I laughed.
"Man, this is making me want to pull a Judas bit."
It was a world with no half-baked apostle army, let alone even a single zombie.
And yet I still smiled with satisfaction.
I laughed out loud with all my heart, just as the girl in front of me wanted.
It was that fun, that surprising, and that joyful.
Behold, world!
Behold, gods!
Another dream, another hero, had just begun to bloom here!
Ah, girl who holds love in your arms.
Young warrior walking the path of admiration.
This feeling is definitely [Love]!
"Well, even so, I still can't quite reach her yet."
That alone was more than enough to fill me with anticipation for what was to come.
A different kind of delight from our household's "white rabbit," who dreams of meeting someone through trials.
From the very beginning, she had been one of the seeds within the fence that I had been keeping an eye on.
"And yet you go and hold a confession event scene right in front of me."
As expected of an Amazon.
So this is what they mean when they say love is a hurricane, huh?
Man, it's electrifying. Always new.
Anyway.
I'm in the highest, most HIGH-spirited mood ever!
Muahahahahahaha!
"That aside."
She really was something else.
No, I truly never imagined that she'd be able to say something like that so casually, right in that situation back then.
Still, that was part of what made her fun and likable.
"An Amazon who knows how to enjoy life passionately. Someone like me, with such a dry soul, is just on a completely different level."
"..."
"And among them, Tiona, you're the best. Wow, that was seriously an unexpected turn of events. I was listening and got so embarrassed I wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere. Seriously, top-notch. Absolutely top-notch."
"..."
"Hm? What's wrong, Tiona? Are you embarrassed? Ah, it's fine. That happens sometimes in life. More importantly, since you worked up the courage to confess, how about trying again a little more romantically—"
Thud
"Huh?"
Suddenly, Tiona lowered her head and fell silent.
Then, unlike her usual self, she came up to me in complete silence, not even showing her face, and started lightly pounding my chest with both hands.
So... this was what they called pouting?
A reflexive action a woman makes without meaning to when she's overcome by embarrassment and shame?
Well, something like that, I guess?
Seriously, this lady is adorable beyond belief.
"Hmm, now this is a little different. I never thought even you had this side to you—"
Thud, thwack.
"...huh?"
Thwack, thwack, thwack.
"...Tiona?"
Thwack, thwack, wham.
"T-Tiona? Uh, the force of the punches seems to be getting stronger and stron—"
Wham, wham, KABOOM!
"...ger, cough!"
KABOOM! KABOOM! KABOOM!
"W-wait! Ow! That hurts like crazy! This is seriously crushing my flesh and breaking my bones, kh—!"
There was no reply to my feeble protest.
There was only one thing.
A merciless punishment, driven by a girl's deathly embarrassment and shame, with not a shred of mercy or forgiveness.
Under Tiona's barrage of fists, I had no chance to escape and was beaten down until I ended up in a full mount position.
Of course, naturally, I was the one pinned underneath her.
"Ga-Gareth! Help me!"
"You brought this on yourself. You need to get hit a little."
"W-What?!"
Gareth, you too?!
And so I was betrayed by the world(?) and punished mercilessly.
By the hands of the girl who had just confessed that she loved me, no less.
...Huh? Somehow, doesn't this feel like a total bad end?
Especially since there's nothing in my stomach either.
"Cough! ...Haa, I really thought I was going to die."
"It's your fault. Sniff, sniff! It's all your fault, An."
"N-No, but still, isn't this punishment a little too harsh..."
Swish
"...Yes, yes. This humble one was at fault for everything. I understand. I know it all."
Seeing Tiona quietly raise her fist again, I exercised all my wisdom and prudence and chose the proper option.
Yeah. Like I always say, I'm not the bad guy.
Not the bad guy at all.
This was all the poison in the sushi's fault, the sushi's poison.
Maybe I should just wear a black mask at the ball.
"Well, anyway, with this, I suppose things are finally settled—"
"As if that were possible!"
