I wake up, it's Monday. Yesterday's date is still on my mind. I am alone in the house as my parents have left to visit my grandparents. I get ready and head off to school. I am walking down the streets and I can see the school gate and someone is there waiting for me. It's Shirakawa. I get closer and before I greet her, something is off about her. Her blue eyes are wide and still, and are glaring at me. This is not the calmness that she showed at the rooftop. This is different. It's like she is still like the deep sea. I feel a bit uneasy. I forget about the greeting and stay silent.
"Bopy, have we gotten closer?" She breaks the silence and asks an unusual question.
"I think so." A few students walk by, unaware of what's happening.
She is still glancing at me with the same expression.
"So are you closer to your goal or closer to me?"
I feel my heart skipping, stopping for a second. "What?... I don't know what you are talking about."
"You don't know? Soon I will get the answer from you." Her voice strangely carries a resolve but her face and expression are still the same.
After a bit of silence I reply, "Hey... are you fine?"
"Fine? You want to talk about me?"
"Yes, we do talk sometimes, like at the rooftop and in the library."
Her expression softens a bit and her eyes don't have the deep sea dread look anymore. Her eyes change intensity and become bright blue. Well, that's what this shift feels like, but it's still not the same calmness like at the rooftop.
"I am fine. I have never been more clear in my life. And it is all thanks to you."
"That's good..." I reply, and I am at ease now.
"Good? Maybe." She repeats to herself.
We then walk together towards our classroom. She is walking beside me and she is close, but this is way different than walking with Yuki. We reach our classroom and I head towards the left column. That's where my seat is. I go and sit down. My seat is at the middle and Hana's seat is two seats apart from me and is near the back. But she doesn't go to her seat. Instead, she goes to the guy who is sitting behind me and says to him, "Can I sit here today? I feel cold and I want to sit next to the window."
The guy looks up at her and with a bored expression replies, "Sure. The first period is boring. You sit in the back, right? That's good. I can mind my own business and not pay attention and the teacher wouldn't notice." He then gets up and goes to where Hana sits, not waiting for her reply.
I look at this whole conversation and I am not sure how I feel. This is a different kind of fear, the fear of not knowing what will happen next. I give her a weak smile.
" You've changed. That's your first time talking to someone else outside of club, right?"
"Yes, talking isn't that hard. I was just scared back then but not now."
"Well, that's... progress." I compliment her, but in my mind I don't know if it's good or bad.
She sits down and gives me a wide smile. It's unnerving. "Thanks, Bopy. It's all because of you."
I look forward to avoid her gaze. Dread fills me and I ask myself, "Does she know what I did? She asked me at the entrance, Am I closer to my goal or closer to her?" What is she thinking? I can't tell.
The teacher enters and the class begins. I don't look back but I can feel the pressure of Hana's gaze. Each minute feels like an hour. Time passes by slowly, and then the bell rings indicating the start of the lunch period. I let out a sharp exhale. I didn't know I was holding my breath and think, "Lunch break, at least it will be normal, me eating Hana's food, I won't have to think what she is thinking about. I just have to eat her food and it will please her. And besides, it's not like the food is bad." Just as I finish this thought a voice calls for me.
"Bopy," I look behind me and she is holding the pink bento box and is smiling. "This is normal." The thought flashes in my mind and calms me down.
"So you made the usual?" I ask her.
"No, I added something new. I think you will like it." She replies and everything seems normal. I open the box and everything seems fine. There is rice, tamagoyaki, and vegetables. And then I look at the new food. My face becomes pale and that feeling of dread comes back again. It's a single cream puff. I think to myself, "Me and Yuki ate sweets at the bakery yesterday. And Hana added this cream puff. Did she?...." I can't
finish the thought. I try to convince myself that this is a coincidence.
"What's wrong, Bopy? You don't like sweets? I thought most people like them, that's why I added it. I wanted to see if you liked sweets or not." Her expression is still the same, there's no hint that this is intentional. But still, somewhere deep, my heart doesn't accept this.
"No, it's fine. I like sweets. My mind was just elsewhere because this is a bit unusual." I reply back, looking at the cream puff.
