"Captain Hikifune, how did you end up getting so.... round?"
The moment the words left Kazuma's mouth, he knew he'd made a terrible mistake.
Directly commenting on a woman's weight was practically an invitation to die.
"Captain Kazuma, I think you should take another moment to reconsider your choice of words."
As expected, Hikifune Kirio's previously cheerful expression darkened instantly.
Her sharp gaze stabbed straight into him.
Kirio might normally be bright and easygoing, but she clearly wasn't so open-minded that she felt nothing when someone called her fat to her face.
"Heh… What wonderful weather we're having today!"
Cold sweat trickled down Kazuma's back as his mind raced for a way out.
"The sun is shining, the breeze feels lovely… Wouldn't you agree, Captain Hikifune?"
His eyes wandered everywhere except toward her face as he tried to pretend his earlier remark had never happened.
Wonderful.
He'd managed to make things painfully awkward the moment he arrived.
Why could he never cure himself of that rotten mouth?
"How has Hiyori been doing?"
Fortunately, Kirio chose not to pursue the matter and instead asked about Hiyori with genuine concern.
When she'd been promoted to Squad Zero, she'd specifically entrusted Kazuma with watching over the girl.
"She's doing extremely well."
Kazuma's lips curved upward.
"I even found her an exceptionally powerful teacher. I'm sure you'll be satisfied."
"Who is it?"
Kirio immediately grew curious.
"You sound awfully confident that I'll approve."
"Heh. Her teacher is no ordinary person."
Kazuma looked rather pleased with himself.
"It's Saitō Furofushi, the first captain of the Sixth Division."
"What a coincidence it turned out to be, too. Ever since Hiyori became Saitō's student, the two of them have gotten along perfectly."
Kazuma warmed to the subject once the topic turned to the pair.
"Those two short-tempered little gremlins are practically inseparable. They go everywhere and do everything together. Anyone who doesn't know them might even mistake them for mother and daughter."
As he spoke, Kazuma carefully watched Kirio's expression and saw that she looked pleased with the arrangement.
"You've gone to a great deal of trouble, Captain Kazuma."
Kirio smiled with relief.
"Hiyori has always been a wild child. Having a teacher like that is a blessing for her."
Before her promotion, Hiyori had been the one person Kirio worried about most.
Learning that she was now living happily brought her considerable comfort.
"Captain Kazuma, why did you suddenly force your way into the Soul King Palace?"
After confirming Hiyori's well-being, Kirio finally returned to the real issue.
"Oh, it honestly wasn't anything especially important."
Kazuma paused before casually explaining.
"That brat Renji had the misfortune of getting his Zanpakutō broken, so I came to the Soul King Palace to find someone capable of fixing it."
He launched into an animated account of his journey, recounting nearly every event in vivid detail.
The one thing he deliberately left out was his meeting with the Soul King.
"I see."
Kirio nodded after hearing the story.
"Did Ōetsu agree to your request?"
"Of course he did!"
Kazuma thumped his chest proudly.
"After a little 'friendly discussion' with yours truly, how could he possibly refuse? Hahahahaha!"
Calling their exchange friendly was stretching the truth beyond all recognition.
Kazuma had cut off Ōetsu's arm and forcibly stolen Sayafushi.
No reasonable person would describe that as a pleasant conversation.
Kazuma, however, saw absolutely nothing wrong with how he'd handled it. If anything, he considered his methods exceptionally effective.
A moment of silence for Ōetsu.
"Well, we've caught up, so I should return to Soul Society."
Kazuma gave Kirio a brief farewell.
"Renji is still waiting for an answer. If I take any longer, he really might have to change careers and join the Kidō Corps."
He then headed back toward Ichibē's Shinmeiden.
The ancient Shiba Clan Tenchūren he'd ridden on the way up had already shattered.
If he wanted to return to Soul Society safely, he'd need to borrow another one from the monk.
"What do you want now?"
Ichibē frowned when Kazuma returned, displeasure written across his face.
He silently wondered what sort of trouble this man intended to cause next.
"I'm preparing to head back to Soul Society."
Kazuma approached with a cheerful smile and scratched his head.
"Unfortunately, the Tenchūren I used to get here was destroyed. Without another one, I won't have a reliable way to return here after I go back down."
He even managed to put on a faintly pitiful expression.
Of course, Kazuma wasn't asking for one solely for his own convenience.
He still needed to bring Abarai Renji to the Soul King Palace later.
Ōetsu had explicitly stated that the Zanpakutō's original owner needed to be present before it could be reforged.
That left Kazuma with no choice but to ask Ichibē for a Tenchūren.
"Follow me."
Ichibē gave a quiet grunt and offered no further complaint before turning toward the place where the Tenchūren were stored.
Kazuma quickly followed.
Before long, they arrived inside a vast chamber filled with faint spiritual fluctuations.
A brilliant Tenchūren stood silently at its center, its pristine surface gleaming beneath the surrounding light.
"Whoa! Now this is what I call quality!"
Kazuma circled the brand-new Tenchūren with obvious excitement.
"It looks infinitely better than that rusted ancient relic I rode on the way here."
He hurried forward and carefully ran both hands across its smooth surface, savoring the feel of something that didn't look ready to crumble into scrap metal.
"In that case, this is where we part ways."
Ichibē didn't wish to spend even another minute looking at him.
The brat was simply too aggravating.
"Sure! See you later!"
Kazuma could no longer contain his excitement. He rushed forward and quickly climbed inside the Tenchūren.
Ichibē formed a sequence of hand seals and began chanting with practiced ease.
The previously motionless Tenchūren started trembling gently.
