As soon as Harry finished showering, he set off in search of his friends.
He needed to find Theo.
He'd been so distracted by his own exhausting and swirling thoughts that he hadn't realized what was right in front of him.
And that wasn't okay.
It was pathetic.
Weak.
Worthless.
Theo was his and Harry was stupid to not have noticed before.
Like recognizes like.
Harry took his invisibility cloak along with him in order to find his friends without risking running in to Lupin. He wasn't scared of Lupin, and he wasn't hiding necessarily, he just didn't want the man to see him. It would be quicker to find his friends, grab Theo, and get out of there from underneath his cloak.
He crept down the Defense corridor and was shocked by the pure amount of chaos that his friends must have caused.
There was magical paint on the walls that spelled out an impressive amount of curse words. A few of them Harry didn't even know before now. There were about half a dozen stink bombs that were starting to make Harry feel nauseous sitting in the corridor. And a quick peek inside Lupin's classroom showed... toilet paper?... all across the desks and bookcases.
That must have been Hermione, he decided. Harry'd seen other Muggle kids do something similar on houses and parks before. He wondered where Lupin was and why his friends had decided to make such a mess.
Maybe they had all been as unhappy about facing their boggarts as Harry had been?
He had no idea.
He had been so selfish.
He probably needed to talk to them all.
Theo first though.
He decided that if his friends weren't in the Defense corridor, and they weren't in the Slytherin common room, and it was too early for dinner... they must be in the library.
Sure enough, when Harry entered the library he found his gang clustered around a table in the back of the library, talking quietly.
"-Peeves is on it," Susan was saying just as Harry took his cloak off and walked up to their table.
"Harry! You're feeling better?" Neville asked with a smile.
"Yeah," he said with as much of a smile as he could muster at the moment. "Er, Theo? Can I talk to you?" He looked around at their friends, "In private?"
Susan gave him an approving sort of look which made Harry think she knew what he wanted Theo for. Everyone else just looked confused.
"Sure," Theo said, getting to his feet. "But I should warn you- it'll take more than wandless magic to convince me to leave Hermione for you."
Their friends all snickered as Harry felt his face heat up.
"You wish," he said with a Draco level superior sneer. He looked around at his other friends before making a quick decision.
"Let's have dinner in the Slytherin dorm tonight, yeah? Mavis'll bring us food. We can kick Vince and Greg out and make it just for us."
Everyone agreed quickly, their faces going from confused to excited.
Harry wasn't going to let his friends feel as miserable as he did. What kind of leader of the gang would he be if he didn't try and fix what fuckin' Lupin messed up?
These were his people. His friends.
Lupin and his stupid boggart didn't get to hurt them.
"C'mon Theo, I've got something cool to show you," Harry gestured towards to library door.
Theo kissed Hermione's cheek, grabbed his bag, and dutifully followed alongside Harry out to the corridors.
"Where are we going?" he asked when Harry led him towards the first floor.
"It's a surprise," Harry grinned. Snape had said to make Theo comfortable and Harry had the perfect idea.
"What are we doing here?" Theo grimaced at the doorway of the girls bathroom.
"D'you wanna see the Chamber or not?" Harry asked, holding Myrtle's bathroom door open for Theo.
"Yes," Theo breathed, his eyes lighting up with excitement. "We can really go down there?"
"Yep."
Harry was happy Myrtle didn't seem to be present as he opened the chambers entrance. He knows Luna likes Myrtle, but the ghost creeped him out a little.
"C'mon, I'll go first," Harry offered.
Harry slid down the dark passage and yelled up, "It's safe!"
He waited as he heard the bumps and thuds that meant Theo was on his way down.
"Oof," Theo said, landing on his bottom. "I can't picture Salazar Slytherin sliding down a giant slide very often."
"Probably didn't come down here much, on account of the basilisk and all," Harry snorted.
Theo quickly looked around the passageway they landed in.
"And-and it's for sure dead, right?" he asked nervously.
"Yep," Harry said as he conjured a floating ball of light. "Killed it myself then Snape took it apart for potion ingredients, didn't he?"
"Okaaay," Theo said, inching slightly closer to Harry. "Lead the way then."
Harry led him down the passageway, pointing out where it had caved in.
"Looks better now," Theo said.
Harry glanced at a pile of boulders that he knew covered Gilderoy Lockhart's body and shrugged.
"Snape cleared the rocks so we could get to the basilisk last summer," he said.
They approached the giant entrance doors to the chamber and Harry smirked at Theo before hissing, "open."
"Woah!"
The doors opened and the two boys stepped in to the giant chamber.
"Merlin, that's a lot of blood," Theo said, spotting the large dark puddle to the side of the chamber. "Was that all from where you stabbed the basilisk?"
"Some of it was from my arm," Harry scowled. "Snape looked all over the chamber for any secret diaries or books or anything from Slytherin but he couldn't find anything."
"Ugh," Theo moaned, walking closer to the statue the basilisk had lived in and looking up reverently at it. "This is still amazing though. I wonder if the other founders had any secret places in the castle?"
"Maybe," Harry allowed. "But- er- I wanted to talk to you about something."
"What's up?" Theo murmured, still looking up at the stone face of the statue.
'Try and discuss it in a way they do not even notice it being discussed.'
"D'you think your parents miss you?"
"What?" Theo turned around quickly and gave Harry a wide eyed look of confusion. "Why would you ask me that?"
"I dunno," Harry grimaced. "I just wanted to know if there's anyone outside of Hogwarts that misses you when you're at school?"
