Zoe and I walked through the suburbia of Blackwater Cove. It was late July, but the air was foggy and cold. It was far different from Los Angeles. Our shoes hitting the pavement was the only sound for a few minutes, as I still felt myself processing Sylas's text to her.
is that aurora...
The three dots felt like a deliberate choice—one meant to stab me because he must've known she'd say something to me. It was as if the dots were a gap that he wanted me to fill and he was trying to send his version of smoke signals.
"It's funny," I finally broke the silence. "Elliott and Nate messaged me. Directly. Like normal people. But Sylas? Why does he decide to take the pussy route and message you? It's like he's a child of divorce or something." The words seemed to spill out harsher than I intended, but I couldn't help fighting the sharpness in my tone.
Zoe stopped walking. We were about a block from Nate's house, and I swore I could already hear the muffled, distorted bass coming from his direction.
"Ro, he's not being weird." Zoe looked at me as I stopped a few feet in front of her. "He's being smart. You spent the last three years acting like he didn't exist. You moved on, you found Josh, you lived your little 'city girl' life. You blocked Sylas, remember? You erased the only version of yourself that he actually liked. He's not going to just slide into your DMs and ask how the weather was in the hole you crawled out of."
I inhaled sharply, clenching my jaw at her remark. My gaze trailed down to my wrist, where I began to twist the leather cord of the bracelet until the rabbit dug into my skin. The small act of pain seemed to temporarily cease the incoming feelings of guilt.
"I had to, Zoe." I didn't want to let her break me. Maybe my reasons hadn't been fair, but she didn't know what it was like out there, what I went through...
"Maybe you did," Zoe's voice was softer now, and she began to walk again. "But don't be pissed at him for being cautious, Ro'. You're not exactly a 'safe bet', and after everything he's gone through with his dad and mom getting a new man, he needs stability."
I couldn't argue with that. I wasn't stable, I never really had been. And hell, sometimes the thought of stability scared me. Was it really something that was attainable? If so, it was something I had rarely, if ever, seen.
As we reached Nate's driveway, I was instantly greeted by a familiar skunky scent lingering in the cold, damp air. It was far better than smelling the gin or dust or other dead things in my parents' old home. No, instead, the smell reminded me of being eighteen and convinced that a kiss on a lifeguard tower was the peak of my romantic life.
I pulled the sleeves of my denim jacket down over my palms. My hands were shaking slightly, and I could feel myself shifting closer to Zoe's body for comfort.
"You okay?" She asked, her hand on the doorknob.
"I'm fine. Let's just get this over with."
The front door wasn't locked. In Blackwater Cove, locking your door felt like a confession that you had something worth stealing. Nate's house hadn't changed much on the inside. I was briefly reminded of all the times we spent hanging out here for band practices or movie nights. The wood-paneled walls were covered in various family photos.
I didn't even manage to get my jacket all the way off when I was suddenly knocked over.
"AURORA FUCKING HALE!"
Elliott had launched himself into me and tackled me onto the living room couch.
I didn't know what to say, but I knew Elliott, and I knew he would be able to hear me without words. I didn't push him off. I just buried my face into the wool of his sweater and felt myself get lost in his embrace like when we were kids.
He pulled back just enough to see my face and I already knew what to expect. "Jesus, Ror'. You kind'a look like a sick Victorian child. Your hair too, like girl, what happened to the fun colors? I thought California was supposed to be good for people who never see the sun."
"Good to see you too, bitch." I finally managed to get the words out.
"I missed you so fucking much. Nate is just not as good as company. Please never leave me again. I'll actually kill us both next time."
"I know, I'm sorry El'."
"You don't know shit, but it's okay sweetie," he retorted sarcastically, but he finally let me go and flopped back beside me.
I felt another pair of eyes on me, and looked up and saw Nate.
He was leaning against the kitchen doorway, holding a beer bottle. He looked older—his shoulders were broader, he looked more toned, slightly tanned—but his dark blue eyes remained the same. They held a sort of boyish gleam normally, but this time there was a certain steadiness to them. It was as if he was studying me.
He walked over and handed the bottle to me.
"Welcome back, 'Rora."
He didn't hug me. He didn't have to. He just gave me a look like he knew I wasn't the same girl who moved away. Instead, it was as though he was seeing the girl who used to hide at his house when my parents' demons became too much. He saw the cracks, and never chose to look away.
"Thanks Nate," I said, taking a quick swig. The alcohol burned my throat.
"Zoe said you were staying at...your house," he said, his voice dropping slightly. "You're kind of a masochist for that, you realize that?"
"It's a family trait."
He chuckled and leaned against the back of the couch. For a while, it felt like old times. We eventually moved to Nate's garage, which had transformed over the years into becoming our usual hangout spot. It still looked the same—an old vintage yellow couch, various posters on the walls, a coffee table with his weed gear set up, a TV, and different game consoles.
The band's equipment was also still set up off to the side... Sylas's keyboard caught my eye for a moment when we walked in, but after a few bong rips, I barely even noticed it.
The sound of a car pulling into the driveway cut through the music.
Within a few moments, I could hear footsteps outside walking up to the front door. Whoever it was let themselves in and Nate was about to make his way to greet whoever it was. My stomach felt like it was about to erupt inside of me.
Before Nate could even leave the garage though, Aaron walked in like he owned the room. He had that typical loud confidence of a guy who had been the all-star quarterback in high school and never found a reason to stop acting like it. Although, according to Zoe, he had continued his career into college.
His eyes immediately went to me. He bypassed Nate and Zoe, heading straight for the couch. As soon as he sat down beside me, I was expecting some sort of half-hearted apology for my dead parents or for him to look at me like I was an escaped mental patient, but instead—
"Hale," his voice was deeper than I remembered. "I heard a rumor that you were coming back, but I didn't think I'd see you tonight."
