I kept staring at my phone.
Again.
And again.
Like if I looked at it enough times, the message would change.
But it didn't.
**"We are on our way. We will reach in a little while."**
That one line…
was simple.
But inside me, it didn't feel simple at all.
It felt like something was already moving faster than me… something I could not control anymore.
My chest felt tight.
Not pain exactly…
More like pressure.
Like something important was standing right in front of me, even though it wasn't here yet.
---
I looked around the room.
Everything was normal.
Too normal.
And that "normal" was making me feel worse.
Because inside me, nothing was normal anymore.
"Why am I like this?" I whispered.
My own voice sounded strange.
Like it belonged to someone else.
I tried to sit still.
But my body refused.
My legs moved before I even decided.
---
"Hurry up… hurry up…"
I didn't even know I was talking out loud.
Or maybe I did.
Maybe I just didn't care anymore.
My mind was running in circles.
What if they arrive and I'm not ready?
What if I look wrong?
What if I say something stupid?
No… no… no…
Why am I thinking like this?
It's just a visit.
Just people coming home.
But even while saying that to myself…
I knew it wasn't "just" anything.
---
My hands were shaking slightly.
I noticed it when I tried to grab my shirt.
Why are my hands like this?
I laughed a little.
Not because it was funny.
But because I didn't know what else to do.
"Ethan… get a grip," I said to myself.
But my voice didn't sound like control.
It sounded like confusion pretending to be control.
---
Buttoning my shirt took longer than it should have.
One button.
Pause.
Second button.
Wrong hole.
I stopped.
Looked at my hands.
"Seriously?"
I tried again.
This time slower.
But even slow didn't feel steady.
It felt like my body was thinking something I wasn't allowed to hear.
---
Finally.
Done.
I exhaled.
But it didn't feel like relief.
It felt like I was still waiting for something.
Something I didn't understand yet.
---
Shoes.
Where are my shoes?
I walked around like I had lost something important.
Maybe I had.
I found them under the bed.
Of course.
Simple things always hide when your mind is not simple.
---
As I bent down to pick them up…
I paused.
My eyes caught something else.
A watch.
---
My body stopped.
Completely.
No movement.
No thought.
Just stillness.
That watch…
I knew it before even touching it.
I didn't need to see it clearly.
I already felt it.
---
I picked it up slowly.
Too slowly.
Like if I rushed, something inside it would break.
It was her gift.
The last one.
Before everything became distance.
Before silence became normal.
Before years passed without answers.
---
I held it.
And suddenly…
the room felt quieter.
Not physically.
Inside me.
Like someone had lowered the volume of the world.
---
"Why does this still feel like this?" I whispered.
I didn't expect an answer.
But my mind still searched.
It always searches when it doesn't want to accept reality.
---
I looked at the mirror.
My reflection looked back.
But it didn't feel like me.
Messy hair.
Fast breathing.
Eyes that didn't know where to settle.
"You look like someone waiting for something you don't understand," I said to myself.
And that thought stayed longer than I expected.
---
Then—
**KNOCK.**
Everything stopped.
Not slowly.
Instantly.
Like the world had pressed pause without asking me.
---
Door opened.
Voices entered first.
Warm.
Familiar.
Adults talking.
Smiling.
But I didn't focus on them.
Because my attention was not inside the words.
It was behind them.
Waiting.
Searching.
---
And then I saw her.
---
For a moment…
nothing happened.
Not because nothing was happening.
But because everything was happening at once.
Too much.
Too fast.
Too deep.
My mind didn't process it properly.
It just froze.
---
She was there.
Standing.
Real.
Not memory.
Not imagination.
Real.
---
And suddenly…
my breathing changed.
I didn't control it.
It just changed.
Like my body remembered something my mind had forgotten.
---
Her face.
Same.
But not same.
That's what confused me.
Because she looked familiar…
and unfamiliar at the same time.
Like a memory that grew up and became someone else.
---
My thoughts tried to speak.
But they kept breaking.
"She's here…"
That was all I could think.
Nothing more structured than that.
Just fragments.
---
She greeted my parents.
Smiled.
Spoke politely.
But I couldn't hear clearly.
Not because sound was missing…
but because attention was missing.
Everything in me was focused on one direction.
Her.
---
Then suddenly—
a memory flashed.
Small.
Unwanted.
Us as kids.
Laughing.
Fighting over toys.
Her pulling.
Me pulling.
And then—
she fell.
That moment still exists somewhere inside me.
Not as picture.
As feeling.
---
"Ethan…"
Her voice brought me back.
Slowly.
Like pulling someone out of deep water.
I blinked.
She was closer now.
Not too close.
But close enough that I could feel her presence differently.
---
"Hi…" I said.
That was all I had.
One word.
Not because I didn't have more.
Because everything else got stuck.
---
She smiled slightly.
"You've changed."
I nodded.
"So have you."
But inside me…
that sentence didn't feel enough.
Because "changed" was too small a word for what I was feeling.
---
Her eyes stayed on me for a second longer.
That second felt… different.
Not loud.
But heavy.
Like something unsaid was standing between us.
---
Then someone spoke behind us.
Garden.
Walk.
Past memories.
---
We walked.
Side by side.
Silence between us.
Not empty silence.
Full silence.
---
The garden looked the same.
But my mind didn't.
And I think she felt that too.
Because she said:
"It still feels like before…"
I replied softly:
"But we don't."
---
She stopped.
Looked at me.
Just a moment.
But that moment felt stretched.
Like time didn't know how to move forward properly.
---
Then she smiled.
"You still get lost in thoughts."
I smiled back.
"And you still notice everything."
---
And then—
she slipped slightly.
Not fully falling.
Just a moment of imbalance.
But enough.
---
My hand moved before I thought.
I held her arm.
---
And everything stopped again.
Not world.
Us.
---
Her eyes met mine.
Mine stayed on hers.
No words came.
Because words would ruin it.
---
"I told you to be careful," I said softly.
She smiled faintly.
"I am careful… just not around you."
---
That line…
didn't land normally.
It stayed.
It echoed.
Not loud.
But deep.
---
And suddenly I realized something.
This wasn't just a meeting.
It was something else.
Something I didn't have name for yet.
Something still forming.
---
She stepped back slowly.
Smiling.
Like nothing happened.
But something had already started happening.
Even if neither of us said it.
---
And as we walked further into the garden…
the wind moved differently.
And my pocket watch ticked louder than before.
Like it knew something I didn't...