Theo took a couple shuffling steps away from Harry. He looked uncomfortable and nervous all of a sudden.
This wasn't going the way Harry had hoped.
Harry rolled his wrist while thinking hard.
Give me two comfortable chairs like the ones in the library.
He focused hard on what Theo's favorite library chairs looked like and was pleased when identical ones popped in to existence facing each other.
"D'you wanna sit down?" Harry said with what he hoped was a nice smile.
Theo glanced at the chairs then at Harry.
"Why?"
"I just wanted to talk to you," Harry said, sitting down in the chair closest to him.
Theo slowly sat down and looked at Harry curiously.
"What's up with the chairs?" he asked. "I thought we were exploring the chamber?"
"I'm trying to make you comfortable," Harry said. "If you don't like these chairs I can make different ones...?"
"Did you bring me down here to kill me?!" Theo suddenly yelped, jumping up and backing away quickly from Harry.
"What? No! Of course not. Why would you think that??" Harry asked, genuinely surprised by Theo's question.
"You're acting weird!" Theo accused. "And you brought me to a bloody chamber and now you're asking me weird questions and 'trying to make me comfortable'!"
"And that makes you think I want to kill you?" Harry honestly wasn't sure how the two things were related. "I just wanted to talk to you."
"About what?" Theo asked, still not sitting and sounding really panicked.
"Er- how's your day?"
For some reason that seemed to make Theo flinch and he took another couple of steps further from the chair Harry made him.
Harry huffed. Snape's advice was all wrong. He didn't know how to be subtle and trick someone in to talking to him about their 'feelings'. But he was good at making deals.
He needed to just talk to Theo the same way he liked to be talked to.
"Wanna play a game?" he offered Theo.
Theo still looked pale and nervous, but now he looked skeptical as well.
"What kind of game?"
"Question for a question," Harry said. "Me and Snape play it sometimes. You can ask me anything you want, then I can do the same." He thought of his own usual addendum to the game and hesitated. It wouldn't do him any good to find out about Theo's Dad if Theo was allowed to skip questions.
"We can vow to never tell anyone what we say down here," Harry said, thinking quickly. "And then we both agree to answer each other's questions. Deal?"
Theo still looked skeptical but he nodded slowly.
"I can ask you anything I want?" he asked.
"After we take the vow," Harry said. "But then yep, but you have to answer my questions too. That's how the game works."
"Alright."
The two boys each swore on their magic to not tell anyone what they talked about in the chamber unless the other person gave them direct permission.
"Who goes first?" Theo asked afterwards, sitting hesitantly across from Harry.
"Me," Harry said quickly. "Why's your boggart your Dad?"
Theo immediately paled at the question. Harry watched as he started tapping his finger on his leg.
tap. tap. tap.
"I don't want to talk about that," Theo said, his voice quieter than usual. "I don't think it's your business."
Harry grimaced. He couldn't protect Theo if Theo wouldn't tell him what was going on. How did Snape do this?
He tried to think of when he started trusting Snape with his secrets...
"What if you go first then?" Harry said. "You can ask me anything."
Theo looked at him curiously before leaning forward, "Did you kill Lockhart?" he whispered.
"Yep," Harry grinned. "He was going to kill me and Draco, wasn't he? Kill or be killed," he quipped.
Theo didn't look surprised at all by Harry's secret. He had a smug look in his eyes as if he had known all along.
"How'd you do it?" he asked, glancing around the chamber quickly. "And where's his body?"
"Nope, it's my turn," Harry said. He tried to find a more 'subtle' way of bringing up Theo's life. "Who d'you live with?"
Theo tapped his finger on his leg twice before answering quickly.
"My father."
"Where's your Mum?"
tap. tap.
"My turn, isn't it?" Theo said. "How'd you kill Lockhart?"
"Put my sword right through his fuckin neck, didn't I? Where's your mum?"
"Dead," Theo said shortly. "Where's Lockhart's body?"
"Under the boulders up by the entrance," Harry said. "How'd she die?"
tap. tap. tap.
"I don't know for sure," Theo said. "The official cause of death is organ failure."
"Why don't you think it's organ failure?" Harry asked. He wasn't sure what exactly that was, but he's heard Snape talk about it before and knew it could kill someone.
Theo shook his head.
"You already asked yours. My turn again." He glanced around the room, his eyebrows drawn down in thought. "Where were you when you got expelled before you went to Snapes? You told Hermione 'here and there' but that's not a real answer."
Harry grit his teeth and reminded himself that he couldn't save Theo if he didn't answer the questions Theo asked.
Even if he really hated it.
"London," he said curtly, looking at the wall behind Theo's head. "Sleepin' in alleys, wasn't I?"
'You're worth less than the trash you slept on.'
Theo nodded, as if he wasn't surprised by that answer either.
"How exactly do you think that your Mum died?" Harry asked, carefully wording his question.
tap. tap. tap.
"I think my father killed her," Theo said quietly. "I think he poisoned her."
Harry watched as Theo's soft brown eyes flicked around the Chamber quickly, the same way Harry's did when he was feeling trapped.
Like recognizes like.
"It's your turn," Harry said calmly.
He couldn't make himself sound all soft and gentle like Snape did sometimes. He couldn't offer a shoulder to cry on like Hermione probably could. But he could clear his mind of his anger and stay calm.
Theo wouldn't like it if Harry got furious just yet.
He could be furious later.
And he would be.
"What was the worst day of your life?" Theo asked.
Harry wondered if Theo was intentionally asking questions that would make Harry quit the game so he didn't have to answer Harry's questions anymore.