"What's unusual about a cream puff?" Her voice is soft but yet feels sharp.
I quickly say, "I mean, just look at the aesthetics! You got rice, tamagoyaki, and vegetables. The cream puff doesn't really fit here. It's the odd one out!" I try to deflect.
"Oh, now that I think about it, you are right." She genuinely seems to buy my words. But then she says, "Next time I will be better." I get the same feeling of unpredictability from her. I say nothing and begin to eat. She just stands there and watches me eat, she is smiling. Time passes. I somehow manage to finish the food under her gaze.
"The food was great and the lunch period is about to end. We should get ready for club activities." Behind my words, I want to meet Yuki.
She nods."Yes, I wonder what we will talk about today. And I want to hear your thoughts Bopy, they are unique."
I just nod and don't reply because I don't want to hear about her obsession of me anymore. The bell rings indicating the end of the lunch period. We then silently move beside each other towards the literature club room. Hana doesn't say anything but I can't figure out what she is thinking. I slide open the door. Yuki is already sitting there with a book in her hand. Her eyes meet mine. She has a warm look on her face. She then notices Hana and sees the look on my face. She knows something has happened. She puts on her calm look and says, "Welcome. I have got an interesting topic to discuss. Please take a seat." I then go and sit across from Yuki despite the table between us she seems close. Hana sits across from me but she is a bit far from Yuki.
Yuki adjusts her glasses and says, "Today the topic of discussion is about villains. Mostly sympathetic villains. What is your take on it? Let's start with Hana." The topic is interesting. This feels like normal club activity. My earlier fear of Hana is gone for now.
Hana is thoughtful and says,"Villains? I don't like them. They get in the way." Yuki looks at Hana and says, "I don't mean to be rude, but that's not much of a discussion. Think about it more. You surely have read a story with villains in it right?"
I also speak up, "I mean, it's hard to write a story without villains. Even romance stories have villains."
Hana considers my words. "I have read and talked about the man who is devoted to a woman. In that story, there is another man that the woman talks to. I think he is the villain of the story. I think I would like to remove him. The story would be much better."
Me and Yuki are silent and after a while Yuki speaks up. "Shirakawa, I can recommend you a book with a good villain to help you learn more about them."
"I can also recommend something to you." I follow up after Yuki.
Hana looks at me. "I think it will be better if Bopy recommends me something. We have similar taste after all."
Yuki is looking at Hana and her lips give a slight twitch at Hana calling me by my first name and says, "Shirakawa, I think it would be a good thing for you to experience other genres instead of just romance. And Bopy also reads other genres, not just romance."
"Yea, I think it will be good for you to listen to Yuki's words." I say to Hana.
Hana is still looking at me and gives me a smile. "Okay, If you say so Bopy. I will read the book recommended by Aizawa-san."
Yuki then says, "That's good. I will recommend something for you to read before leaving." She then looks at me. I can see that her eyes are soft behind her glasses. "Let's continue with the discussion. So next is Bopy. What is your opinion on sympathetic villains?"
"I also want to hear your opinion, Bopy." Hana says, her focus on me.
I say, "I think it depends. Like if the villain has killed people and he was made to look evil, and then the flip is switched and it turns out he has a sad backstory and is actually good at heart and then somehow joins the hero's party. It doesn't work. And there are a lot of them. I miss villains that were evil for the sake of being evil. So I don't like how sympathetic villains are handled and I would prefer an evil villain."
Hana is thoughtful. She puts both hands under her chin and says, "So you like evil villains? Is it because they are easy to remove?"
I blink and say, "That's not it." Yuki adjusts her glasses and says to Hana, "Shirakawa, you are connecting this to yourself. Bopy said he doesn't like sympathetic villains because they are poorly handled."
Hana is still thoughtful and says, "Oh, I see. I understand it now." She doesn't say thanks to Yuki. She has been improving and learning since she met me. A fleeting thought appears in my mind and disappears as I focus on this discussion.
I say, "Yea, Yuki is right. So next is you, I want to hear your opinion."
