EVADNE
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry G please please don't go please I need you."
The words scraped through my throat fighting to come out all at once. The rain bit through my
skin made me cold, increasing the difficulty to speak. I'd beg ooh god please let begging work. I
need him God please don't take him away.
I crawled on the course, rocky surface desperate to hold on to him. Desperate to keep him here
with me. Desperate to not lose him because of a stupid decision I let my friend take for me.
I felt so weak, as if my body would fail me and give out.
The rocky surface scraped through my bare palms and knees sure to cause blisters. My body
trembled violently until my hand finally reached the fabric of his pants.
I couldn't get a proper grip on him. My hands slipped and the sudden slip caused me to fall face
flat on the cruel surface.
I felt my skin tear and the pain from the sudden impact made me cry even more. Unwilling to
give up I held on to his pants again this time making sure my hands held on to his actual leg not
just the piece of slippery fabric he wore today. I looked up at him hoping he'd understand the
depth of my desperation, hoping he'd see something, anything in my eyes that would make him
stay.
"gangster please please please I'm sorry I'm sorry. I love you so much, please I'm sorry. I
shouldn't have let her do it. I was scared. Please I can't live without you G please."
Saint, "I made it clear little bird, this was a no strings attached relationship. We were just a
situationship. I'm not the one who broke up with you, you did that. "
"Gangster I'm sorry. I can't do without you please I love you I really love you in fact I'm obsessed
with you. Please give us a second chance."
He shifted back, my hands slid down again this time hitting hard on the course floor.
Saint, "you're amazing little bird, but I'm in love with someone else and I can't afford any strings
getting attached to me. I think it's for the best."
Through my lashes I saw him walk away. His structure disappeared into the shadows. The rain
didn't stop pouring. The cold bit into my skin and I regretted my choice to wear a dress. I thought
I could handle it. I thought I could accept the fact that I didn't have him anymore. I thought I
wouldn't feel but here I was despite knowing that he didn't love me, despite knowing that I was
just his side chick, despite knowing that I was just a situationship, that we wouldn't last. I let
hope sip in.
The truth was I asked God to give me time, to give me a chance… to give me a month to have
him to be able to call him mine but I got greedy, I wanted more time a year, something. I let him
go. It's my fault. I lost him. I let him go. I let her fuckin push him away. I let her do what she
thought was right but what was actually right was him being mine.
I had rights on him. He was mine even without a title he was mine. But I wasn't the main
girlfriend. I was just the pass time.
Even though he was my pass time I allowed strings to get attached to him. I let myself fall in
love with him. I let obsession course through my veins. I forgot he was a womanizer, a gangster,
the son of a mafia queen. That's something I shouldn't have forgotten.