If so, he was going to be disappointed.
Harry would expose just a small part of his weakness to someone who was sworn to never reveal it if it meant finding out Theo's secret.
Harry grit his teeth and tried to will his heart rate to calm down as he ran his thumbs across the arm rests.
"Day I was expelled," Harry spat.
Don't think about it.
"Why?" Theo asked.
Harry cocked his head to the side shook his head at Theo.
"My turn," he said. "Why's your Dad your boggart?"
tap. tap. tap. tap.
"I assume it's because the boggart thinks that's what would scare me the most," Theo said. He tried to say it the same way he'd answer a question in class, but Harry heard the quiver in his voice.
The quiver that told him he wasn't wrong.
"Why was the day you were expelled the worst day of your life?" Theo asked.
Harry focused on the grounding feel of the wooden armrest beneath his thumbs.
He could do this.
He just had to get through this and then he'd get Theo away from his Dad. All he had to do was talk and then he'd be able to stop him.
Who cares if Theo knew about this secret when Harry planned on hearing Theo's secret?
Theo couldn't tell anyone anyway.
"My occlumency shields fell," Harry said quietly. "I-I couldn't handle it. I didn't have anywhere to g-go. I didn't wanna be back on the streets, alone. So-" Harry slowly rolled his sleeves up to show Theo the thick white scars on his wrists. "I wanted to be f-free. And then I woke up, healed, and was still in the fuckin' alley so I put up new shields. But then my magic quit listening to me. I couldn't do magic at all. And-and I wasn't special anymore."
'You're not special. You're disgusting.'
Theo tried to catch Harry's eye but Harry quickly looked back to the wall behind Theo's head as he rolled his sleeves down and put his palms flat on the armrest again.
"Why is your dad the thing that scares you the most?" Harry asked quickly.
Harry watched Theo out of the corner of his eye as he tapped on his leg. He just had to be patient.
Patient and calm.
Like Snape.
tap. tap. tap. tap. tap.
"He's mean," Theo admitted quietly.
"How's he mean?" Harry asked just as quietly. "Cause-"
"It's my turn," Theo said quickly. He cleared his throat and seemed to think for a moment.
"You said when you got expelled you didn't want to go back to the streets. How old were you when your relatives actually kicked you out?"
'Worthless whore. Freak.'
"Week after I turned 8," Harry said. "Does your Dad hurt you?"
tap. tap. tap.
tap. tap. tap. tap.
"I- I'm just- I'm-" Theo swallowed heavily and Harry looked down at his own hands so Theo didn't have to look at him while he talked. He knew it made it harder.
"I'm not a good son," Theo said quietly. Harry thought he sounded sad. "He wants someone more like- like you. Someone tough, and powerful, and brilliant. And I'm- I'm not good enough. So he gets mad. And- and then... then y-yeah. Yes."
Harry glanced up after Theo had been quiet for a long moment.
"One more question each?" Harry offered.
Theo nodded and looked up at the ceiling.
"The Muggles Dumbledore put you with- did they- I mean... you- you too, right?"
Harry focused on the feeling of the smooth wood grain beneath the pads of his thumbs as he answered.
"Me too," he confirmed before asking his last question. "D'you want me to kill your Dad?"
Theo's eyes quickly flew from the ceiling to meet Harry's.
"What?" he asked.
Harry wasn't sure if he really didn't hear him or if he didn't understand him, so he said it again.
"It's my last question- d'you want me to kill him? Because I will." Harry steadily kept his eyes on Theo's so Theo knew it wasn't a joke.
Harry was going to kill him anyway.
But it would probably be better to do it with Theo's permission.
"Why would you do that?" Theo said quietly. "I'm- I'm not in your g-gang like Ron or Blaise are. Why would you?"
Harry gripped the armrests tightly as he leaned towards Theo.
"Because you're mine. You're my friend. And you don't have to live like that," he said intensely. "I can fix it Theo. I swear. I can make it where he never hurts you again. Never puts his hands on you again."
tap. tap. tap. tap.
"Never again?"
"Never," Harry swore.
Theo and Harry stared at each other for what felt like at least three minutes. The only sound in the chamber was the quiet dripping of the pipes on to the stone floor.
Theo swallowed hard.
"Yes."
"Okay," Harry agreed calmly. "You'll stay here for Christmas and then move in my house this summer, yeah?"
"I can stay with you?" Theo asked, looking surprised. "Snape won't mind?"
"Course not," Harry said easily, checking the time. "It's my house, isn't it? If he gets pissed we'll just kick him out. We gotta go, we have to meet everyone for dinner soon."
Theo looked a little shaky as he stood but Harry wasn't going to offer him a hand. Theo wouldn't like it, Harry definitely wouldn't if it were him.
"What are you going to do?" Theo asked quietly as Harry banished their chairs.
"Better if you don't know, innit?"
Theo looked uncertain, but he shrugged.
"How do we get back up that slide?" he asked instead. "I didn't see any stairs..."
Harry grinned, "Mavis!"
Pop!
"Why is Master in the nasty snake chamber again?" Mavis wailed immediately. "Master is almost dying last time he was in the snake chamber!"
"Wanted to show it to Theo," Harry said. "Can you take us up to our dorm?
"Mavis will be happily taking Master and Master's friend to their room where they is belonging." Mavis held a hand out to both of them.
Harry grabbed it and smirked at Theo.
"By the way, you owe me 10 sickles. Had to pay Ron your bet from last year, didn't I?"