Smack!
"D'oh!"
But before I could even finish, another follow-up tackle came in.
The culprit was none other than Lady Hestia.
Before I knew it, the goddess had come down from the cliff, and in her hand was the folding fan I'd once given her as a little gift for fun—a perfectly legitimate Mystic Code, and very sturdy at that!
Looks like she'd used that to smack the back of my head.
No, I mean, that is technically what it was made for, so it's not wrong...
But where in the world did she pull it out from?
"Hngh, isn't that a little too frivolous for someone who's supposed to be a goddess?"
"Be quiet! And whose fault do you think all this is in the first place!"
"Uh... Kali?"
"Th-That may be true, but... a-anyway! What matters now is something else!"
Though she looked a little flustered by my accurate point, Lady Hestia still didn't stop scolding me.
She seemed to be under some serious misunderstanding.
In that case, clearing up a needless misunderstanding was only natural.
"You adulterous fool! Just what kind of person are you, anyway, that you don't know moderation? I'm not saying you should deny murder outright. But even so, there's such a thing as limits! What in the world possessed you to do something like that...!"
"No, murder? Could you please refrain from talking like you're accusing an innocent person of a crime? You'll give people the wrong idea."
"Y-You little...! To think you'd dare lie to a god, of all people...! Huh?"
Huh? Why?
Lady Hestia tilted her head over and over, looking genuinely confused, as if my excuse had caused some kind of cognitive dissonance.
Her divine lie detector was reacting differently than expected.
It was cute enough to watch, but since the coming interrogation and explanation would just be a hassle, I decided to finish explaining quickly and get it over with.
So, here's what happened.
"Well, the truth is something like this. [Release]."
Snap!
At my signal, the shadow behind me, the Hound of the Baskervilles, gradually dispersed like a mirage and vanished.
And in its place remained none other than the Amazon warrior I had "eaten" as a performance when I came out into the passage earlier.
"Eh? The corpse is fine?"
"Could you stop saying such ominous things? That young lady, along with the girls deeper inside the passage, are all very much alive and well."
In other words, this was the gist of it.
From the beginning, I had merely been acting like a shadow monster and pretending to devour them, scaring them so badly they fainted from shock.
As for the girls who stubbornly refused to faint, I had only used a little physical force.
No blood was shed anywhere.
"Uh..."
"Good grief, being suspected like this really is miserable for a Magus. No, seriously, what exactly do you take me for, Lady Hestia, that you'd suspect me of something so absurd?"
"W-Well... a troublesome adulterous Magus who might cause a huge disaster any time, any place?"
"...The Magus will remember this."
"Ah, if that's not it, then fine! Ahahaha! Ah, the moon is so bright tonight!"
Th-that. She changed the subject immediately.
These days, gods are all shamelessness as a basic passive.
Still, since she's our goddess, I'll endure a little more.
Of course, I'll settle the score thoroughly later.
"By the way, what in the world did you all do up there to end up looking like that? You look like kids who've been rolling around in a sandbox."
"Haa, this is all because of someone."
"Well, looking at that carefree goddess over there, I can roughly guess what happened."
"If you know, then that's enough. Ugh, my back hurts. That damn Loki girl was flying all over the place just because she's got no chest. It didn't even look like she was doing any special training either."
"Mrrakano? You little brat, are you trying to settle this with me once and for all?"
"No, I'll pass. Unlike someone else, my upper body is way too heavy in the center. Any more of this, and it'd be physically exhausting."
"...Tch!"
"She won in body, but lost in spirit. Or maybe in this case, she lost in body too?"
"Damn it! May your mothers and your brats all stick their noses in a plate and drop dead!"
And so, with Goddess Loki reduced to tears of frustration, the story came to an end.
And just as we were about to move on to the next stage—
"So? What was your true intention, child of Hestia?"
"What are you talking about, Goddess Kali?"
