These are the memoirs of my wife, Leil, with her strikingly white-blonde hair and blue eyes. From our first meeting, I felt something in my heart. I will start with the day I asked my grandfather for her. My grandfather said to me: "You've reached thirty and are still unmarried, and I insist that you marry someone from the family."
At that time, I had met Leil at a family gathering. She was calm, indifferent to everyone, reading her book in a corner away from the noise of the crowd. Her eyes and long shiny hair were different from the rest. Everyone was watching me, but I didn't care about anyone's gaze. I was waiting for her to look at me, even just once, but she didn't.
It was the first family gathering I attended because of my grandfather's insistence. Afterward, he asked me to choose a girl from the family. Out of stubbornness, I requested Leil to make it difficult for him. At that time, he said: "Agreed," leaving it to me, and added, "Just give me until the beginning of the new year, when all family members are gathered, so I can meet her."
She was like a butterfly, laughing and playing with the children, her siblings, and my cousins. Jealousy consumed my heart. Yes, a single glance had stolen my heart, my cold, hardened heart. Her eyes were like those of a gazelle. I waited for a look or a smile but never received one, not even the day my grandfather asked me to bring her a plate of fruit. I sat on the balcony, requested it specifically for her without anyone noticing. She came, and I recognized her by the jasmine scent she carried.
We spoke, and my grandfather said: "Bring this for her, go ahead, Qais." I couldn't control myself and said: "I am not your brother, I am your cousin, and tell my grandfather I don't want anything, return it." She looked at me and said: "It doesn't matter, return it." She left. At that moment, I insisted that my grandfather propose her officially.
I will pause here and share the first words from her memoirs:
"I am Leil, the daughter of a foreigner." That's how my grandfather described me because my father is of Arab origin and my mother of European origin. Today, I must begin each memoir by opening a new page about myself, because I always feel as if I am writing to someone.
Today, I will be fourteen years old. I always love learning about myself, and as I mentioned before, it feels like I am writing to someone. My diary keeps all my days and secrets. I talk a lot, I know, but let's begin my day, which is the start of a new year in my life.
Currently, I am ready for school. When I came downstairs for breakfast, my family had prepared a celebration for my birthday. My family members: my mother, my father, me, and my four siblings: Siraj, Faris, Jawad, and Rami. After a small celebration with my family, Siraj took me to school. When I left, my grandfather and my eldest cousin had arrived. He had sharp eyes, dark skin, black soft hair, tall stature, a sturdy build, and always a strict temperament. I greeted my grandfather, kissed his hands, and he blessed me for my age. As for my cousin, it was as if he wasn't there; he gave me a fleeting look and said: "Happy Birthday," and left without waiting for my response. I didn't care.
The car arrived at the school, and it was a remarkable last day of school. My grades were excellent as usual. Meanwhile, at home, there was a heated argument about my marriage to my much older cousin. In the family, it was well known that no one opposed my grandfather's decisions. My mother collapsed upon hearing the news, my siblings were strongly against it, and my father, who always followed orders, agreed, because when he married my mother, my grandfather had refused but stipulated that my father comply with all his conditions.
My grandfather was known for his extreme strictness, but my father was the only one to defy him by marrying my mother, as she was a stranger to the family. Therefore, my father agreed to my grandfather's conditions. At that moment, my grandfather gave his orders and left with my cousin. My father broke down because I was still young, his spoiled daughter, and also because my cousin was much older and had a very difficult and sometimes frightening nature.
My mother was crying and pleading with my father to do something, but there was no escape, not even with my siblings. My father spoke with my aunt Maysaa, the kindest and most gentle person who considered us her children. When she learned of the situation, she fiercely defended me, even though her own son was supposed to marry me, but my grandfather's word was final.
For the first time, it was my grandfather who came to take me from school. I was terrified, although my relationship with him was very new. I kissed his hand, and he told me that I would marry my cousin Qais, saying it seriously. I realized the decision was irreversible, but I stood firm and calmly said: "Grandfather, I'm still young, I have a future, and he is frightening and strict." My grandfather replied: "Age is just a number, and you are no longer small. You are now fourteen, and your future with your cousin will continue your studies with him."
I couldn't hold back; tears streamed down my face. My grandfather coldly said: "No need for tears, it is already decided, and I have spoken to your parents, who agree with me."
I arrived home in tears and found my family waiting for me. I hugged my father, begging him to do something or let me escape, but he said firmly: "If this happens, your grandfather will erase our existence from the family."
I went to my room crying and began writing the details to you while sobbing. I fell asleep crying and later woke to my aunt Maysaa's voice. She held me tightly, crying and apologizing because she could not prevent this marriage.
The news reached the entire family. The engagement and contract signing were scheduled for the end of the week. I felt suffocated; my mother was devastated and blaming herself. My siblings suggested I escape, but my mother said: "If we ran away—my father, grandfather, and I—the outcome would have been death. But they followed through because of my grandmother, who is no longer here, may she rest in peace."
After many attempts, there was no escape from this mysterious fate. I never imagined I would become a victim of child marriage, especially as my period had not even started yet. How could I marry at this age?
The first night after the news was the hardest night of my life, and the worst was the end of the week, the two mornings following. My grandfather arrived with the owner of the largest jewelry store in town to design my wedding ring. At first, I refused to come down until I heard my grandfather say: "If you don't come down, I will make you marry today without any ceremony."