Harry gave Mavis specific instructions for dinner before the two boys began rearranging the beds around the edges of the room.
Well, mostly Harry levitated the beds to the very edges of the room while Theo stole everyone's pillows and blankets and made a pallet in the middle of the floor.
Theo didn't seem much like talking, which was just fine with Harry, so they rearranged everything quietly while they waited for the rest of their group to arrive.
A few times Theo would look at Harry, stare at him for a moment, open his mouth as if to say something, then shake his head and go back to what he was doing.
Harry just ignored it. If Theo had something to say he'd say it eventually. He already knew Harry vowed to not repeat anything he told him so he wasn't sure what else there was to say.
Theo finally got around to what it was he wanted to say;
"Did you mean it?"
Harry didn't need him to explain what he meant.
"Yep," Harry said as he rearranged the dishes Mavis dropped off for them. "I'm not a liar."
'You're disgusting.'
"You'd really risk everything... for me?"
Harry hummed. He wasn't really risking anything because he wouldn't get caught.
"You're my friend," he said instead.
Harry turned around once he was satisfied everything was arranged right and ready for the get together. Theo was sitting on the edge of someone's trunk and giving Harry an awed look.
"Once he's g-gone... can I... can I be in the actual gang? Like... like allies?"
Harry beamed at him.
"Course you can. Same rules as everyone else, yeah?"
Theo eagerly agreed.
When everyone else showed up Theo gave Hermione a very dramatic kiss that made her turn bright red and everyone else laugh.
Theo seemed happier than Harry had ever seen him before.
Free.
Harry thought he seemed a bit like he did when he first left Surrey. Which probably meant Theo's Dad was just as bad as the Dursley's.
Something to keep in mind when Harry went to meet him this summer.
But for now, Theo was safe. Nobody was going to put their hands on his friend like that ever again. And Harry had to figure out how fix everyone else.
"I saw Lupin's classroom earlier," he said while they were all sitting in a circle on the floor eating biscuits and tarts that Mavis left for dessert. "Who wrote 'inconsiderate arsehole' on his door?"
Everyone snickered and sent a pointed look at Susan.
"I have no idea what you mean," she said haughtily. "I am a young woman, I would never write such a thing."
Harry snorted, Susan said much worse things daily.
"Hermione had the idea with the toilet paper," Ron said with a grin. "Disgusting innit? Muggles are crazy."
Hermione sputtered, seemingly embarrassed for such a brilliant idea.
"Luna and Draco got the stink bombs," she said.
Luna and Draco both gave identical shrugs of indifference.
"What'd you do then?" Harry asked Blaise.
"Kept a lookout," he said. "Someone had to make sure our Professor didn't actually catch us all in the act."
"Worth it," Susan muttered darkly.
Harry tried to think of a way the bring up what he wanted to talk about 'subtly'.
"I suppose your class did boggarts yesterday too then?" Harry asked Hermione and Neville.
Which, admittedly, wasn't really all that subtle. But it was effective as everyone got quiet.
"We did and it was horrible," Hermione sniffed. "I don't think they should be allowed to make us show our boggart in front of everyone."
"Yeah," Neville agreed. "A lot of people were making fun of Seamus in the tower last night because of his."
"What's his then?" Ron grinned.
"It was Harry," Neville said with an uncharacteristic smirk. "Fred and George about peed themselves laughing."
Harry smiled at that. Seamus had said Harry wasn't scary. Clearly he was wrong.
"He put you in a dress."
"He did what?!"
Harry looked sharply at Neville.
"He put me in a fuckin dress?"
Neville nodded, no longer smirking.
"Lupin gave him the idea," Hermione said.
"I'm going to kill them both," Harry muttered.
Luna grinned over at him, "Or you just get revenge."
"Isn't that what I said?" Harry blinked at her.
"Harry refused to do his," Draco interrupted them. "Told Lupin 'not a chance'."
Harry shifted as everyone looked towards him.
"He made me do it last night," he admitted. "Said he wouldn't tell anyone what it was, but then he ran and told Snape, didn't he?"
Harry was still trying to find a way to get back at him for that.
"That's awful!" Hermione said. "That had to be like... an abuse of power or something!"
Everyone was looking either outraged or sympathetic so Harry tried to shift the topic back.
"Was yours terrible?" he asked Hermione.
She shrugged, but her eyes looked a little sad.
"It was Dumbledore. He said I wasn't a witch and I was expelled," she admitted. Harry grimaced in understanding. Finding out you were special was the best feeling in the world, he wouldn't want to be told he wasn't either.
'You're not special.'
"So I burnt his beard off."
Everyone howled their heads off in laughter at that. Luna laughed so hard she had tears coming out of her eyes.
"Mione- Merlin- you're mad," Theo said fondly. "I would have paid anything to see it."
"Don't give Susan any ideas," Blaise warned him. "She keeps threatening to catch the real Dumbledore on fire anyway."
Susan gave them all her best innocent look. Even though not a soul believed her.
"What was yours?" Harry asked Neville.
Neville sighed and his cheeks turned pink at the question.
"It was Snape."
"Snape?" Harry was surprised. Yeah Snape had never been very friendly with the Gryffindors, but Neville once blew up a cauldron on purpose in his classroom. How could Snape be his worst fear?
"You don't have to explain if you don't want to," Susan said quickly. "We-" she gestured to herself and the Slytherin boys, "-were all in the same class so we saw each other's."
"I... I was afraid when Harry was gone that Snape wouldn't find him and then none of you would want to be friends anymore," Neville said in a rush. "It's stupid," he mumbled.
