I opened my bedroom door. It was still dark when I saw him coming. Killian took two silent steps toward me and caught me by the waist. We kissed all the way to the bed.
"Just hold me and stay with me," I told him. "The lightning is getting closer, and the wind outside won't stop pounding against the windows."
"Of course, baby," he replied. "Come here, lean on me. I've got you."
What started out like that—with my head resting against his muscles and his hand cupping one of my breasts—soon gave way to longer, more intense kisses as the minutes passed and our bodies kept brushing against each other. I turned onto my side, and he covered me with his weight. I felt the full force of his passion pressing against me while his lips trailed down my neck. Slowly, his fingers began moving lower, pulling off my underwear while his mouth whispered sweet things into my ear.
"You're so beautiful, baby. Do you love me?"
I nodded slightly, and he pressed deeper. He ran his thumb over my lips. I stayed completely still as he used his finger to nudge them open again so I would part my mouth for him. I smiled; I was already gone. I turned around to tell him that he made me happy, that I loved him with all my heart, but with his overwhelming strength, he grabbed me by the waist. Lifting me as if I were the lightest creature on earth, he sat me down on his length without letting go, sliding into me slowly—so slow, so incredibly slow. I couldn't help but shiver and open my legs for him, and that drove him wild. He told me again and again that he was going to love me forever. I closed my eyes, unable to even look at him. He was so beautiful and so hot that just looking at him would have made me come right then, and I needed to hold back. I wanted to please him.
Over and over, using the strength of his arms so he wouldn't hurt me with his size, I sank down as far as I could and rose back up as much as I wanted. Over and over, over and over, over and over. When I opened my eyes, I was completely possessed by him. Nothing else mattered anymore. I wanted to scream, wanted the whole world to know I was his, but I bit my lip hard and picked up the pace. Our rhythm was incredible, like a dance where both of us knew every step by heart.
Whether it was because of what Clara had said about choosing one of them, or simply out of pure pleasure, I don't know, but I wanted Lucius to be there with me when I reached the end. So I closed my eyes again. I leaned back slightly against Killian's chest as he thrust into me without stopping, arching my hips just to imagine Lucius arriving and taking me from behind—imagining that I could love them both without guilt, without regret.
I needed Killian to cover my mouth with his hand to keep me from screaming. I bit down hard on his palm, but he didn't complain. Instead, he chose to whisper, "You're beautiful, baby," right as he came.
The howling wind in the bedrooms grew so loud and constant that it became unsettling. Realizing it would be impossible to get any more rest, we decided to head downstairs with our pillows. There we found Lucius, who had been there for hours, stretched out on one of those long, comfortable couches. Killian went into the kitchen to make coffee while I settled onto one of the sofas; it was much quieter down here. Lucius dragged his over, pushed it up against mine, and wrapped his arms around me.
When Killian came back and saw us, he brought the other sofa over and pushed it against mine. The three of us sat close, sharing a giant mug. We were like some strange married couple on a Sunday morning, except I was married to both of them. That was when I asked the million-dollar question.
"Isn't it too strange for you that I'm in love with both of you?"
Lucius said no, but Killian said yes.
Don't hate me, girl, I'm begging you. I tried to stay as neutral as possible. I couldn't say Killian held a higher place in my heart than his brother, and I couldn't—nor did I want to—push either of them away. Honestly, I'd die if they both got tired of this and left, which could happen at any moment, so please try to understand. I just needed to know if this was hurting them or if they were enjoying it as much as I was.
Killian took it back. "No, I didn't mean it's strange to me," he said. "The truth is, something like this has happened to us before, though that time was very different. So, by definition, it's not that strange to us. But you already know how I feel. Of course I wish things were a little more normal, but I'd never be stupid enough to miss the chance to be with you just to follow some rule."
Lucius stayed quiet, sipping his coffee. Sitting in the middle with both of them pressed against me, I passed the time tracing their arms, breathing in the scent of their combined colognes—something like fresh greenery and a crisp blue ocean. I couldn't help but think I should build a monument to their mother just for bringing them into the world.
