I got a ninety-two on my portfolio. It was the highest grade I had earned in the program. It meant I wasn't failing, and that the past three weeks of work actually mattered. So Mum and Dad owed me for that.
It should have felt like everything was finally okay, but I kept thinking about how I lost it with Dosu. I had only proved what he already thought…that I was crazy. Who shows up at the gym with no proof and accuses someone like that? I made a scene for nothing.
Still… part of it was Dosu's fault. He had been nasty the second I saw him. Maybe if he hadn't been like that, I wouldn't have lost it.
But it was done. Nothing I could do now.
The noisy restaurant pulled me out of my thoughts as I walked toward my friends at Blimsley, one of the nicest spots on campus. It had so many tables you'd think it was the only place around. The lights made it feel like home…well, if you ignored the fact that it sat on a noisy street.
James and John had a system for eating out. Totally silly, no reason at all but I loved my friends, so I played along. John always picked the table. Always the same one, at the corner of the cafeteria, back to the wall, where he can have his eyes on both exits. I once told him it sounded like something someone in witness protection would do. He just shrugged and said he liked knowing what was happening in a room. Somehow that was more unsettling…but again, that was John for you. The things we do for friendship.
James was the one who picked what we ate, and the rule was simple: no one changed the meal.
Tonight it was pasta. I wasn't feeling it, so I got a salad. I knew I shouldn't break the rules, but my head wasn't in it.
"That's all you're eating?" John asked, eyes boring into my plate.
"I'm not hungry." If Mom were here, she'd already be shoving more food onto my plate. That was exactly why I was at this school...to be away from her.
James scoffed. "You're always hungry. What's up with you?"
His casual question made my eyebrows shoot up. "Obviously, I'm not tonight."
My friends gave me that look, the one that said they noticed something and were deciding whether to push it.
James shrugged and went back to his food, stabbing pasta with the kind of focus you'd expect from someone treating every meal like it was their last.
"How'd the portfolio come back?" John asked through a mouthful. For heaven's sake, I could see all the mashed pasta in his mouth. I swallowed the instinct to gag.
"Realized we never asked. Mine was 76," he continued, like he hadn't just broken every table-manners rule in the book.
James nudged him, eyes wide. "76? That fucker. Reeves gave me 69 and that's low for me because you didn't do any work, you lazy brat."
John playfully slapped the back of James' head. "Shut up. You did nothing much."
"Ninety-two," I said once their noise had died down.
They exchanged a look of genuine surprise.
"See? I knew you had it in you. All that stress for nothing," James said. "Told you to chill."
I groaned and dropped my fork. I knew they'd say this but they didn't know Dosu like I did. Just because he didn't do this doesn't mean he wasn't capable of doing things like this in future. I knew this guy well.
"It wasn't for nothing. It was due. I had the right to freak out."
"And you got it in due time. And you got a ninety-two. So…" John shrugged, the implication clear.
James exchanged a look with John before turning to me. "And it wasn't even your roommate who caused the delay."
My lips thinned. There was something in their tone that made it feel more menacing the longer they spoke.
"Honestly, bro, I think sometimes you need to relax," James said, pointing his stained fork at me.
I stared for a moment, then went for the cool answer. "I am relaxed."
"Yeah. You've been stabbing that salad for three minutes without eating a bite," John said, shaking his head like this conversation was stressful for him.
James chewed slowly and swallowed. "Okay, at first, it was funny watching you lose your cool over this guy but why is this roommate thing still going on?"
It wasn't until I tasted blood that I realized I'd bitten the inside of my cheek. Anger rolled off me, fists curling. What did he even mean by that? "It's not a thing. Nothing's going on."
"So the whole 'I hate you' thing isn't real?" James asked again. I loved my friends, but today, they seemed on a mission to piss me off.
Something in my chest kept building, and when I opened my mouth, my voice barely sounded like mine. "I said it's not a thing."
"Is this because he's gay?" John's voice was quiet, almost soothing, and it tamed some of the fire in me.
I took a deep breath, licking my lips and avoiding their eyes. "He's not gay. He's bi."
"What's the difference?" James chuckled.
John's eyebrows shot up. "He likes girls too? Dude, don't be stupid."
"You're the retard," James mouthed, but we all heard him.
I rolled my eyes.
John leaned back. "I know James is dumb, but he makes some sense. Is that why your face is always like that? Because he's bi?"
I huffed, tipping my head back to the ceiling. Take me now, God. "My face isn't like anything. What are you guys even on today?"
"You sure?" James gestured between my eyes. "Doesn't look good, bud."
I touched my left eye without thinking.
"There it is." John smacked his palm on the table, laughing. James joined in, and they exchanged a high-five.
"I hate both of you," I said.
"You love us," James replied, draping an arm over John's shoulder like they were posing for a picture. "We're your only friends."
I resisted the urge to smile. "That's not the compliment you think it is, you dumb nerds."
John made a ridiculous face. "Yeah, like you're not one of us. Look, all fun and jokes but seriously, stop this beef with this guy, or it's gonna look like you're in love."
Love, love, love. It kept pounding in my ears. Like I'd fall for a guy like that? I wasn't even gay, and if I were, there was no way I'd ever fall for Dosu. I loved Lena. She loved me. And I should call her this night.
"Men can fight without it being sexualized," I said, dragging each word so my dumb friends could understand.
"That doesn't cover you and your roommate," John said, glancing at James for backup. "All I'm thinking is you guys need to fuck."
Disgust rose in my chest, and I'm sure it showed on my face. My playfulness had flipped into full-on annoyance. It was one thing for them to joke about me being in love with Dosu, of all people. This? This had to stop.
"I have a girlfriend!" I snapped, my voice rising. Why were they acting like fools today?
James, who clearly never read a room, wriggled his brows. "So if you were single, you'd have done it?"
The thought flashed in my head and I swear I haven't watched one gay porn in my life but frames of Dosu and I in super erotic moments popped into my head. And the worst of it, I was the one arching for him.
I wanted to throw the plate at James. "The fuck? You know what? I'm done eating."
I rose to my feet and grabbed my tray, crossing the bench.
"Come on, dude," John called. "We were only joking."
"Yeah, right." I hissed, dropping my tray at the counter.
Of course, Dosu had somehow managed to ruin the one good thing I had left, my appetite.