"It's not stupid," Luna said. "If Harry wasn't here I wouldn't have met you guys. I think it's a very understandable fear."
Neville looked over at her and gave her a small smile.
"Yeah?"
"Yes," she said. "Everything is better with friends."
Harry had no idea how Luna was able to just say everything she was thinking and feeling so confidently.
"We'd still be your friend even if Harry wasn't here mate," Ron said with an easy smile. "For a lion you're really not so bad."
"Thanks," Neville rolled his eyes, but Harry thought he looked pleased all the same.
"Mine was a tornado of inferi," Draco said, causing everyone to chuckle again.
"I forgot to ask- why is that your fear?" Blaise asked.
Draco sent a pointed glare at Harry who smirked back.
"And now that I've seen one, I really want one." Harry smiled broadly in a way that made Draco look immediately nervous.
"He's terrifying!" Draco wailed. "He's going to take over the world one day!"
Harry was flattered when nobody contradicted Draco's statement. He honestly didn't know they all believed in him so much.
"Your turn," Hermione said to Blaise. "What was your boggart?"
"My mother dying," he said after only a split second pause. Blaise's tone was his usual casual tone of disinterest, but Harry didn't miss the flash of pain in his eyes.
Truth be told, he'd felt his own stomach clench when he saw the Contessa's body laying in a coffin in the front of the staff room. He thought about how the seven time widow might one day have someone looking for revenge.
"I'm sorry," Hermione said softly. "That's awful."
Blaise raised one shoulder in an elegant shrug before glancing at Ron.
"Not as bad as having Harry point a bloody sword in my face, right Weasley? What on Earth could have made you develop such a fear?"
Harry rolled his eyes at Blaise's drawling sarcastic tone, but Ron was surprisingly unflappable.
"You saw him with that sword, he's terrifying," he shuddered dramatically. "I'd like to keep my face scar-free, thanks."
"You think I'd kill you?" Harry asked him, relieved that it finally came up on its own.
He'd been... embarrassed? angry? betrayed?... when he saw Ron's boggart. Ron was a part of his gang. He was one of his. And the thing he feared most was Harry?
It made him feel like a monster right in front of all of his classmates.
'You're a monster.'
'A monster. A nobody.'
Ron looked startled at Harry's question and glanced around the rest of the room.
"Er- I dunno, probably not?" Ron scratched his nose. "But... you're always saying you're gonna kill people and... I mean... if I make you mad or something... d'you think you'd kill me?"
Harry tried to consider it rationally, but this was the Ginny situation all over again.
"You don't trust me," he said. "You didn't trust me to save Ginny and you don't trust me to not kill you."
"Harry that's not what he's-"
Harry ignored Draco as he stared at Ron.
"D'you think I'm a monster?"
"What? No," Ron denied it quickly. "You're not a monster mate you're just..."
"Intense," Blaise supplied helpfully. "You can be intense."
"Your worst fear was me killing you with my sword," Harry said to Ron flatly. "I just don't get it."
"I'm a bad friend, okay?" Ron said, his ears glowing red. "I'm a crap friend. I'm not interesting, or rich, or powerful, or any good at school. I can't talk to nargles, and you don't like any of us as much as you do Susan. So I'm just here. I don't even know why you let me in the gang and eventually you'll realize I'm worthless and kick me out. Or you said that if I mess up you're done with me. So, I figure I'll mess up and you'll kick me out."
You're the worst leader in the world.
"You're not worthless," Harry said. "You were the first person on the train to talk to me, weren't you? Didn't even know I was famous or nothing. You're not worthless."
'You're worthless.'
"Cheers then mate," Ron said with a tentative smile, his ears still glowing red.
"You're not worthless either Harry," Luna whispered beside him, somehow guessing at his thoughts once again.
Harry gave her an appreciative look.
It was a nice sentiment, even if she was wrong.
Nobody talked for a moment and the air seemed awkward.
"Anyone wanna bet on Harry's boggart?" Blaise said, effectively breaking the uncomfortable silence.
"Harry's the scariest thing in any room," Theo said. "So it's probably something ridiculous like baby kneazles."
"Cupcakes?" Blaise said with a grin.
"Probably Scabbers," Ron laughed.
"Long essays," Hermione said.
"I think it's a proper haircut," Draco said with an exasperated look at Harry's hair.
"Oi! Leave my hair out of this," Harry said in faux-outrage. "What did it ever do to you?"
Everyone looked expectantly at Harry.
"It was a Grim," he lied baldly. "Guess I'm either scared of Trewlaney or dying, I'm not sure which yet."
Everyone chuckled at that except for Luna and Susan, who Harry assumed were the only ones who saw through his lie but were too polite to point it out.
"Susan's was Harry, right?" said Neville.
Susan looked over towards the Gryffindor boy, surprise clear on her face.
"How'd you know?" she asked. "If anyones been talking about it I swear-"
"Nobody told me," Neville said hastily. "I just- I mean you two aren't really scared of anything properly scary. So I just assumed..."
"Harry's my family," Susan said firmly. "And he's always running off in dangerous adventures without me," she hissed glaring at Harry. "Of course I'd be scared he'll die."
Harry held Susan's hand tightly. He had been embarrassed by Ron's boggart, amused by Parkinson's, pleased with Macmillans's boggart, but Susan's was... different.
It had been a shock to look at himself lying on the ground, dead.
And now he couldn't get it out of his head. It was taking up almost as much space as the Snape-Boggart.
Thankfully it was much quieter. But it had a different kind of draw to it.
