{AVERY}
I decide to avoid the library for free time after my encounter with Grey. I feel like I got lucky that day, but I doubt I'll be that blessed again.
However, I do keep sitting with Theo at meal breaks, testing the waters. We never speak to each other, but I'm yet to be told I can't eat with him and frankly, it's better company than the other options.
People continue to stare like the two most fucked up people are on show for their pleasure — dinner and a show. But we don't interact with each other, hell he doesn't even acknowledge my presence. We just eat, then I leave. It's a peaceful business interaction and for that, I'm grateful.
I'm starting to have my doubts that people leave this place, completely rehabilitated. The days drag on, and I'm used to the routine, but profoundly wishing for death some days. Not suicide — just an end to my miserable existence.
My sanity will not be intact one day. I'm not sure when it will happen — months from now, maybe years. Hell, it could even be next week. But all I know is that this place will be the end of me. I won't be saved, I won't be released into the community as some good sob story to bank money off. I'll just be dead or nothing.
It's a waiting game.
I stab the mushy potato on my plate, checking the contents. Today's option was some poor excuse for a hot meal. Mashed potatoes, gravy and meat that looks like it's meant to resemble beef. Once again, I opted for the vegetarian option and even then, I am concerned that the potato looks like it's laced with something inedible.
Giving up, I decide I'll wait for the next meal to eat and take my chances. When I push back to get up, I accidentally collide with someone walking behind me, not bothering to check my surroundings.
"Fuck sake, watch it!" someone sneers at me.
I jolt around in a panic, eyes widening when I spot Vivian's friend — Sam, I think.
"Sorry," I mumble, leaning closer to the table even though he has plenty of room to move around.
For a moment, I wonder if he remembers seeing me in the library. Our eyes had briefly met, but he looked away so fast that I couldn't be certain. Except now, as he sneers down at me, hatred on his face, I'm almost certain that he did. He's probably mad I was there and didn't get in trouble. Or that I saw him get his ass kicked. Either way, it's a different hostility from before, and I'm under the impression, he wants to make an exhibit of me.
My eyes scan the room, noticing the curious faces watching with amusement. I don't find the infamous leaders in here, and I suspect he knows that too. Theo is still sitting across from me, but his head is down, completely ignoring our exchange.
"How much room does your fat ass need?" he yells at me, making me jump.
Cringing, I try to deescalate the situation quickly, growing increasingly uncomfortable as more eyes find us.
"I'm sorry," I offer again. "It was an accident."
Sam scoffs, laughing as some of his friends join him as back-up. "Yeah, sure. Ya really think you can just waltz in here and do whatever you want. Be considerate of other people."
I'm not going to be able to talk my way out of this, so the best thing to do is leave. I climb over the bolted seat, reaching for my tray so I can return it to the dirty dishes pile next to the start of the food line.
Assuming I'm making a bolt for it, Sam smacks his hand out, knocking my tray flying into the air. It lands with a bang on thehard floor, splashing mashed potato everywhere. I freeze, terrified as I try to figure out what to do. But my brain is nothing but static, panic flooding me as I become paralyzed with fear.
"I said you need to be considerate. Now, clean up this mess before the higher ups see and punish all of us," Sam sneers, laughing as he pushes me to the ground in the mess.
My knees slide in the potato pudding, tears welling up at the sheer embarrassment of it all. I don't move though, infuriating him more.
"Are you blind as well as dumb?" he says, shoving his middle finger into my shoulder roughly. When he realizes I'm not going to answer him, he makes a mocking sound to his friends, before deliberately walking through the food and spreading it further. It's not long after that there's a siren, signaling the end of meal time and everyone gets up from their tables, moving around me to continue on.
No one stops to help or even offer words of encouragement, and when I suddenly find myself alone in the hall, I finally jolt back to life.
"Shit," I mutter, holding back tears.
I quickly scoop the potato up as best as I can, dumping it on the tray before discarding it with the other dirty dishes. When I head outside the hall, I jump when I spot a guard waiting for me.
He looks at me with a bored expression, motioning for me to follow him.
I'm still covered in food but I follow silently, nearly losing my footing as I walk into Charmaine's classroom.
Grey is already sitting at his desk, his face dropping to one of a serious look as he takes in my appearance. I don't glance at him directly, just taking my seat as I pray for the floor to open up and let me fall into a sinkhole.
Despite his best attempts to get my attention, I tune him out, numbing myself to everything as I focus on the material in front of me, and thinking about Paige and where we might be in an alternate universe.