Midnight Dream – Chapter 3
A few months passed.
Not enough time to heal... but just enough time to pretend I was okay.
I felt empty inside. Quiet. Like something in me had died, and I was just learning how to live around it.
I started to feel normal again... well, trying to feel normal.
The thought of someone doing that to me without any remorse still didn't sit right with me. It felt unreal, like something that shouldn't have happened to me.
The next day, I woke up to a sharp pain in my abdomen.
My nipples were tender, hard as a rock. I figured it was just my period coming, so I didn't think too much of it.
But then I started to feel dizzy, like I was going to pass out.
I stumbled on my way to the bathroom, trying to push through just to get some water on my face. I felt weak. Fatigued. Thirsty.
I sat down on the bathroom floor for a moment, trying to gather myself.
The pain in my stomach got worse.
Much worse.
I took some pain medicine, hoping it would ease whatever was happening inside of me.
"Oh Lord... what is this again?" I whispered to myself.
I forced myself up and went back to my bed, laying down.
"Thank God it's Saturday," I thought. "Because I wouldn't make it to school like this."
The medicine helped a little. Not much, just enough to slow the pain down.
I got up and opened the window, letting some fresh air come into my room.
But the smell outside hit me wrong.
Suddenly, I felt nauseous.
I rushed to the bathroom and started throwing up.
I froze.
Never in my life had I thrown up from my period. Certain smells would make me feel like I needed to, but I never actually did.
"This must be something different," I said to myself.
I closed the window, went back to bed, and tried to sleep it off.
But in the middle of my sleep, the pain came back.
Worse than before.
I woke up to a wet feeling under my legs.
"I better not have peed the bed... that's so gross," I said.
I got up quickly to change the sheets and clean myself.
And that's when I saw it.
Blood.
Everywhere.
Soaked into my bed.
My eyes stayed locked on it for what felt like forever.
"I'm dying," I whispered. "What is happening to me?"
I couldn't scream. I couldn't cry out loud.
If Mama heard me, I would be in even bigger trouble. The only reason I was still in that house was because of my sister and the shame it would bring if I wasn't.
I rushed to the bathroom, grabbed trash bags, and did my best to clean everything.
I cleaned myself up carefully.
Changed the sheets.
And went back to bed.
But I knew something wasn't right.
I decided I would go to the free women's clinic in the morning.
I woke up early, before anyone else.
Especially on a Sunday.
I didn't want anyone to notice me leaving.
I grabbed my bike and rode there.
The whole time, I was hoping no one from the community would see me and run back to tell Mama. People around here were nosy, and because of how we lived, it felt like we were always being watched.
When I got there, I saw Nurse Pretty.
She examined me, and after a few minutes, she looked at me and said something I wasn't ready to hear.
"You're having a miscarriage."
"I... I what?" I shouted. "A miscarriage?! But how? When?"
She looked at me, confused.
"You were pregnant," she said gently. "That's why."
"I wasn't having sex," I said quickly. "I didn't even want to—"
I stopped myself.
She looked at me closely, like she knew I wasn't telling the full truth.
"What are you saying?" she asked. "Did someone force you?"
"I... no," I said quickly.
She didn't believe me.
I could see it in her eyes.
But she didn't push.
"What should I do now?" I asked quietly.
She told me I needed a D&C, a procedure to clean everything out.
I nodded.
"Set it up," I said. "I'll come."
"If I can do it today, I will," I added.
She looked at me carefully.
"The earliest I have is tomorrow at 7 a.m."
"I'll take it."
She explained everything, how long it would take to heal, and what to expect.
I thanked her and left.
On my way home, I started crying.
My vision blurred.
I always dreamed of having real love. The kind I never received. I wanted to get married and have kids.
And now...
That dream felt ruined.
"How could he?" I kept asking myself. "Why me?"
The doctor said the miscarriage happened because of stress and anxiety.
Part of me was broken.
But another part of me...
Was relieved.
Because I wasn't ready.
And the way it happened...
Was never right.
When I got home, Mama was sitting at the dining table, talking on the phone.
She looked at me.
And smiled.
That same evil smile.
The one that sends chills down my spine.
I rushed upstairs, my heart racing.
What did she know?
Who told her?
Why did it feel like she already knew something?
I didn't understand why that woman hated me so much.
Actually...
I did.
After washing up, I waited for the next day.
I wanted everything to be over.
Completely.
I went downstairs to grab something to eat.
Mama was in the kitchen, gossiping about some girl down the street who got pregnant and dropped out of school.
She looked over at me.
And smiled again.
Then turned away.
I ignored it.
Even though it made my skin crawl.
"That bitch," I said quietly in my head.
I grabbed something small to eat, went back upstairs, got into bed, and started preparing myself for tomorrow.