Everyone started to break off from the group. Ron and Blaise were playing cards while Theo and Hermione were talking quietly by his bed. Luna and Neville were talking with Draco and stacking plates up on the trunks they used as an impromptu table.
"It's getting late," Hermione eventually said, checking the time with a little frown. "We should get going so we don't get caught past curfew."
"Or you guys could stay here," Draco suggested with a grin. "We could have a huge slumber party!"
"Is- is that allowed?" Neville asked looking towards Hermione and Theo.
"No," Theo said. "The rulebook says every student must sleep in their own assigned bed every night at Hogwarts."
"Fuck it," Harry said. "Why not? I can put a ward up, we'll toss Vince and Greg's stuff out to the sofas and you guys can sleep here tonight."
"There aren't enough beds," Hermione said. "There's nine of us and only seven beds."
"Guess you'll have to share with Theo," Blaise winked.
Harry hastily jumped in as both Hermione and Theo blushed furiously.
"Or we can all sleep on the floor."
"Yay!" Susan squealed excitedly. "Let's do it!"
Draco and Harry started tossing sleeping garments out of their trunks to the girls. Luna decided she'd wear Harry's since he was the closest to her size. Theo firmly gave Susan Draco's when he offered them to Hermione and gave her a pair of his own pajamas.
"Harry can shrink them so they fit," he said.
Neville rolled his eyes at the girls and stole a pair out of Ron's trunk.
While the girls went to change, Ron and Blaise drug Vince and Greg's blankets down to the sofa and came back up snorting with laughter.
"Greg started to complain and B-Blaise said-" Ron broke off, his laughter overcoming him apparently.
"Told him the Heir of Slytherin requires absolute privacy for the night," Blaise said in a pompous tone only belied by his eyes sparkling with mirth. "They're too dumb to even question why we were still up here then."
The boys all laughed about that, and then laughed even harder when the girls got back and looked like they were drowning in their borrowed clothes before Harry shrunk them to their size.
Except for Luna. Harry frowned to see his clothes were only slightly too big on her.
"We didn't think this through," Ron muttered as they tried to find a way to arrange the blankets on the floor so everyone had space to sleep.
"What if we give the girls the beds and the rest of us kip on the floor?" Neville suggested.
"Chivalrous Gryffindor," Blaise said. "Fine, the girls get the beds and the rest of us will sleep down here... on the floor." He grimaced.
"I'll stay on the floor," Susan said, sliding a pillow over beside Harry's. "Blaise you can have your own bed."
Everyone bade each other a good night as they all shifted around in their makeshift beds getting comfortable. As everyone started dropping off in to sleep, snoring or mumbling as they slept, Harry laid on his back and tried not to get caught up in his own thoughts.
He'd fixed Theo's fear. Or, he will.
He didn't know if Ron trusted him or not, but he didn't think Ron was worthless.
Not like me.
All that was left was Susan.
Harry turned his head slightly and saw Susan was still awake beside him.
"I'm sorry I'm your boggart," Harry said quietly, so as to not wake their other friends.
Susan propped herself up on her elbow and scrunched her nose up as she looked at him.
"Why are you sorry? It's not your fault," she said.
Harry stared up at the ceiling.
"I dunno. I just- I can't live forever. Then you'll be sad, right? So I'm sorry."
Susan scooted closer to him, laid flat on her back, and grabbed his hand in hers.
"Nobody lives forever," she said softly. "You and Auntie Amelia were my boggart because you guys are the most important people in the world to me. Just- live as long as you can, okay? I love you Harry."
Harry felt his throat swell up and had to swallow a few times to get it to work right.
'Nobody cares about you.'
"You- you do?" he whispered.
Susan squeezed his hand in hers.
"Of course I do, stupid."
They laid together in a comfortable silence for a long while. Harry kept replaying her words back in his head.
'I love you Harry.'
'I love you Harry.'
'I love you.'
"No ones ever said that to me before," he admitted quietly. "I don't know what to say."
Susan gave his hand another reassuring squeeze.
"You don't have to say anything."
***
Monday rolled around, and Harry still felt tired and cold, but he told himself he had to stick it out. So he did.
He unenthusiastically drug himself to classes, caught the snitch during the newly restarted quidditch practices, forced himself to talk with his friends during meals, worked on his homework. But at night, he laid in his bed and stared up at the canopy- just thinking.
'People think death is easy.'
'You're worthless.'
He had to stick it out until summer. Who would keep Theo's Dad from putting his hands on him if Harry didn't?
He promised he'd take care of it, and he would.
So he just laid in his bed. Staring up at the canopy.
Thinking.
''I love you Harry.'
'You're not worthless either Harry.'
By Wednesday, Harry felt like miserable. He was so tired, and he had both Care of Magical Creatures and Defense- so it was probably going to be a terrible day.
Snape had apparently talked to Hagrid (Harry hopes he did a lot of yelling and wished he could have seen it) because their class today was a rather tame lesson on feeding flobberworms.
"You just had to complain, didn't you?" Draco grumbled as he forced lettuce down the flobberworms mouth.
After lunch Harry drug himself behind his friends to the defense classroom.
He had successfully dodged Lupin ever since Friday's detention. Luckily, his tactics from Lockhart last year gave him quite a bit of practice. He wondered if they'd ever have a defense teacher that wasn't terrible.
He actually missed Quirrell. At least he had been good for a fast paced duel.
His outlook on the day brightened considerately when Lupin's door still had 'inconsiderate arsehole' sprawled across it in glowing red paint.
