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Divinity of Suffering

SachuXP
7
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The average realized release rate over the past 30 days is 7 chs / week.
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Synopsis
If gods exist, why is suffering necessary?
Table of contents
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Chapter 1 - The Price of Breathing

The slums didn't sleep.

They rotted.

Tin roofs whispered under the wind—not loud, not violent… just constant. Like something trying to remind the world it was still there.

The air was heavy.

Used.

Breathed too many times by too many people who couldn't afford to stop.

The boy stood at the doorway.

Still.

Watching.

He didn't fidget.

Didn't blink much.

Didn't ask questions.

He had learned early—

Movement drew attention.

And attention…

made things worse.

"Stand properly."

His father's voice was quiet.

Not strict.

Not angry.

Just… worn down.

The boy straightened.

"Don't look at them like that," his father added after a moment. "You'll make it worse."

Worse.

The boy didn't ask.

He already knew what that word meant.

It meant:

Something would be taken.

His sister sat in the corner.

Small.

Folded into herself like she was trying to disappear without actually moving.

Her fingers dug into her arms hard enough to leave marks.

"Appa…" her voice cracked. "Please… I don't want to—"

"Enough."

The word didn't rise.

It didn't need to.

It cut anyway.

"I told you already," his father said, staring at the ground. "We don't get to want things."

Silence filled the room.

Not empty silence.

Heavy silence.

The kind that presses against your ears until even breathing feels loud.

Then—

A knock.

The door opened before anyone answered.

A man stepped inside.

Clean.

Too clean.

His shoes didn't belong here. His smell didn't belong here. Even the way he stood felt… wrong. Like he existed in a different world and had accidentally walked into this one.

He looked around once.

Frowned.

"Smells worse than last time."

His father forced a laugh.

It sounded broken halfway through.

"Conditions aren't exactly improving."

The man didn't respond.

His eyes had already moved.

To the girl.

He smiled.

The boy's fingers tightened slightly.

Not enough to notice.

Not enough to matter.

"Is this the one?" the man asked.

Casual.

Like asking about an object.

A nod.

"She's young."

A step closer.

The girl shrank back.

"Good."

"Money first," the father said.

Still not looking up.

He never looked up.

The man exhaled through his nose.

Annoyed.

He pulled out a few folded notes and tossed them carelessly.

They landed near the boy's feet.

For a moment—

Nothing moved.

Then his father bent down.

His hand hovered.

Just slightly.

Shaking.

Then he picked them up.

"Appa… please…"

He closed his eyes.

Only for a second.

"Sorry."

The boy didn't understand everything.

But he understood enough.

Enough to know:

This was normal.

This was survival.

This was what breathing cost.

So he stood there.

And watched.

Time lost shape.

Voices became distant.

Like hearing something through water.

At some point—

His sister stopped making sound.

"Already?"

The man sounded disappointed.

"Pathetic."

A short pause.

Then—

"Fine. I'll take something back for wasted time."

Movement.

Clothes.

Coins.

Breathing.

Then footsteps.

Closer.

The man stopped in front of the boy.

Looked down.

Smiled.

"You'll understand when you're older."

The door opened.

Closed.

Silence returned.

But it wasn't the same silence.

His father walked forward.

Slowly.

Picked up the money.

Counted it.

Then counted it again.

"Appa…"

The boy's voice was small.

Unused.

His father froze.

Just for a moment.

Then he turned.

Walked over.

Pressed the money into the boy's hand.

"Go buy food later."

His voice was steady now.

Too steady.

"Eat properly."

The boy nodded.

"Stay here."

The door creaked open again.

Closed behind him.

Time passed.

Or maybe it didn't.

Something felt—

Wrong.

The boy stepped outside.

The alley stretched long and narrow, swallowing light.

People moved.

Not walking.

Not living.

Just… continuing.

Ahead—

His father.

"Wait…"

His voice broke as he caught up to the man from before.

A smile forced its way onto his face.

It didn't belong there.

"She… she wasn't well today," he said quickly. "You saw that. Just a little more—anything. They haven't eaten in two days."

The man stopped.

Slowly turned.

"I already paid."

"Please…" his father stepped closer, hands trembling. "I'll owe you. Next time—"

A shove.

Sudden.

Effortless.

His father didn't resist.

For a brief second—

his body lingered at the edge.

Caught between begging…

and falling.

Then—

Nothing.

A sound followed.

Heavy.

Wet.

Final.

A small crowd gathered.

Not out of concern.

Just enough to confirm something had happened.

The boy walked forward.

Slowly.

Like he already knew.

And there—

On the ground—

His father.

Broken in a way that didn't look real.

Like his body had forgotten how to stay human.

The boy stared.

No scream.

No tears.

He waited.

For something.

Anything.

Nothing came.

His father's eyes were open.

Not looking at him.

Not looking at anything.

But if there had been a final thought—

It would have sounded like this:

*God…*

*Are you watching?*

*Is this what you made?*

*I sold my daughter…*

*just so they could eat.*

*I broke everything…*

*just to keep them alive one more day.*

*And this…*

*This is the answer?*

*Nothing?*

*You don't exist—*

*Or worse…*

*You do.*

*And this is what you enjoy.*

"Hey."

A voice.

Sharp.

Urgent.

A man crouched beside the boy.

Eyes moving fast.

Calculating.

"I saw what happened," he said. "He's still breathing. We can save him."

The boy didn't move.

"Hospital's close. But we need money. Now."

His gaze dropped.

To the boy's hand.

"That enough?"

A pause.

Something unfamiliar appeared.

Not hope.

Not exactly.

But something close enough to imitate it.

The boy held out the money.

The man took it.

And ran.

The boy didn't chase.

Didn't call out.

Because something inside him—

quietly—

had already decided.

It wouldn't matter.

The next day—

Hunger returned.

Like nothing had happened.

Like nothing ever did.

The shop was bright.

Clean.

Wrong.

He waited.

Watched.

Moved.

A hand caught him.

Then another.

Pain followed.

Fast.

Simple.

Expected.

"Thief!"

"Filth!"

"You people never change!"

Blows landed.

Not cruel.

Not angry.

Just routine.

Then—

Nothing.

"Thank you…"

The shopkeeper bowed.

Head lowered.

Before a framed image.

A figure bathed in light.

Serene.

Perfect.

Untouched.

"Thank you for guiding me."

"Your justice is absolute."

Outside—

The boy lay in the dirt.

Breathing.

Barely.

If gods exist—

Why—

Beyond him.

In a place that didn't belong to reality.

Not dark.

Not truly.

It was… beautiful.

Endless light stretched across something that wasn't quite a sky.

Colors existed there that didn't belong to the world below—

soft,

radiant,

almost gentle.

But they didn't comfort.

They watched.

Shapes existed within that light.

Not fully formed.

Not fully real.

Four of them.

Distorted.

Incomplete.

Like something still deciding what it wanted to be.

And one—

Clear.

Perfect.

Beautiful.

Radiant in a way that felt deliberate.

Designed.

The same face from the frame.

Looking down.

At him.

"He's approaching collapse."

One of the shapes spoke.

Its voice didn't travel.

It didn't echo.

It simply… existed.

"Should we adjust the scenario?"

The radiant one tilted its head slightly.

"No."

A soft laugh followed.

Warm.

Gentle.

Wrong.

"It's more entertaining this way."

Below—

The boy's chest rose weakly.

Fell.

Rose again.

And above—

They watched.

Smiling.

Not cruelly.

Not kindly.

Just… watching.

And somewhere—

far beyond even them—

Something else… was watching too.

END OF CHAPTER ONE.