You must remember that no one lives a life free from pain and suffering.
One must live while remembering that no one can ever be free from the agony or misery of life.
— Sophocles
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Hide remembers.
To be precise, the memories engraved into this physical body remained hauntingly vivid.
He remembered the moment his parents divorced just as he was starting to perceive the world clearly, and how his father, who had taken custody of him, discarded his love for him after remarrying.
"Son, Daddy still loves you, but... there are just so many other important things now. I'm sorry..."
All he could recall was his own foolishness—how he had clung to an unwavering faith in his father even as the man slowly turned his back on him. In the end, his father betrayed that trust.
The father who promised never to remarry did exactly that, and the vow to do his best even after the marriage was torn to shreds like waste paper. Once a younger sibling was born, every ounce of interest shifted toward the new child. The more Hide resisted his stepmother's subtle discrimination, the more he was branded a 'bad son.'
Ultimately, he was kicked out of his father's house. What followed was a relentless succession of hardships beyond description.
It's a common story you'd hear anywhere.
The kind of plot that frequently pops up in dramas. The child of a previous marriage who is gradually marginalized after a stepmother enters the home. The struggle to reclaim dwindling affection, only to be abandoned in the finale.
That was how the original owner of this body understood it. While he had drifted from place to place, shunned by everyone, that man—his father—had enjoyed happiness and led a peaceful, secure life within his new family.
Even on the way back to the accommodations, Hide couldn't settle his twisted nerves. With the memories of his past life growing faint, the shock provided by this body's memories wasn't something he could just brush off.
"Hide, that man—your father—says he's going to release an article."
"Let him."
"How are we going to respond...?"
"....."
Hide remained silent in response to the question from Miyazaki Makoto, who served as both his manager and producer.
"What if you tried talking to your father?"
"If you're going to keep talking shit, get out of the van."
When Hide, who rarely lost his temper, erupted in anger, Miyazaki Makoto was so startled he couldn't find his voice.
Seeing the tension, Tanaka Shuji, the thick-skinned bald bassist of Enfants Terribles, quickly pulled Miyazaki Makoto toward him.
"Makoto, you know you shouldn't just stick your nose into someone's family affairs like that."
"Right.... Hide, I'm sorry."
They had a concert tomorrow and needed to get some practice in, but the members of Enfants Terribles were considerate of their furious leader, giving him the space he needed to be alone.
"Boss, go talk to Ai and cool your head. You're too heated right now."
"With that in mind, let's drop the Boss off at the hotel first."
The mixed-race drummer gave Hide's shoulder a light pat with a worried gaze, offering words that carried his true sincerity.
.
.
.
.
.
While the members of Enfants Terribles tactfully headed to the rehearsal room, Hide toyed with his phone.
"...Dammit."
Whenever those childhood memories resurfaced, he couldn't suppress the rage toward the 'man' who had the audacity to call himself family.
Eventually, the phone slipped from his hand and landed on the soft white sheets of the hotel bed. Usually, this was the time he would call his lover, Ai, who would have just woken up—but right now, he couldn't bring himself to do it.
"Fuck...."
After agonizing for a long time, Hide let out a low curse. He stared at the phone lying on the bed sheets, locked in mental conflict. Who could have guessed such a disaster would strike right as their first tour began?
Ai will... call me soon... What am I supposed to say...
A sudden wave of fear washed over Hide. He was troubled by what he should tell his lover, and how much he should actually reveal.
He was worried that his problems would become a burden to her, especially since she was likely having a busy day herself due to 'The Third start : Cupid.'
And as if on cue, the phone began to ring.
"Sigh...."
Hide exhaled sharply and picked up the phone from the sheets.
"Ai, you must be tired. Is it okay to call?"
"Eh? Hide, you're the one who said we should talk at this time! Hehe... Were you worried because I told you yesterday I'd be busy?"
"Ugh... Yeah, I guess?"
Searching his memory, he realized he had been the one to suggest the call. Hide, who had intended to end the conversation quickly by using Ai's fatigue as an excuse, felt flustered and let out a sigh so soft it didn't travel through the receiver.
"Hide! How was your day?! Was the concert fun?"
"Of course! As many as 83,000 people came to see us! Fly out to America whenever you want to see it. Ai, there's always a seat saved just for you."
"I appreciate that, but.... Hide, did something happen today?"
Ai, who had spent her life wearing a mask to please others, possessed a natural talent for spotting when someone else was wearing one.
In particular, noticing that Hide—who was clumsy at lying—had put on a mask to hide something from her was easier than breathing for her.
Above all, because she was Hide's lover, she couldn't help but notice that he was concealing something.
"Something happen? No? What could possibly happen when I have you?"
Seeing Hide attempt to evade the situation with out-of-context sweet talk, Ai felt her suspicions confirmed. Her lover had a bad habit of trying to slip away with honeyed words whenever he was in trouble.
"Really...? Ai is much sharper than you think, you know?"
"Really. Nothing happened."
Hide responded to her words like a reflex. While it pained his heart to lie to his lover, this was also his own way of being considerate toward her.
Right now, he was undeniably lying. And of all people, he was doing it in front of Ai.
"You know I really love you, right? At least that will never be a lie."
Mixing his sincerity into the gaps between his lies, Hide vaguely glossed over the rest of the conversation before hanging up.
The room returned to a heavy silence.
Hide was suddenly struck by the thought that living as a 'star' was agonizing.
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