Lucius set his mug down and leaned in, whispering so only I could hear. "Yesterday you asked me what would happen to us in a few years. This is the answer: our bodies will always find each other. I know it, and you know it. Anything you experience with anyone else will just be that gray space between the last time you were with me and the next—where your colors shine brighter than ever. That's why I'm not jealous. Again and again, you'll always end up coming back to me."
"And what if you're with someone else?" I asked him. "What if you're with that little architect mermaid, or with Sarah? Married, with kids, living one of those lives people dream about in magazines?"
"I'll be forced to find you, until the day I die," Lucius replied. "You have all the colors."
God, he's right, I thought. I knew it. It seems like I'm the jealous one, though if I had a sister and she were flirting with one of them, I don't think I'd hate her. I thought about that for a long time. No, I definitely wouldn't hate her, especially if I loved her, but I wouldn't step aside either. The idea feels absurd. Neither love nor desire just disappears because you say, "From now on I'll stop feeling anything for you because my sister comes first." That's an absolute lie.
I'm going to live this happiness I feel with both of them for as long as I can. Deep down, I know the most likely outcome is that they'll eventually get tired of me, and it'll just be you and me, girl, talking forever about how beautiful it felt to be so desired.
Surprise! It turns out Lucius cooks even better than Killian. I couldn't believe the homemade pizza dough he made from scratch. It was delicious. Killian had gone down to the basement gym, and I became a makeshift assistant chef, suggesting—definitely not by accident—more red peppers. I love them. By the time we finally put the pizzas in the oven, I had flour in my hair, on my nose, and a bit of dough on one of my breasts. Lucius has skillful hands, and I realized he enjoys what he does and knows exactly what he's doing in the kitchen, all while never losing focus on me. I mean, how else do you think that dough ended up on my body?
The rain and wind won't stop, but inside it's wonderful. There is no outside world; you can't see ten feet past the windows, and there's no signal. So we listened to music, danced, drank, and by the afternoon I lay down again on that couch that had turned into a triple one, and Killian covered me. I slept until night. When I woke up, I felt like eating more pizza, and my breasts were swollen.
I took a shower while the Longfield brothers tried to fix something with the upper windows so they wouldn't rattle so much. From the curses they were shouting, I don't think they were succeeding.
I felt so beautiful, I swear, girl, more than ever in my life. I looked at myself in the mirror and didn't want to put on underwear, just wait for them like that on the couch. I blushed like a teenager. No, I couldn't do that. Or could I? Why was I feeling so bold? I put on a simple cotton dress over my bare body and went downstairs to escape the hurricane noise.
An hour later, Killian came down with wet hair and beach clothes, as if the sun were about to come out just for him. He kissed me on the mouth and said, "Being stuck inside definitely isn't for me. My plane could easily take off from here."
When he saw the fear in my eyes, he laughed and told me he was joking. He placed his hand on my hips and rested his head against my stomach while I stroked his hair. We talked about storms. He told me how much he loved watching lightning from the night sky, that his mother Diana knew how to fly gliders, but he preferred powerful, fast engines. I told him about the time I saw hot air balloons over Mary Garden and how much I loved watching planes pass by, imagining they could see me too, excitedly waving my small hand.
I felt a little dizzy, and I blamed it on the wind and the trees swaying constantly outside the window. When I told Killian, he kissed my stomach and went to get me some water.
Oh, no... I feel like I'm going to throw up.
I gave Killian a nervous smile and went straight to throw up in my bathroom. In my mind, I quickly went over everything: sex, yes; protection, every time… more or less, closer to no; dizziness, yes; vomiting, yes; I feel beautiful; my breasts hurt. God, no...
Wait, let me think… No, it's not possible, right? Most likely I'm about to get my period. It's around that time, and I'm not exactly regular. Is it better to start crying now or wait a few days? The only thing I know is that I'm not telling anyone. I splashed water on my face. I'm pale. I pulled myself together as best I could and went downstairs.
Lucius and Killian were talking in whispers, and when I arrived, they fell silent. The older Longfield brother, with his piercing blue eyes, stepped toward me and said:
"Killian told me you're feeling dizzy, and from how pale you are, it's clear you've been sick… Carmilla, are you pregnant?"
So much for keeping it a secret.