I couldn't help but smirk. "I guess I'm still full of surprises, Aaron." There had always been some weird flirtatious energy with Aaron—maybe it was just his natural 'playboy' ways...
He leaned in closer, smelling slightly of vodka and expensive cologne. He lowered his head so that his mouth was hovering just inches from my ear. "Long time, Hale," he whispered, his breath warm against my skin. "Did California take your party skills to the next level or did being away at school make you a good little girl?"
I felt a small spark of something between fear and excitement. Something enough to cancel out the sadness, the guilt, the pain...
"I'm not sure yet," I looked up at him, feigning innocence in my eyes.
He grinned, reaching out and plucking the beer bottle from my hand. He took a quick sip, "I liked you better when you weren't sure of things anyway," he said, his eyes scanning mine with a hunger like I was about to be his last meal.
Aside from being the star athlete of Blackwater Cove, he was also the star drug dealer of Blackwater Cove. He had always been the one who made the spiral feel like a rollercoaster instead of a fall. For a brief moment, I considered what it would be like to just play into Aaron's charm. My gaze traced the lines of his face, the way his hazel eyes gleamed like golden specs under the dim living room lights.
How easy it would be to not be a tragedy... I could just be high.
I took the bottle back from him, taking a drink of liquid courage before allowing myself to lean just a fraction closer to him.
Might as well have some fun while I'm back...
Aaron was a distraction that kept me from realizing more footsteps were approaching from outside. Everyone else seemed too high, buzzed, or both, to hear it either, because the door that led to the garage opened once more and caught all of us off guard.
What. The. Fuck.
It felt like the walls were caving in. Aaron's cologne became a stagnant chemical stench. My lungs were shrinking. I wanted to curl up into my skin and never see the light of day again. But I kept my face stoic.
Sylas stood in the doorway. His hair was a mess of dark ink against his pale, tired face. He looked like he hadn't slept since the night of the bonfire, but there was something different about his demeanor. He seemed more guarded than usual. I guess Zoe was right, he was just trying to be smart—trying to protect himself.
He wasn't alone though.
Grace looked like an ethereal, bohemian angel. Her hair stuck out to me the most though—a vivid dark navy that faded into lighter shades of blues at the ends. She was dressed in a casual cream-colored sweater that looked expensive and even the holes in her jeans looked deliberate and worth at least a hundred dollars. I didn't know much about her, other than she and her sister, Hannah, were one of the richer families in Blackwater Cove and it had been the hottest news of our senior year.
Aaron stretched his arm behind me, resting his arm casually on the couch, but the presence felt like an assertion of territory. He leaned back, looking as comfortable as ever whilst also offering some sort of subtle challenge.
"Hey, Sy. Grace," Aaron's voice was casual, but I knew there was a jab in the way he greeted Sylas.
Sylas didn't bother to look at Aaron. He didn't even acknowledge the others in the room. His piercing grey eyes cut straight in my direction, landing on my hand holding the beer bottle. Then, his eyes began to travel to my wrist.
The rabbit was a mocking spark of silver metal against my fair skin. The leather cord was frayed but still holding on. I could see the way his jaw seemed to clench, the way his shoulders stiffened, and the way his breath seemed to catch.
For three years, I had imagined this scenario a thousand different ways, but I never imagined the one where we stayed silent.
I also didn't imagine how much it would fucking hurt to see him with someone else.
"I forgot my copy of The Shining," Sylas's voice was devoid of any emotion, but it still did something to me that sent shivers down my spine. He seemed to manually relax his posture.
He finally looked at my face, right into my eyes, as though he were dissecting the last three years of silence that I had succumbed myself to.
"Sorry, I didn't know you guys were having a little... gathering."
Nate quickly stood up and opened his mouth as though he wanted to say something, but Elliott chimed in first. "Sylas, today was the funeral. Don't be a fucking emo dick for once in your life."
Grace's surprised expression almost made me burst out laughing. If there was anything I truly admired about Elliott, it was his ability to be his most unfiltered self and not give a damn about what anyone thought. Sylas shot Elliott a quick glare, but then turned his attention to Nate who finally managed to speak.
"Sylas, man, I just figured you said you were with Grace, and this wasn't supposed to be anything big. Aurora just got back and Zoe mentioned that today was the funeral, y'know." Nate was trying his best to keep Sylas content; I knew their friendship all too well.
"Aurora... I'm—we're so sorry for your loss." Grace's voice was gentle and sincere. She gently tugged at Sylas's hand, as though she was trying to prompt him to say something. But I knew Sylas, I knew he wouldn't say a fucking word to me.
I was right. He simply made a face, his mouth settling into a hard line. Nate broke the awkward tension again, "I'll grab it for you anyway man, it's right here." He reached for a DVD case on his shelf and pulled it out, handing it over to Sylas. "You guys can stay if you're not busy—"
"No thanks, it's... a little crowded for my liking." Sylas's eyes flickered over to Aaron's hand that was still idly tracing circles on my back and around my shoulder. He didn't wait for an answer, he just turned and pulled Grace with him. She waved an awkward, small 'goodbye' to the rest of us before following Sylas out the door.
Zoe, Elliott, and Nate immediately went back to passing the bong around and talking about whatever nonsense they could to try and distract from what just happened. I couldn't immerse myself into their conversation, my head was still replaying the image of Sylas actually holding hands with someone else.
Aaron must've felt the way the tension wasn't leaving my shoulders. "Well," he whispered against my ear. "That was intense. You want another drink, or should we find something a little stronger?"
I looked at the silver rabbit on my wrist. The map back from Wonderland had led me straight into what felt like a minefield—and I was already losing my footing.
"Stronger," I nodded. "Definitely stronger."