A moment later, it slowly rose into the air before accelerating downward toward Soul Society.
...
The return journey felt remarkably short, as though time itself had been compressed. Before long, Kazuma arrived safely back in Soul Society.
"The monk was surprisingly thoughtful. He sent me back to exactly where I started."
As the hatch slowly opened, the sight outside caught Kazuma by surprise.
The Tenchūren had landed directly beside the enormous Kūkaku Cannon on the Shiba Clan's grounds.
"Well, look who's alive. I was starting to think you'd kicked the bucket up there."
A clear female voice called out, carrying equal parts mockery and relief.
Kazuma followed it and saw Shiba Kūkaku standing nearby with her arms crossed, watching him with an amused smile.
She was obviously relieved to see him return safely, though she'd never admit it so easily.
"Please. There's no way I'd die that easily."
Kazuma rolled his eyes.
"The person capable of killing me probably hasn't even been born yet."
"You've certainly got confidence."
Kūkaku took a long drag from her pipe to settle her nerves.
"Do you have any idea what happened after we launched you? The Tenchūren exploded not long afterward. Its fragments rained across Soul Society and caused absolute chaos!"
"By all reasonable logic, you should've been blown into dust along with it. Who would've guessed your life was stubborn enough to survive?"
"Ah, yes… about that."
Kazuma gave an awkward chuckle.
"That ancient relic you sent me in did, unfortunately, explode."
"But don't worry. I went through a tremendous amount of trouble to bring you back a brand-new one. Consider it compensation for the Shiba Clan's loss."
He patted the pristine Tenchūren beside him with a satisfied smile.
The new model was extraordinary. Both its exterior and internal structure were of the highest quality.
During the descent, Kazuma had barely felt a single vibration. The ride had been as smooth and comfortable as sitting in his own living room.
"Hahaha! In that case, I'll gladly accept your generosity."
Kūkaku's eyes lit up as she circled the Tenchūren like a miser inspecting a pile of gold.
"Trading one old antique for a brand-new replacement? That might be the best deal I've ever made."
"But now I'm curious. Where did you get something this valuable?"
"Heh."
Kazuma's eyes shifted mischievously, and a wicked smile spread across his face.
"Would you believe me if I said I stole it directly from Squad Zero?"
"Stole it?"
Kūkaku rolled her eyes.
"What kind of joke is that? Did Squad Zero just stand there doing nothing while you walked off with their treasure?"
"Or are you claiming you turned the entire Soul King Palace upside down?"
She didn't believe a word of it.
Taking something by force from Squad Zero was the sort of fantasy someone came up with while still half asleep.
"Hmph. If I wanted to steal something, nobody up there could stop me."
Seeing that he'd failed to fool her, Kazuma finally told the truth.
"But fine. Squad Zero gave it to me."
"Captain Kazuma certainly has impressive connections."
Kūkaku looked at him with increasing curiosity.
"You even have friends among Squad Zero, and they're generous enough to give you an entire Tenchūren."
This old bastard apparently commanded far more respect than she'd realized.
Squad Zero's members were notoriously arrogant.
They barely acknowledged ordinary captains, let alone befriended them and handed over priceless treasures.
"Anyway, I need to hurry back to the Seireitei and bring Renji here."
Kazuma spoke rapidly.
"The man from Squad Zero made it very clear that the Zanpakutō's owner has to be present before it can be reforged. I may need to trouble you to launch us again later."
Before Kūkaku could answer, Kazuma vanished like a gust of wind, leaving a cloud of dust drifting behind him.
...
First Division
"Renji! Renji! Where the hell have you run off to, you bastard?!"
Kazuma tore back into the First Division grounds like a storm.
He hadn't even crossed the entrance before his booming voice exploded through the compound like thunder.
The surrounding windows rattled violently, as though the sound alone might shatter them.
"S-Sensei! You're… you're back?"
No matter how loudly Kazuma called, Renji never appeared.
Instead, Rukia came rushing out in a panic.
She was panting heavily, beads of sweat covering her forehead, and her speech sounded strangely slurred.
"You…?"
Kazuma stared at her, briefly wondering whether he was hallucinating.
The neat, charming Rukia he knew was nowhere to be seen.
Her signature onion-shaped hairstyle had become a wild, frizzy explosion.
Her usually pale face was covered in bruises and swollen red marks, clearly left by someone's fists.
Her shihakushō was torn in countless places and stained with dirt.
She looked like a tiny beggar who'd just crawled out of a battlefield.
"Who the hell dared to do this to you?!"
Kazuma's face twisted with fury.
"Someone actually had the nerve to lay hands on my student? Have they grown tired of living?!"
Seeing his beloved student in such a miserable state sent his temper soaring.
He immediately rolled up his sleeves, looking ready to charge out and fight the culprit to the death.
"This old man did it."
A calm yet authoritative voice came from behind him.
"Do you have a problem with that?"
"C-Captain-Commander!"
Kazuma's entire body jerked.
It was as though a bucket of icy water had been poured over his head, instantly putting out every trace of rage.
He slowly turned around.
The moment he saw Yamamoto standing there, the furious expression on his face vanished and was replaced by the most shamelessly flattering smile imaginable.
"Oh, it was you personally disciplining the girl!"
Kazuma bent forward with enthusiastic nods.
"Then it was completely justified! In fact, you did an excellent job! Magnificent! Absolutely masterful!"
The gap between his earlier fury and his current groveling was almost breathtaking.
Anyone witnessing the switch would have had to admit Kazuma had missed his true calling.
A turnaround that fast, he could have made a living as a quick-change artist.
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