The light from the campfire was the only thing that illuminated our faces for weeks. Sometimes I wondered why the world is so violent. Were we born to die? Is it right for us to do this? Why do we keep going? We had food for two months, maybe more. Mother couldn't walk for long periods anymore, so she spent most of her time sitting or lying down. My sister spent her time cutting and roasting the meat so it would last longer. We had no water, so I suggested I go get some.
"Be careful, son, and take this..." My mother placed the club in my hands. "You're going to need it."
"Yes, Mother, I'm not a child anymore... I'm a man now." Short words, but with a lot of weight... more than I realized at the time. I walked out of the cave wearing only my loincloth, carrying a club and two canteens, mine and my father's, both empty.
I stood before the cave entrance, careful to make sure no one saw me from afar, perhaps too cautious considering that before reaching it, we had spent months without encountering anyone else, except for that man.
Outside again, a rugged landscape of yellow and white, with grayish patches, as far as the eye could see only a sea of sand, salt, and rocks. "I have to reach the bitter lake," I thought. "The sun would soon set if I didn't hurry; night is more dangerous for walking, the cold is worse than the scorching sun, and there's little to cover oneself or keep warm at night."
How far have I walked since leaving the cave? I didn't know, but I must be close to the shore… I once tried to drink the bitter water of the great lake; I almost died from it. That's why we ended up standing in that cave in the first place. If I hadn't drunk it, perhaps we would have gone further before my mother's pregnancy prevented her from moving in the sun. My uncle wasn't so lucky and eventually abandoned us.
The sand on the shore is darker, almost the same color as my skin. I don't understand why the gods would create such a large source of water that can't be drunk without being boiled first. "I must hurry; this place makes me feel uncomfortable," I murmured to myself. We'll survive two or three days like this, but we need to move soon. The water in the cave is gone; the stones no longer exude moisture.
The sun dipped behind me, painting the sky orange and then red. "Damn it, I should have hurried!" I cried, anguish filling my heart. I was alone in the darkness of the desert; the longer I lingered, the more the cold would seep into my skin. I hurried east, but stopped abruptly… I heard footsteps. I looked around, hoping to catch a glimpse, but neither moon rose that night to illuminate the dunes. They're coming, left, right… they were close behind me. I saw him.
A large deer, running across the dunes in search of shelter, stopped dead in its tracks in the distance when it saw me. We stared at each other for a moment that felt like an eternity. I had to hunt it; it was probably the last food we'd have, and a good one at that… but it didn't really matter, it wasn't the time or the place. It made a noise I'd never heard before and disappeared. I wasn't even sure it was the deer that made the noise in the first place, but I knew I had to hurry or I could fall prey to some wild animal or another man.
I couldn't say how late it was, but the darkness was like a thick smoke that prevented me from seeing anything. And I started shivering with cold. Instinct guided me back. I don't know how long it took, but I found the entrance to the cave. The entrance was too dark. I walked inside and said aloud, "I'm going home." Only silence. I approached the first signs of light and saw it.
Blood, entrails, and something else. I had no family left. I no longer had a sister. I no longer had a mother… I would no longer have a brother.
"Ah, you bastards!" I screamed as blood still trickled from their mouths, as they still chewed on my brother. "I'm going to kill you, you bastards!" I threw myself at them with savage fury, the mace in my hand. I struck one in the chest, opening a wound the size of his forearm. One charged at me, but I dodged him. The other grabbed a femur and calmly approached me. I ran toward him, raising my mace above my head. He used his club to block my blow, and the other grabbed me from behind, pulling me to the sand with him. I gained the upper hand and repeatedly smashed his skull against the ground with my fists as if it were a rock, but I was hit hard in the back, my femur split in half from the blow and I just let out a scream of pain —Die!— before the one below me knocked me to the ground and the two of them started kicking my back and stomach.
I crawled as best I could and, grabbing my mace, I turned around, dislocating one of their jaws. The other dodged the mace and kicked me in the face. He climbed on top of me and began to choke me. His hands encircled my neck as I struck his face with the stone of the mace, but each blow was weaker. I stopped hearing and my vision blurred… I dropped the mace and my hands fell to the sand, losing their strength.
I will die, I am going to die… I thought. That somehow gave me satisfaction, knowing that I would no longer have to suffer from hunger or thirst, that I wouldn't walk under the scorching sun or feel my limbs go numb in the cold of the night.
What the hell are we alive for, I wondered at that moment… the pain of suffocating slowly faded, like a fire burning down to embers that slowly die out… With what little strength I had left, I clenched my fists against the dust and sand of the cavern, and light returned to my eyes. I don't know what my face looked like then, but I do know it caused that man to contort his expression with fear and fury.
With both hands, I grabbed one of the bastard's fingers and, with all my strength, pushed it away from his palms. "Ah! Ah!… Ah!… Bastard!" the son of a bitch screamed in pain and rage, loosening his grip on my neck just enough to catch his breath… enough to, with all my might, shove my fingers into his eyes and end my suffering.
A thud on the sand revealed two dead men and one bleeding profusely. I hoped that would kill him, for my body was battered and I couldn't stand… I faded into darkness, just like the fire that had illuminated the cavern.
I awoke in the darkness; everyone was dead. I ate well until my wounds healed. I don't know how long it was; I was unable to walk for too long and wasn't in any condition to risk going out. It is said that before the great calamity, people used to bury their dead, and that's what I did with Mother, my sister Cheel, and my brother. I ate hard and ravenously those days.
I put on my loincloth, a deerskin cloak, and went out with only two canteens. It was the first time in perhaps months that I had seen sunlight and the sea of sand and salt.