"Sorry about that," Lupin said cheerfully as the students arrived. "It should be gone in another day or so."
"It won't, it lasts a whole week," Susan whispered in Harry's ear.
"Who did that?" Justin Finch-Fletchey said, sounding scandalized.
"Probably just an older student hazing the new Professor," Lupin said, seemingly unbothered by it. "I seem to be being pranked."
"Good thing you like pranks then, right sir?" Harry smiled sharply at Lupin.
"Everyone likes pranks when they're young," Lupin said, giving Harry an odd look. "But people do eventually grow up."
Harry thought of Snape. Snape who spent seven years being tormented by a group of blokes who thought he wasn't worth being their friend. They never even gave him a chance to see what a decent person he was.
They tried to kill him in fact.
And where would Harry be if they had?
"D'you think they ever feel bad though?" he asked sharply, his exhaustion receding in favor of anger. "D'you think they feel bad or d'you think they just sit around thinking they're a good person because at least they 'grew up'? Because I think if they didn't try and make up for it then they didn't really change, did they sir?"
The whole class watched with baited breath as Lupin stared at Harry's furious face.
"That's probably a discussion for another day," Lupin eventually said, blinking and looking around at the rest of the class. "For now- everyone take your seats please."
Harry threw himself in a chair in the back corner of the room, now doubly furious.
"Just ignore him," Draco murmured from his seat in front of Harry.
"He'll wish Harry ignored him," Ron snorted.
Harry decided to ignore both of them and slammed his defense text on his desk and toned out Lupin's voice droning on about Red Cap's in favor of breathing deeply and clearing his mind.
Susan gave him a sympathetic look and grabbed his notebook while Lupin talked.
Why aren't you sleeping?
Harry grimaced and picked up his own quill.
Who says I'm not?
Susan rolled her eyes.
The bags under your eyes stupid.
I don't feel good. Think I'm sick.
You're a bad liar.
Hope that's not true. Might be hard to explain a few things.
Susan snorted out loud, drawing a look from Lupin. They both glared at him until he went back to his lesson, occasionally shooting thoughtful looks at their table.
Get a potion from Snape.
I don't want to.
Why?
Because then he'll know I'm not sleeping.
Are you sick?
Harry thought about it before he answered. He didn't feel sick. He felt cold. Like he had on the train.
Think it's the dementors.
Susan made a face.
We need to find Black. Then Dumbledore has to get rid of the dementors, right?
Who knows? Hopefully though.
How do we find him?
Harry shrugged.
I'm sure he'll find me. Crazy people usually do.
Susan laughed out loud at that. She was terrible at keeping a blank face.
"Something funny Susan?" Lupin asked cheerfully from the front of the class.
"No sir," Susan said, folding her hands on the table primly.
"Would you mind telling me how you would stop a Red Cap from attacking you then?" Lupin asked.
Susan glanced over at Harry and back at Lupin again.
"I'm not sure, sir," she said.
Lupin looked at Harry, who glared back at him.
"Harry- any ideas?"
Harry looked at the Red Cap in a cage on Lupin's desk and shrugged.
"Easy." Harry pulled on his magic and pointed his finger at the cage.
Burn it.
The classroom yelped and Lupin jumped away from his desk as the little red eyed creature in the cage suddenly burst in to flames and began shrieking.
"Aguamenti," Lupin said, putting the fire out with a flick of his wand.
Lupin looked up at Harry and looked like he'd never seen him properly before.
"Why did you do that?" he asked across the silent classroom.
"You said 'how would I stop it from attacking me' and that's what I'd do," Harry said.
Lupin kept staring as the bell rang.
"I'd like everyone to summarize the section on Red Caps and read ahead about kappas- we'll start them on Friday. Harry, stay behind please."
"Want me to stay?" Susan murmured.
"Nah, go to the library, I'll see you in a bit," Harry muttered back.
He hated Lupin. Hated that he said he wouldn't tell anyone his boggart and did it anyway. Hated that he made him see it to start with. Hated him for what he did to Snape when they were students.
Harry hated him.
He wasn't scared of him.
After the students filtered out, Harry's friends either grimacing in sympathy at him or scowling at Lupin as they went, Lupin came to the back of the classroom. He stopped and hesitated when he reached Harry's table and instead sat in Draco's abandoned seat, leaving the table between them.
"I think we got off on the wrong foot," he said. "I definitely didn't help matters on Friday, did I?" Lupin chuckled in a self-conscious sounding way. "I'm sorry about that, by the way."
"About what?" Harry asked. "Specifically."
Lupin looked surprised at Harry's continued cold tone.
"I'm sorry for pushing you in to seeing your boggart. I thought it would be good for you to face it. And you do need to learn to the spell, but I didn't need to push you in to it."
"So you're not sorry for telling Snape after you promised to keep it to yourself?" Harry sneered. "Brill, just checking."
Lupin looked uncomfortable, "Severus told you about that?"
"We don't have secrets from each other," Harry said.
"I was... worried," Lupin said softly. "I was just worried that Severus was treating you unkindly at home."
"So you thought going to him and telling him what my boggart was would somehow help if he was?" Harry snorted derisively. "Guess you were a Gryffindor, huh?"
Lupin recoiled back in his chair at the venom in Harry's voice.
"You're right, I didn't think that through, did I?" Lupin frowned and rubbed the back of his neck. "I suppose that's another apology I owe you then."
"Did you apologize to Snape?"
Lupin gave Harry another odd look. He looked like Harry was a complex creature he couldn't figure out.
Good.
"What do you believe I owe Severus an apology for?" he asked slowly.