Hana glances at Yuki, and she adjusts her glasses and says, "As for me, I think it's more closer to real life. We don't see evil people for no reason. They become evil due to circumstances and situations. I like when it is properly portrayed."
I say, "I never thought about it that way but it does make sense."
Hana is silent for a moment and says, "I think I understand it. It's just like the man watching from afar. He isn't doing anything wrong."
Yuki says, "I guess you can make this connection. It's good that you are learning, Shirakawa."
I say, "Yea, that's progress."
Hana takes in our words and her blue eyes seem to calm down and be still. "Yes, I have been making progress."
We then talk about this topic for a while and then Yuki gets up and says, "Well I have to go now to help my mother." She then goes up to the bookshelf and picks a book and then brings it towards Hana. "This is my recommendation. I hope you will read it." Hana takes the book. "Yes, I will read it later." Then Yuki heads towards the door. She looks back and gives me a smile and goes away.
Immediately after she is gone, Hana leans forward, tilting her head slightly, her hands under her chin and her elbows on top of the book that Yuki recommended. "I have been wondering about something and I wanted to ask you about it."
I look at the book and then at her. "Go ahead. Is it about the topic?"
She says, "No, it is something else. So is it normal for friends to hang out?"
My entire body freezes and I think, "Does she know about it?" After a moment of silence I reply, "Yes... That's a normal thing to do."
I then try to deflect the topic. "Let's talk about the book that Yuki gave you."
"No." Her words are sharp and final, before returning to her normal voice. "I don't think we have hung out yet."
My mind is still conflicted, and I think, "Is this a coincidence?" I then say, "But we have hung out, like at the rooftop."
Hana shakes her head. "No, not like that. I meant spending time together outside of school, talking in the park."
The entire room feels suffocating. I think, "These are a lot of coincidences!" But my mind is still refusing to accept that she knows about the date. I need to say something to take her mind off it.
I say, "Hey, we can walk home together if that's what you want."
Hana is still and then she smiles, she has forgotten what she was trying to do and says, "Yes, Bopy, I would love that."
I say nothing and get up. She also stands up. I go towards the door and she follows behind me. I think to myself, "This is fine. We have to part ways at an intersection. The walk together won't be long." We then eventually reach the streets and walk side by side together. Hana is smiling and says, "This is nice." I nod and we continue walking. Then the intersection comes but... she ignores it and continues to walk beside me.
I get confused and say, "Hey, you passed your turn to your house."
She replies, "I know, but it doesn't matter. My parents are distant anyway."
Despite this situation, I feel something for her and say, "I guess no one understands you. But I think you can be normal."
She nods and softly says, "You're the only one who understands me, but I will get the answer soon."
I don't know what she means by that, so I just nod and walk alongside her. She will know I am alone and my parents aren't home. I still feel a bit of fear but I strangely feel normal around her. "Am I getting used to her?" The thought appears in my mind. I then reach my house. The lights are off and the door is locked. She looks at this and says, "You are alone."
I reply, "Yea, my parents are out. You should also head home after this."
She nods and says, "Yes, I will go back."
I then go and open the door and get inside and look back at her. She waves me goodbye and I close the door. Time passes, I cook dinner for myself. Later I am lying in bed thinking about what happened today. My phone notification rings and I check it. It's Yuki.
Yuki: Hey, are you fine? Did something happen after I left?
Bopy: A lot has happened but I would prefer to talk about it tomorrow.
Yuki: I respect that, but I have been noticing a pattern. You always try to deflect when it's about Hana. We can talk now.
Bopy: No, I am fine. See you tomorrow. Goodnight Yuki.
Yuki: okay, Tomorrow then. Goodnight Bopy."
I put down my phone and sleep. I wake up the next day and get ready and head to school. It's still early in the morning. I reach school and head to the club room. Yuki is waiting for me and she is worried. "Morning Bopy, please take a seat."
I sit across from her and say, "I don't know where to begin, a lot has happened." She gives me a soft smile and says, "You can talk about it."