"Don't play dumb."
This time, Kali was the one interrogating me.
No, maybe she was just asking out of amusement.
Her face was full of malicious mischief, after all.
"We were the ones who forcibly kidnapped you. And yet you didn't feel any murderous intent toward us?"
"Ah, that?"
I answered honestly without much thought.
"No, not at all."
I really had no intention of killing them.
At my answer, Kali grinned as if she found me amusing.
Loki looked dumbfounded.
Njord wore a stiff, wary expression.
And Lady Hestia let out a worried sigh.
No, why? What? Is there some other problem?
"Haa, what a headache."
"You've got it rough too, Hestia."
"Wow, what a funny guy. You're not even trying to hide it anymore."
"Kekekeke, indeed. A truly amusing fellow."
At the gods' reactions around me, I could only shrug.
At this point, I was too lazy to keep making excuses.
And since, contrary to my original plan, I hadn't killed a single one of them, it was no longer an issue anyway.
Besides, the moment I tried to feel murderous intent, for some reason the back of my neck had gone cold, and I just hadn't liked it.
If I said that now, no one would believe me.
"More importantly, things are about settled and the story seems to be over, so how about everyone clocks out and heads home for the night to prepare for tomorrow..."
Thud!
"Hm?"
Right then.
From far away, an eerie, unidentified vibration and pulse began to spread, and we could feel it beneath our feet.
And it wasn't just me who felt it; the others around me reacted the same way, looking puzzled.
The same went for Kali Familia.
Which meant this was something unrelated to them.
Then what in the world was it?
"If you're curious about something, it's only natural to see it with your own eyes."
So we all went outside the cave to check what was happening.
And sure enough—
"Huh? What is that?"
"A monster?!"
"No, I mean, yes, but..."
"What in the world is that mountain-sized thing?"
When everyone's confusion, myself included, reached its peak, the clouds that had been covering the moon parted, and soft moonlight spilled across the sea like scattered silver.
Fortunately, tonight was the brightest full moon of the month.
Thanks to that, even though it was late at night, we could see the thing clearly with our own eyes.
And the identity of the creature, whose silhouette was now faintly visible, was—
"Hah!"
"Th-that thing?!"
"Oh?"
"W-What is that monster?!"
Hmm, how should I describe this?
If I had to define it roughly, its overall shape was that of a turtle?
More specifically, a spiked turtle whose shell was made entirely of jagged, steep rocks.
That said, its size was absurdly enormous—so huge that a normal floor boss would look like a small child beside it.
It was practically a walking island in and of itself.
On top of that, its skin outside the shell was grotesque beyond belief, covered in tentacle clusters like anemones or jellyfish, along with various bone spines and ugly masses of flesh bulging and clinging all over its surface.
And on that note, its neck was twisted and stretched out like a giant python, ridiculously long.
And the head at the end of it... a dragon?
And not even one, but split into two heads?
What a bizarre hybrid creature.
"It's like they took the Black Tortoise from the Four Symbols and dumped Cthulhu on top of it."
That thing was clearly not born naturally.
But it didn't look like a simple mutation by chance either.
For some reason, there were plenty of artificial traces all over its body...
"Huh?"
Wait, wait, wait?
That thing, that guy?
"Wow, now that's really fascinating."
"Hm? Why? What's so fascinating?"
"No, I mean that freakish life-form."
At Tiona's sudden question from beside me, I blurted out the thought that had popped into my head without meaning to.
"No matter how I look at it, that's a magical life-form, isn't it?"
"Eh?"
"Huh?"
"What did you say, punk?"
"Ah."
I realized at once the meaning of my careless remark.
But the water had already been spilled, the words already spoken.
At the atmosphere around us, which had instantly turned icy, I felt an unusual amount of panic for once.
And the only excuse I could blurt out in a hurry was—
"I didn't do it?!"
"""..."""
Needless to say.
It didn't work at all.
Damn it.
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