The genuine curiosity in Lupin's voice surprised Harry.
"What do you owe Snape an apology for?" he said incredulously. "Should I make a list?"
Lupin just blinked at him and Harry felt his anger starting to spiral.
"Did you ever apologize for bullying him and treating him like dirt in school?" he spat. "How about when your buddy Black tried to kill him? No? Then you went and accused him of 'treating me unkindly', didn't you? Did you apologize when he told you you were wrong? Snape's the only bloody adult that's ever treated me kindly."
Harry got to his feet and slung his bag over his shoulder glaring darkly at the shock on Lupin's scarred face. "If there's nothing else, Professor?"
"Harry, I'm sorry," Lupin said weakly. "I had no idea Severus meant so much to you."
"Words don't mean anything," Harry quipped. "And it's real 'chivalrous' of you to apologize to me but not Snape. All daring nerve when you're accusing people of things but a coward when it comes to making up for what you did, huh?"
Harry gave him one last look of disdain before storming out to the now empty corridor.
Well, no.
Not empty.
"What are you doing?" Harry asked Blaise who was leaning against the corridor wall.
"Listening to you tear Lupin to shreds. I was hoping there would be blood involved," he said easily as he straightened himself up. "Shall we make our way to the library?"
"Go ahead," Harry waved him off, still furious with Lupin and his damn worthless apologies. "Tell everyone I'm going for a walk."
"Want me to go with?" Blaise offered.
Harry pulled his cloak out of his bag and threw it over himself.
"No," he said shortly. "I'll see you later."
Harry quietly slipped through the corridors, avoiding the groups of students who were unaware of his presence until he reached the entrance.
He felt like he could clear his mind better when he was outside.
Probably a side effect of spending so much of his life outdoors.
He felt the dementors chill more out here on the grounds, but it was worth it. He could storm over to the edge of the forest and destroy a tree or something.
He'd picture Lupin's face as he did it.
He approached the edge of the forest and stopped when he saw the large, dark-
Dog.
Just a dog.
Not a Grim.
"Hey boy," Harry called, taking his cloak off. "Are you following me?"
The dog was hiding around the edge of the forest and sniffled around as Harry approached. Harry thought it looked just like the one he'd seen with Susan in Knockturn Alley over the summer. It was the biggest dog Harry had ever seen in his life.
"What are you doing?" Harry murmured. "Huh boy? You look hungry."
The dog whined and pushed Harry's leg with his nose. Harry called for Mavis and asked him to bring the dog a steak. Harry smiled when the dog did a little ridiculous happy dance before it ate it.
Harry sat and leaned against the tree trunk and watched the dog tear apart its meal, poor thing was probably starving. After it was done it slowly came over to Harry and gently laid its heavy head on his legs.
"Most dogs don't like me," Harry said quietly. "Hagrid said his dumb dog is a 'good judge 'o character' and that dog growls at me every time it sees me."
This dog just whined and nudged at Harry's hand.
"You're needy," he laughed, scratching behind the dogs ears. "I was gonna tear up a tree, make myself less mad, ya know?" He scratched the dogs ears and looked in to the forest. "I hate Lupin. I hate these dementors. I hate Sirius Black."
The dog picked its head up and looked up at Harry.
"I'm going to kill him," he swore. "As soon as I find him. I coulda had a totally different life if it weren't for him, ya know? He ruined it."
The dog slowly sat its head back in Harry's lap and licked his hand.
"Gross," Harry laughed. "Don't lick me."
Harry and the dog sat there in silence for a while, watching the sun get lower.
"Potter!"
Harry jumped up, startling the dog off his lap, and turned to see Snape walking quickly towards him.
"Oh, Snape," he slumped down in to a more relaxed position. "What are you doing?"
"What are you doing you foolish brat?" Snape said. "It's almost dark out and you're on the edge of the lawn. Are you looking to lose a fight with a dementor?"
Harry grimaced at the reminder.
"Sorry, sir," Harry muttered. "I lost track of time."
Snape looked closely at him, doing that weird x-ray look he did sometimes.
"When did you last sleep through the night?"
Harry shrugged.
"Through the night? I dunno."
Snape sighed, "Here." He pulled a potion vial out of his cloak pocket and offered it to Harry. "You need to sleep and before you ask- the only thing I ask in return is you avoid getting so close to the edges of the grounds in the future. It would be a shame for a dementor to suck out your soul before you've finished your reign of terror," he said drily.
Harry grinned and put the potion in his own pocket.
If Luna always knew the right thing to say, Snape always knew the right thing to do.
"Cheers sir."
Snape gave him an exasperated look even though his eyes were soft and warm.
"Come along, I doubt your clique will even know how to eat without your majesty in attendance."
Harry snorted and started to follow him before he remembered the dog.
"Oh! Snape! That dog's here!"
Harry turned to call for the dog and frowned to see it was gone.
"What dog?" Snape asked slowly, giving Harry a 'look'.
"Don't look at me like that," Harry scowled. "That black dog from Knockturn Alley was here. You can ask Mavis, he brought him a steak. I'm gonna see if it wants to go home with us this summer."
"Delightful," Snape drawled, gesturing for Harry to follow him towards the castle. "What I have always wanted was a moody teenaged ward, an elf that utilizes a barter system, a neurotic bird, and a flea bitten dog in our home."
Harry smirked as he considered Snape's expression when Theo shows up this summer.
He'd need to have his camera ready.
As the two wizards trekked back to the castle a large black dog hunched behind a tree on the edge of the law, snarling under its breath.