I say, "I am not sure." Yuki replies, "It will be fine." I then say, "Well, Shirakawa was acting weird. She wanted to hang out with me so we walked together. I thought we would part at the intersection but she ignored it and walked all the way to my house. She said, 'It doesn't matter, my parents are distant.'"
Yuki takes in my words and is thinking about the situation. She then says, "I see, and I understand it. But you need to set up boundaries and say no. You can't always give her what she wants."
I say, "Hmm, yes I will try to do that. Thanks for the advice. And do you want to hang out again this weekend?"
Yuki notices the shift in conversation but doesn't speak on it. She smiles and replies, "Yes, I would love to do that again." We then continue talking about different things and then it's time for our class. We walk together and then head towards our classroom. I open the classroom door, and Hana is already there sitting in her usual seat. As I go towards my seat, I notice something. Hana's eyes seem dark blue instead of her usual bright blue. She doesn't greet me and feels distant. And she has a duffle bag lying beside her seat.
It's a bit weird and I don't think much of it. I take my seat and then students come in and the class starts. Time passes by and it is lunch period. Hana comes up to me and gives me her bento box. She doesn't say anything and feels a bit distant. I note this and eat the lunch she has prepared for me. It's the usual without the cream puff.
I finish the lunch. She doesn't say anything. She is silent, which is unusual. Lunch ends and then we walk together for club activities. We reach the clubroom and Yuki is waiting for us. She notices something is up with Hana but she doesn't probe. We take our usual seats and continue. Hana at least interacts with the topic we are discussing but she talks normally. And it feels a bit weird. Then Yuki goes to help her mother and leaves. And now it's me and Hana.
She is sitting across from me, and she finally speaks. "Bopy, I am now clear about my feelings and I don't think I feel the same anymore. Can we go to the rooftop to talk about it?" Her voice is neutral.
I think to myself, "Wait, she lost interest in me just like that? That's good. I will be free from her obsession."
I reply in a neutral tone, "Yea, I can wait for you at the rooftop." I then get up and confidently walk towards the door to go to the rooftop. She says, "I will join you soon. I will go and get something from my bag." I listen to her and continue walking. I reach the rooftop door and turn the handle. It's unlocked. I don't think much of it. I open the door, evening light hitting my face. I go forward and stand there. Hana comes shortly after, her hands are behind her back and she is pacing to and fro sideways.
She says, "Bopy, I called you here for a reason. I know what you have been doing and it breaks my heart. You have been using me to get close to Yuki! When I told you about my past you went to Yuki!" And Hana continues by mimicking my voice. "I don't really want to say this now, let me think about it." She then mimics Yuki's voice and says, "Bopy, you can tell me. There's no reason not to."
Hana voice then returns to normal and says, "You learned about me so that you can have an excuse to talk to Yuki! You have been doing this since the moment you met me! And you even went on a date with her by using my name! And you two talk each morning before school starts. So you two have exchanged numbers. So let me guess, you text her like this, 'Yuki I need to talk to you tomorrow morning it's about Shirakawa.' 'Oh Bopy we can talk about it now.'
'No, I would prefer to talk tomorrow.' Is this how you two text each other? So, Mr. Protagonist how long have you been planning this? And is this scenario here off script?"
After hearing her words, the fear returns and I feel like my heart has been pierced by a needle, a million times. I feel like I can't breathe.
I finally get the courage and speak up for myself.
"Yes, all of this is true. But when we talked about the book, about love and about your past, all of it was genuine. I used you to get close to Yuki. That's true. But it's not like I wasn't scared of you, I was but still I did it. I always loved Yuki. I knew you had feelings for me, but if you had confessed to me, I would have rejected you. But I see what you are saying. I should have said from the beginning that I had no interest in you." At last, I give her a somber smile.
Hana gets closer. I can see her eyes. They aren't dark blue or light blue, but somewhere in the middle. She smiles and says, "I know. I know what you said in the past and here right now are all true. So that's why, despite what you did, I can't stop loving you. You are a dumbass." She then closes the distance and reveals what she was holding behind her back. In her hand, it's a small hammer, and before I could react she hits my head with it. I fall and then the world turns black.