place.
Twenty-seven badges.
"Perfect," I said. "One step closer to graduation."
"You've got a lot of nerve," he sneered. "Think you can take me? You're barely standing half the time." He jabbed a finger into my chest.
"Let's find out," I hissed.
"Instructor!" he called to a passing teacher in a pale gray uniform. "Register a duel."
"As soon as possible," I added.
The teacher sighed, pulling out a small tablet.
"Let's see… there's a slot after lunch today. That work?"
"Yes."
We answered at the same time.
Names.
Done.
We split off.
Perfect.
Maybe a good fight would burn this out of me.
Otherwise—
I was going to snap.
Being a teenager sucked.
Especially like this.
Get it together, Alan.
No one's coming to save you.
I tried to steady myself—
but my head just spiraled again.
"Yeah?" I answered my phone, stopping outside the classroom. "I'm busy, so make it quick."
"Your attitude lately is unbearable," Silius's cold voice cut in.
"And whose fault is that?" I snapped. "What do you want? I've got class."
"I just wanted to tell you—you're an idiot for accepting that duel right now."
"Did I have a choice? You know we can't refuse without a valid reason."
"Then stop provoking everyone and acting like a complete idiot!" he snapped. "If you can't deal with your own mess, go see a specialist."
"I'm not crazy. I'll handle it myself," I shot back—
and hung up.