"A... perverted world?"
Iris tilted her head as she repeated the words, her eyes filled with pure, innocent confusion.
"Exactly! A normal princess is supposed to be noble, graceful, and beloved by everyone. She is not supposed to smack a masochistic Knight on the head with a sword scabbard and call her trash!"
Kōichi rapped the table in exasperation.
"Iris, you need to remember this. Truly strong people don't prove themselves by humiliating the weak. Though Darkness has absurdly high defense, her brain is definitely a weak point. What you should pursue is the same strength you showed at first, the strength to draw your sword to protect your companions. Not awakening some bizarre personality trait just to satisfy a pervert's fantasies!"
Iris nodded, only half understanding. The curiosity on her face gradually gave way to embarrassment.
"I'm sorry, Kōichi-sama... I-I just thought everyone in Axel was so interesting that I unconsciously started copying them. So that kind of behavior is considered perverted? I almost tarnished the honor of the royal family..."
Seeing Iris finally return to her usual sweet and clever self, Kōichi felt his taut nerves relax slightly.
But just as he was about to reinforce the lesson with a little more common sense, a rustling sound suddenly came from the bushes below the terrace.
"Hey, Kōichi! What are you secretly talking about with Her Highness up there?"
Aqua's jealous face popped up from beyond the railing. In one hand, she was clutching an expensive bottle of red wine that she had somehow gotten hold of.
"Are you badmouthing me? I heard everything! What do you mean, 'emptying your wallet'? That's called a devout offering! Iris, don't listen to him! Come down here, I'll show you something good!"
"Aqua, shut up and go to bed!"
Kōichi's roar echoed through the mansion once again.
Although Kōichi's shout managed to intimidate Aqua for the moment, he had clearly underestimated how quickly corruption could spread through this mansion.
Over the next few days, he realized that things were now hurtling out of control in an entirely different direction.
Aqua had been confined to the stables by Kōichi after sneaking some expensive red wine, though she tearfully insisted it was Holy Water. Darkness, meanwhile, had shut herself in her room to repeatedly savor the lingering sensation of that karate chop.
This left a temporary opening around Iris.
Megumin moved in with perfect timing.
One morning, Kōichi pushed open the door leading to the backyard.
The sight before him made the bread fall straight from his hand.
"From the depths of this abyss, awaken, my destiny! Baptized in flames of red and black, shatter this tedious world into oblivion! Explosion!!"
Iris stood atop the stone steps in the backyard. Her originally elegant nightgown had been tied up with red ribbons into some bizarre yet strangely elaborate arrangement.
Her left hand rested on her hip while her right hand formed a claw over her left eye. Her normally clear gaze now gleamed with the unmistakable light of teenage delusions.
Beside her, Megumin nodded repeatedly with a look of deep satisfaction. She even carefully adjusted the position of Iris's hand over her eye.
"Excellent, Iris! The tremble in your voice when you said 'depths of this abyss' was perfect! This is the ultimate romance we of the Crimson Demon Clan strive for!"
Megumin crossed her arms as her black cloak fluttered dramatically in the morning breeze.
"Remember, the more embarrassing the incantation, the more powerful the magic! That is the truth of this world!"
"I understand, Master Megumin!"
Iris's cheeks flushed with excitement. She even tried spinning around before striking another twisted pose.
"Then should I search for the pitch-black eyepatch sealed away in some ancient ruins next? I can feel the power inside me becoming harder and harder to suppress!"
"What are you two doing?!"
Kōichi's roar sent a flock of birds scattering into the sky.
He strode over and grabbed Megumin just as she was preparing to begin another round of chanting.
"Megumin! Didn't I tell you not to teach her weird things?! She's a princess! What happens if she goes back to the palace and calls His Majesty 'scum of the abyss'? This entire country will be finished!"
"Let go of me! Kōichi, you artless mortal!"
Megumin struggled in midair.
"Iris possesses astonishing talent! She understood the true essence of the Demon King's True Eye in just one second! This is the glory of the Crimson Demon Clan! A resonance of souls that transcends race!"
"Kōichi-sama!"
When Iris saw Kōichi, she didn't tone things down in the slightest. Instead, she proudly showed off her new pose.
"Please don't blame Master Megumin. I finally understand now. The pressure of being royalty that I've always felt was actually the dark magic sleeping within me beginning to stir! As long as I wear these red ribbons, I feel freer than ever before!"
Kōichi stared at Iris, now thoroughly infected with teenage delusions, and felt an overwhelming sense of helplessness.
Aqua had taught her how to dodge debts. Darkness had introduced her to masochistic fetishes. Now Megumin was teaching her teenage delusions.
What kind of Party of saviors was this supposed to be?
This was clearly a Princess Breakdown Laboratory.
Kōichi stood in the middle of the backyard, radiating such oppressive gloom that even Megumin, who had been happily posing moments earlier, felt a chill run down her spine.
He slowly lowered the still-struggling Megumin to the ground. His expression was so dark it looked ready to drip water as his gaze swept over Aqua, who was secretly peeking from behind a pillar, Darkness, who was watching him with eager anticipation, and Iris, who was still trying her best to maintain the Demon King's True Eye pose.
"Listen carefully, all of you."
Kōichi's voice was unnaturally calm.
Anyone who knew him understood that this was the final silence before a volcanic eruption.
"Starting this very second, if I hear anyone teaching Iris weird lines, filling her head with twisted fetishes, or showing her pointless party tricks that do nothing except waste food..."
He pulled a thick ledger from inside his clothes.
It was the financial lifeline of the entire mansion.
"Aqua, your entire budget for premium sparkling wine next month is canceled. You'll be drinking nothing but tap water every day. Darkness, I'll suggest to Claire that every one of your frontline monster-tanking assignments be canceled and that you be sent back to your estate for arranged marriage meetings. As for Megumin..."
Kōichi gave a cold laugh as he stared at Megumin's rapidly paling face.
"I'll reset every one of your Skill Points and turn you into a melee mage who can do nothing but beat Slimes with her staff. And your One Explosion Per Day plan will be suspended indefinitely!"
"N-nooooo!!!"
Aqua was the first to come sliding out from behind the pillar on her knees, tears and snot streaming down her face.
"Without premium sparkling wine, my smoothness as a Goddess will decrease! I swear! I'll never teach Iris how to skip out on a bill again! I really mean it!"
"W-wait, Kōichi! Suspending Explosion Magic... That's blasphemy against art! It's a crime!"
Megumin clutched her staff tightly as if protecting the last shred of her dignity.
"I understand! I'll reinforce the seal inside Iris immediately... No, wait! I mean I'll teach her normal magical knowledge from now on!"
Darkness, meanwhile, was blushing furiously as she muttered to herself.
"Cutting off my supplies... forcing me into arranged marriage meetings... Such unreasonable oppression... That's actually rather nice..."
But when she met Kōichi's murderous glare, she still shrank back and obediently stood up straight.
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